Spanish Practices

Today the embarrassment of explaining Fawlty Towers to my Spanish friends, an internet outage, and the end of central Government control in Spain   Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 87 Fake Spanish Waiters uncorrected transcript    Wednesday and the Spanish Parliament has approved the Royal Decree for “new normality”. It starts in a very good place with central control being released and the regional Governments can go back to being in charge.   Well I say Wednesday, it is actually Thursday we had an Internet moment last night, every couple of months the internet falls over, we have a peculiar Internet system here, it uses a line of sight dish that sends and receives the internet from a transmitter and receiver site, last night it decided to be naughty and not work.   We found out after returning from our Covid19 shopping experience, now that we can both travel in the car we split the shopping so I get to enjoy the rubber glove, mask, steamed up glasses experience too.   Our client Ryan emaile

Today a story of a TV set and an inconvenient death, and speaking of inconvenience, how dare you ask to transfer money at a Spanish bank without an appointment. find out more at https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 86 Inconvenient Death uncorrected transcript   Tuesday and the wind has dropped for the moment so we spent a jolly hour or so cleaning up the mess.  We have learned to take a completely different approach to cleaning here.   In the UK washing down, spraying paths with the garden hose and brushing with a broom was our normal procedure for a tidy up.  Here it starts with a broom and dustpan and brush, the secret is to keep everything as dry as possible.  Most of the dirt here is like sand, fine and if you wash a terrace down it turns into a brown slurry, the best thing is to remove as much as possible.   After a broom and dustpan, we have a vacuum cleaner that is now used for outside, it is a fairly knackered Dyson held together by Sellotape, but it does a good job of sucking up the remaining dust from

Monday and we are off to buy our new car in the Covid19 world of car showrooms, no coffee, no handshake, just masks and security tape. Has the glamour of car buying come to an end?   find out more https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 85 Testing Times uncorrected transcript   Monday morning, normally I do the hateful administration work but this morning we are off to the car showroom to collect our new car.  Yesterday we did a test run, found the dealer and the car looking rather dusty sitting in the disabled parking space.   We arrived just before ten a few moments in front of our Bank Manager who accompanied us to translate the paperwork. Car showrooms in our part of Spain are exactly the same as anywhere else.   So Chris, Laura and I entered the showroom, the interior done out in Germanic grey tiles and fairly stark furniture, that was taped off, yellow and white tape marked out where we could stand and the cars all had a security tape on the doors, to stop you casually opening them without a salesman, welcom

It is Sunday and I have been driving our existing car for the first time, we are buying a new one tomorrow, as in Phase 3 we can go to a car showroom. Can I say that the gear box stick is in quite the wrong place and while we are at it, so is the steering wheel.  Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 84 Car Share   Sunday the start of a new week, Monday brings us phase 3, we have jumped a week, the Alarma itself finishes June 21st, the central Government hands over its central control to the Juntas – the Regional Government.  So only 14 more of these special Podcasts left and I am saving my best story to last, one clue, it was major misjudgement on my behalf that I will pay for the rest of my life.   First we should get a Royal Decree, a Bill that will detail everything that will happen after the Alarma, Lockdown ends, then that will be interpreted by the Regional Governments who in turn will make their own rules about the de-escalation of Lockdown.. complicated isn’t it.   And all the while the r

Bad news is good news for us find out why in this episode, also a reflection on the last few months as Andalusia moves into phase three of the Alarma. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 83 Hey Ya! (uncorrected transcript) Saturday, your Sunday and I thought I would take a few moments to reflect, the new normal is becoming normal and throughout the world the death toll from this virus continues to rise, but we are all getting used to it.   I wonder if it was like that during the world war.  To begin with everyone was in a state of hysteria worries about bombs dropping on their house, a few years in people become blasé about the whole situation.   “Ere our Tony did you hear that your Aunty Doreen copped it last night, ruddy great Doodlebug fell on her house.”   “Oh, our Ethel that’s terrible, now what’s for tea me love?”   I don’t like wearing a mask, but I am kinda getting used to it.  I know surgical masks are in short supply in the UK and the Government have asked you to make your own, rather

Today a story from the past about two crazy American guys called Ben and Jerry and their weird ice cream, a trip to Leroy Merlin a French owned Spanish run DIY chain. find out more here: https://www.thesecretspain.com Uncorrected transcript here: Day 82 Dough Boys   Friday and another week ahead in phase 2, but no, suddenly we are moving to phase three, some changes, restaurants can fill to 50 per cent capacity, shops too, but more importantly this should include inter province travel, living on the edge of two provinces this has caused quite a few people to miss out on friends and going to main towns where they can shop, have their hair done.   Everything gets written in details in the Boletín Oficial del Estado, the B.O.E. if you visit the website you will see just how many rules and regulations there are here in Spain.   The weather remains ‘iffy’ wind, sunshine and cloud with rain coming on Sunday, once we hit 25 degrees I declare ‘ice cream’ temperatures, which means we go and buy ‘Maxi Bon’ ice cream, a

Thursday and the bloomin wind is driving us potty, along with administration, WhatsApp spats about a community pool and we have a guide to consumer law here in Spain. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 81   Thursday and a bit of a low day, hard to put your finger on it, but the weather is not helping, once again the wind is blowing, the high pressure that makes summer calm and hot has gone north and giving the UK a really great few months.   A fitful night’s sleep as once again we are awash with paperwork that has to be done for our Spanish administrators, paying tax is a pain, but dealing with it in two countries along with running two businesses takes a lot of time away from actually running the businesses, add that to that the process of slowly putting our retirement into place, some days gets you a bit down.   Onward and forward, oh last night there was a WhatsApp spat with the neighbours over opening our Estate Pool, some want to open it within the Alarma, which means a complicated process

Day 80, a day of confusion when we were told our house didn't exist, also we talk a little bit about Spanish Income Tax, and explore some caves in Nerja. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 80 Caves and Confusion Wednesday and the day begins in Spanish confusion as the man that is coming to service Petra and Justin’s pool and will first collect the key from our house has rung to say our house number does not exist. I had one of those surreal conversations with him in my very average Spanish.  The trouble is those language courses do not actually prepare for the way and how the Spanish actually speak. We can probably all remember poor old Manuel the waiter from Fawlty Towers who you to say “I speak Engleesh, I learned it from a book.” The character spent much of his time confused by what everyone was saying. To prove that our house and house number do exist I have sent the pool man a WhatsApp with the GPS, this is usually the easiest way to solve the problem of not having a post code.  Well we do

Day 79 and slowly things are returning, restaurants are opening and the Government is giving away free money and claiming nobody died of Covid19.. although the regional Governments dispute this. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 79 Free Money Tuesday, and yesterday no deaths were reported due to the virus, but the regional Governments have disputed this. Our local hospital has only had a couple of cases last week and this week none.   The local beach has opened with a great many rules.  They believe that the beach will hold 19 thousand people.  Well even in the height of summer the local beach does not get that busy.   But the Spanish love to congregate together so now they are going to have to walk far from their favourite chiringuito bar to fulfil the rules of social distancing.   Speaking of social the local Socialist Mayor has been congratulating the Government on its plan for a minimum income for all citizens of Spain.  I am not sure how the money will be awarded, or on how they will mean

Monday and the day Bruce Forsyth didn't play his cards right, community swimming pools and dirty rain.  The daily Podcast diary of a British couple in Lockdown Spain, phase 2. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 78 Brucie Bonus Monday oh how I loathe you, but only because it rained last night for 10 minutes, but it was that dirty calima rain, the brown sand from the Sahara fell and covered everywhere in a sticky glaze. So we spent an hour this morning clearing it up from the outside terraces.   If you don’t it finds its way into you home and gets trodden onto the tiles like Man Friday footprints.   Phase 2 here in Granada Province, more restaurants are now opening, the beaches are opening, you can get married and go to a funeral. I think that’s about it, I am confused.  We have kinda got into a pattern now, so are quite happy to make minimal journey’s and eat at home, for the moment.   We are lucky we have outdoor space and a pool, for many Spanish living in small flats with large families – it

Today the story of a railway porter who transformed the whole of the Spanish tourism industry, a story that involves a Bikini and General Franco.   Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 77 Benidorm Brits and Bikini’s   Sunday, the eve of Phase 2 and another step toward the new normal here in Spain.  Today the Spanish Tourism Minister Maria Reyes Maroto has said that the UK must improve the Covid19 rates before Britain’s can be allowed to come back to Spain for their holidays.   Last year just over 18 million Brits visited Spain with just over 65 million from other countries so about 11% of all tourists in Spain are British.   In the next couple of weeks Spain will open up some test corridors from other European countries with a wider expansion on the 1st of July.   The Daily Mail was suitably outraged by the statement from Spain, with an editorial suggesting Brits should stay at home.  They have a point.  I very rarely read the comments written in the Daily Mail but this one made me chuckle from V

Saturday and the weekend has come with some bad news if you are planning a party in Spain, this is the story of a British couple behind the police lines in Spain, a daily diary of Lockdown.   Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 76 Fiestas and the F-Word Saturday, and the weekend has come, and with it a rise in Spaniards testing positive for Coronavirus, it would seem, that “somebody said we are having a fiesta”   Nearly all the new cases are from people getting together for a party, in one case 80 people, four of which were asymptomatic virus carriers.   Un doing the lockdown is not without its risks and the Health Authority were expecting a rise, at the moment the victims have been traced, it is when random people contract the virus not connected with events like parties that the problems begin again.   The places where there have been outbreaks have been either held or returned to a lower phase.  The Spanish are taking this all very seriously, no mucking about.   Meanwhile in Southend on Sea t

Today how we lost a cool £49,000 to a Spanish bank, that we will never see again.  Property nightmares and how to avoid them, here in Spain. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Disclaimer, we do NOT receive any remuneration from advertising, the views expressed our our own and not others.   Day 75 - Property Nightmares   Friday, Day 75 phase 1 and the blind men are still here, it is confirmed that we will be in Phase 2 by Monday, I we are still a little confused as to what extra benefit there is, we believe that more shops with a bigger floor space can open, but neither of us is absolutely sure.   Martin Myall the Editor of the Seaside Gazette makes a good point about yesterday’s drop in old people claiming their pensions. Normally new pensioners pop off to an office to sign up for their new pension, but at the moment this has to be done online, and as many Spanish pensioners are not internet savvy, they haven’t claimed their pensions yet.   A quite depressing sight greeted us on Facebook yesterday.

Today shady European Deals and shady terraces, as we continue our daily diary of Lockdown, Spanish style. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 74 shady deals   Thursday has arrived and we are awaiting the blind men, not that they are actually blind, but they are hopefully going to fit the awning blinds that run along the top of our pergola.   Some rather sad but predictable news from the Spanish economy, and that is 38,508 fewer pensions were paid out last month as the Covid19 virus has been especially lethal amongst Spain’s ageing population. This is also the third month in a row the pension bill has declined.   The E.U. has finally moved into action and there is a plan to help the Spanish economy to the tune of 140 Billion Euros.  But that plan does depend on all 27 member states agreeing a rescue package principally for Spain, Italy and then smaller amounts for the rest of the Union.   European Commission President Ursula Von Der Leyen says “We either all go it alone, leaving countries, region

Wednesday and there is news that tourists coming to Spain will be greeted by beach vigilantes, who will be employed to make sure we all socially distance and bathe in the correct safe way. Day 73 of Spanish Lockdown for a British couple and their three-good legs cat.   Find out more here: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 73 Beach Vigilantes Wednesday week two of Phase 1 and we learn that the Spanish Government is going to make sure that you naughty old tourists behave yourself on the costas, if you decide to take a holiday abroad here. Three thousand vigilantes will be hired by the Junta to police the beaches and make sure your Parasol is the right distance between the family social distance sitting next to you. They will be paid 1,900 Euros a month for the summer period. It will cost 24 million Euros the Vigilantes will report to the Policia Local. It is worth just pausing a moment to explain the police services here in Spain there are three main types.  The Guardia who dress like a scary military army, th

Could legally growing marijuana save Spains Economy? Today the whole podcast is going to pot, after all it is time we started to chill and relax, before the onslaught of tourists arrive here in Spain.  This is the daily diary of a British couple in Phase 1 Lockdown in Spain.   Find out more here: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 72 gone to pot   It is Tuesday, and today we celebrate 1,918 lives not taken by the virus, the Health Ministry mis-calculated the figures which represent a 7% drop in the number of deaths.   You can endlessly criticise the statistics and method used to collect the data, as Mark Twain once said, “There are lies, damn lies and statistics.” But this is still good news.   Less good news is that the Health Ministry is only testing about half the suspected cases of Covid19, which makes an even bigger mockery of the un-lockdown phases that Spain has imposed on the country, with some parts still in zero and a bit, some in Phase 1 like our province and some in Phase 2.   I looked at the IKEA

Monday and day 71, and a few tips about buying a property here in Spain and what you need to do as a Brit, before January 2020. Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com   Day 71 Peseta Pats Monday of week two of phase 1, we are still confused about why we have not moved to Phase 2, so I asked my Spanish neighbour from Granada.   “There are not enough beds in the Hospital, of the critical kind.”  She said.  It would appear one of the worries is a flood of inter-province holiday makers would risk overwhelming the hospital.  I suppose the answer to that would be to add more beds.   I think all hospitals will have to re-think their ICU facilities and what is required to look after and keep alive patients with Covid19.   Monday is accounts day, and Chris is going through the Community payments for our Estate, he is the joint Treasurer. If you live in an Urbanised Estate or a block of flats you will have what amounts to a resident’s association with the power to collect fees and make decisions about any buildi

Day 70 of Lockdown, and Spain will be open for tourists in July says Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez today.  What will it mean, and what is it like for tourists here along the Granada coast? The daily dairy Podcast of a British couple and their three good legs cat, living on the Costa Tropical. Find out more here: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 70 "Tourist Trap!" Sunday comes with a breeze and more Mediterranean sunshine; the Spanish Prime Minister Uncle Pedro has announced today that he is going to start allowing tourism to return to Spain.   That is very good news for businesses all over Spain, less good news if you think that the tourists will come, create another wave of virus, then leave to their own more liberal countries whilst we face yet another lockdown in the Autumn.   Off this morning to water the plants at Petra’s and Justin’s big house on the corner.  Despite the great care that Pepe the Palm took in cutting down the fronds from the palm tree, some debris has got into the pool.  I had a go at f

Day 69 it is Saturday and a tale of majestic beauty and ticket fraud, the daily diary of a British couple in Lockdown, still, in Spain.   Find out more: https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 69   Saturday and the weekend has arrived with thirty plus temperatures, somewhere nearby somebody has some gentle Spanish guitar music playing and the birds are singing away.    The Alhambra Palaces have said they plan to open again on the 1st of June and are putting in place social distancing measures, so I guess fewer people allowed around the palaces in each timed trip.  So this might be one of the best times ever to see the Alhambra, it truly is a wonder.   There is a lot of tosh written about the Alhambra, ruddy American Washington Irving with his “Tales of the Alhambra” seriously muddied the waters between fact and fiction.  Some of the myths are quoted in some books as facts.   Published back in 1830, the book did help the restoration of the Palaces that had fallen into a poor state of decay.  Rather like the old med

Day 68 and the miserable news that we stay in phase 1 for yet another week.  The peasants are revolting in Madrid and the leader of the far left Podemos Party - Pablo Iglesias has had to call in police reinforcement to protect his luxury mansion in an exclusive part of Madrid from the hoards complaining that they do not have enough to eat.     Find out more at:  https://www.thesecretspain.com Day 68 More Pain in Spain   Friday and the day dawned full of promise but by the time afternoon came, God had emptied his full steaming privy over Granada, here in Spain.   I woke to a message from the plumber, he had found the American product to fix the little drip, drip, leak in the pool room and would come at ten.   He arrived at exactly at ten, this in itself is worthy of a small round of applause.  His face was like thunder though and he stomped down the stairs.  I tried to make small talk with him about the new road.  He just scowled at me and barked “no entiendo” raising his left hand up as he went down the stair