My Book Of Mormon

This starts off with a big copy/paste from Episode 1, but once we get through that the fun starts. God, the Holy Ghost, and John the Baptist all show up and start handing out priesthoods like candy. Then we get to meet some new characters like Martin, Oliver, the Professor, and Mary Ann (ok fine, not Mary Ann), and they've got some tales to tell too. “Drink” Count – BYOB (technically, no drinks)  

What could be more fun than listening to the young Joseph Smith whining about how much people picked on him for babbling on about visions? Well, maybe another clip of the very popular Roman taking a crack at the Book of Mormon Stories! “Drink” Count – 1 This one isn't exactly a "drinking episode"  

This one starts out with Ol' Joe's re-translation of a chapter of Matthew from the Bible. It's pretty pointless, but we make it through. Then, we're joined by a very special guest who makes everything so much more entertaining! “Drink” Count – 3 Not even half a beer.  Better make em shots!  

Yet another telling of the Genesis creation story, but this time with even more gods! Then thankfully we're joined by Prophets Fat Joe and Lil Wayne to help finish up The Book of Abraham. “Drink” Count – 12 2 lovely beers  

I don't know what else to say. Kolob is a real thing. I'm still in shock. You've just got to hear this one to believe it. “Drink” Count – 4 Not even an entire beer (but plenty of insanity)  

We finish up The Book of Moses and then jump right into The Book of Abraham. Oh, and there's an Egyptian third grader's art class homework in between. And sadly, the racism and misogyny just keeps getting layered on more and more. “Drink” Count – 9 Just a beer and a half   And don't forget to check out my interview with John Dehlin from the Mormon Stories podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngomGsqa4l0

Enoch gets whisked away to heaven and to watch the trailer for all of human existence, and it get's really weird really fast. We get islands emerging from the sea, cities being lifted up to the heavens, mountains running away, rivers changing course, fires, floods and (and I swear I'm not making this up) giants! But then it takes mormon racism to a whole new level. So be prepared for some pretty hateful text, this chapter isn't pretty.  “Drink” Count – 19 A litter over 3 beers  

So, we get to meet this slow talking seer guy named Enoch, who, it turns out, everybody hates. But Enoch doesn't seem to care that much since his boyfriend is god (yeah, that's kinda what it sounded like!). God decides to teach all those haters a lesson so he creates the one and only hell as a place to send them (that'll teach em!). Then we jump back in time and some god spirit baptizes Adam and then tells him about how cool that Jesus dude is. “Drink” Count – 6 Another single measley beer I’ll see everyone in Salt Lake City on June 25!

First we learn that Satan had a waaaaay better plan for the Earth than Jesus ever did. Next, Adam and Eve eat the forbidden fruit, but upon reflection, did they really have a choice? Then Cain kills Abel, but again, can you blame him? Then all of humanity turns against God, what a shocker. “Drink” Count – 6 1 measley beer I’ll see everyone in Salt Lake City on June 25!

We finally start The Pearl of Great Price, or as we now call it, The Pricey Pearl. So far, it's pretty much just a long conversation that God has with Moses trying to convince him how awesome he is. And we get the creation story of Genesis told in painstaking detail.  Oh, and Satan pops in to say hello.  “Drink” Count – 15 2 and a half beers       I'll see everyone in Salt Lake City on June 25!  

The long awaited "final thoughts" of the Book of Mormon is here.  I do my best attempt to abridge this abridged book, and then share my thoughts about the whole thing. Hopefully I made some sense along the way. “Drink” Count – This one's a BYOB  

Well, this is it, we finally close the book on the Book of Mormon. But before we do, Moroni makes a bunch of questionable claims, and even gives us the famous "Moroni Promise". We also learn about a little trick for how to render god completely powerless, and you'll never guess how simple it is. Then it's all done, and I decide to pray. Yes, that's right, I pray... But before all that John Dehlin joins me to talk about the new partnership for the Taylor Scholarship with the Open Stories Foundation. And you'll also hear about my upcoming trip to Salt Lake City, Utah! “Drink” Count – 4 (6 if you include the Dehlin drinks) Just the one beer (or is it champagne?)  If you'd like to directly donate to the "new and improved" Taylor Scholarship, you can do so by clicking here

Almost done the book, but not quite yet. In this episode we learn about the gravest of all sins, baptising little children! Just thinking about it can send you straight to hell, so watch out. Then we hear about the pleasant living conditions in the Lamanite and Nephite prisoner of war camps. I'll just put it this way, you'd be much better off to die in battle. Not a ton of drinks in this one, but we do get a bonus shot! “Drink” Count – 3, plus one shot So, a shot and half a beer  

This one starts out like a machine gun as we burst through the early chapters, which are basically Moroni's short "self-help" videos for how to do a bunch of Mormon stuff. Then Mormon takes the stage (yeah, he's back somehow) and it just gets weird from there. Oh, and I worry a lot that this might be the last episode... Thankfully, it's not. “Drink” Count – 7 Barely a little more than one measly beer :-(  

We finish up The Book of Ether in this one, but it goes out with a bang! We also learn that Ether is nothing more than a cave dwelling babbling lunatic, that god likes practical jokes, and the those Jaradites just can't turn down the opportunity for a good fight. Seriously, even the Jaradite babies get into the sword swinging action! “Drink” Count – 50 Almost 8 and a half beers  

I think we finally come to the end of the pointless family drama, and none of it seemed to have a point. But then we get a real treat when Moroni apologizes to god for writing such a terrible book! But don't worry, god tells him that anyone that mocks it is a fool (which I guess makes Moroni a fool tool since he was the first to admit how bad it was). “Drink” Count – 25 A little over 4 beers  

This one is full of good life lessons. First, a father pimps out his daughter (don't worry, she actually asks him to). Then we learn to never, under any circumstances, belong to an organzation that has any secrets (God HATES that). Next we get more great parenting advice, namely how to starve a troublesome child to death. And we wrap it up by hearing all about the most violent family in history. “Drink” Count – 58 Almost ten beers!  

This one starts out with a bunch of Moroni preaching, but we soon get back to the action. First, we have the precarious (and likely pretty disgusting) ocean submarine voyage. Next we get some new family drama! Brother against brother, father against son, cousins killing each other, what else could you ask for? “Drink” Count – 34 Close to six beers   And don't forget to send some support to our friend Shaun at gofundme.com/r4t8g64

The long awaited "Book of Ether" is finally here! Frankly, it starts out a little slow, although some of the names are a bit funny. But then all the sudden it just happens... prehistoric people start building submarines! Its just amazing! I have to be honest, I'm starting to like this Book of Ether. “Drink” Count – 22 Close to four beers  

In this one, Moroni does his very best to try and convert me. And it's a pretty impressive attempt, especially since he's doing it from beyond the grave. Will he succeed? Will I finally stop dwindling in unbelief? You'll have to listen to find out! “Drink” Count – 7 Just a tad more than one beer (weak, I know...)