Locker Room

In this episode Scott circles up with Mike Vandemark and Scott Hatfield - two Southland staff guys with years of experience leading teams. 1. The guys talked about how they have grown and struggled in the process of becoming better leaders. What areas of leadership have been a struggle for you in the past? How have you grown the most over the past two years? 2. “My way isn't always the best way.” In what areas, topics, or ways do you struggle to admit this? 3. There is a huge difference between having a conversation with someone and telling them all the ways they are wrong and you are right. What strategies do you use to ensure the give and take of mutual conversation? 4. Empathy is key in leadership. How do you fare in empathizing with people who are different from you? 5. Do you always have to win an argument? What hills are you willing to die on?

Scott sits down with former Kentucky basketball player Ravi Moss to talk life, faith journey and memories from his time in UK hoops. 1. What was your favorite UK basketball team of all time? Who is your favorite UK basketball player of all time?  2. Ravi mentioned that ending up at Kentucky was a part of God’s journey for him. What have been some aspects of your path that you can look back on and see God’s hand at work? 3. Scott and Ravi sat down and had a heart-to-heart talk. Who do you need to sit down and have a conversation with? What do you need to talk about?  4. Ravi mentioned “getting it right” is what is important, not to “be right”. How do you struggle with this in life, work, marriage, friendships, parenting? 5. “Attitude reflects leadership.” How does your attitude reflect the leadership above you? How does your family's attitude reflect your leadership?   6. Where are you at right now with your faith journey?  7. How is Jesus using you to bring about reconciliation in race relations in this seaso

How to be a reasonable man living in unreasonable times. 1. Scott said, hands down, the best movie of all time is “The Godfather”. What is your favorite movie of all time and why? 2. How are you bothered, if at all, by those who think and speak things that you perceive as unreasonable? 3. What are some popular beliefs held by many today that fall in the “unreasonable” category? 4. Read Philippians 4:5. Depending on the translation you’re reading, Paul says to be reasonable, gentle, or considerate to everyone. Who are the people or groups of people that you struggle to respond to in this way? 5. You cannot make people be reasonable, but you can be reasonable. How does this play out in a practical way? 6. What challenges you or can be a stumbling block in the way of being reasonable? What aids you in being characterized as reasonable? 7. Are you known as a reasonable man in these “unreasonable” times?

Courtney Love sits down with Scott for this episode of the podcast. Courtney serves as Director of Player Development for University of Kentucky Football and played 2 seasons with the Wildcats (2016-2017) after transferring from Nebraska. Discussion Questions: 1) Courtney is the Director of Player Development for UK Football. He was a 2yr starter and team captain, won the award for college football's top community servant, and helped set the tone and culture for UK's football program's success. He's no stranger to the locker room! What do you remember most about his playing career?   2) When sharing his favorite football memory he didn't talk about the fumble recovery on Lamar Jackson or victory over Louisville, instead, he talked about the practice the week before. Why did he pick that? What does that say about his character?   3) Though he was very successful athletically, Courtney always knew that his identity was not in sports. What did he share about his childhood that helped him know that? How did his c

How do we define a real man? In this episode we discuss God's definition of manhood in an age of fatherlessness. Scott reads and shares thoughts from Father Fiction by Donald Miller.   1) Donald Miller's book "Father Fiction" talks about the impact growing up fatherless had on him. What was your relationship with your father like? 2) Where do our struggles as a son or as a father come from? Where is this tension around manhood rooted? 3) How would our culture finish this sentence: "You are not a man unless _____"? 4) How would you define a real man? 5) Read Matthew 7:9–11 and 1 John 3:1. Learning how to navigate the journey of manhood is challenging. Some say it is passed down from one father to the next, but what does it mean that our identity comes from our Heavenly Father first and foremost? 6) God has spoken, so I have what it takes to become a good man; It doesn't depend on whether I had a good dad or a bad dad—or no dad at all. How does that thinking free you up? How does it motivate you? 7) Jesus is th

If we believe Jesus really is king of everything, that means ALL THINGS. In this episode Scott shares thoughts on how we can keep Christ over all things in our lives. Discussion Questions: 1. Read Colossians 1:15-20. Jesus is king of everything: All things, visible and invisible, on Earth and in Heaven, everything. Do you believe that? And more importantly, how are you demonstrating it with your life? 2. Is the preeminent story of my life Jesus' preeminence? 3. Read 2 Timothy 3:14-17. The Bible is sufficient for all things. Do you believe that and more importantly, how are you demonstrating it with your life? 4. What does it mean that the Bible is... Profitable? Useful for correcting? For training in righteousness? 5. Are you prone to look to other resources before—or more often than—the Bible? What are some examples of other resources we are tempted to look toward? 6) Read 1 Timothy 4:16. This begins with me. The person we need to think about first is ourself. How are you doing with syncing up your life and

In this episode Scott unpacks what the book of Proverbs has to say about the value of discipline in our lives, and we talk about practical steps we can take to move forward. Discussion Questions: Laziness plagues a lot of men, and when they become lazy or bored women and children often take the brunt of it. What areas of laziness do you struggle with? When are you most susceptible to check out and become lazy?  How do you ask your spouse, children, or loved ones to speak truth to and point out blind spots in your life? Do you welcome or push away accountability?  Work is a Godly thing. How has your work life or perspective changed during the COVID-19 pandemic? Laziness in one area of your life can easily spread into other areas. Ask yourself honestly: Where do you need to step it up and be disciplined? Marriage, fitness, work, family, friends, faith?  Proverbs pushes young men to become and stay self-governing––to not be reliant on the government, bosses, or others to motivate them and to spur them into acti

Scott Hatfield is back on the podcast as we discuss how we as men can rise up to the responsibilities of spiritual leadership in our homes. Discussion Questions: What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the term “spiritual leader?” Who was the spiritual leader of your home growing up? What did you see exhibited well? What did you see done poorly?  How do you feel pressure to lead your family well spiritually? What areas do you struggle with? What areas has your spouse or friends pointed out as blind sides in your life?  Hatfield pointed out well that women were created from the side of man, not under or over him. Lived out well, men and women are different but equal. Where do you and your spouse work well together? What is an area of tension because of difference? How does the Spirit work through you to bring about unity in your marriage?  Have you ever had a thought where you will “suck it up,” for your family and their well being?  How do you serve your wife? What does she need most fr

Derwin Gray joins us to talk about his book The Good Life and share a few NFL stories! 1. Derwin was born to parents 17 and 19 years young. Each had their own issues and, because of that, he was raised by his grandparents. What was your family dynamic growing up? Who raised you? How did that play into the man you are today? 2. Several years into the NFL Derwin realized, “You've accomplished all your dreams but yet you are not happy.” How does this thought and quote resonate with you? How have you ever found yourself thinking the same thing? 3. Like many of us, Derwin lived with incredible fear of losing his job, purpose, and identity. He thought, “Who would I be once they told me I couldn’t play anymore?” What are you fearful of losing? What do you find security in other than Jesus’ provision? 4. Derwin grew up a compulsive stutterer. What are some things you believe to be true about yourself that will keep you from telling people about Jesus and following His call in your life? 5. Derwin's wife came to faith

Scott is joined by Eric Schneider on the podcast to discuss Derwin Gray's 'Guard Your Heart' session from our Men's Conference. To watch videos of the sessions, go to http://southland.church/guarded 1. Eric mentioned that we as the church need to be the church that God is calling us to be. What kind of church do you feel God calling us to be? What role do you play in that? 2. Read Proverbs 4:23. What sticks out to you? What is the wellspring of life? What is the relationship between our heart and the wellspring? 3. “You will not experience healing until you come out of hiding.” Does this trouble you or give you peace? What areas of your life do you need to expose? 4. Eric asked a great question, “Who do we have that we can be recklessly honest with?” Answer this question for yourself. 5. “Isolation plus boredom always leads to destruction.” How has this tendency plagued your life? 6. No one has talked worse to you than you. What are the common comments you tell yourself? What lies about yourself have you alwa

Picking up where we left off last episode discussing Jason & Shelley Martinkus' 'Guard Your Marriage' session from our Men's Conference. We start off discussing the 7 building blocks of a healthy marriage and where we can shore up our relationships. Link to video from the session: Guard Your Marriage, with Jason & Shelley Martinkus 1) Jason mentioned seven building blocks of intimacy for spouses: Recreational (having fun), Proximal (being close), Spiritual (what God is doing), Intellectual (good conversations, dreaming), Emotional (learning to be empathetic), Physical (non-sexual), Sex. How did this shift your paradigm of connecting with your wife? And also being connected with by your wife? 2) Which one of these do you do the best and how? Which one of these is most challenging? 3) Hatfield had a great line, “Your wife is not a body, she is a soul.” How does that confirm or challenge the way you view your wife? 4) Nickell mentioned hopes and dreams versus expectations and demands in our marriages. Wh

Hatfield & Nickell go in-depth on the 'Guard Your Marriage' session with Jason & Shelley Martinkus from our Guarded Men's Conference. Link to a video from this session: Guard Your Marriage with Jason & Shelley Martinkus 1. When is the last time you had a real, honest talk about sex with another brother in Christ? How did it go? What did you not say that you should have been honest about? 2. Read Proverbs 7. What are some of the words, phrases, or images from this text that stood out to you? What resonated with you? 3. After watching Jason and Shelley Martinkus’ session at Men's Conference, what helped you find clarity on your battle against temptation and for sexual purity? 4. What direction were you given while you were growing up surrounding sexual temptation and how to find freedom over it? What was your first exposure to porn and how old were you? 5. If your wife asked you, “Is there anything I need to know?” would the question haunt you or give you hope? Why? What would you want to tell her i

Scott Hatfield is back on the podcast to unpack 'father wounds' -- the pain and trauma from our past. We talk about the impact it still has in our lives and how with God's help we can own our wounds, find freedom and settle the past. 1. How do you react when you hear the term “father wounds?” 2. As a boy, how did you figure out how to be a man? 3. Some causes of father wounds are neglect, absence, and abuse. How have any of those reasons given you wounds? 4. Who filled the father role in your life? In what ways did they fill that role well? How did they struggle in that role? 5. What are some destructive patterns you have in your life that are a result of unhealed wounds? (Extreme bitterness, great rage, unworthy, incompetent, unloveable?) 6. Do you passively or aggressively respond to your wounds? How does that play out? 7. Is your version of God representative of the picture of your father? Was he a demanding rule follower? Passive aggressive? 8. How are the wounds you have received going to change the way

In this episode Scott sits down with Josh Garrett and Qaaim Stainback to discuss the 'Guard Your Gospel' session with Lecrae from our Guarded Men's Conference. Link to a video from this session: Guard Your Gospel, with Lecrae 1) On this episode, race and racism was at the forefront of discussion. What has been your experience with the discussion surrounding race? 2) Josh mentioned that Lecrae asked, “Who am I to withhold forgiveness?” Forgiving others is one of the hardest aspects of following Jesus. How have you been hurt and what did your healing process look like? 3) Lecrae mentioned that kids only get one dad and that his ultimate role in life is as a father. How does that resonate with or challenge you? How do you struggle with the tension of getting distracted from what is most important? 4) Lecrae exhibited great humility in not naming the influential Christian Leaders who had hurt him. What has been your experience with being hurt by the church or it’s leaders? What is your response in times of betray

In this episode Scott sits down with Spencer Hahn and Evan Wehrle to discuss the 'Guard Your Family' sessions from our Guarded Men's Conference. Links to videos from the sessions: Guarded Men's Conference Session 3 - Matthew Bradford Guarded Session 4 - Scott Nickell 1) What comes to mind when you think about guarding your family? What are areas of strengths for you? What are areas of weakness? 2) Israel’s problem as well as Sampson’s was that they “did what was right in their own eyes.” What are areas of your life you often try to justify as right so you can do them? 3) Sampson lived one of the most unguarded lives we see in the Bible. As men, intentionality is crucial for us to protect our loved ones. What are some areas, if you are honest, that have slid off your priority list? What are some simple steps you can take to start loving your family well this week? 4) Fundamentals are essential, both in sports and in protecting and providing for our families. How do you incorporate prayer and time in the Word i

Scott Hatfield shares wisdom gained through years of ministry in many different contexts. 1. The culture has to change in our church and that begins with men stepping up. Who are you investing in intentionally? Who is investing in you? 2. Someone will one day pick up and continue the legacy that you left behind… what legacy are you currently writing? What pieces are you going to leave behind? 3. Who are you? What is God’s character? What does your Bible study and prayer time look like? What does your accountability look like? What issues from your past still plague you and need to be put to death? What armor do you need to put on? What is your kryptonite? What is your mission? 4. What drives your life and perception of yourself: What God thinks and says of you or what the world thinks and says of you? What roadblocks keep you from resting in your identity in Jesus? 5. Men sometimes don't lead because of a variety of reasons: incompetence, comparison, hypocrisy, or because they think it's for women. Which of t

Scott kicks off season 5 with a look at the book of Proverbs. 1. Proverbs was written for boys. It was the collected wisdom of a Father written down for his son. When you hear the word wisdom, what thoughts come to mind? 2. You can be a grown man by age and size but a boy by the measurement of Proverbs. How do you tend to measure your maturity and manhood? 3. Proverbs is primarily focused on two words: Wisdom and Discipline. Wisdom is “skillful living”, kind of like a tradesman. It’s useful, helpful. Producing things of lasting value in the community you find yourself living in. In what ways are you contributing lasting value to your family, church, friends, and neighbors? 4. Discipline means “moral discipline”; it is the necessary companion to wisdom. It is correcting flaws while developing integrity. Solomon often compromised his wisdom with his lack of moral discipline. Lack of discipline in one area of our lives will seep into all other corners of our lives. You cannot manage sin. Where in your life are y

In this episode Scott, Chris and Derrick circle up to review the four freedom killers we discussed in Season 4 and share strategies for dealing with them. Throughout this season of Locker Room, with which freedom-killer have you identified the most? How does it manifest in your life?  One of the signs of insecurity is defensiveness... not allowing ourselves to hear and process the opinions of others, and the inability to take in new information, especially when it contradicts our own opinions. Where and when do you find yourself being the most defensive? Defensiveness stems from trying to protect our identity whenever we believe it to be at risk or under attack. Where do you see your identity might be based on things that are unhealthy—on anything other than in God?  Talking more than listening is another sign of insecurity. When do you see this rising up in you? Do you tend to be aware of it “in the moment” or not? How can you become more so? Accomplishments and compliments can also feed our insecurities. W

In this episode Scott reads from and discusses two books: The Boy Crisis by Warren Farrell & John Gray; and Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn. Describe your family dynamic growing up. Who was most influential in your life? How is the health of your relationship with your dad? What has caused it to be that way? “The Boy Crisis” reveals that dads are important because, when sons see their dads, they see who they can become. What future are you modeling for your kids?  Dad-deprived kids are more likely to suffer in many areas: Grades and awards, skipping school, expulsion from school, not finishing school, joining gangs, suicide rates, drug use, homelessness, sexual abuse and victimization, and much more. Dad-deprived kids are less likely to be employed, get married, stay married, be a good dad themselves. How are you contributing to this trend? How are you contributing to the solution? How are you intentionally investing in your wife? How are you pursuing her? What rhythms do you have in place to pra

In this episode Scott and guest Gary Black tackle how our struggles with shame--both from things done to us and things we have done--rob us of our identity. We'll talk about how God wants to restore us and steps we can take towards peace. Shame is usually rooted in things we have done or things that have been done to us. Which of these do you resonate with most? Why? Gary mentioned that we should never introduce ourselves or define ourselves by our deficiencies, but rather as a much-loved creation of God who therefore has significant value and worth. What self-deficiencies tend you plague your self-definition? How do you think Jesus would define who you are? Shame can come from many different sources, even those we are unaware of. It can come from ourselves, our church, teachers, coaches, parents, spouses, friends, even strangers on social media. Which relationships have caused you to be the most aware of shame? What was it that was done or said that has hurt you the most? In the battle against shame, we nee