Background Noise

What do we do when Luke is sick and cannot make the show? We ask a ringer to step in. That ringer is known only to the world as "Tom". We put on our helmets and scientist goggles as we discuss the new rule in LA porn circles: porn stars MUST wear a condom! Who wants to masturbate to that malarky!? Also, we discuss a horrible article claiming that men MAY fib to get in a girl's kissy sex zone! WHAT!? In more devastating news, a cruise shit (ship?) is sinking near Italy, and it could have been prevented should a certain action hero have been on board. Which action hero could save humans from such a catastrophe? Let me think, MARKY MARK, obviously. Then Jon barrages us with a plethora of questions in the style of "would you rather ? or ?", and shares a sexy story he found on the internet with us. We take turns reading this wonderful magical story that can be best described as an orgy with Harry Potter characters and various stripping Lord of the Rings characters. We wrap the weeks news up and sprinkle a little f