Midwest Real

LISTEN.      I remember it well- the first time I heard the phrase “Freemason”.  Sure, it came from an uneducated mouth at a college party, but it was enough to make me rush to Google for enlightenment.  My 20-year-old brain couldn’t believe what it had read.  Masons seemed to be a real-life shadowy cabal of powerful men linked to basically every major event that lead to the establishment of the United States.  It's well known that George Washington, Ben Franklin and and a slew of other founding fathers we worship were members of this secretive fraternal order shrouded in creepy symbols, weird phrases and secret handshakes.  How could I NOT have known this?  Then I came across the claims that masons were devil worshipers, prayed to idols and practiced black magic.                                                                         (OMG THEY'RE TOTES WATCHING US RIGHT NOW) After a couple of months of being sufficiently freaked out, I gained enough reliably sourced knowledge to see that the truth (as usual