The Joy Junkie Show

>>GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR WORTHY. Recently a listener wrote into the show, asking what to do when you find yourself feeling stuck. You know that racket, no? Stuck in a relationship... stuck in a soul-sucking job... stuck in a friendship that doesn't serve you. The list goes on. Perhaps you know exactly what you want, but you feel stuck in taking any action. Or maybe you have no idea what you want and that is leaving you feeling stagnant and unmotivated. Many times, when we feel "stuck", we look outside ourselves for the magic answer instead of addressing things that are totally within our power. Without knowing it, we fall into patterns and habits that ultimately leave us feeling complacent and we forget to take action on the things that we already know bring us joy. Like, getting back to that knitting project you loved. Or picking up your guitar again. Whatever... you get the picture. In this episode, I dig into ten different strategies and questions you can ask yourself to break out of your stuck-ness in or

If you’re anything like me, you probably love having a nice plan for your life… Some nice stability, order, structure… some might even say you’ve got a tight grip on control. [guilty face] I know that space quite well. But, what happens when your solidly formed plans get thwarted by something you could never have seen coming? How do you allow room for grief that your life is going in a totally different direction and still hold on to what matters most to you? How do you take care of yourself when you suddenly have to find a new home? Or recieve a scary diagnosis? Experience a death in the family? Learn your partner wants a divorce?  My dear friend, Michelle Ward, knows a thing or two or twenty about dealing with massive life curveballs. In 2011, she was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer in the midst of fertility treatment for the child she and her husband were desperately trying to conceive. Not only was she dealing with the new realization that having a baby would not at all be as easy as they had planned

Losing a job. Getting a tough diagnosis. Kids moving out of the house. Starting a business. Becoming a parent. All of these are examples of life transitions that can completely sideswipe us with emotion. Sometimes you intentionally plan for a transition, like moving to another country or changing careers, and other times, you may get forced into a life pivot out of nowhere leaving you floundering and reeling. What is it about transition that makes it so difficult? Why is it that you still feel grief and sadness leaving a job when you’re starting a new business and are really excited for the opportunity? How can you keep your mind from spinning and “what-if-ing” all damn day? Even though life transitions are incredibly common, it seems no one has penned a nice instruction manual for how-the-hell to deal with such a situation.  In this week’s episode, I look at six, specific tactics you can take to better address a transitional period you may be going through. We’ll look at the role of grief (and what that real

Dealing with a major life transition can be one of the most emotionally taxing and exhausting things we go through as humans. Not to mention that our society doesn’t look fondly on processing emotion and expects you to “put on a happy face” because “the show must go on”. Sometimes we’re working through an intentional life transition, like choosing to start your own business, and other times we get nailed with a life pivot out of nowhere. As in, your partner abruptly leaves the relationship, or you’re dealing with a devastating diagnosis or processing the death of a loved one. No matter where you fall on the “pivot continuum”, it is likely that you will have a slew of emotions to navigate. So, where do you start? Is there a rubric or framework to follow? Some box you can check that states “You have successfully navigated this transition”? Hardly. This week on the show, I dial up Deb Cummins Stellato, a life and leadership coach who supports successful women seeking the courage to make pivots. In this juicy con

Ever wonder what it really takes to maintain happiness in a long-term relationship? I mean… don’t passions just naturally fizzle and fade for every couple? Aren’t happy couples just for fairy tales and movie magic? Think about it… It’s HIGHLY likely you know very few couples who have been together for a long period of time who actually still really like each other. I believe there is a reason for that. For many of us, there has never been a handy manual on how-the-hell to communicate, get your needs met, or work on vulnerability. Amiright? Most of what we learn is from whatever example we received from our parents (ugh!), our media, or our life experience which often leave us floundering inside relationships wondering what-the-hell our problem is Bottom line: It’s totally possible to have a long-term, happy relationship. You just need to know HOW. It’s likely you’ve simply never been taught. In this episode (part 2 of 2), Mr. Smith and I dig into 4 more components we’ve employed in our marriage to keep us con

Ever wonder what it really takes to keep love alive long-term? Ever see happy couples and wonder what-the-hell their secret is? (I mean… Considering you’re ready to strangle your spouse… ). In the twenty-five years we’ve been together, Mr. Smith and I have consistently and repeatedly been asked what our secrets are to not only a long-term marriage but a happy one. Plenty of people stay together, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that they aren’t all that happy… maybe just okay… and sometimes flat-out miserable. So, what does it really take to keep love alive and FUN over multiple decades? Well, you’re in luck. In this episode (which is part 1 of 2), Mr. Smith and I talk candidly and openly about four major factors that have kept our marriage strong, fun, and intimate. And, speaking of rocket science, many of our “secrets” aren’t all that hard… it’s just likely you’ve never been taught. Have a listen and you just may completely change the trajectory of your relationship. This pod explores: How to

If you’ve hung around these parts for a while, you’ll know that one of the cornerstones of my philosophy is that you can deliver damn-near any sort of information (no matter how difficult) to another person as long as you handle yourself with grace and kindness. I talk much about speaking up for yourself, saying “no”, establishing boundaries and kicking people-pleasing to the curb. But, are there ever any instances when people-pleasing may actually save your ass? Yes, actually there are. Believe it or not, there are a handful of instances when speaking up for yourself is actually not the best tactic. Whaaaaa!? I know. It seems like that couldn’t possibly be the case, but just like all things in personal development, there are often no absolutes. And what about those instances when grace and kindness don’t work? What if you’ve been boundary-ing your ass off to no avail? What if you reeeeeally want to just lose your shit on someone? Like, really just let them have it. Perhaps your ex… Maybe a dead-beat parent…

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have undoubtedly heard the notion of “setting boundaries”, but have you ever wondered exactly what that means? Or maybe you drummed up the nerve to tell someone (like, your mom, boss, or bestie) how you really felt about something only to be blatantly ignored? (Or worse… not even taken seriously.) How do you actually go about establishing boundaries that are clear, respected, and adhered to? It’s hard enough to broach a challenging topic with someone, let alone follow through on your boundary Here’s the deal… if you’ve been constantly bitchin’ and moanin’ about something, and you’ve been super vocal about it to everyone, except the person who really needs to know you’re (ah-hem) “upset”, then it’s probably time to have a tough convo. In this week’s episode, Part 2 of 2, I finish sharing my three-step process to establishing boundaries in a way in which you can be heard and own your personal power. This pod explores: What-the-hell a boundary even is The tell-tale pl

If you’ve hung around these parts for awhile, you know that I love to GO OFF about how to establish and enforce a boundary. Of course, this is super helpful when you have a solid understanding of your boundaries, but what’s one to do if you have no fucking clue what your boundaries even are!? I mean… how do you even figure that out? Where to start? If you’ve ever found yourself wondering the same thing, you certainly are not alone. Recently a PODiance member reached out to me with this exact conundrum. If you’ve heard this personal development buzzword floating around, but you’ve felt a little lost on how to apply it to your world, this episode is for you. In this episode, I explore 5 places you can look to figure out what your boundaries actually are, where you may need to speak up for yourself, and how to honor what feels right for you. Part 1 of 2, I also begin breaking down my 3-part process to communicating a boundary. Look out for next week’s episode as I finish off the 3-part system. If you identify as

Our Spiritual Self is perhaps one of the most sacred and precious pieces of our personal identity. Yet, so many of us have had the ideas, concepts, and beliefs of our families of origin impressed upon us without much room for questioning or critical thinking. And if one dares to question the ideology, they are often met with severe shame and chastisement. I have met so many folks who are beginning to untangle what they truly believe and how that differs from the way they were raised. And some of these folks, such as myself, have learned that a crucial piece of their identity is being a part of the queer community, something that isn’t often affirmed in extreme religious households. So, where does that leave a truth seeker who deeply cares about being a better human, growing and developing, honoring their sexual or gender orientation and still wants to maintain some kind of relationship with family. I can certainly attest to how difficult it can be to connect with loved ones when you have diametrically opposed

Ever wonder how folks who end up in a cult actually, um… end up in a fucking cult? Certainly they must be highly gullible or dying for approval or just simply not that smart, right? Not exactly. Let me ask you this… Have you ever had a relationship you stayed in a bit too long because it started out so great and you kept fighting for it waaaay past the point of toxicity? Or have you ever stayed in a negative work environment and allowed abusive coworkers or bosses make you question your worth? Sadly, these sorts of situations are ridiculously common and the dynamic of falling prey to an abusive dogma isn’t all that different.  No one ever roots for their partner to be a narcissistic asshole. So we look for the good times, attach to them, and overlook red flags. No one ever likes the idea that they made a bad career choice, so we pretend the money is worth it or the toxicity isn’t that bad even though our intuition is screaming at us. Same is true for getting sucked into the promises and allure of a charismati

If you’ve hung out with me for any length of time, you’ll know that I am often encouraging folks to stop identifying with monikers that feel disempowering. For instance, if you want to get more shit done, you probably should stop calling yourself lazy. Or if you want to knock it off with the people-pleasing already, it’s time to stop saying, “I’m such a people-pleaser”. When we start statements with “I am…” or “I’m so…” we inadvertently cement the very characteristics we want to distance ourselves from.  The concept of our “identity” is something that fluctuates throughout our lifetime and it’s no doubt you’ve dealt with changes to your life roles. You have a baby, now you have a new role as parent. You start a business and now your role changes from employee to business owner. And just like any other change in our life, changes to our roles usher in a slew of emotions to reckon with.  And let’s not forget how other folks shape our identity. It’s likely you can think back to labels others have given you throu

If you’ve been hanging out with me for any length of time, you are likely a person who gives a shit about growing and developing and becoming the person you truly want to be. But, what does that actually look like? What does it really mean to actively work toward a more evolved version of yourself? What if you are so stuck in a cycle of working, taking care of everyone else, putting out fires, rinse, repeat and have no idea what you actually enjoy or really want? It can be so easy to get into a tornado of a career/work life and forget what you even like to do for fun. Or maybe you threw yourself into raising children and in between diaper changes and college tours, you forgot what you’re really passionate about. It’s not uncommon to get to a place in your life where you feel like your entire identity is wrapped up in one major area of your life. And then you’re like, “No wonder I’m not happy… I have no idea who I am and what I like anymore!” On this week’s show, I dial up my pal, Sara Dean, a mindset and lead

What if I told you great intimacy was fully possible for you… even if you’re totally single. Wait… what!? I know, I know. Here’s the deal, my friend: intimacy is so often seen through only a sexual or romantic lens, but intimacy is simply about deeply, truly knowing. Seeing. Hearing. Understanding someone deeply. And, that means you can have a fully intimate relationship with yourself. With or without deep love from another. And, that doesn’t have to mean you don’t desire love from someone else. You can have a rich relationship with yourself AND desire a connected relationship with a romantic partner. This week on the show, I’m dialing up an expert on the subject of intimacy. My dear friend and colleague, Allana Pratt joins me to discuss the way our society glorifies partnership at a great cost (as in, I’ll be happy and worthy as long as I’m partnered), how to cultivate an intimate relationship with yourself, and how our major barrier to intimacy is our resistance to vulnerability. (Not to mention that vulner

Ever find yourself desiring deep, rich connections with your partner or your friends and family but have a hellova time letting your guard down? Maybe you even find yourself craving deep intimacy but you’re absolutely terrified to really “be seen”. I mean, isn’t it just safer to stay walled up? Well… if the other party was vulnerable first… maybe then it would be safe. Maybe. Why is it so damn hard to be vulnerable? If you’ve found your mind spinning with the same questions, you are certainly not the exception. Many of us crave rich, soulful connections with our loved ones, but we’re absolutely paralyzed by fear of being vulnerable. So we put up massive walls, don’t let people in, and then wonder why we don’t have intimacy. In this episode, I dig into the detrimental notions we’re inundated within our culture, how it sends major mixed messages about vulnerability, and why you need to drastically change the narrative if you want to experience intimacy in your relationships. And guess what? You get to take as m

If you have spent any time in the dating scene as of late, you know navigating those waters can be murky as hell. So what is one to do if you want to attract meaningful, rich, connected love in your life? Like, where the fuck are those folks? The ones who do the work on themselves, who understand their wants and needs, and who can actually use their god-damned words!!? Since I’ve been hangin’ out with Mr. Smith for nearly a quarter century, I thought it would be helpful to dial up an expert who knows a thing or two (or forty) about dealing with today’s dating landscape and how you can reclaim your personal power in such a vulnerable space. On this “tool” episode of the show, I dial up Veronica Grant, a dear friend and colleague who is a life and love coach working specifically with successful women who feel they have it all… except love. Hello!  Not only is Veronica a successful coach and author, but she works with the specific modality of Inner Child Work to help folks unlock the historical issues that may b

If I had a dollar for everytime I’ve heard someone express feeling unworthy simply because they are single, I would have, like, so many dollars. Seriously. Our society has a way of glorifying coupledom that leaves many folks feeling like finding “the one” is the sole/soul purpose of life. It doesn’t help that our media (I’m looking at you, Disney) tells girls that they will magically be saved one day and that their lives can finally begin once they fall in love.  So, then we enter our teenage years being told that if a boy likes us (forgive the gender binary here), he will be mean to us, so no wonder we put up with bullshit from partners in our adult years. There has already been a message programmed that toxic behavior simply just means we’re broken and need to work harder to MAKE that person love us. But what if you could change how you view this entire narrative? Change how you view your singlehood? Change what you truly believe you deserve in your intimate partnership? Spoiler alert: you can. This week, I

In the nearly fifteen years I’ve been working in the personal development space, I have to say that one of the most recurring challenges I see women face is reckoning with changes in their bodies and what that means for their sense of self-worth. Unless you were magically able to escape the messages we are inundated with in our patriarchal society, it’s likely that you’ve had to navigate the constant, relentless, and radically unforgiving demand placed on our bodies to be perfect.  And, Honey, I am certainly not exempt. In recent years, I’ve personally delved into learning more about how our notions of beauty have come to pass, how “Big Diet” ensures we all hate our bodies, and the truth about fatness and health. I am certainly no expert, but it has become abundantly clear that there are billion-dollar industries profiting off our insecurities. And, many of them invent new insecurities for us. How generous. In this episode, I look at some things you can actually DO, both internally and externally, to start cu