Intentional Living With Tanya Hale

Many of us were taught the idea that relationships are hard. But I have a secret for you. Relationships aren't hard. Keeping your ego in check and behaving kindly rather than harshly is the hard part. When two people prioritize each other, choose to engage and invest in the relationship, show up equally and honestly, and offer each other grace and kindness, relationships are easy. If you're looking for tools to learn how to do this, we've got you. Sione joins me in this podcast to talk about the tools we use and how we are creating an incredibly easy relationship. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #60 Mental and Emotional Abusive Behaviors on Apple on Spotify #61 Charity is the Antidote on Apple on Spotify #70 Self Reflection and Self Coaching on Apple on Spotify #110 The Cost of Being Right on Apple on Spotify #118 100% Responsibility  on Apple  on Spotify #148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships on Apple on Spotify #156 The Benefits of

Whether it's a spouse, our children, our parents, siblings, friends, or coworkers, we don't have a say in whether or not they choose to love us. And whether they love us or not, it says nothing about us and everything about them. It also doesn't say that they are wrong or bad, just that they are a human with their own preferences and wants and desires, and maybe we're just not a good match for them. And that's okay. Learning to make peace with others not loving us is a huge part of growing up into middle-age. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #127 Our Worth & Our Works on Apple on Spotify #230 People-Pleasing on Apple on Spotify #260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability on Apple on Spotify #270 People-Pleasing & Kindness - What's the Difference? on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify #293 Dating in Mid-Life on Apple on Spotify #304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of

For many of us complaining is just second-nature. It's what we do when we want things to be different or when we want someone to see our struggle. And yet, complaining has a natural byproduct of shutting other people down, especially when the complaint is directed towards them. When we can learn to express our wants and desires in ways other than complaining, we are much more likely to be heard and understood and create connection in our relationships rather than isolation and frustration. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #239 How to Own Your Own on Apple on Spotify #258 Communication That Connects on Apple on Spotify #286 How Miscommunication Destroys Relationships on Apple on Spotify #298 Friendship in Marriage on Apple on Spotify #302 Gottman's Four Horsemen - Destroying Relationships Has Never Been So Easy on Apple on Spotify #309 What an Equal Relationship Looks Like on Apple on Spotify #341 Choosing to Be All In on Apple on Spotify #

Perfectionism can seem like a worthy thing to work towards, but the truth is, it actually keeps us from creating and becoming our true selves. It holds us back from true connection and intimacy and dulls and cheapens our life experience. In this episode, my good friend, Cathi Sessions, LCSW, and I discuss how perfectionism has impacted our lives and she shares are really amazing dream about her own perfectionist tendencies that has helped her to move into a much healthier space of being a human. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #110 The Cost of Being Right on Apple on Spotify #116 The Peace of Imperfection on Apple on Spotify #127 Our Worth & Our Works on Apple on Spotify #143 Stuck in Perfectionism on Apple on Spotify #156 The Benefits of Being Wrong on Apple on Spotify #164 How Being in Control is Destroying Your Life on Apple on Spotify #235 The Beautiful Mess on Apple on Spotify #275 The Problem With Being Good on Apple on Spotify

Vulnerability and validation work together in our relationships to create intimacy and connection. When both people in a partnership are willing to step into both, we can create something magical. When one in the partnership is unwilling or unable to engage in either, it definitely creates a problem, but we can learn to have our own backs when we show up vulnerable and validate our own engagement. When both people are unwilling to step into vulnerability or validation, we have what I like to call a paper marriage, married on paper, but without partnership, without connection and intimacy and a higher sense of purpose in the relationship. If you're a person or a couple who really wants to create something extraordinary in your marriage, it's time to up the vulnerability and validation in your relationship. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #29 Validation on Apple on Spotify #268 Drama Response on Apple on Spotify #284 Why Vulnerability Matters on Appl

Sometimes we get these expectations around the holidays, and we think that this should be such a magical time and that no one should get grumpy or annoyed. We might believe we should feel the joy and peace of Christmas in abundance and all the regular challenges of life should just melt away under the warmth of the Season. But the truth is, whether it's Christmas or not, life still offers us up an abundance of the 50/50 of life, 50% good, 50% challenging. The struggles and challenges of life don't check the calendar before showing up in our lives. So learning to lean into the challenges, expect and anticipate the challenges rather than resisting them, is our best bet to actually feel more calm. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #167 I Didn't Sign Up For This on Apple on Spotify #172 Peace Misunderstood on Apple on Spotify #175 Happy No-Drama Holidays to You on Apple on Spotify #181 6 Tips For a Happier Holiday on Apple on Spotify #219 The Truth Ab

Many of us grew up hearing about the bucket analogy, an we were taught to believe that we could fill other people's buckets by complimenting them or telling them great things about themselves. In this podcast I propose that we can't fill anyone else's bucket. That filling our bucket is a job that only we can do, and when we expect others to fill our bucket, it only leads to the destruction of our relationships. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #12 Mindset on Apple on Spotify #29 Validation on Apple on Spotify #87 The Law of The Lid on Apple on Spotify #122 Your Story About You on Apple on Spotify #123 Your Thoughts About You on Apple on Spotify #238 Overflow on Apple on Spotify #244 The Relationship Circle on Apple on Spotify #289 Why Our Relationships Needs Validation on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of Self on Apple on Spotify #332 Sense of Self – It's All In Your Head on Apple on Spotify Are you curious about what it would be like t

Creating a partnership in our marriages was the goal when we got married, and yet many of us over the years, end up retreating into a paper marriage, a place where we live in the same space, but we do so as roommates, people who aren't connected. The goal of marriage isn't just to share a house and a washing machine, it's to connect emotionally, to learn how to love another person in a selfless and compassionate way. When we get married with expectations of the other person making us happy and always loving us, we will find it easy to lean out of the relationship and retreat into ourselves, neglecting the relationship. Instead, when we get married with the expectation that we will learn to love cleanly and fully, we will lean in and create a safe space for our partner to do the same. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #29 Validation on Apple on Spotify #92 Clean Love on Apple on Spotify #125 Love It Before You Leave It on Apple on Spotify #238 Overfl

When Christ informed his disciples that one of them would betray them, their response was, 'Is it I, Lord?' When I'm confronted with something that I did wrong or an accusation, most often my immediate response is, 'What are you talking about? I didn't mess that up! How could you accuse me of such a thing?!?' Hmmm. Very telling. I'm obviously not disciple worthy yet! However, I can work on developing the ability to look inward, to see my own failings and weaknesses that will allow me to take responsibility by asking, 'Is it I?' rather than looking outward to blaming, accusing, or criticizing others. It's a process of growth to get there, for all of us, but get there we will if we continue to figure it out a piece at a time. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #26 Taking Offense on Apple on Spotify #34 Self-Compassion on Apple on Spotify #55 Don't Should Yourself on Apple on Spotify #70 Self Reflection and Self Coaching on Apple on Spotify #83 Self-H

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife and I explored the intersection of spirituality and sexuality, particularly focusing on how societal and religious expectations impact LDS women's understanding and expression of sexuality. Jennifer teaches us about three stages of spiritual and sexual development, including how individuals progress from Stage 1's black-and-white morality to Stage 3's integrated understanding of spirituality and sexuality, and we also talked about self-acceptance, spiritual alignment, and the role of physical pleasure in creating deeper intimacy in relationships. If you have struggled to understand where your spirituality and your sexuality intersect, you'll want to listen to this episode for sure! Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #281 Mid-Life Sexuality with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of Self on Apple on Spotify #332 Sense of Self – It's All In Your Head on Apple on Spotify #334 Sense of Se

All of us are familiar with the feeling a resentment, the angst that comes from feeling anger, frustration, or envy about how someone else is showing up and we think we're being taken advantage of or that things are unfair or that we don't deserve that treatment. And yet, remembering that resentment is not caused by someone else's behavior, but rather, by our own thoughts, helps us step into responsibility and empowerment to create something different. Resentment is a great opportunity for us to clean up our thoughts in ways you may not have considered. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #7 Boundaries Part 1 on Apple on Spotify #8 Boundaries Part 2 on Apple on Spotify #9 Boundaries Part 3 on Apple on Spotify #118 100% Responsibility  on Apple  on Spotify #159 When Your Brain Lies To You  on Apple  on Spotify #174 Better Boundaries on Apple on Spotify #211 Why We Do This Work on Apple on Spotify #314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard on A

Sometimes, forgiving ourselves can be really hard. And not only the process, but also the long-lasting repercussions of not being able to accept our human flaws and move forward, to let go of a painful past and move forward with more hope and light. In this episode we are talking about how to forgive ourselves and what to do when the other person doesn't forgive you. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #33 Forgiving Yourself on Apple on Spotify #55 Don't Should Yourself on Apple on Spotify #83 Self-Honesty on Apple on Spotify #113 Self-Acceptance on Apple on Spotify #116 The Peace of Imperfection on Apple on Spotify #179 Being Kind to Yourself on Apple on Spotify #217 Self-Respect and Being Wrong on Apple on Spotify #225 Shame, Blame, and Disempowerment on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify #274 When We Behave Badly on Apple on Spotify #327 Learning to Love Your Human Self on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of Se

Learning to live in relationship is a skill, and one that many of us have not learned, let alone even considered. But to have the intimate, connected relationships we innately crave, it is imperative we learn to move into 'we' thinking, considering our spouse and our relationship just as much as we consider ourselves. When we can deeply desire our spouse's happiness and fulfillment just as much as our own, when we truly desire to understand them and be a part of making their life significantly better, then we are on the path to living relationally. If we just want to do what we want, we have no business being in relationship because choosing another person in our lives means we are also choosing to stop asking who is right, and instead focus on what is right for the relationship. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #110 The Cost of Being Right on Apple on Spotify #156 The Benefits of Being Wrong on Apple on Spotify #217 Self-Respect and Being Wrong on

In the last episode we talked about a huge list of mental and emotional behaviors.  In this podcast, we're going to talk about the antidote for these behaviors, which is charity. This amazing piece of Christ-like love will rid us of those dysfunctional relationship disconnectors and instead deepen and strengthen and connect our relationships.  Charity helps us engage in healthy behaviors that will create healthy relationships. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #10 Unconditional Love on Apple on Spotify $48 Love Is All You Need on Apple on Spotify #92 Clean Love on Apple on Spotify #212 Healing Your Disconnected Relationships on Apple on Spotify #216 One Up and One Down Relationships on Apple on Spotify #223 It Really Is All About You on Apple on Spotify #242 Circling Back Around on Apple on Spotify #274 When We Behave Badly on Apple on Spotify #299 Love Is Not a Reward on Apple on Spotify #321 Clean Love and Relationships on Apple on

Who knew that there were so many ways we could engage in mental and emotional abusive behaviors.  Because so much of what we do has been modeled after behavior we experienced growing up, we often don’t see the hurt and dysfunction in those behaviors. Educating ourselves on healthier behaviors is vital for our growth and progress. Because when we know better, we do better, right?  In this podcast we will explore behaviors we may be engaging in that are harming our relationships and preventing us from having the connections that we ultimately desire.  This is not meant to cause us shame or guilt, but rather to bring awareness to our actions so we can explore the feelings and thought behind them and ultimately clean them up. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #51 The Silent Treatment on Apple on Spotify #61 Charity is the Antidote on Apple on Spotify #75 Emotional Adulthood on Apple on Spotify #96 Understanding the Thought Model on Apple on Spotify

Psychological boundaries are internal boundaries that we set with ourselves, inside of our own heads. They allow us to decide what ideas, thoughts, or beliefs we want to accept and which ones we don’t.  We will receive a lot of messaging about who we are and how we are and we get to decide which of those messages is okay and which are not okay. Having good psychological boundaries with ourselves is a precursor to being able to set clear and concise external boundaries with others. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #7 Boundaries Part 1 on Apple on Spotify #8 Boundaries Part 2 on Apple on Spotify #9 Boundaries Part 3 on Apple on Spotify #174 Better Boundaries on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify  #274 When We Behave Badly on Apple on Spotify #314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard on Apple on Spotify #318 The Challenge of Parenting Adult Children on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of Self on Apple on Spotify #332 Sens

Setting boundaries in our most cherished relationships can be hard not just because we’re often doing something that may be new and requires courage, but because many of us feel so much guilt when our boundary is not received with glowing accolades but rather with pushback and frustration and even anger. And that guilt comes from two places – ourselves and others. Learning to manage our thoughts to create self-respect and courage rather than guilt is an important part of developing healthy relationships with those we love. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #7 Boundaries Part 1 on Apple on Spotify #8 Boundaries Part 2 on Apple on Spotify #9 Boundaries Part 3 on Apple on Spotify #174 Better Boundaries on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify  #314 When Setting Boundaries Is Hard on Apple on Spotify #318 The Challenge of Parenting Adult Children on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of Self on Apple on Spotify #332 Sense of

When Lisa first found my podcast over three years ago, she was in a tough place: struggling with divorce, her relationships with her adult children and their spouses, and feelings of her own worth. Once she started listening consistently and figuring out how to start applying the concepts, she was hooked. She began taking classes and even worked one-on-one with me, and now, as one of her children told her, she is 'unrecognizable' from who she was before. Learning how to stay in her own lane, allow agency, and love without expectation has changed her life and her relationships.  Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #211 Why We Do This Work on Apple on Spotify #356 How Coaching Changed My Life with Stacey on Apple on Spotify Are you curious about what it would be like to work with me? Here are three options: Group coaching classes are available at tanyahale.com/groupcoaching Talk with Tanya is a free monthly webinar where you can ask me anything and we ca

Who knew that a lack of boundaries could cause so many emotional and mental struggles in our lives? Today I’m sharing with you an article adaptation from Dr. Henry Cloud’s book Becoming an Adult: Advice on Taking Control & Living a Happy, Meaningful Life.  Dr. Cloud is one of the co-authors of the Boundaries books, and he shared 22 symptoms that we can experience when we don’t set appropriate boundaries. I think you’ll find this fascinating – I did! Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #7 Boundaries Part 1 on Apple on Spotify #8 Boundaries Part 2 on Apple on Spotify #9 Boundaries Part 3 on Apple on Spotify #27 Healthier Relationships on Apple on Spotify #47 Thoughts, Consequences, & Boundaries on Apple on Spotify #139 Being a Martyr on Apple on Spotify #140 Still Being a Martyr on Apple on Spotify #174 Better Boundaries on Apple on Spotify #196 How to Break the Blame/Defense Cycle on Apple on Spotify #225 Shame, Blame, and Disemp

Learning to live our lives with intention is a powerful way to begin to create the lives we truly want. And it is going to push the boundaries of your comfort zone when you step into intentionality. But only when we decide what we really want in life and choose to intentionally move toward it will we find the fulfillment and contentment that is available with a life well lived. What can you do to live with more intention? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #183 Taking Risks and Becoming  on Apple  on Spotify #186 Are You Committed or Just Interested?  on Apple  on Spotify #201 The Tolerable Life  on Apple  on Spotify #331 Sense of Self on Apple on Spotify #332 Sense of Self – It’s All In Your Head on Apple on Spotify #346 How to Stop Reacting and Start Responding on Apple on Spotify #349 It’s Okay If People Don’t Like You on Apple on Spotify #361 A Luxurious Life, part 1 on Apple on Spotify #362 A Luxurious Life, part 2 on Apple on S