Intentional Living With Tanya Hale

We all get triggered, it's part of being a human with an imperfect past. That's not the problem. The problem can be figuring out what to do when these moments of being triggered start harming our relationships and breaking down our own self-worth. Learning how to respond to our triggers in healthy ways and address the underlying reasons for the triggers is the work we're discussing here today. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #118 100% Responsibility  on Apple  on Spotify #126 Abdicating Our Emotional Responsibility on Apple on Spotify #130 Exploring Our Darkness on Apple on Spotify #136 How Coaching Helps on Apple on Spotify #139 Being a Martyr on Apple on Spotify #140 Still Being a Martyr on Apple on Spotify #152 Victim or Hero? on Apple on Spotify #188 A Safe Space For Awareness on Apple on Spotify #211 Why We Do This Work on Apple on Spotify #235 The Beautiful Mess on Apple on Spotify #242 Circling Back Around on Apple on Spotif

Research shows that the quality of our lives is dependent on the quality of our relationships. I have learned a lot over the past seven years of coaching clients on difficult relationships and in divorce situations, and today I'm sharing with you my top ten tips for having a better, more fulfilling relationship. They're simple, and yet so many of us overlook these tools. Let's get to work implementing them, shall we? Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #392 Vulnerability and Validation on Apple on Spotify #193 No Back-Burner Issues on Apple on Spotify #218 Honest Relationships on Apple on Spotify #309 What an Equal Relationship Looks Like on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify #257 Other People's Agency on Apple on Spotify #342 What Does Vulnerability Look Like? On Apple on Spotify #298 Friendship in Marriage on Apple on Spotify #239 How to Own Your Own on Apple on Spotify #319 Get Ready to Rock The Boat on Apple o

Sione and I have been married four years. That seems like such a short time, and yet, I can hardly remember life without him in it. We have had so much to learn about ourselves and about each other and about our relationship, and as always, all of those are constantly evolving. In this podcast Sione joins me in talking about some of the big ah-ha's we have had this last year and how our relationship has shifted and grown. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #193 No Back-Burner Issues on Apple on Spotify #216 One Up and One Down Relationships on Apple on Spotify #228 Our Relationship Rules on Apple on Spotify #239 How to Own Your Own on Apple on Spotify #240 Passive-Aggressive Behavior on Apple on Spotify #241 Forgiving Others on Apple on Spotify #242 Circling Back Around on Apple on Spotify #243 Having More Honest Communication on Apple on Spotify #248 Lessons From The First Year of Our Second Marriage on Apple on Spotify #300 Lessons Lea

Humans are wired for connection but our primitive, protective brain often sabotages intimacy, making marriage hard. Each partner brings a personal "story" (adaptive behaviors from childhood) that feels true but can trap us in defensive patterns. Real partnership asks both people to own and clean up their stories, offer grace, and create a safe space for vulnerability. When two people choose growth over blame, differences become strength and true intimacy can grow. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #92 Clean Love on Apple on Spotify #122 Your Story About You on Apple on Spotify #239 How to Own Your Own on Apple on Spotify #271 Equal Partnerships on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify #277 Your Spouse Is Not Your Responsibility on Apple on Spotify #299 Love Is Not a Reward on Apple on Spotify #389 The Partnership of Marriage on Apple on Spotify #398 Adam & Eve and the Partnership of Marriage, part 1 on Apple on

Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved."  Problems and familiar processes trigger our primitive brain to rush for quick fixes, but those dopamine hits often cost us relationships. What if we touched base with love first? Slowing down to validate feelings, question our need to be right, and notice resistance to different processes rewires how we show up. Loving first doesn't mean ignoring issues; it means solving them from a place of compassion, which creates cleaner, more sustainable outcomes. This shift protects intimacy, builds self-respect, and aligns behavior with values. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #92 Clean Love on Apple on Spotify #110 The Cost of Being Right on Apple on Spotify #142 Pay Attention on Apple on Spotify #156 The Benefits of Being Wrong on Apple on Spotify #164 How Being in Control is Destroying Your Life on Apple on Spotify #189 Patterns of Behavior on Apple on Spotify #214 How t

I believe most of us are living far below our capacity for joy and fulfillment and wholeness. The fear of failure, of the unknown, of being uncertain holds us back from being willing to take a risk and change the trajectory of our lives. But if we want to experience something different, we have to dream something different and then courage up to create it. And it is all up to you. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #59 My Life, My Creation, My Responsibility on Apple on Spotify #76 Finding My Wings  on Apple  on Spotify #93 Finding Fulfillment on Apple on Spotify #118 100% Responsibility  on Apple  on Spotify #131 The Gift of Life on Apple on Spotify #149 The Importance of Discomfort  on Apple  on Spotify #150 Living in Possibility  on Apple  on Spotify #152 Victim or Hero? on Apple on Spotify #183 Taking Risks and Becoming  on Apple  on Spotify #201 The Tolerable Life  on Apple  on Spotify #238 Overflow on Apple on Spotify #276 When

Sometimes it can feel difficult to validate the people we are in relationship with. Validation is an effective way to support others and let them know we see their struggle and that we love them, so how do we approach this when we don't agree with them? It's actually just a matter of learning to validate their feelings rather than their thoughts. Let me show you how this works. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #77 Other People's Opinions on Apple on Spotify #96 Understanding the Thought Model on Apple on Spotify #97 Why the Thought Model Matters on Apple on Spotify #280 Living in Alignment on Apple or Spotify #289 Why Our Relationships Needs Validation on Apple on Spotify #303 The Thought Model Reteach on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of Self on Apple on Spotify #332 Sense of Self – It's All In Your Head on Apple on Spotify #368 Stay Out of Other People's Relationships on Apple on Spotify #390 You Can't Fill Their Bucket on Apple on S

Judging others seems to be as easy for us as breathing air, and yet, when we judge we create an inner turmoil that exacts energy from us and leaves us feeling drained and exhausted. When we can learn to manage our thoughts and step into grace instead of judgment, we will find that we grow into a space of overflow, a place where we feel energized and an abundance of love and compassion. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #92 Clean Love on Apple on Spotify #94 The Right Path on Apple on Spotify #96 Understanding the Thought Model on Apple on Spotify #97 Why the Thought Model Matters on Apple on Spotify #148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships on Apple on Spotify #173 A Space For Grace on Apple on Spotify #214 How to Stop Being 'The Fixer' on Apple on Spotify #216 One Up and One Down Relationships on Apple on Spotify #238 Overflow on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify #280 Living in Alignment on Apple or

A decades-long research project has learned that the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our relationships. And what a tragedy that so many of us do not have the tools to create deep, intimate, connected relationships. We have a tendency to hide our true selves behind half-truths, behind saying we're 'fine' when we're not, behind being so amenable and accommodating that we never rock the boat. And yet, in seeking to keep things low-maintenance and easy, we are being dishonest with ourselves and with our partner about who we really are, what we really desire and prefer, and we show up instead as a shallow shell of who we really are. Until we truly learn how to be honest with ourselves and with our partners about who we are and what we really want, we will never be able to create the equal partnerships so many of us crave. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #83 Self-Honesty on Apple on Spotify #193 No Back-Burner Issues on Apple on Spotify #2

How the world views Mother Eve is how the world views women. Doctrine from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that Eve was intelligent and courageous, that she understood that partaking of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil was the only way to put into motion the plan of our Heavenly Parents which allowed each of us to come to earth. So, she is revered and seen as an equal to Adam, unlike how she is often seen in many other spaces throughout the world. From this perspective though, our whole understanding and reverence for Adam and Eve and their equal partnership shifts, and this shift also changes our ideas about what it means to be in a marriage relationship. I'm joined today by Kenn Kuaea, a member of one of the LDS congregations in American Samoa. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #218 Honest Relationships on Apple on Spotify #244 The Relationship Circle on Apple on Spotify #271 Equal Partnerships on Apple on

How the world views Mother Eve is how the world views women. Doctrine from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that Eve was intelligent and courageous, that she understood that partaking of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil was the only way to put into motion the plan of our Heavenly Parents which allowed each of us to come to earth. So, she is revered and seen as an equal to Adam, unlike how she is often seen in many other spaces throughout the world. From this perspective though, our whole understanding and reverence for Eve shifts and this shift also changes our ideas about what it means to be a woman and the significance of it. I'm joined today by Luisa Kuaea, a member of one of the LDS congregations in American Samoa. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #218 Honest Relationships on Apple on Spotify #244 The Relationship Circle on Apple on Spotify #271 Equal Partnerships on Apple on Spotify #287 Equality in Your Rel

What does it take to create a beautiful and safe relationship? In this episode I am revisiting combining two analogies I've used before, the bucket analogy and the relationship circle, and I'm calling it the Relationship Bucket. How do we fill this bucket up? Who is responsible for filling it? What things will fill it? Is how women fill it different than how men fill it? All of these questions and more are part of our discussion today. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships on Apple on Spotify #161 Developing More Intimacy in Your Relationships on Apple on Spotify #174 Better Boundaries on Apple on Spotify #201 The Tolerable Life  on Apple  on Spotify #215 Being Seen and Being Heard on Apple on Spotify #216 One Up and One Down Relationships on Apple on Spotify #218 Honest Relationships on Apple on Spotify #233 Having Tough Discussions on Apple on Spotify #238 Overflow on Apple on Spotify #239 How

Many of us were taught the idea that relationships are hard. But I have a secret for you. Relationships aren't hard. Keeping your ego in check and behaving kindly rather than harshly is the hard part. When two people prioritize each other, choose to engage and invest in the relationship, show up equally and honestly, and offer each other grace and kindness, relationships are easy. If you're looking for tools to learn how to do this, we've got you. Sione joins me in this podcast to talk about the tools we use and how we are creating an incredibly easy relationship. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #60 Mental and Emotional Abusive Behaviors on Apple on Spotify #61 Charity is the Antidote on Apple on Spotify #70 Self Reflection and Self Coaching on Apple on Spotify #110 The Cost of Being Right on Apple on Spotify #118 100% Responsibility  on Apple  on Spotify #148 Grace & Grudges in Our Relationships on Apple on Spotify #156 The Benefits of

Whether it's a spouse, our children, our parents, siblings, friends, or coworkers, we don't have a say in whether or not they choose to love us. And whether they love us or not, it says nothing about us and everything about them. It also doesn't say that they are wrong or bad, just that they are a human with their own preferences and wants and desires, and maybe we're just not a good match for them. And that's okay. Learning to make peace with others not loving us is a huge part of growing up into middle-age. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #127 Our Worth & Our Works on Apple on Spotify #230 People-Pleasing on Apple on Spotify #260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability on Apple on Spotify #270 People-Pleasing & Kindness - What's the Difference? on Apple on Spotify #272 Stay In Your Lane on Apple on Spotify #293 Dating in Mid-Life on Apple on Spotify #304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of

For many of us complaining is just second-nature. It's what we do when we want things to be different or when we want someone to see our struggle. And yet, complaining has a natural byproduct of shutting other people down, especially when the complaint is directed towards them. When we can learn to express our wants and desires in ways other than complaining, we are much more likely to be heard and understood and create connection in our relationships rather than isolation and frustration. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #239 How to Own Your Own on Apple on Spotify #258 Communication That Connects on Apple on Spotify #286 How Miscommunication Destroys Relationships on Apple on Spotify #298 Friendship in Marriage on Apple on Spotify #302 Gottman's Four Horsemen - Destroying Relationships Has Never Been So Easy on Apple on Spotify #309 What an Equal Relationship Looks Like on Apple on Spotify #341 Choosing to Be All In on Apple on Spotify #

Perfectionism can seem like a worthy thing to work towards, but the truth is, it actually keeps us from creating and becoming our true selves. It holds us back from true connection and intimacy and dulls and cheapens our life experience. In this episode, my good friend, Cathi Sessions, LCSW, and I discuss how perfectionism has impacted our lives and she shares are really amazing dream about her own perfectionist tendencies that has helped her to move into a much healthier space of being a human. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #110 The Cost of Being Right on Apple on Spotify #116 The Peace of Imperfection on Apple on Spotify #127 Our Worth & Our Works on Apple on Spotify #143 Stuck in Perfectionism on Apple on Spotify #156 The Benefits of Being Wrong on Apple on Spotify #164 How Being in Control is Destroying Your Life on Apple on Spotify #235 The Beautiful Mess on Apple on Spotify #275 The Problem With Being Good on Apple on Spotify

Vulnerability and validation work together in our relationships to create intimacy and connection. When both people in a partnership are willing to step into both, we can create something magical. When one in the partnership is unwilling or unable to engage in either, it definitely creates a problem, but we can learn to have our own backs when we show up vulnerable and validate our own engagement. When both people are unwilling to step into vulnerability or validation, we have what I like to call a paper marriage, married on paper, but without partnership, without connection and intimacy and a higher sense of purpose in the relationship. If you're a person or a couple who really wants to create something extraordinary in your marriage, it's time to up the vulnerability and validation in your relationship. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #29 Validation on Apple on Spotify #268 Drama Response on Apple on Spotify #284 Why Vulnerability Matters on Appl

Sometimes we get these expectations around the holidays, and we think that this should be such a magical time and that no one should get grumpy or annoyed. We might believe we should feel the joy and peace of Christmas in abundance and all the regular challenges of life should just melt away under the warmth of the Season. But the truth is, whether it's Christmas or not, life still offers us up an abundance of the 50/50 of life, 50% good, 50% challenging. The struggles and challenges of life don't check the calendar before showing up in our lives. So learning to lean into the challenges, expect and anticipate the challenges rather than resisting them, is our best bet to actually feel more calm. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #167 I Didn't Sign Up For This on Apple on Spotify #172 Peace Misunderstood on Apple on Spotify #175 Happy No-Drama Holidays to You on Apple on Spotify #181 6 Tips For a Happier Holiday on Apple on Spotify #219 The Truth Ab

Many of us grew up hearing about the bucket analogy, an we were taught to believe that we could fill other people's buckets by complimenting them or telling them great things about themselves. In this podcast I propose that we can't fill anyone else's bucket. That filling our bucket is a job that only we can do, and when we expect others to fill our bucket, it only leads to the destruction of our relationships. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #12 Mindset on Apple on Spotify #29 Validation on Apple on Spotify #87 The Law of The Lid on Apple on Spotify #122 Your Story About You on Apple on Spotify #123 Your Thoughts About You on Apple on Spotify #238 Overflow on Apple on Spotify #244 The Relationship Circle on Apple on Spotify #289 Why Our Relationships Needs Validation on Apple on Spotify #331 Sense of Self on Apple on Spotify #332 Sense of Self – It's All In Your Head on Apple on Spotify Are you curious about what it would be like t

Creating a partnership in our marriages was the goal when we got married, and yet many of us over the years, end up retreating into a paper marriage, a place where we live in the same space, but we do so as roommates, people who aren't connected. The goal of marriage isn't just to share a house and a washing machine, it's to connect emotionally, to learn how to love another person in a selfless and compassionate way. When we get married with expectations of the other person making us happy and always loving us, we will find it easy to lean out of the relationship and retreat into ourselves, neglecting the relationship. Instead, when we get married with the expectation that we will learn to love cleanly and fully, we will lean in and create a safe space for our partner to do the same. Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts: #29 Validation on Apple on Spotify #92 Clean Love on Apple on Spotify #125 Love It Before You Leave It on Apple on Spotify #238 Overfl