Savage Lovecast



Dan Savage, America's only advice columnist, answers your sex questions and yaps about politics. To record a question for Dan to be answered in a later podcast, call 206-201-2720. For a much longer version of the show, with no ads, visit and get yourself a season subscription.


  • Savage Lovecast Episode 787

    23/11/2021 Duración: 52min

    Happy Thanksgiving, and welcome to the homo takeover! We’re focusing on queers exclusively this week, so MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, breeders.  A newly sober lesbian wonders if it’s normal to get SUPER-HORNY when you quit booze. Or is she #blessed? How are you supposed to live your life when you are an ex-marine, macho, rural, hunter bro and also…bisexual? He knows he should be out, but worries he won’t be able to find women to date who would be cool with it.  Next, we crank the queer dial up to a billion with our guests Alaska & Willam from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Their podcast, Race Chaser and the Savage Lovecast were made to smash together in this unholy alliance. The queens answer some listeners' questions, and generally dish it up.  On the Magnum, some people of a certain age have a bad reaction to the word “queer.” This gay man was tormented by the word when he was growing up. Dan chats with him in a deep dive convo about the history of the words we use for “gay,” how they change over the years, and how LGBTQ folk

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 786

    16/11/2021 Duración: 56min

    A group of friends get together regularly and do molly together. But there’s one dude in the group who gets a little too touchy feely with the women, asking if can touch them in…intimate ways. How can they tell him to knock it off without ruining the groovy vibe? A bisexual teenaged boy can’t come during sex. He can get there when he masturbates. But for some reason he can’t close the deal with others. Why? What can he do? On the Magnum, Dan and comedian Judy Gold from the Kill Me Now podcast answer some questions together. They discuss the faces we make during sex, finding your large girlfriend unattractive, and what to do when you’re jealous of your inconsiderate roommate, who also happens to be your ex. Thorny problems all! And speaking of roommates, a woman has moved in with her wonderful, perfect-in-every-way boyfriend. Except! He also lives with his unpleasant, difficult mother. It’s a package deal, and the caller is miserable. Must she move out?  Yes, she really must. 206-302-2064. voicemail@savagelov

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 785

    09/11/2021 Duración: 50min

    Do you have queer imposter syndrome? This woman thinks she does. Now that she has her first girlfriend, a little, mean voice in her head tells her she faking it.  A woman has started dating a really great guy. The hitch? He's into making people throw up. So. Can she go there for him, or is this a Fetish Too Far?  On the Magnum, a woman gets aroused when she has to pee. But is it dangerous to hold it just to get that good feeling? Dan brings on a urogynecologist to help answer this one, because Dan knows all sorts of people.  Finally, a man is in a polyamorous relationship with his girlfriend. Her other partner loves to mark her with hickeys. The caller hates it, it but is loathe to ask them to stop. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Pill Club: the birth control subscription that is delivered right to your door. Get a special care package with your first delivery. Go to The Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Dame Products: a woman-founded

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 784

    02/11/2021 Duración: 53min

    A woman in an open relationship with her bi husband, will sometimes indulge in threeways with men. But these men almost always ask to film the fun. Isn't this just asking for free porn? It makes the caller feel like an unpaid sex worker.  A trans man wants to start hooking up with men. But he remembers how dangerous and fraught this was before he transitioned, and wants to make sure he's safe and in control this time. Dan calls him up and you get to listen in. On the Magnum, Dan brings back STI researcher Ina Park, to talk about STI risks, stigmas and how to protect yourself.  And, in this installment of "What's My Label?" a neurodivergent, spanko, straight man wonders what to call himself.  This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. The Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Dame Products: a woman-founded sex toy company. Visit DameProdu

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 783

    26/10/2021 Duración: 48min

    A woman and her husband recently had their wedding celebration. She gave him the full hall pass to go party down with his pals and bring in some sex workers. She stayed home with her gal pals. Now, she wants to exact SEX REVENGE, and have a dalliance herself. Is this so wrong?  A newly out lesbian wants to get a dyke haircut. But she doesn't want to be a walking lesbian cliche´. Walking lesbian cliche´ Tracey Cataldo, a.k.a. Dan's "Mean Lesbian Boss" (and we really mean it, you should see her on her motorcycle,) is on to talk this lady into chopping those locks. Own it girl!  On the Magnum, a caller answered an ad from someone who wants to be trained as a dog. The fearless caller is game, but has only trained 4 legged dogs, never the human kind. Dan brings on Amp from the Watt's the Safeword YouTube channel, to explain the joy of puppy play. A delight!  And, hi neighbor! A woman has just built a house right next to a gay couple. Her 5 year-old's room offers a clear view of the neighbors' hot tub, complete wit

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 782

    19/10/2021 Duración: 50min

    Our opening "Sexcess" story features a woman who discovered she's natural born pegger. After some initial reticence, now her man begs for it.  A gay man has a fraught relationship with his parents. He visits them, but they don't visit him. He learned recently that he has Aspergers Syndrome, and also that his family thinks he's an asshole. So, with his newly understood diagnosis, does he owe them an apology? Or are his parents the assholes here?  On the Magnum, Dan interviews one of our favorite guests, Dr. Justin Lehmiller about how sexual behaviors have changed during the pandemic. Covid's silver lining? Americans are trying butt stuff! And, after a blindfolded anonymous scene from an app hook-up, the caller realized that he recognized his lover as an acquaintance. Now what? Should he tell him? 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at and if you want to buy it, use the code

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 781

    12/10/2021 Duración: 55min

    Ok, exactly how many people need to be involved for it to be called an orgy?  A woman has been mulling over something that happened 20 years ago between her and her brother-in-law. When she was 19, and her sister was away, her sister's husband put on some porn, and asked her a bunch of wildly inappropriate sex questions. Then he asked her to keep their conversation secret. Unsurprisingly, they are now divorced. The caller never told her sister about this. Should she tell her now?  On the Magnum version of the show, Dan gets a Second Opinion from Alexander Cheves, a sex columnist for Out Magazine. They discuss hooking up with Trump voters, how desire for kink emerges early in life, and whether it Is "urbanist" to advise rural gay folks to move to cities. And, a man has been with his wife for 20 years. She is done with sex, and he very much wants it. He likes to smoke pot in moderation. She insists that so long as he smokes pot, she will never have sex with him. Should he fully quit in hopes that she comes thro

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 780

    05/10/2021 Duración: 50min

    "Wait. Where did that flared base, glass butt plug go? Oh, that's right! It's still up my butt!" The caller tried to do everything right. But she might need surgery to get it out. A woman's boyfriend cheated on her with a sex worker... who also happens to be her own damn hairdresser! Dan and the caller have a conversation, and you get to listen in.  On the Magnum version of the show, Dan FINALLY interviews the wise and prolific Drs John and Julie Gottman. These two have conducted more than 40 years of research on what makes relationships work or fail, and their insights are spot on. If you've never heard of them, we humbly invite you to the Gottman-o-sphere. And, choices, choices. A gay man is peacefully dating his boyfriend but they don't have sex. But there's a foxy younger guy who the caller has sex with. Should he stick with the meaningful but sexless relationship, or the scorching hot sex dude?  206-302-2064 Check out The Abstinence Project. This episode is brought to you

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 779

    28/09/2021 Duración: 52min

    Wedding drama ahoy! A man's dad had a fight with his sister. Years later, the sister got married, and at her wedding, her dad orchestrated a big walk-out of many of the family, leaving the bride in tears. (That's some stone cold revenge right there.) Should the caller break off contact with his dad over this?  A 44 year-old married woman with 2 kids wants to be open-minded about her husband's request to bang a 25 year old gal. But when he tells her that this new woman is "magical" and that he's "never felt this way before," it's hard to feel groovy about the whole situation.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Adam Zmith, author of "Deep Sniff: A History of Poppers and Queer Futures." They talk about the fascinating origins of poppers use and how they have been helping gay men have a whole lot of fun ever since. And, after 5 years together, and many conversations about whether kids are in their future, the man announces that he does NOT in fact want kids. 2 WEEKS BEFORE THEIR WEDDING. The bride-to-be is NOT happy.

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 778

    21/09/2021 Duración: 49min

    It's the sight that strikes fear in everyone's hearts: WHITE DREADS. One of his lovers has them, and just doesn't wanna cut them off. His other partners are offended. Should he keep seeing this woman? Is she oblivious to the connotations, or a bit of a troll?  A gay man's boyfriend is a very kinky lad. He loves to be denigrated and roughly used. But the tender-hearted caller loves him so much that he feels uncomfortable treating him that way.  On both the Micro and the Magnum, Dan chats with Leigh Cowart about their book Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. They talk about how the pleasure derived from pain is as old as the hills, isn't always sexual and is often unfairly misunderstood. If you just don't understand what all this S&M business is about, this is the show for you.  And, a couple are "butting" heads over toilet paper. When he gets a prostate massage, he wants the softest toilet paper, like the kind he has at his house. She stocks her home with eco-friendly bamboo-based toilet

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 777

    14/09/2021 Duración: 51min

    A woman had sex with her super-hot neighbor. Then she found out that not only is he unvaccinated, but uses a fake vax card. Should she continue to share her body with this monster?  A young gay man wants to be able to both top and bottom. But when he's topping his gets so in his head that he loses his erection. Dan Savage! Help this man keep a rock hard boner! On the Magnum, a caller who escaped her family's cult when she was a teen has been invited to her sister's wedding. But their abusive cult leader father will be there. Should she skip the whole thing? Dan brings on Amanda Montell author of "Cultish" to talk about cults and how they control their followers.  And, a man wonders if there are any resources or support for people who want to try the exotic practice of monogamy.  206-302-2064 Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 776

    07/09/2021 Duración: 49min

    Have you ever lost a dildo up your butt? This man has, but somehow the tale ends up as our opening "sexcess" story.  A 51 year-old woman is seeing a 33 year-old man. It's fantastic, but how long can it last?  On the Magnum, Dan brings back Lina Dune, from "Ask a Sub" to talk about some subby listener questions and her new podcast.  Finally, a couple won't watch porn for ethical reasons. And he doesn't want to be poly or open. She can they have any fun?! 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep-the best mattress for your individualized comfort. Right now, get up to $200 off ALL mattress orders at This episode is brought to you by Pill Club: the birth control subscription that is delivered right to your door. Get a special care package with your first delivery. Go to This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at a

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 775

    31/08/2021 Duración: 47min

    A man's randy co-worker has slept with the wives of other workers and tons of women on the job. He nearly got fired for it, but he's back. Should the caller confront this man and tell him to knock it off? Warn all the females on staff? If someone you were chatting with from an app told you that his previous relationship was with his own therapist, would you consider this a red flag? Would you meet him anyway? On the Magnum, great news! Apple is installing mass surveillance on the iPhone. Just kidding- this is terrible news. Corynne McSherry from the Electronic Frontier Foundation is on to discuss just what this all really means. And, a gay caller asks an age old question: "Is my dick racist?"

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 774

    24/08/2021 Duración: 53min

    Everyone's worried that they are taking up too much space. A straight man feels guilty that he signed up for an activity meant for folks in the LGBT community. And, a transman ventured into a gay leather bar with his girlfriend and got the stink-eye. Is it cool to bring your girlfriend into dedicated gay male space? Everybody's talking about the new animated educational series "Welcome to Kinkyville" that's being developed. Dan interviews co-creator/host Emily Blake about this awesome project, and how YOU (yes you, dear listener) can get involved. Check it out at On the Magnum, each and every year a woman takes a family vacation with her overbearing, materialistic, unpleasant brother. How can she wiggle out of this annual obligation? And, it's a couple's "holy grail" to get his nipples to be as sensitive as her's. Is he permanently wired to have tough ole nips? Dan offers a pragmatic regimen.

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 773

    17/08/2021 Duración: 48min

    On this episode, we are treated to a couple of calls concerning pronouns. One comes from a man who doesn't understand how to use the familiar 2nd person plural when one or more are non-binary. Another comes from a man who proposes a new catch all gender-neutral pronoun to rule us all. Will it stick? On the Magnum, Dan chats with Dr Carole Hooven, author of Testosterone: The Story of the Hormone that Dominates and Divides Us. They discuss how testosterone works, and how we all have to live with it because it's coursing through roughly half of us. It's a great long conversation, and you should tune in. And, we're not going to sugar coat this one: A woman poops when she comes. What can she do Dan?

  • Savage Lovecast Episode 772

    10/08/2021 Duración: 51min

    A woman is sick of being a dirty little secret. Her boyfriend's ex-partner would withhold access to the kids if she found out about the relationship. Can she demand that he tell his ex? A woman fantasizes that she's a gay man when she's having sex. But the rest of the time, she feels like a cis woman. Dan issues a label for her and sends her on her way. On the Magnum, a comedian is creeped out that her ex-boyfriend might come heckle her at her stand-up shows. Dan welcomes comedian Jen Kirkman to talk about dealing with this unpleasantness. And, a bi man is in a long distance relationship with an older man. But he is coming to grips with the fact that he has an unhealthy sex compulsion, and has been taking dangerous risks. Should he break off the healthy relationship with his partner while he works through recovery?

  • Savage Lovecast Episode #771

    03/08/2021 Duración: 48min

    Our opening "sexcess" story will make all the licensed massage therapists cringe. We are truly sorry. A woman and her girlfriend have gotten in the habit of using baby voices with each other. They know this is terrible, but they can't stop. Dan! Make them stop! On the Magnum, Dan continues crushing out on dominatrixes. This week, he interviews Goddess Charlotte Lashes about financial domination, kinky conservatives, and boyfriends who are being dominated by their mothers. Goddess Charlotte COMMANDS YOU TO LISTEN. A bisexual woman is very attracted to penises. She likes everything about cis women except their vaginas. And she's attracted to trans folks...but only if they have a dick. So, is this wrong? When she's on a date, how and when should she ask what they have down below? 206-302-2064

  • Savage Love Episode 770

    27/07/2021 Duración: 50min

    A nice bi man just wanted to join a nudist community and hang out with his nudist homies, not wearing any clothes and being naked. He certainly DID NOT want to be ogled or groped by the creepy leader of the group. So now what? Should he try to oust the creep, give up on the group, or return and try to avoid him? A woman learned that her boyfriend has been leading a secret double life. Have you ever led a secret double life? Well! This man's secret double life involves an online dom commanding him to crawl around like a dog and urinate in the cups and cookware in their home. So. Your secret double life seems a little less "edgy" now doesn't it? Dan's advice...may shock you. On the Magnum, learn about the sordid, gnarly history of sexually transmitted diseases. Dan interviews Professor Ina Park about her book Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs. Oh, the things you will learn! Finally, hey listeners! A little help? Let's all put our heads together and a find a w

  • Savage Love Episode 769

    20/07/2021 Duración: 55min

    Women beware! A new form of negging has emerged. If you followed a hook-up on Instagram, but he didn't follow you back, it could be INSTA-NEGGING. A trans man iplans to do a lot more butt sex once he has bottom surgery. How can he prepare on a daily basis? On the Magnum, is it ever ok to leave your wife when you are in your 70s? Dan and senior sex writer Joan Price disagree... And, a lesbian begs all those straight couples who pour into lesbian bars at closing time looking for women to be in a threeway with them to Please. Just. Stop. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is sponsored by a website dedicated to getting scientific truths out about women's sexual pleasure. Savage Lovecast listeners can get a discount if they go to . This episode is brou

  • Savage Love Episode 768

    13/07/2021 Duración: 56min

    A bi woman wants to try three-ways with her boyfriend. He enthusiastically agrees. But it's been a while since she's been with a woman, and wants to have a trial run with just her unicorn. Now, he's getting a little nervous... A woman with a 12 year-old son has been toying with the idea of starting an Only Fans account. The problem? Her son might see some of her content. How can she have this very difficult parental conversation? In one of our favorite interviews of all time, Dan brings on linguist and literature professor John McWhorter, author of "Nine Nasty Words: English in the Gutter: Then, Now, and Forever." They gab about the origins of the word "fuck" and "faggot," how the nature of profanity has changed over the years, and why some words are both sexy and unutterable. And, a man planning a hook-up hears that they can go to the other guy's home, but only if his "actual dog" watches. Is this innocent and ok or so, so far from innocent and ok? 206-302-2064 This podcast

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