Dialogue On Divorce

Making the decision to end a marriage is stressful enough. But for those women who have been misled or misinformed about their legal rights, it may not feel like they have any choice at all. There is so much overlap between the emotional and legal aspects of divorce, women need guidance that encompasses both elements of the process. Jill Murray is one of the nation’s leading experts on unhealthy relationships. She has appeared on CNN, Dr. Phil, The Today Show and Good Morning America. Adam Dodge is a former divorce attorney who now serves as Legal Director of Laura’s House, an emergency shelter for women and children fleeing domestic violence. Together, Jill and Adam wrote The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Divorce, a resource to help women navigate the decision to end a marriage, the legal and emotional components of the process, and the challenges of the aftermath. Today, Jill and Adam join Katherine to discuss the intersection between the legal and emotional aspects of divorce. Jill explains how she conceive

Being a stepparent is tricky. How do you get involved in your stepchildren’s lives without overstepping? How do you go about disciplining a stepchild? How do you approach the holidays? Stepfamilies do have their benefits but taking on the role of a stepparent is never going to be easy. On the bad days, it can feel like you ‘set your hair on fire, and you’re trying to put it out with a hammer.’ Jean McBride is a marriage and family therapist in Northern Colorado who has helped more than 20,000 families navigate divorce. She has spent the past 11 years specializing in post-divorce relationships, which encompasses parenting during and after divorce, remarriage and stepfamilies. Jean serves as a divorce coach trained in the Collaborative Divorce model as well as a speaker and consultant in the area of divorce and remarriage. She is the author of Encouraging Words for New Stepmothers and Talking to Children About Divorce. Today, Jean joins Katherine to share her take on why the role of stepmother is the most com

After 15 years of trying divorce cases in the courts, Barry Berkman had come to realize that ‘nobody ever won a divorce case.’ Litigation comes with a high price tag in the form of expense and the toxic effect on everyone involved, especially the children. So he started looking for a better way. At a mediation training in California in the mid-1990’s, Barry was inspired by stories of matrimonial lawyers using the collaborative process who hadn’t been to court in years. He returned to New York and started the state’s first collaborative practice. Today, Barry is a founding partner at Berkman Bottger Newman & Rodd, where he continues to specialize in matrimonial law and mediation. Barry teaches mediation at the Center for Mediation in Law, and he has been named among the Best Lawyers in America for eight years running. On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Barry joins Katherine to explain his role in bringing collaborative divorce to New York. He shares the advantages of collaborative law over mediation as we

There is a great deal of shame associated with divorce, and much of the language we use around the process has an incredibly negative connotation—no one wants to be responsible for a ‘broken’ home or family. But Tara Eisenhard argues that we are all continually learning and growing, and divorce doesn’t have to be about dissolution. It can be seen as evolution, the opportunity to move forward toward new goals. Tara is a divorce coach and mediator on a mission to change the conversation about divorce in our culture. She also offers online courses and speaks at community events, sharing her GOOD Divorce Philosophy and inspiring a mindful approach to the process. Tara’s articles have been featured in DivorceForce, The Huffington Post and StepMom Magazine, among others. She is the author of The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child’s eyes as well as the Relative Evolutions blog. Today, Tara joins Katherine to share her take on divorce as an opportunity to move forward. She discusses the principles of nonviolent commun

Stepparents tend to get a bad rap. Odds are, your first encounter with the role was through the archetype of an evil stepmother in a fairy tale like Cinderella. The cultural narrative depicts stepparents as a negative force in the life of a child—either ignoring, taking advantage, or actively working against them! Monique Honaman is on a mission to change the narrative. She has joined forces with her husband, Justin, to write BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! A Child’s Guide to Understanding the Role of a Step-Parent. The picture book illustrates the positive role a bonus parent can play, not to replace either parent—but to be a ‘bonus’ trusted adult in the child’s life. Monique has also written two books for adults on the topic of divorce, The High Road Has Less Traffic and The High Road Has Less Traffic … and a Better View. Today, Monique joins Katherine to share the inspiration for BONUS Dad! BONUS Mom! She explains the message of the book and what she has learned from reader feedback. Monique discusses her own expe

Once you’ve decided on divorce, the next step is to determine how you and your former partner will come to a resolution. Given that 97% of divorces in New York settle before a judge gets involved, it is in your best interests to explore the full spectrum of options and make an informed decision based on your particular circumstances. This is called process choice. Sarah Hechtman is a trained collaborative lawyer and family mediator. Before practicing family law, Sarah worked as a civil rights lawyer, prosecuting class action cases on behalf of children through Children’s Rights and Advocates for Children of New York. She also served as an Assistant District Attorney in the New York County DA’s Office where she was a member of the Domestic Violence and Sex Crimes Unit. Sarah made the transition to family law in 2006, and since then she has handled complex divorce cases involving substantial financial assets as well as highly contested child custody cases. Sarah’s interest in the welfare of children coupled wi

The divorce process initiates a time of radical change and transformation, and one major part of that change involves a potential change of address. As you and your ex-partner separate your assets, it may be necessary to sell the home you shared and make arrangements for a new place to live. Anthony Sibio is a licensed broker with Coldwell Banker Real Estate. Anthony has served the Pleasantville area for 15 years, and he sees his role as that of a trusted advisor tasked with helping each client achieve their particular goals. Anthony is a graduate of Iona College in New Rochelle, where he earned a BBA in marketing. Today, Anthony joins Katherine to explain how he handles a sale when the circumstances involve divorce. He discusses the seller’s tendency to overestimate the value of their home and walks us through his approach to comparative market analysis. Anthony speaks to the necessity of having a plan in place should your home sell quickly as well as the feasibility of keeping your children in the same sc

How do you learn to be okay with not being okay? In a culture where we’re taught to run from discomfort, it can seem like quite a feat to stop and take inventory of what’s true for us in a particular moment—especially if what we’re feeling is pain. But Nancy Colier argues that ‘company with our own experience IS the healing.’ Nancy is a psychotherapist and relationship coach whose work is grounded in mindfulness practices. She is the author of Inviting a Monkey to Tea: Befriending Your Mind and Discovering Lasting Contentment as well as The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. A thought leader on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, Nancy has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times, Huffington Post and Psychology Today. Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the definition of mindfulness and explain what it means to bring mindfulness to divorce. She walks us through the process of communicating in a less reactive, more compassionate way by sp

Laughter really can be the best medicine, even when what ails you is a painful divorce. When Kevin Cotter’s ex-wife moved out of their home, she left her wedding dress in its preservation box—on the middle shelf at the center of the closet. When Kevin asked her what he was supposed to do with it, she said, “Do whatever … you want, I’m not taking the dress!” He eventually shared this backstory with his family, and they brainstormed a number of ideas. It was Kevin’s sister-in-law who suggested that he could probably come up with 101 uses. The laughter was therapeutic, and Kevin realized that sharing his experience through a blog might benefit others as well. Kevin’s humorous look at the divorce and recovery process evolved to become the book 101 Uses for My Ex-Wife’s Wedding Dress: How One Man Took an Awkward Situation and Made It Hilarious and Practical. Today, Kevin joins Katherine to discuss the unexpected response he received upon launching the blog, from both men and women. He walks us through the evolut

Pets are family. As a growing number of people form emotional attachments with their animals, the divorce process is further complicated by decisions around who gets to keep the pets. What can people do to look out for the best interests of the animal involved? What does the law say? Professor David Favre practiced law in Virginia prior to joining the Michigan State University Law College faculty in 1976. An expert in animal law, David has written several articles and books dealing with issues like animal cruelty, wildlife law, the use of animals in scientific research and international control of animal trade. He is a national officer of the Animal Legal Defense Fund and the ABA Committee on Animal Law, and David teaches Property, International Environmental Law, Wildlife Law and Animal Law at MSU. Today, David joins Katherine to explain the many facets of animal law and how it has evolved in the US over the last 150 years. He shares his take on animals as ‘living property’ and walks us through the legal p

Is your phone more interesting than your husband? 75% of people say that technology seriously impacts their relationships. Thus, the very thing that is supposed to help us feel more connected is hindering our connections with the people who really matter—the ones right there in front of us. In addition to her roles as a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, mindfulness teacher and relationship coach, Nancy Colier is the author of The Power of Off: The Mindful Way to Stay Sane in a Virtual World. Nancy is a sought-after public speaker on the topics of wellbeing, mindfulness and technology, and she has been featured on Good Morning America and in The New York Times. She writes regular columns for Huffington Post and Psychology Today, and Nancy serves as a frequent guest on On Point Talk. Today, Nancy joins Katherine to share the ways that technology brings out the least evolved aspects of ourselves. She explains the addictive nature of checking messages as well as the concept of phubbing, snubbing someone in

If you’re in the middle of a hostile divorce, the very idea of having compassion for your former partner may be difficult to fathom. But what if you started with compassion for yourself? Holistic health coach Jen Dorf maintains that you can escape the conflict trap with a mindful approach to communication that models the way you want to be treated. Based in Mamaroneck, New York, Jen is a nutrition and wellness coach with an expertise in mindful communication. She inspires clients to create daily sustainable habits that will revive their energy and power from within by bringing awareness to how they eat, move, rest and relate—to themselves and others. Jen trained at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in Manhattan, and she is accredited by The American Association of Drugless Practitioners. Jen sits down with Katherine to discuss the fundamentals of mindful communication. She explains how to use mindfulness to identify your patterns and triggers and shift your goals from being right to being happy. Jen sp

If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while now, the landscape may seem like a brave new world. Dating apps offer endless possibilities—and overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that you are sorting through your own feelings after a divorce and working to reshape your very identity. It’s complicated to say the least. Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is regular blogger for Psychology Today and the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. Dr. Solomon is a renowned speaker and media consultant on topics related to love, sex and marriage, and she has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Network, The Today Show and NPR, among many others. Dr. Solomon joins Katherine to discuss how dating has evolved in recent years with the emergence of apps geared to finding love. She explains why it’s important to work through the story of your marriage and focus on yourself before you return to the

Are you waiting to get divorced until your kids are a little older in the hopes that they’ll handle it better? You may be surprised to hear that kids in early adolescence have MORE of an adjustment to make when parents divorce than at any other age. Whatever your child’s age, parenting through divorce is difficult territory. Carl Pickhardt PhD is a psychologist in private practice out of Austin, Texas. He has written an impressive 15 books on the subject of parenting as well as columns for the Austin American Statesman, Marriage and Family Living and Psychology Today, just to name a few. Carl has appeared on ABC, NBC, CNN and NPR, and he holds degrees from Harvard and the University of Texas at Austin. Carl joins Katherine to explain the importance of emotionally reconciling your differences and creating an alliance with your ex-spouse based on common concern for your children. He walks us through the reasons why adolescence is an especially vulnerable age for kids dealing with divorce, offering his advice

Our current system of justice focuses on the offender. What harm did they cause? What do they deserve as punishment? What if we shifted our focus to the person who was harmed and asked different questions, like what needs to happen between the parties to make it right? How can everyone move forward? Matt Johnston is the Program Director with Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue, a Portland nonprofit focused on ending the cycle of domestic violence through safe, supervised conversations with survivors and surrogate offenders and helping both parties foster transformative change. Matt spent seven years working with men convicted of domestic violence offenses, and he is a firm believer in the principles of restorative justice. Matt joins Katherine to discuss the difference between restorative justice and the retributive system. He explains how the restorative process can be both more satisfying and more painful at the same time. Matt covers the desire for revenge and how it seems to dissipate when people feel hear

Divorce is a source of trauma. The process is stressful and emotional. Yet it’s also an opportunity. After a settlement has been reached, you can pursue new ambitions, creating a renewed vision for your life moving forward. With the right attitude and preparation, it is possible to profit from the experience. In 2006, Paul Ross’ marriage of 25 years ended. In the five long years it took Paul and his ex-wife to reach a settlement, he applied his business background to the situation and designed a ten-point plan to help him navigate the process. That blueprint included an approach to controlling costs and recovering wealth as well as a plan to rebuild his life and explore new opportunities once the divorce was final. Paul’s ten-point plan eventually became a book, How to Profit from Your Divorce. Today, he joins Katherine to explain how his family values were strengthened during the process as Paul and his daughter discovered a new bond. He shares the benefits of sharing your expectations with your ex-spouse,

It is incredibly challenging to maintain your health during the divorce process. Some of us overeat, some of us stop eating altogether. Many spend a lot of time on the couch, while others exercise non-stop. So how do you find the right balance and choose a more positive response to such a stressful time? Today’s guest has designed a blueprint to help you eat right, keep moving and take care of your social and spiritual needs. Dinah Barr-Campanaro is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN) credentialed by the Commission on Dietetic Registration and a Certified Dietary Manager (CDN) and Certified Food Protection Professional (CFPP) credentialed by the Certifying Board for Dietary Managers. She serves as an active member of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics as well as the Association of Nutrition and Foodservice Professionals. Today, Dinah joins Katherine to discuss the challenges around maintaining a healthy lifestyle during the divorce process. She walks us through her four-fold, holistic approach, ad

While divorcing partners may not be able to agree on much else, they DO want what is best for their children. But when you’re in the middle of crafting a parenting plan, it’s easy to get lost in the details, get competitive, and forget your shared mission—to provide a healthy life for your kids moving forward. Dr. Deanna Conklin-Danao is a clinical psychologist in the Chicago area. She has 15-plus years of experience in the field of mental health, serving a school-based health center, a community mental health center as well as hospital-based inpatient and outpatient settings. Dr. Conklin-Danao has been in private practice since 2006, and her work covers a broad range of issues including depression, anxiety and life transitions. Her work with children, adolescents, couples and families makes Dr. Conklin-Danao uniquely qualified to be a Collaborative Law Divorce Coach, helping families tailor solutions to fit their family’s unique needs during divorce. Today, Dr. Conklin-Danao joins Katherine to discuss the

Parents going through a separation often make one of two choices when it comes to communicating with their children: 1) They protect the children by sharing very little about the process, or 2) They involve their children in adult conversations, treating them as confidants. Neither scenario gives the children a voice—a way to share their experience. Award-winning filmmaker Ellen Bruno is on a mission to change that through the documentary SPLIT, a collaboration with children ages six through twelve exploring the life-altering separation of their parents. The film presents the children’s perspective on divorce, empowering them to speak the truth of what is on their minds and in their hearts. SPLIT encourages parents to make better choices as they move through divorce and offers courage and validation to other children who see the film. Today, Ellen joins Katherine to share how her own separation led her to create the documentary SPLIT. She explains the film’s power in giving voice to the experiences of child

“It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.” Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. Terry is the founder of the Relational Empowerment Institute, and his work has been featured on NBC Nightly News, Today, and Oprah, as well as in The New York Times, Psychology Today, and numerous academic publications. He is known for his ground-breaking work in helping transform couples on the brink of divorce. Today, Terry joins Katherine to discuss the role of grieving your marriage in the process of letting go and the silver lining of learning that can come from the divorce process. He shares his approach to working with couples on ‘marital death’s door,’ explaining how he leverages the Relationship Intervention to get couples bac