Tales from Sacred Texts

For all the stories from the Bible I've told and all the times I've mentioned that Christianity will lead to more happiness here on earth, I've never really explained what following Jesus means, in practical terms. I attempt to do so here today, and we'll find out just how simple it is to be a follower of Jesus and that there's no X-factor needed to secure your spot in Heaven. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/talesfromsacredtexts/support

A young son gets a bit overconfident in his ability to manage money and forces his dad to give him coin on the threat of death. We examine the love of a father as despite the son's horrific actions, the father still waits in the road for him to come home. But how will the rest of the family respond to the son's return? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/talesfromsacredtexts/support

A re-recording of one of my favorite episodes. We join Jesus and Peter on a rollicking journey from the Mount of Olives to Heaven to the depths of Hell and we find out the punishment that high priests get (hint: it's not what you think), about Jesus's basement torture chamber, and how ridiculous the punishments of hell are compared to the crimes. We leave with Peter significantly horrified with the unbiblical concept of eternally burning hell, and hopefully will leave the audience feeling the same way as Peter did.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

With Moses gone into the mountains to see Yahweh, the Hebrews freak out that he isn't coming back and feel like insulting Yahweh by making a new god is the best option in this situation. They make some questionable choices in presentation, and when Moses returns furious, they trip over themselves making dumb excuses and end up in the middle of a bloodbath. They add to their problems when they attempt to force Yahweh to send them low-quality meat for dinner instead of tasty manna. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

We mention Jephthah's use of the word Shibboleth to identify fleeing members of a rival tribe. This supplemental explores in detail the use of similar words and catchphrases as passwords throughout time, particular with regards to the LGBTQ movement and Christianity. We'll learn a good phrase to incorporate into your everyday life, and which word to learn in every single language you can think of so you don't get slaughtered at a river crossing one day. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

A bastard rises up the ranks to be the leader of his people. In an attempt to thank God for his recent change in status, he does a stupid but absolutely run-of-the-mill act for the book of Judges that ends up humiliating him and putting his story in the Bible as an example of what NOT to do. The Hebrew women are absolutely horrified as they learn a new way they can be mistreated, and the main character ends up going on a murder spree when some people get mad they weren't invited to his killing party. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

In this unusual episode, I will be taking a strong position on debunking Eternal Conscious Torment, the theory that sinners will be tormented forever and ever. It is unbiblical and [should be] horrifying to anyone who considers the possibility. Is God a sadist who loves to watch his creatures "turning and burning and roasting" for billions of years because they told a couple lies, or is he loving?--those two concepts can't coexist. Eternity is an unfathomable amount of time; can any reasonable God think eternal punishment for a mere 80 years of sin is somehow just and fair? The time it would take a bird to wear away a mountain with the tip of her beak is just a fraction of the time God is said to torment his children. Personally, I think that's one hell of a bird. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

Give a self-absorbed man who only cares about booze and prostitutes superpowers during intense tribal warfare and see what happens! That's basically what happens in the book of Judges and SPOILERS: it goes very bad. We'll find out how the somehow even worse villains team up to stop this loose cannon from rampaging around the country and destroying everything in sight, and how he ends up redeeming himself in the end. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

This is a reboot of the Tobit story because I sold the story so short the first time. Tobias quests for a wife and some cash aided by magical fish entrails, an angel companion who gives him advice on his love life, and his dog that doesn't come into the story at all and is only mentioned for the cute factor. But will he return in time to save his father, who has given up on life? Or will God grant the prayers of both his father and a totally unrelated girl plagued by demons, and let them both die? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

Job's life becomes a nightmare overnight as mysterious tragedies happen one right after the other. Job bewails his misery, but is not aware that his problems are much bigger than himself. He has been caught up in the war raging between God and Satan, and Satan has made it his special mission to harass Job, because Job is just so good! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

A man who spent three years of his life hanging out with God Himself decides to sell out. What brought him to this point? And if someone that close to Jesus wasn't safe from falling to temptation, what could happen to us? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

Using the Caleb and Joshua debacle to their advantage, three Hebrews try to take command and kill Moses and Aaron. God, who is used to this kind of thing by now, does everything he can to help them see they are in the wrong, but the Hebrews refuse to listen. As expected, chaos ensues. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

There is unrest in the camp of Israel as there is a dispute about whether entering the Promised Land is safe. When a mob forms, God is forced to intervene, but a lot of people aren't happy with his actions and it creates a lot of unrest, leaving a power vacuum to be filled by Korah, the subject of the next episode. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

Josephus saves his own life at the cost of his people and gets his name in a math textbook as a result. This episode examines the story and legacy of one of the most prolific and accurate ancient historians whom I have cited in previous episodes. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

A feel-good story about a Jewish woman defeating evil and creepy invaders using a rather common trope about women. It's an attempt at a strong female lead, and we discuss whether or not the story achieved its goals. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

A Hebrew outcast has a nefarious plan for an obese tyrant, and a young prince goes up single-handed against one of the biggest military machines of his day.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

Ahab returns to commit another crime and gets caught by our old friend, Elijah. Two prophets warn him of impending doom, but will Ahab listen or continue to brazenly rebel against God? --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

In this equally ridiculous prequel to the Acts of Peter, Peter gets to visit heaven and hell. He gets to see what Jesus and his angels get up to in their spare time, and learns what horrors wait in store for the people who commit the simple crimes of talking bad about God, doing what they think is right instead of what God thinks is right, or being a beautiful woman in the middle ages. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/talesfromsacredtexts/message

In possibly the darkest story in the Bible, one man's quest to win back his wife turns into something out of a nightmare. The entire country gets involved in a twisted tale of violence, mayhem, and blood. As one thing builds upon another, the entire nation becomes progressively more brutal and senseless. WARNING: Potentially disturbing content. Listen with caution. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/talesfromsacredtexts/support

I mentioned the basilisk in my previous episode, here's a little more historical background on their place in legends and myths from the Middle Ages. In addition to creating the Sahara desert, they have appeared throughout Europe over the centuries, and were brought back into the public eye, albeit as fiction, in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. If you're curious about the mythical origins of the basilisk, this short supplemental is definitely worth a listen. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/talesfromsacredtexts/message