Technically Correct

The NFL is planning to come back this fall with 20% of usual stadium capacity. Risky and dumb? Sure. But the real loser here is Bill Belichick. Cheating is probably way trickier and easier to catch in a socially distanced arena. This week: air purifiers, Roomba goes back to school and smartens up, and mulling over Phil Schiller’s scorched earth App Store IAP legacy.

Gen Z is doomed for several reasons. Recessions, the pandemic, the 116th Congress. The biggest, however, is that they never developed the work ethic shaped by blowing on NES cartridges and reinstalling Windows 98 every three months. This week: symmetrical bandwidth, weather patterns, and the fruit company that kept looking a regulation horse in the mouth.

With movie theaters on ice for the next 12 to 96 months, top-tier first run movie releases at home will become more common. Word is the next Apple TV may have a FasTrak Flex strapped to it to identify how many viewers to charge you for. Eddy Cue will be making houses calls to check if you're being truthful. No fudging. This week: fitted sheets, silo design critiques, and the last of the Intel Macs.

Sure, the Seattle Kraken brand identity is pretty great, but it feels like it's for a different time. What's a more honest mythological thing to name a hockey team in 2020? May we humbly suggest the King County Sisyphus-es? Oh no. Looks like the rock is rolling back down the hill again... This week: brisket and ribs, self-emptying Roombas, and the makings of the longest shortest baseball season. ⚾️.

Alaska summers mean it's light out for more than 19 hours a day, an 80/20 split. How'd the bears in Katmai swing a better deal with the sun than developers have with Tim Apple? This week: a new season of Cereal, the bubble bounces forward, and premium pods in lean listening times.

Like Strunk and White said a hundred years ago: two exclamation points is kind, just one is super passive aggressive. Also, Cc-ing the recipient's boss to light a fire is a so two thousand and late. This week: pandemic sports chat, purportedly popular movies, and the

We’ve been wondering. Just how does a “bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, eventually grow up to be a hero and a scholar”? Someone should do a deep dive on the subject, write a book about it, and then have it adapted into a musical. This week: mouse swears, Zoom room critiques, and an unprecedented live-to-tape taste test.

A modest proposal: turn all soon-to-be defunct Microsoft Stores into socially distanced, open-air Spindrift® tasting rooms. Or perhaps when enclosed spaces are permissible again, an accounting pop-up to help you understand why your nine different skinny bundles total more than your car payment. This week: softball interviews, frothing teasers, and conservation considerations when charging for chargers.

EXT. MCENRY CONVENTION CENTER, SAN JOSE, JUNE 2020. (tumbleweeds). Wait, where is everybody? This week: Costa Rican pineapples, Coronatalk®, and a very brief discussion of this week’s WWDC keynote.

With credible rumors mounting that Apple is indeed switching to ARM processors for its Mac line, the only question is how they will incorporate a leg into the final design to justify the price.

For maximum freshness, this episode should be stored in a cool, dry place. This week: playing ball for prorated peanuts, planning with The Wirecutter for when the wire is cut, and mulling over Twitter and Facebook’s differing approaches to moderating elected officials.

Having identified a weakness in having the majority of its sales being driven by its iconic 20% off coupons, Bed Bath & Beyond is seeking to diversify its total revenue with, drumroll please, services. No joke here. Tune in to find out the very creative name. Give it a few more quarters and BBBY be making its own TV shows too. This week: HBO Max spreads its feathers, the NBA saved enough pennies for a Disney vacation, and a surprise white whale appears.

Shots, shots, shots, shots! Espresso shots, that is. Thanks for the reminder, Lil’ Jon. Very prescient of our current work from home situation. Yeeeeeeaahhhhh, etc. This week: Korean baseball, Ryan’s new Ziggurat desk, and considering whether HBO Max’s marketing already needs to “Pivot!” ¹.

We’re going to level with you: it’s week nine of sheltering in place and we’ve gotten to the point where we’re just taking quizzes off the HGTV homepage. Email complaints to tcook@apple.com. This week: more Coronatalk®, United airline’s clean skies initiative, and the lose-lose-lose world of food delivery.

I mean, I know there’s ballooning deficit and everything, but you’d think Congress could appropriate a few bucks for the pro plan of Zoom. This week: face masks, pandemic politics, and the unlikely food world mensch and his iconic frosted tips in the era of coronavirus.

The stark reality of 2020 is that many business models will have extreme difficulty adapting to a post-COVID reality. It is with this in mind that we humbly propose all movie theaters be converted into mini Disneylands for no more than 10 visitors at any one time. Keep six feet away from Daffy. Tickets are $1,399. No upgrades, Points Guy. This week: magic keyboards, dogvertising, and adding some caffeine to Still or Sparkling®. ☕️.

Where Bada meets Bing meets oh no they’re really just going to package and sell the streaming service equivalent of that one kitchen drawer filled with random stuff that made it through three moves over two decades okay i see you at&t i mean you paid for it so you do you i guess. This week: getting frunky, betting the spread on the over under, and Ryan hops in the metaphorical Camaro for some quarantine Trip-D.

For over 200 episodes, we've been here for you. Through thick and thin, boom and bust, dark mode and light. And though these may be unprecedented times, we want you to know that we're committed to navigating these insufferable Magic Keyboard reviews — together. This week: sit stand sleep desks, runner particulate clouds, and thawing a pint in honor of Three Twins.

We’re all learning a lot during this pandemic. About ourselves, about government, about humanity. But also we’ve also learned something we already kind of knew: ain’t nobody buying Bubly®. This week: paper product supply chains, the Pepsi Universe, and an extremely specific reference for people who remember where North Hall Room 1110 is.

Sure, Top Chef gets the class-leading sparkling water sponsors like San Pellegrino, but where does that leave Bubly? Even the people at Last Chance Kitchen asked them to “pack their bubbles and go”. This week: cronchifying some potatoes, trying to remember how to spell Kracizynski, and watching as Sterling Cooper helps decade old startup Zoom navigate a PR crisis.