Simply Abundant Intuitive

Karen Fagan struggled with insecurity, as many young women do, so when she was 13 years old she looked for a book on self-confidence. That led to 10 full years of reading about the subject… which unfortunately didn’t work. She hadn’t cracked the confidence code. Then life presented her with two pivotal moments where she was confronted with a question: Who did she want to be? Karen’s answer was simple. She wanted to be a confident, empowered woman, so she committed to it and started acting from that place. “Obstacles really are an opportunity—an invitation—for who we want to become.” –Karen Fagan Join me for a powerful conversation with Karen where she talks about the note her husband left the day he packed up his stuff and walked out… and the gift he gave her three months later when she found out why. When we’re afraid, Karen says we want to opt out. That’s the default. But if you use that fear to pull yourself forward instead, you can become the person you were born to be. As a teenager Karen felt crappy a

Some of us people please to be liked or because we feel obligated. The problem with placing ourselves in this position is that it's not genuine giving, and it makes us feel disconnected from ourselves. We are trying to control instead of being who we are. We believe we can control how others perceive us, and create an image that we feel is acceptable, but doing so places ourselves in a prison of limitation by not being true to ourselves. Not only is people-pleasing a form of lying, it doesn't actually work. All that effort for no pay off. Only frustration, resentment and non-fulfillment. If we really saw ourselves through the eyes of others, we would have a mixed bag... and then what would we do? Be a chameleon? Better to turn inward and go with who we really are and what we want to do.

Settling, and the fear of missing out, is a reflection of not feeling good enough as you are right now. When you search for perfection—or even just better than you have—you’re looking for something that doesn’t exist. Many people who are attached struggle with this “not good enough” belief, driving them to sabotage their relationships and create obstacles to happiness. If you second guess your relationship whenever your partner tries to get close to you, listen in. In this week’s podcast I’ll share the secret to feeling enough so you stop freaking out about settling. It starts with two questions to ask yourself each morning. Do this consistently and you’ll start building your sense of value. Because the thing is, when you chase that greener grass, you bring yourself (and your belief of not being good enough) with you. Then the fear of settling starts all over again. Let’s break that cycle, shall we?

You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. Loneliness is a sense of internal isolation which serves as protection. Instead of opening up and sharing your feelings, you retreat because it feels safer. This not only disconnects you from others, but also from yourself. True connection requires vulnerability, which is uncomfortable and the last thing you want to do. You probably feel something is wrong with you, so you put a lot of energy into pretending you’re ok. You wear your “party face,” but feel detached because you have abandoned yourself. No one would suspect you’re lonely because you do such a good job of hiding it, which isolates you even more. Let’s say you threw a party over the holidays and 20 people came, but you felt lonely and disconnected the whole time. The thought of interacting felt draining because you would have to pretend to enjoy yourself. As you watched others chit chat, you felt even more distance between you and them. You started to wonder why everyone else could have a good time, but

There are so many ways we don’t love and value ourselves—in work, relationships, etc. A lot of us don’t even know what it MEANS to love ourselves because there is no functional knowledge of what a healthy relationship is. We may think we know, but it’s usually based on unrealistic expectations. Our partners are actually a mirror for us; we attract people exactly where we are as far as emotional health and availability. If we’re closed off and look for someone who is more open, thinking they can help US be more open, we won’t find them because that’s not what we’ll attract. In order to attract and receive love, you need to have love for yourself. The focus needs to be you, not the other person. There are many ways to look at self-love, but when it comes to attached relationships, the best place to start is by dispelling the fantasy and looking at reality. Look at your choices and why you make them. Look at how you hold other people responsible for your emotions. See others for who they are, not for who you wa

Mike Zeller is a serial entrepreneur. But when three of his businesses EACH lost more than $100,000 in a single year, he knew he needed to recalibrate and refocus. “Your setbacks are your setups to prepare you for your comeback.” –Mike Zeller Growing up, Mike learned the value of hard work from his immigrant father, so ambition always propelled him forward. Partway through college he became a Christian, which led him to pursue a Master’s in Christian Leadership. His first entrepreneurial pursuit followed: starting churches in Nashville targeted to musicians and creatives. The path ahead looked clear until he was turned down for a church job. That’s when an internal whisper led him toward new adventures. Mike has started several businesses including a car dealership, real estate firm, co-working space, fashion line, marketing agency, and mastermind/coaching. In 2018, things started falling apart; he lost a lot of money and closed most of his businesses. But this dark period of transition led to a lot of lea

Early childhood is where avoidant seeds take root. If you fall into this category of insecurely attached Avoidants, you probably developed a pseudo-independent identity, going to great lengths to prove you could take care of yourself. You acted like a little adult, holding yourself to pretty strict standards. This self-sufficiency carried over into actual adulthood where you had little or no desire to seek help and support from others. “I’m fine,” you’d say, when you were anything but. This self-containment becomes threatened inside intimate relationships. We avoid vulnerability because revealing our true selves may lead to rejection or abandonment. This results in not fully committing; we keep one foot out so we can focus on other distractions. Or we avoid relationships altogether, coping with our repressed emotions and asserting our “independence” by resisting vulnerability and intimacy. But then attachment needs kick in, activating anxiety over the fact we’re alone. What a painful pattern to live in, righ

Self-responsibility and self-care are critical to increasing your value. What is self-responsibility? Being responsible for ALL of your words, actions, choices and reactions. People often want to blame outside events and other people, but that makes you a victim. To be valued is to be fulfilled… to be your own best friend. If you take responsibility for yourself, you have power and authority in your life, which means you have value. Other people cannot give you lasting value, only you can by treating yourself with care. Self-care is about taking care of yourself emotionally instead of looking for someone else to do it. It is about healing what ails you. If you blame your partner for breaking up with you, that speaks to a lack of responsibility. It takes two to tango, so pointing the finger at him/her for all the problems in your relationship is a powerless position. How did you contribute? What can you own up to? You always play a role in how relationships unfold. When you feel the bottom falling out of any

You blame the Universe/God/whatever for what goes wrong in your life, believing you are constantly being punished for not doing things perfectly. Other people are rewarded with what they want, while some force seems to work against you. You hold out hope that one day the Universe will come through for you while simultaneously expecting disappointment. Where the hell did this belief come from? If you’re like me, it may have come from a parent or caregiver who you relied on for love and attention… which you didn’t receive. You felt unworthy and undeserving despite working hard, so you transferred those beliefs onto something else: the Universe. If daddy won’t give me what I want, why should I expect the universe to cooperate?! In this week’s episode, we’ll dive into why you seek external validation and where it comes from. Failure and disappointment are not your fate. Once you identify these negative beliefs and their origin, you can shift to a more empowered perspective; one in which you DO get what you want.

Some people think the best place to solve relationship issues is in bed. It feels intimate—a way to connect—but afterwards, are you really any closer? And do you ever find yourself picking fights with the goal of getting to make-up sex because it temporarily relieves your fear of abandonment? When sex is used as a way to manipulate others into sticking around, it’s not a path to emotional intimacy; it’s an obstacle. It’s a way to get lost in intensity so you can avoid your real feelings. Sex can give you a sense of control, relieve your fear of rejection or temporarily make you believe your relationship is healthy. But it doesn’t last, and it isn’t real. When sex is used as a tool, emotional suffering goes right along with it. In this week’s podcast we’ll look at honesty as the solution. It’s an opportunity to ask yourself why you fight, distance or separate from your partner to create the need for make-up sex… and what you get from it. When you allow yourself to be open and honest with your feelings instead

People always want to know if they should leave their job or their relationship or whatever situation they are unhappy with. Shouldn’t they cut their losses? Isn’t it better to chase the next bright shiny object? The problem is, when people DO make that change, they tend to repeat the same pattern in their next job or next relationship, and they become increasingly frustrated that nothing ever changes. So what’s the solution? Stay longer than is comfortable. Your inability to stick with situations or relationships long enough to learn from them is what keeps you stuck. Without standing still and being present, you just perpetuate the pattern of cutting bait too soon, chasing what’s next, then convincing yourself this is just who you are. It’s a false story. In this week’s episode I challenge you to stay just a little bit longer than you want to. Because getting excited about the next possibility will eventually wear off and you’ll be in this same spot once again. When you’re curious about why you're here and

Growing up, Kirsten struggled with disordered eating and body image. Although she didn't see the connection at the time, she later realized how much her family environment impacted her relationship with food. Her mom was a chronic dieter who talked negatively about her own body, and most of her extended family was diet-focused, so Kirsten picked up on those cues. In college she studied nutrition because food was such a focal point in her life, and she thought if she could just crack the code on eating, her struggles would be over. Of course that wasn't true, but Kirsten continued down this path, getting her Master's degree and becoming a registered dietician... while sneaking food and feeling like a fraud. "What is causing people to feel out of control around food is the fact that they're engaging in restrictive behaviors." --Kirsten Ackerman In this podcast, Kirsten shares the shift she experienced when she discovered intuitive eating, realizing she was NOT broken. She describes intuitive eating as a heali

Some people equate numbness with happiness. As long as nothing is poking at you screaming for your attention, you think all is right with the world, and you work hard to maintain this state. But when something triggers you, you can’t handle being out of control, so you scramble to get back to that safe space you THINK is happiness. Nope, it’s numbness, and it’s not where you want to live. Many people say they aren't control freaks, but their internal feelings tell a different story. If you feel anxious whenever you let loose, have fun or feel attracted to someone, that’s a sign of control. In this week’s podcast I challenge you to become more aware of this paradigm because many people delude themselves into thinking they’re happy when in fact they are just numb and trying to avoid being triggered. Happiness is not to be feared, but you need to let go of control in order to let it in. WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget) You can pretend numbness is peace and happiness or you can challenge yourself to lose control a

Attachment and care are two different things, and mistaking one for the other can lead to chronic disappointment. When you have expectations about what someone should do, or how they should treat you to show you they care, your happiness is dependent on a fantasy. Are you afraid that if you don’t get what you want, your world will end? Focusing on what your partner does wrong and/or hoping you’ll feel better when they finally “get their act together” is not living in reality. And it’s not really considering their feelings; it’s more about how they can relieve your pain or create a momentary high that you THINK is love. Being wrapped up in expectations and putting conditions around other people's actions makes it hard to live a fulfilling life. In this week’s episode I’ll talk about slowing down so you can pay attention to what’s happening in the present moment. This will take you out of fantasy land where you believe it’s someone else’s responsibility to earn your love. The solution is not finding the “right

For many people who are stuck, pain is what drives them to seek change. It could be a toxic relationship or yet another holiday spent alone. Maybe it’s wanting to finally escape not feeling good enough. But when anger and frustration are your only motivators, change isn’t very effective… and it doesn’t last. Especially if you’re changing yourself just to get someone else to change. Instead, you need to know why you’re not where you want to be, and have a deep desire to grow your self value. When you complain, blame and compare yourself to others, fear is running the show. And wanting to run away is often a sign that you need to stand still. In this week’s episode, I’ll share different questions you can ask yourself to evaluate your readiness for change. If you’re not there yet, that’s ok! Accepting where you are is an important first step. Once you are clear on what you want to change and why, you can start taking action in that direction. And THAT’S when meaningful change happens because there is a big diff

Most of us have periods in our lives where it feels like everything is a shit show. You feel like the universe is conspiring against you and no one is on your team. Even when people do try to help by offering advice, it annoys the crap out of you. Then, on top of it all, you feel wrong in your feelings because you think you should be able to rise above it. Society says to buck up and be positive! When life happens and you start going down the rabbit hole, it’s ok to stay there for a moment, but you do not want to get stuck there. Wallowing for weeks (or longer) is a victim pattern you need to look at because YOU are the one keeping yourself there. Your active participation in your life matters. When you blame other people, or the universe, for what’s happening, you stay buried in that hole. In this week’s podcast I share my personal experience with loss and my husband’s illness. During the last 18 months I have been challenged to surrender and find happiness even while surrounded by tragedy. It is not easy,

Majo Molfino is the daughter of immigrants who grew up as a “good girl,” getting good grades and following the rules. After graduating from college, she got a grown-up cubicle job as one is expected to do, but something immediately felt off. She looked at herself in the mirror and felt like she was wearing a costume. For the first time Majo questioned what she was put on this planet to do. And the only answer she had at the time was: not this. A year into her job she finally quit, moved to California… and took a very similar job (growth isn’t a linear process!). But after quitting the second time, and having an awakening at the Burning Man festival, she realized her purpose was to guide and support women in their creative expression. “We’ve been socialized to be good, as women, instead of powerful.” –Majo Molfino This insight led Majo to Stanford where she got a Master’s in learning, design and technology. The design thinking she learned, coupled with her “good girl” upbringing, provided the framework for h

Loyalty. What does that mean to you? And where did you learn it? As a kid, if you were around adults (particularly your caregivers) who lied, cheated, and/or treated others as disposable, you may have never learned what loyalty really is. As a result, you may have spent your adult life looking for greener pastures, or trying to determine when to cut bait because you don’t know how long the relationship will last and you’d rather leave before you REALLY get hurt. This doesn’t just happen with intimate relationships, either. When you lack a loyal role model, it impacts friendships and work situations too. And the bigger issue is that you don’t know how to be loyal to yourself! You break commitments to yourself and lack boundaries, diminishing your sense of value. In this week’s episode we will explore the concept of loyalty, how your early role models framed your perception of it and why it’s so important for healthy relationships. Then we’ll look at how to shift things. When you are clear on what you want, an

How do you communicate with an avoidant? And how do you determine if they are a narcissist, pathological liar, or have some other “malady”? I get questions like this a lot. People want strategies for dealing with partners they are quick to label. Here is the short answer: There is no special language for communicating with avoidants, and it is not your job to diagnose people. If you don’t believe you can have what you want (e.g. a healthy relationship), you’ll turn to manipulation. And yes, communicating in a particular way to get what you want is manipulative because it is not coming from an authentic, loving place. It is rooted in fear. In this week’s episode we’ll explore being “other” directed, and how labeling someone else is a way of distracting yourself from YOU. It’s not about figuring out how to deal with your partner, it’s asking yourself why you choose relationships that require mental strategies. Your happiness and wellbeing is not the responsibility of anyone but you, and as long as you diagnose

You can’t take it anymore. You are stuck in a toxic relationship and you want the pain to stop. You want out. But instead of taking some sort of action… you do nothing. Resistance kicks in and your whole body says, “nope!” So you stay in your own personal hell, afraid of losing what you have, even though what you have is so far away from what you want. Why? Because it’s familiar. Because breadcrumbs of love and attention are better than nothing. But is “nothing” really the only alternative? This is not your lot in life. You are not the unlucky one who has to settle for a fraction of what you deserve. But believing you can have something meaningful and fulfilling is foreign because you have avoided intimacy your whole life. I know this pain very well because I lived it for many years. In this week’s podcast we’ll talk about empowering steps you can take to push past the resistance that keeps you stuck. Your situation is a symptom of something that is happening inside you. When you start exploring internally a