Building A Better Dave

Today I talk about the sport of having sex when you have children in the house. I also relive July 1972 when the Stones came to town. I wasn't allowed out because of the hippies. Most people talk about the oldest child having very strict parents, the youngest having it too easy (and getting spoiled) and of course the middle child getting lost in the shuffle.  To me none of these apply. The child that has it worst is the child whose bedroom is next to Mom and Dad's. Maybe I'm weird, but when I walk into a room with naked people I typically look down, say "I'm sorry" and leave immediately. I thought this was the standard response for most people. But then again, if you had something very important you might stay to make sure you made your point. Today's show features music from Apa State Mental and the song is "Eaten By Hippes" from the Podsafe Music Network.

Today we finish up with stories from my honeymoon. This time we relive the "relaxing" trip we had riding inner tubes down the little river in Pigeon Forge TN. We had a great time. We have the scars to prove it. We talk about scooter and his death defying dives, taking people out of the river, bees, deathly undertows, all for only $8 for the whole day.

  Pancake House Diane (my wife) and I  headed off for our honeymoon. Destination Pigeon Forge Tennessee. It was about a 9 hour drive and on the way we listened to the radio, and finally popped in an audio book about making your second marriage work.  It helped pass the time, and kept us alert. We got to Tennessee and when we got to Pigeon Forge it looked like a hillbilly version of the Vegas strip. Instead of spectacular hotels, you had a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, followed by, a pancake house. I’m not making this up. In a one mile stretch there were 5 pancake houses. I would also guess that on the other side of the pancake house was a “Barb B Cue” joint and on the other side of the pancake house was a fireworks place. With this in mind, if I ever meet someone with barbecue sauce on his shirt, maple syrup on his chin, and 9 fingers I’m going to guess he is from Pigeon Forge TN. On the other hand the Smokey mountains were breath taking. Seriously. Wow. Luckily

Today I talk about a gift I got for Christmas. I’m going to be 45 in a few weeks, so I know I’m “Half way to dead.” However, what does it say if someone gets you the clapper? I mean the commercial shows some woman who sits up in bed and claps the light off. This woman looks, well, half way to dead. Now the interesting thing is, the clapper is a great GIFT. I mean IT ROCKS. The sad thing is I ended up using it just like the old woman on the commercial. I have it hooked up to the light right next to my bed. Dave turns 45 in a few weeks. Check out what he wants for his birthday

Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same. BONUS TOPIC: I also took my fiance's 15-year-old daughter driving for the first time in an abandoned Target parking lot. It was just as exciting as an amusement park ride. She did great, and it will be fun helping her get her license. 2009 is going to be the year. I'm going to graduate, get a job, and finally marry the nurse. This has the potential to be the best year of my life. I'm also going to get into shape. Why not join me at www.logicalloss.com  

Today I talk about me popping the question last week to "The Nurse" and she made me very happy by saying yes.  Today I talk about the absolute guys view to engagement ring shopping. There is a strange aerobic dance that women do when they put on a ring. She loves choices. I mean she LOOOOOVVVES choices, and I love that she loves choices. I am a very lucky man. We will be tying the knot on June 20, 2008. Yes I got on one knee. It was nothing too fancy (I had fancier ideas, but if I didn't give her this ring soon, I was going to be in deep trouble). see http://betterdave.com/she-said-yes/ for full notes  

  This show originates from www.betterdave.com  Words are fun. I want to know who gets to decide when a word is officially a word. I was at a Cleveland Indians game and the other team had a guy named Chone Figgins. (his full name is Desmond DeChone Figgins ). Why do we name the first poo of a baby meconium If it's that special why don't we put it in a jar and sell it? Look at meconium fix this broken coffee cup! Look it's strong enough to pull this 18 wheel truck! Likewise why do we need to name certain body parts. Do we really need the word Taint? apparently the Taint used be called the perineum. Was that not good enough? Shouldn't words be taken into committee to see if we really need the word? Be sure to tell your daughters to threaten a “kick to the taint” to pressing males. When they go “a what?” they can then run away. I still hate Elvis. We all know Little Richard was the king of Rock and Roll and the Beatles and Elvis stole it all from him. I still hate Star Trek John Lennon liked words…..and acid

Normally I don't talk about things that involve other people, but this weekend I attended a great event. I went to a family reunion with the Nurse.  I had a phenomenal time. First thing first this family takes the time once a year to get together and catch up. How cool is that? In a day when many people don't get along with their families, this one takes time to come from all over the place to get together. The nurses Mom has an awesome laugh, and she never stopped. It was great. I met an Uncle who is 92, and his legs didn't work very well, and he used a Walker. Was he grumpy? Not at all. He had a smile on his face the entire day. When he got up to leave (getting up was a bit of a struggle) did he complain? Not one word. He loves life. He loves his family. I also met an Uncle who had come in from California. Here was the interesting thing about this guy. He takes family ties very seriously. It sound like he would hunt down a 2nd cousin through marriage twice removed just to say hi. He also was a musician

I lost my cousin Shawn Steinmetz this week. He was 33, and has two very young daughters. It was a freak bike accident. He was here a few weeks ago for my niece's graduation party, and now he's gone. I don't have all the details, and in reality, it doesn't matter. Hug your kids. Call your parents. Love the one your with. Speaking of Love... On the way to Podcamp Ohio the Nurse (my girlfriend) and I drove to Columbus and listened to a book (something like saving your marriage before it even starts). Once again I hear how a man needs to make the woman feel cherished. To do this he has to give up anything she asks for. Then because she loves him, she will give it back. This seems inefficient. Why not just believe me, and we can bypass the giving and giving back. I guess it doesn't work that way. UPDATE Please note: At the end of this podcast I mention how you "have to give up everything." This is NOT what the book states. This is the "warped" version in my head. The bottom line is a relationship is give and take.

Today I introduce you to my new Great Nephew. He sure is little. It really drove home the point of how absolutely life-changing kids are. I can honestly say that at age 43 I'm glad I don't have this kind of responsibility that is soooo 24/7. I talk about how "The Countess" has made the "Show Choir." This scared me as if she had not made it, I would've been there for the meltdown, and I want the best for all of "The Nurses" kids (and I'm not sure I could take watching the meltdown from the front row).  Luckily I got to be part of the celebration. One thing as I "Hang out" with children of all shapes and sizes, I can see where the role of the parent really comes into play. Kids have their own personality. It sure seems like they are preprogrammed to go in a certain direction. It reminds me of "Electric Football." A game my brother and I got for Christmas (pre-Atari). This game had some vibrating device on the bottom and a flat (or supposed to be flat) surface that the players would stand on. You could adjust so

Today's show has the F word it. You've been warned.   This is one of the "weird" episodes where I just wonder why things go into my mind at certain times. I happened to notice that Apple Jacks has no mascot while most children's cereals have a mascot (Tony the Tiger, Lucky for Lucky Charms, The rabbit for Trix, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, The Bee for Cheerios). It turns out there IS a mascot that was launched in 2005, but apparently, it never caught on. Does anyone remember Euell Gibbons and his crazy "Eat a pine cone" commercials for Grape Nuts? What marketing person thought this made me want to eat this cereal. Also, did you know there was a fourth Crispy Brother? Roy. (OK, I stole that from David Letterman). NEVER USE THE WORD CLUSTER when talking about food. Brownies are the bastard son of the cake family. If we didn't have the word "muffin" we would all be eating cupcakes for breakfast. Music today by the band Gecko 3 www.gecko3.comfrom the Podsafe Music Network at www.podsafemusicnetwork.com

Today I talk about one of my life’s most embarrassing moments. I made a huge mistake, and I thought about not talking about it on the show. However, the “teacher” in me took over and I thought “If someone can learn from my mistake, it’s worth it.” All signs point to me not passing a class this semester. While I’ve always had good grades, this semester I’m not going to be able to come in at the last minute and save the day. While most politicians don’t understand the concept of accepting your responsibility, I’m here to say “no excuses” and say this was ALL MY FAULT. I’m very upset that I somehow lost my mojo, I took on things I shouldn’t have, and I should’ve said NO when I said yes. I kept thinking I would get back to school and get caught up. I wonder if subliminally that when I go so far behind, if I just didn’t give up. I think I always could get caught up eventually, and I just flat out ran out of time. I have done nothing but examine this semester over the last few days trying to figure out what went wr

Today I tell the story of trying to help my niece as she is in labor. The bad news is Hospitals make me physically sick due to some psychological reason beyond my control. It is very strange as my new great nephew was born on the same day my Mother died 19 years ago (in the same hospital). It made for a day full of many emotions. I also speak about how I regret not asking my Mother to quit smoking more frequently. Quitting smoking is very hard to do. My ex-wife tried every method and the only that worked was the quick key system (when she used it it was called something different). This system slowly weens you off cigarettes using a computer that fits in your hand, You can but it at Amazon.com

I’ve noticed that when you go to just about ANY restaurant these days, if its someone’s birthday they bring the whole kitchen crew out to sing their “Hey It’s Your Birthday” song. I’ve also noticed that after about the 27th time of hearing this song the performance needs some tweaking. I think this whole thing was started by a mexican food chain called Chi Chi’s (which went out of business after giving many people food poisoning). THANKS CHI CHI’S! It may be a bit before my next episode. I’m behind in school (been a bad boy) and I need to get caught up. Keep those emails and comments coming! 888-563-3228

So my girlfriend and I listened to the book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venusin the car ride to Dayton Ohio where I was talking to the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. I learned some new stuff as did my girlfriend. Men are like rubber bands. They have an intimacy cycle, where they get close, and then snap away. When they stretch as far as they can they will then snap back. If a woman tries to stop them from "stretching" it causes problems. Women are like waves. They go up and down. If you try to stop the natural cycle of women. If you try to stop this cycle, it causes issues as well. So you can see where if a woman is "crashing" and a man is "Stretched out" it could cause a a problem if both parties don't understand that they are just being male/female. I found it interested and it has given "The nurse" and myself some valuable insights. P.S. The song "Rubberband Man" is from The Spinners. Buy it in iTunes using this link or Buy it at Amazon.com P.S. Yes I know there is a typo in the album art. .... s

Today I talk about being in a house that is 75% percent women most of the time (and how it makes toilet paper and endangered species). Also, this week's Cosmopolitan magazine has a headline that says, "Be a genius in bed." (or something like that). I mean sex has been around for a while. Don't you think we've got a pretty good grip on it (no pun intended). Is there really anything 100% new? So I talk about some of the things I expect to see if and when I read a Cosmopolitan magazine.

So my trust went left of center this weekend as I let some small circumstances get the best of me and get “in my head” making me act like someone I don't want to be. I'm not very proud of myself. In the end, my “suspicious” attitude showed “The Nurse” how much I TRULY cared, and that made her happy (not a recommended practice). In the end we put all the cards on the table, and came back with “Relationship 2.0” Its stronger, faster, and built to last. Guys if you find yourself suspicious, its best to get the information directly from the source, instead of finding bits and pieces and trying t connect the dots. MUSIC “I Believe in Us” by Marc Doiron off of the Podsafe Music network (music.podshow.com) Buy his music at cdbaby.com you can also buy the download of the single in itunes

Today we welcome a new listener - and then piss them off. Wonderful. This podcast is kind of "my diary." But not really the truth. You only get MY side of the story so you know there is another two-thirds of the story. So my last podcast where I got to be a "Dad" for a day. It was a joke. It was a strange moment, and a great memory as the "Countess" won her talent show. Well, double agent 0017 somehow accidentally played that episode for THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER. NICE. I understand her loyalty, but if she had not shown him, he never would've known. Now we have a lovely bowl of DRAMA STEW. Am I mad? No. I pretty much expected it. Besides, she loves cheese (an inside joke). It's not like we didn't know it was going to "accidentally" get back to him. So why was it such a big deal to be Dad for a day? Because I don't have kids, and won't have any. That door has closed. I spent 10-15 thousand dollars trying to bypass the natural obstacles my ex-wife had. So I understand how children are a gift. They are not things yo

Today I talk about how “The Countess” and I performed in a talent show. It was amazing, and I am so proud of her. It was great to make a memory with such a great kid. Then I thought about it. As much as we know parents can influence their kids. Does that mean as adults we influence our parents? I mean who can drive you more nuts than your kids (or your parents). So as much as parent should take advantage of every minute they can spend with their children, are we doing the same thing when our parents are growing older? The one thing I know is I got to make a great memory with a great kid I enjoy watching as she grows into a lovely young lady.

 I went to a Casting Crowns show last night. It was amazing. I had never heard of them (I went to see the opening band), and they just blew me away. Check out their latest CD from iTunes and AMAZON.COM   I've always thought about sponsoring a kid. In the end, I never did. Well, its time. Sure its not in the budget, but just like having an actual kid, are you ever financially ready for a kid? We get some feedback from some folks about quitting vs making wise decisions. I also talk about some recent shows that I went to, and how they rocked. For more information about Alan Alex go to www.alanalex.com