Super Pee Pee Time

So, you got the job at Horchata Corporation and it's time for orientation! Will you mix up your pony sauce with some other kind of liquid? Will you do us a kindness and frog yourself? Will things happen below the Antarctic-est part of your body? Who knows? GET IN THERE AND FIND OUT.

It's the classic story. Four people get into an elevator and suddenly...it stops. One of them has a melon that is reinventing itself. Another has some boys simmering at home. Another one is certified in "stick around baby!" which is a difficult course, evidently. Who has trapped them there? And why? And do they toot their own horse? Find out now!

Tonight's top story, a man was invigorated by a greeting card he received from a shampoo salesman. Action News is on the scene, with a deep exploration of the holiday "Baby Day" and a few words from Kickleby's Restaurant, your local restaurant that soaks everything! Enjoy!

It's time to take you back to a time when the world was filled with excitement of new inventions. A time when people had too much pony juice, and needed to calculate the surface area of their granddaddy's lap. A time when a doctor and a ball collaborate on books like "Things You Definitely Say," and "Weapons that Dolphins Definitely Have." Get it now, wherever beasts are sold!

The aliens have arrived, and they aren't friendly. Can our heroes foil their fiendish plot? With only a lick protector, some wheeze oil, a little more voodoo equipment, and a psychic boy whose finger is bathing in criminal oil, they'll have to try. Also, there are some alligators who just won't shut up about how they get it on, which is unfortunate, but what are we supposed to do about it now, you know?

Well, it's that time of year when love is where the bushes grow. It's time to show that special someone that you care. Why not buy them a nice basket of haste cream, or an engraved wooden hustle kit? Either way, please remember the immortal words of Martha Washington: "If you make me an onion ring, I'll seek you forever." Enjoy!

It's time for ROCK AND ROLLLLLLL! It's time for the hot, young band, "Damsels With Keyholes" to rebrand themselves, and move on up to rock and roll stardom. They've got to work out the songs, the albums, the kissing potions, the beef melons that everybody talks about. If you've always wanted a hot air balloon or a cold pepsi balloon, or just a gerbil that has cremated its oatmeal, this one's for you!

It's time for a land of FANTASY and HIGH ADVENTURE! Where heroes and wizards are called upon to delouse a puma, or soak biscuits in howitzer juice! Where swords can talk, and wigs are made of kung fu peaches! Where there are far more kinds of nougat than you really can expect there to be! Set a course for...adventure!

Our bird watching pals, Matt and Jamie are BACK with some winter birds to look at, like the flat-billed pellicoid and the great kmart walnut bird! They'll speak with experts, recite some poetry, and feed a knuckle to a bear. Enjoy, and please remember that some trees don't want to have leaves!

Well, it's New Years Eve, which means it's time for some New Years greetings from our family to yours, a spaghetti laminator, a pair of delightful tongs used by the police, and Pine Baby who was stuck up in a tree for so long we forgot he was up there. Enjoy, and Happy New Year!

Well, it's that time of year, when all the presents are ready for Santa to deliver them. There's Looby the nerf football, there's Norkle, the squeezey frog and Chrome the robot...and there's OpalBear with whom you should not make eye contact unless you want him to fiend you, whatever that is. Krampus sneaks into the North Pole workshop to steal the toys and ruin Christmas...unless they stop him. Will they? Will OpalBear get any takers for the "Let's garfield each other with Chinese parts"? (Maybe and probably not.) Enjoy, and Merry Whatever!

Well, Santa Claus just doesn't have it in him this year, and Christmas is in danger. It's up to the elves to cheer him up. This is for all of you for whom Christmas means v-necking a gopher or opening your new Susie Hair-Hair doll, or just remembering to read the farm manual.

This week, we've got a couple of super agents pitching their two biggest stars some ideas for holidays they might want to do. Like "The Budgie's Outhouse" or "The Night Prancer Fared Poorly." The kind of thing you'd see starring Peanut Butter Franklin, or some cremated tangerines. Enjoy!

You know how sometimes you mess up your schedule, and you've got a thanksgiving episode the week after thanksgiving? Sure, sure you do. And that episode is a couple of farmers getting at a roadside stand, looking to sell stuff on thanksgiving? You know, toenail pie, king kong soup bowls, elbow cream, that sort of thing? Well, this is sort of like that in some small way.

It's that special time of year, when you might need to buy a rabbit-flavored torque wrench, or a boo boo protector. Or maybe you need to wee wee over a cliff onto a hosiery clerk, or locate a VCR that has been used as a toilet. Well, we've got you covered. The home shopping network has all your Thanksgiving needs, plus a pumpkin that represents damnation! Enjoy!

Sometimes, when you need to know about dinosaurs, you just need a couple of experts to set you straight. You need to know about a Gary-shaped hole, or squeezing lemon juice onto a praying mantis, for example? These two are your guys. Especially if you're a lady in a nunchuck sweater, or a shirt-flavored hat.

You know those after school specials on TV, where there's a kid with some problems -- say he's got a chargers tattoo on his face and a natural diagram of a wolfman on his back, that sort of stuff? And he's worried that the kids are going to razz him.. But then there's a contest where the prize is a feces doberman and he's determined to win it, and maybe he'll learn a lesson in the process? Well, this is just like that? Enjoy!

You know those fancy dog grooming contests? You know, the ones where you have to geese yourself in private? And where sideways is not an option? You know, the ones where "zither powder" arranges itself in the shape of an organ donor? Talking dogs, the whole thing? Well, this is one of those. Enjoy!

Well, we did it. We did a "part 2" instead of just totally abandoning the premise! The Mummy has captured Rebecca! Will Charles free her? Will the Halloween Superstore sell something that smells like the booster seat at a Shoney's? The answers to these questions and less are just a click away!

It's that time of year again! The time for spooky stuff like ruby-encrusted irons, golden pine sol containers, and THIS! The Curse of the Mummy! A Super Cree-Pee Time Spectacular in TWO EPISODES! Today: part 1, where Rebecca and Charles, two archaeologists, you know, look for mummies and stuff. And they wear t-shirts that say "I'm With Cheddar" and they try to baby a horseradish salesman. Stuff like that! Enjoy!