Zen Parenting Radio

Cathy and Todd talk with Soraya Chemaly, author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger and Executive Director of The Representation Project. They discuss the importance of emotional competence, how to discuss gender inequality with our kids, and why we should pay attention to our own gender conditioning.

This podcast dates back to May of 2017, but is one of our favorites.  Todd and Cathy discuss why “figuring out” our partner will cause frustration, but why staying present with every new experience will create intimacy. They use a post from fellow coach Jayson Gaddis They discuss why it’s important to ride the waves with your partner rather than trying to control their emotional expression, and why unpredictability can be just as connecting as predictability. They share a recent miscommunication, explain why labeling family members is detrimental, and practice saying toy boat really fast without messing up.

Cathy and Todd discuss Oprah’s interview with Meghan and Harry and how it relates to boundaries, freedom, and our unconscious internalized beliefs about women. They also discuss International Women’s Day and the obstacles women confront when they embody empowerment.

Cathy and Todd kick-off boundaries month by discussing internal boundaries and the clinical understanding of family enmeshment. They discuss how we take on other people’s emotions, why it’s hard for us to be happy if the ones we love aren’t happy, and how to take care of ourselves while we take care of others.

We talk with our daughter Jacey who identifies as gay, her friend Grace who identifies as bi-sexual, and her friend Edgar who identifies as gay. They share their coming out stories, family reactions, and experiences that have been helpful and harmful. They discuss how to be an ally and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and how to support your kids when it comes to embracing and understanding sexuality.

Todd and Cathy discuss Creativity and Balance, Part 3 of Empathy Volume Month. They discuss ideas and tools to take care of ourselves during uncertain times, and how to bring balance to our self-care and relationships.

Todd and Cathy continue their discussion about empathy volume and focus on how to turn down empathy to avoid burnout. They discuss the 3 types of empathy and how we can remain empathetic without exhausting ourselves. They also discuss Adam Grant’s new book Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know and how our ability to be “cognitively agile” keeps us curious and connected to the ones we love.

Todd+Cathy discuss mindful caring as a kick off to their “Empathy Volume” month (how to turn it up and stay connected, how to turn it down to avoid burnout). They share three ways to make empathy a priority, and how having clear intention about what means the most impacts how you show up. They also discuss Dr. Robert Livingston’s new book about racism and bias called The Conversation, and how two-hit wonders are a real thing.

Cathy and Todd discuss the “messages and arrows” of our emotions, specifically that they give us the information we need to understand ourselves and teach our kids. Every feeling has an underlying reason, and the more we understand our emotional messages the easier we will see the arrows that point to what matters most. They share that February is “Empathy Volume” Month (Turning empathy up to stay connected, turning empathy down to avoid burnout). Listen to this month’s Zen Parenting Radio podcasts and join Team Zen for an in-depth discussion around empathy volume filled with resources, practices, and community (use coupon code Team Zen for one free month).

Cathy and Todd discuss how accountability leads to unity, and how impunity or justifying something deeply harmful leads to more divisiveness, not healing. They discuss how this is true with our government and the insurrection, and also when we have challenges in our partnerships, parenting, and friendships. Forgiveness is what we do for ourselves, not others, and comes after a process and practice of realizing that we can’t change what happened (it often takes a great deal of time). Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, condoning a person’s behavior, justifying the offense, or denying or forgetting the impact on our lives. It means cutting the cord and taking back the energy that is rightfully ours while never forgetting the wisdom we gained.

Todd and Cathy continue their discussion about how and why we grow and share specific colors that represent our stages of development (often referred to as spiral dynamics). They discuss how this effects politics, values, “fake news”, sports, leadership, and our need to belong.

Cathy and Todd discuss the question that they hear the most – “How can I get my partner to….” – they discuss why this question is multi-layered, messy, and not easily answered. They discuss why wanting to change others feels easier than changing ourselves, why true wisdom comes from quiet, and the life-changing advice Oprah has for all people.

Cathy and Todd focus on Me, We, and Everybody, a teaching of moral development (or Spiral Dynamics) taken from The Robcast. They share why this personal growth model (similar to understanding the chakras or the Enneagram) helps us see ourselves, relate to others, and understand how we all evolve (and regress) in different ways.

Todd and Cathy discuss 1964’s Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and why the adults dropped the ball in helping Hermy and Rudolph understand their specialness – BUT, it’s still a great holiday rewatch filled with joy, learning, and nostalgia.

Cathy and Todd reference a recent post by Dr. Alexandra Solomon about how we are doing a better job raising our girls to be leaders than raising our sons to be caregivers. They discuss how to raise whole sons who respect every aspect of their humanity, and how failing to do this hurts our boys and society. They also discuss the opinion writer who wants Dr. Jill Biden to drop “Dr.”, what Shawn Mendes can teach us, and how to talk about invisible labor in the home.

Todd and Cathy discuss the difference between a “bottler” or “brooder” when it comes to negative feelings, and why being curious about feelings allows us to be less reactive and more compassionate. They discuss why darkness is not always bad, and why there is wisdom inside all of our emotions.

Cathy and Todd discuss Susan David’s book and TED Talk about emotional agility and why the ability to be agile leads to healthy human beings. They discuss why we need the skills to deal with the world as it is, and why sharing our emotions allows us to pay attention to our values and notice what’s working in our lives and families.

Todd and Cathy discuss the double bind of “do no harm”, in that all decisions, even educated and well-thought out choices, may impact some negatively. They discuss the positive impact of empathy and the danger of gaslighting, and share Anne Lamott’s theories around hatred and self-understanding.

Cathy interviews Todd, Frank Naugo, & Shaun Emerson discussing the relaunch from the Tribe Men's Group over to Men Living.  They discuss the resources available that will help men step up to make a more harmonious world.  

Cathy and Todd discuss how the election has provided a more sturdy foundation to rebuild trust, beauty, and a sense of self and community. They discuss how we can continue to do small acts of kindness, continue our activism, and remember to “sing while filled with our dreams and troubles”.