The Other F Word: Conversations About Failure

Judy Batalion, author of “White Walls: A Memoir About Motherhood, Daughterhood, and the Mess In Between” speaks honestly about her childhood experience of growing up with a mother who was a compulsive hoarder.  Before hoarding became a psychiatric diagnosis, all Judy knew as a child was that her mom collected and attached to objects that created so much clutter in her home she couldn’t physically or emotionally connect with her mom.  As an adult, she came to understand that there was a name for her experience,  and that early childhood trauma was the  origin of this intense attachment to clutter and the feelings of failure that permeated their relationship.  A powerful and poignant conversation about motherhood, daughterhood, and the  complicated mess of relationships. Find out more about Judy @: http://judybatalion.com

Karen Walrond, recovering lawyer, leadership coach, photographer and author of "The Beauty of Different: Observations of a Confident Misfit", joins us to share her journey of celebrating uniqueness. Karen was born in Trinidad and moved back and forth to America as a child. Learning early on that survival meant assimilation, it became  so second nature that she forgot who she truly was. This was most apparent during her career in law, trying to assimilate as a black female lawyer in the oil and gas industry, causing her to feel like she was failing her truest self. In a bold move to harness a more authentic way of being, Karen quit her job and took to the road to photograph people who embraced their “difference”. Through this process, she came to celebrate her own uniqueness, no longer viewing herself as a failure, but instead finding her truest superpower. Find out more about Karen @: http://www.chookooloonks.com

Morra Aarons-Mele, author  of “Hiding in the Bathroom”, who also has a podcast of the same title, shares her practical road map for driven and ambitious people who are also introverts. Morra speaks about years of faking an extroverted shell to keep up with the high pressure of a privileged existence. She dealt with depression, anxiety, and literally hiding in the bathroom to avoid looking like a failure. She offers practical tips for being a smart introvert, with honest reflection about the impact anxiety can have when you fail to pay attention to your authentic needs. Find out more about Morra @: www.hidinginthebathroom.com

Kids today are under more stress then they’ve ever been- from intense academic expectations to round the clock social media pressures, and the impact is clear: child and teen suicide rates, depression and anxiety are all on the rise. And yet, as different as things are for teenagers today, they still just want to talk and connect. In this week’s episode, we sit down with David Flood, an inspirational youth speaker whose goal is to help guide kids through the difficulties of adolescence.    Teenagers tend to isolate in shame and embarrassment when they’re feeling like failures, the same way as adults, but because their brains are not fully developed, they struggle more with navigating these overwhelming emotions. David connects deeply with his youth audience by sharing his own vulnerabilities in a truly meaningful and unique way. He shows how facing and processing painful emotions is the key to coping and talks about creating a culture of kindness and empathy.    Episode links: Top Youth Speakers: topyouthspe

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is a Psychotherapist, Founder/Executive director of The Center for Connection in Pasadena, and the co-author (with Dr. Dan Siegel) of The Yes Brain as well as two New York Times best-selling books, The Whole Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. Besides being an expert in the field of science and relationships, Tina is also a parent of three boys, and uses her professional research and personal experience to understand what happens in the body and the nervous system during times of stress, overwhelm and failure. Her blend of research and personal stories highlight ways to bring ourselves and our children to a place of connection and empathy at a time in our society when we are struggling with alarming rates of anxiety and teen suicide. In this passionate conversation, Tina beautifully articulates how failure is an invitation to move into a new way of being. Episode links:  Tina Payne Bryson: http://www.tinabryson.com The Stanford Resilience Project: https://resilience.stanford.edu/resilie

Passionate about bringing products to the world to help people feel a sense of confidence through beauty, Shalini’s story is one of struggle, perseverance, success and failure. From being bullied as a child for her ethnicity to being sexually harassed in a male dominated business world, she looked toward female mentors to guide her but found none. This inspired Shalini to create a platform for women in the business world where she could pave the way for all women to feel empowered.  You can find out more about Shalini at: https://www.shalinisworld.com https://passportbeauty.com  

Singer, songwriter and host of the podcast “Don’t Keep Your Day Job”, Cathy Heller, has mastered the ability to figure out what she wants to do, how to make it happen and - best of all - get paid for it.  Cathy’s relentless search for authenticity in her life combined with her incredible determination and perseverance, have led her to become an expert  on how to be successful at doing what you love most. In her interview, she explains how she was able to break down her own goals and ambitions and, through “reverse engineering”, figure out how to achieve those ambitions. She talks about how we are often our own worst enemies with self-doubt, negativity, fear and insecurity stopping us from achieving our goals. Her honesty and openness about her own personal challenges and insecurities make her advice truly touching and powerfully inspiring at the same time. Find our more about Cathy and "Don't Keep Your Day Job" at: http://www.cathyheller.com And follow her on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/dontkeepyour

Dese’Rae is a photographer, writer, advocate and founder of LiveThroughThis.org, an on-line collection of portraits and stories of suicide attempt survivors.  At a time in society when suicide is on the rise, and yet, still very evocative and difficult to talk about and understand, Dese’Rae is working to take the shame and stigma out of the equation. Using photographs and personal narratives, Dese’Rae encourages people to openly explore society’s ultimate failure-surviving suicide, and the ongoing challenge to live and cope in a different way. Dese’Rae herself is a suicide attempt survivor, and shares her very personal story in hopes that it will open up a much needed dialogue about the subject of suicide, especially as it pertains to feeling like a failure. Learn more about Dese’Rae and LiveThroughThis @ www.livethroughthis.org

Psychotherapist and life coach Jean McCutcheon joins us to talk about the pressure to make and keep New Year's resolutions, and how the failure to do so can leave people feeling discouraged and overwhelmed for the year to come. Jean speaks about the importance of harnessing the growth from the past year and using that as a stepping stone going forward into the new year. She offers concrete ways to set realistic goals and what to do to carry them through, even when obstacles present themselves. Having insight and self compassion, staying flexible, connecting with others, and not getting stuck in the moment of failure are some of her thoughtful ways to navigate your way through the pressure to succeed. Jean reminds us that the failing to make and complete resolutions is just one part of being a complete human being. You can find out more about Jean here: http://potentiapcc.com and on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/PotentiaPCC/

Successful Hollywood executive and one-time Mormon, Krista Parkinson talks about her struggle to find love. Krista grew up a strict Mormon but when she moved to Los Angeles and started working in the entertainment business, her two worlds came into conflict. The pressure from her religion to marry and have kids kept growing but Krista felt like an outsider in both worlds, finding that she didn’t quite fit into either. Her experience as “Other” has both been a source of sadness and isolation and yet has also let her to succeed in her current job helping other outsiders find work in Hollywood. Krista explains that as she has come to terms with who she is, she is clearer about what she wants in life. Don’t miss her honest, totally real and simultaneously funny story about the failure to find love. Find out more about Krista and her work at: www.mygradsgetjobs.com

Bored and tired of the worship and glorification of success, Sam West founded the Museum of Failure in Sweden last summer, to take away the stigma of failure and instead see it as an integral part of progress. The Museum of Failure has come to Downtown Los Angeles where the Other F Word team met with Sam to tour the exhibit and explore the collection of over 130 failed products and services from all over the world.  From a rental sex doll to Trump University, from Swedish Fish flavored Oreos to The Betamax, failure is highlighted and celebrated. With wit, humor, and intelligence, Sam articulates his views on failure and its role in learning, combating the norm of manufactured perfection and allowing for more freedom for authenticity. You can find out more about the Museum of Failure at: www.failuremuseum.com

Fr. Greg Boyle, founder of Homeboy Industries, the largest gang intervention rehab/re-entry program in the world, speaks about his work of rehabilitating and healing gang members. Through the 18 month intensive program, rival gang members and enemies are asked to work side by side in one of Homeboy Industry’s 9 social enterprises, such as their in-house cafe or bakery, where they learn that they are more similar than different. They also receive intensive therapy, 12 step support, tattoo removal, and the chance to transform their pain through work and relationships. Fr. Greg has created a therapeutic community where the focus on repairing attachment failures is primary. Upon completion of the program, the cycle of gang life has been broken, changing the course for the next generation. Fr. Greg lends his spiritual wisdom and belief in the possibility of healing a community rattled with hatred and distrust through the powerful idea of radical kinship. His second book has just been released -“Barking to the Choi

Fitness expert, personal trainer and author of “Find your Fit” shares her wisdom about the many possibilities of failures that happen in the world of health and fitness. She explores the pressure for perfection and how this contributes to complete overwhelm and shutdown when it comes to physical wellbeing. Kathleen takes a practical approach to finding ways to push through this discomfort in order to get centered, and come to a deeper understanding of your physical and emotional sense of self. She explores the idea of 3 C’s-Convenience, Consistency, Clarity...and how these ideas translate to regulating mood, managing life, and transcending failure. You can learn more about Kathleen at: www.kathleentrotter.com

Author and TEDTalk presenter David Raether, a former tv writer and father of 8, shares his rivetting story of becoming homeless. David had a thriving career as a comedy writer in tv, but took time off to care for his 8 children after his wife found herself struggling with depression. He stayed home for 2 years taking care of his family and when he tried to re-enter the world of comedy writing, he was unable to find work of any kind. After years of struggling, he spent his savings, foreclosed on his home, separated from his wife, and found himself homeless. He was able to secure housing for his children, but David secretly lived on the streets, alone, hiding the many failures he had endured. All the while, trying to find a way to care for his family while navigating his way out of homelessness. His narrative is filled with struggle, resilience, survival, awe and inspiration, both on a personal and familial level. David’s story is about a family persevering through a tremendous experience of failure, and coming

Kristin Neff, Ph.D, professor, researcher, and author, best known for her TED talk and book titled Self-Compassion, talks about how self compassion is a necessary ingredient to enduring failure. Simply put, being a kind and unconditional friend to yourself is self-compassion, and yet, it’s something people struggle to do on a daily basis. Self criticism and judgment is where most people land when life fails set expectations. As a leading expert on self-compassion, Dr. Neff explores how suffering, failure, and imperfection are part of the shared human experience, and lending this generosity to oneself during failure, is an essential part of growth. You can find out more about Dr. Neff's work at: http://self-compassion.org

Filmmaker and personal trainer Torrey Drake shares his painful past of being bullied as a child, starting in middle school and continuing on through high school.  Torrey describes the years of physical, emotional, and mental violence and aggression he experienced and the impact it had on his life, leading him to bully others as a way to cope. Torrey’s story is filled with failure, in terms of how the school system failed to protect him and how his friends failed to stand up for him, and yet, his ability to gain support from his parents and true friends, and learn ways to persevere and thrive, is a true inspiration. You can follow Torrey at: www.instagram.com/torreydrake

Bette Alkazian, a Marriage and Family Therapist, shares her personal and professional insight into the world of marriage. Bette talks about the incredible pressure for marriage to work, and when it fails, the shame that is so often experienced.  Her wisdom and wit about the often heavy topic of marriage brings to light what often fails in a marriage-the ability to communicate, connect, repair, and take ownership of conflict. Bette offers practical and insightful ways to navigate the challenges of marriage, while also looking at the failures in this powerful relationship as a gift for learning. Find out more about Bette at: www.balancedparenting.com  

Tom Papa is a stand-up comedian, actor, writer, producer, radio personality and podcaster. Through humor and wit, tom shares his journey navigating the world of stand up comedy and the inevitable feelings of failure that come along with the job. www.tompapa.com

Dr. Dan Siegel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute. He has written numerous best selling books and lectured around the world on his work in the field of interpersonal neurobiology. Dan takes the complicated workings of the brain and mind and offers a deeper understanding of the interplay, especially in relation to mindfulness in parenting. His approach to wellbeing, including the integration of a healthy brain and mind, and empathic, connected relationships is explored, as well as the disfunction that occurs when this fails. Dan’s research and expertise as a leading figure in the field of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry comes just at the right time, as the rise of childhood anxiety is at an alarmingly heightened pace, leading to a profound feeling of failure in so many relationships. Learn more about Dr. Siegel at: www.drdansiegel.com

Dr BJ Miller, hospice and palliative care specialist, shares his personal and professional insights into the world of dying. At age 19, BJ had a near death experience that left him with one arm amputated below the elbow and both legs amputated below the knee. In the throws of suffering and recovery, he learned about the humane side of healthcare and the need for deep care and connection during such a time of pain and uncertainty.  Seeing his recovery as transformational, as a gift, he became a doctor, with a  commitment to changing the way healthcare has failed people at the end of life. His story is remarkable and compelling, and his magnetism and compassion a powerful catalyst to help patients live life more fully, while dying. You can follow BJ here: https://twitter.com/bjmillermd And check out BJ's Ted talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/bj_miller_what_really_matters_at_the_end_of_life