Round The Back

This week the insufferable heat has got to the insufferable Dave and Joe, causing them to suffer, causing the quality of this episode to suffer. Is it a croissant? Is it a snail? Is it a sausage wrapped in bacon? Oh no, it’s an alien! (Hold on, no, it is a croissant).

Following on from last week, we discuss some other inanimate objects that one could copulate with, reveal that Chinese poems could end your career and discover that football mascots could be part of a secretive guild.

Can you legally marry a building, we ask? Also, a brand new feature on football transfers (with theme tune), and Joey Barton treats us to a titbit from his autobiography learning us that it wasn’t all his fault all of the time.

This week Dave and Joe discuss the possibility of tattooing a replacement penis, discover that Roger Moore would happily tackle eight pussies (or even nine) and … John Terry. Yep.

This week Dave and Joe find out why some referees ‘knead’ to make some extra ‘dough’, give an in depth review to the 2016/17 season, and explain why divers will be punished and possibly humiliated. WARNING! This episode may contain obscene puns.

This week Dave and Joe are pleased to announce that Jesus is actually back (playing football), seagulls may now be eating humans, and that betting is more punishable than Kung Fu attacks.

This week Dave and Joe discover what Chris Waddle was doing in a sausage factory, find out seagulls have jizz, and learn that the Premier League is under siege from the Avians.

This week Joe and Dave would like to confirm that Charlie Dimmock is not “the chunky Groundforce guy”, and discuss possible cast members for ‘Fearless’ (the Jamie Vardy movie) and provide undeniable proof that footballers may well be intelligent.

This week Dave and Joe provide evidence that proves footballers may well be stupid, discuss the tidal flows from the north coast of Scotland to the western coast of Norway, and reveal that you will not find dogs operating MRI machines.

This week we stand corrected by one of our listeners on beard watch, discuss how some beer can be literally shit, and get into the mind of ex hat-trick hero Robbie Earnshaw.

This week we welcome number 1 fan Dan who gives a well organised quiz (or something), Joe reveals an amazing fact about Alan Smith (not that one), and this last sentence contains no brackets. (Or nuts). This is nuts (oh, it does).

This week Joe recants a story about vomit and Sunday supplements, Dave shows off his Rain Man-esque knowledge of shirt numbers and then discuss football rules that don’t apply.

This week Dave and Joe try to work out if an Avocado is a vegetable, discover that impersonating Gael Kakuta could end in incarceration and we find out that Gareth Macauley is Johnny Evans’ errand boy… but why?

This week Dave and Joe discuss Gianluca Vialli’s mysterious foot, the mysterious second coming of the son of (a) God, and the fairytale of Gander Green Lane and the mysterious Pie Man.

This episode includes ACTUAL facts, how Dave met two Barry’s in one day, identical twin footballers, and we ask: are men who work in garages just dirty big perverts?

This week Joe wears a sexy Christmas jumper which you can’t see, we look back at the year and discuss Leicester City winning the league (spoiler alert!) and Joe questions Dave’s knowledge of the speed of light.

This week we learn that Jonny Evans is a savvy financial advisor in his spare time, protection from seagull attacks is not funded by UK taxpayers and talk about Dion Dublin’s new musical invention.

This week we discuss what is sinister about having a number two, why Gareth Southgate would be a terrible supply teacher and discover that vegans will NOT eat money (or candles).

This week we look at the reaction to England’s mannequins, why Robert Pires never became a long jumper and find out why people in Wigan aren’t needy.