Border Boss

In an episode where we've already been pre-called-out for our cavalier relationship to facts and history, we boldly march to the podium holding no notes apart from the Floorpunch textbook and filibuster extemporaneously on the comings and goings of the second band in our special and arbitrary South Carolina series, GUYANA PUNCH LINE.

Mortality, virality, and the uncertain nature of unprofitable survival are all wrapped up in tales of disaster as we begin our slow march through the 9th colony and 8th state to face ASSFACTOR 4.

Whisk away with us to an island of nightmares where we'll contemplate all the most incoherent and under-planned performances of both the prog jam swamp and the taco talk wasteland before opening up a fresh Excel window to help appreciate the significant digits of genre boundary disrespectors CANDIRIA.

Join is in preparing for a bold new age of squatting in small apartments in Adidas track suits with cigarettes, vodka and doctor sausage while scrambling to piece together some italian beef content for tiktok before hopping in our Lada to see BOYSETSFIRE at the student center.

Algorithm necromancy, human flight, and old god incantations against pestilence are all that we have available to us in our shrinking, failing world, but one document of dissection reminds us that you can always smoke. Have some WORD SALAD, it's all you can eat.

In this episode we hash out some some important survival strategies that you may actually find rewarding while living under a sky that rains planes down on you all day long. We also rack up another state on our desperate race to 50... can you believe how non-trivial it is to find 50 hardcore bands? But someone finally convinced us to skip the Slipknot episode and do MODERN LIFE IS WAR instead. Amazing!

This week we appreciate the sporting life with the lively arts of slapping, lamppost tossing, one-handed chili methods and the geolocation thereof before driving a pin directly into the capital of Utah in our fantasy travel map and then completely unrelatedly thinking about the pre-jazz post-hardcore stylings of hot ICEBURNS in your area.

This week we visit your cousin and check out his situation before a reading of names in honor of all the WWII guys who came home to weird cousins and stuff. This episode officially marks the beginning of our formal struggle to complete the USA map magnets on our RV by covering a band from every state we haven't hit yet. This month, Reno NV's THIS COMPUTER KILLS.

It hasn't been Halloween for months but your blood will run cold when the episode unexpectedly jump scares into spooky chat although now that I have spoiled this for you, you'll be all tense waiting for scares and won't have any fun. Aww man I really pooched it dude I'm sorry. Let's hit the gym and talk about Seattle's HIMSA instead.

The thin veneer of democracy peels away like delicately shredded layers of slow roasted chicken as we contemplate such 2020 topics as working from home and self improvement before doing the hard and honest work of listening to an incredibly serious record from deepest darkest Indiana ca. 1994, a rare fossil from our library that some prior intern has labeled ONCE AGAIN.

AUDIO PROBLEMS - One of us (no spoilers) has a very thumpy boomy mic today. It's luxurious and imported. Try to persevere over these bassy audio apparitions as we talk about subscription model appliances and wack-a-noodling the innocent bystander 6 feet behind you before setting sail across the Atlantic again to scrutinize the violent tendencies of the german doctors in BATTLE ROYALE.

This week we decide that the holidays must persevere despite the failings of local cinema and un-local food / foot crossovers. Some people experience charity by inviting in an unsavory relative or setting a plate for a houseless neighbor... for us it's listening to a fast hardcore band. So open your hearts and your wallets for the sake of Massachusetts hardcore all-stars SLEEPER CELL.

This week we open up a late christmas gift strictly 4 locals only then go all nights-after-dark on food reviewing before getting up to our necks in the Akron scene with often mentioned / never covered DON AUSTIN. Hey Don, do any of youse know the Waitresses? I am a huge fan!

It's the holiday season, so hoop-de-doo and dickory dock. This week we pay a visit to grandma's to ask her what people used to eat on Christmas in the 1400's then we devour all of the varied creams and special fishes in the house in preparation for god's favorite rust belt curators of every type of breakdown, Erie PA's xDISCIPLEx.

Drones, Dunes, Departures, Drinks... it's just a rollercoaster of a news cycle this week as we used the holidays as an excuse to briefly dissolve our only source of revenue and curl up in a miserable cave slowly building up uric acid in our bodies as the winter passes us by. Today's record is by a band adjacent to several legends, NYC's own HELL NO.

This week we join America and perhaps the world in general for literally the first thing we all agree on since probably Terminator 2 before contemplating the brutal sandblaster of time, same as every week. At some point we explore the deep, familiar wrinkles of 3 forgotten sons of Massachusetts who ground as hard as you could grind via the sweet 'n sour sounds of GUERNICA.

It's cyber week and you should be shopping and as respectors of high, slithering late capitalism, we agree to not take up too much of your time so REAL QUICK HERE'S GERMANY'S OWN DAWNBREED. Use coupon code DAWNBREEDSMOKEZ on amazon dot com to save 600% on slim trousers.

It's not easy bein' greazy this week as we prepare to eat large meals and become very lazy youtube thousandaires without lifting even a single finger. In celebration of this new pathway to wealth and independence, we crack open a rare french vintage to share with friends even if they don't drink because what's your problem, man? Don't you like xUPxRIGHTSx???

This week we gloat, gamble, and gorge on gorditas as a way to bedevil and delay the reaper's scythe of the First Seven Inch Club having to review a fast hardcore record. Oh you like fast hardcore? Well go sick y2k style to New Jersey's fast yung mayors, TEAR IT UP.

You never know how things are gonna turn out. You could live for almost 50 years with a body full of aneurysms and still make Thriller or you could look like a waterlogged bog corpse at age 24. But we're gonna keep doing what we do and so should you. We charged people money this week to hear a very troubling record so this one's on the house. ALL NATURAL LEMON & LIME FLAVORS.