Retro Old Time Radio

Late in the evening and Gracie is trying to put Herman the Duck to bed. He's too excited about Christmas to sleep, so Gracie tells him a bedtime story. It's a story about a wicked witch, Prince George, and Princess Gracie.   As Herman and Gracie begin to doze, thoughts of magic carpets run through her mind. As Gracie dreams, she sings to Herman as they fly on their magic carpet, on their way to the North Pole.   They arrive at the North Pole and meet Arthur Q Brian as Santa. Santa is upset because all his toys were stolen by a wicked witch. Bill Goodwin, playing Aladdin, had his magic lamp stolen by the witch, so he can't call on it to do his bidding. He at least gets to plug the sponsor, Swan Soap.   It's up to Gracie and Herman to use their magic carpet and find the witch. They spot a hitch hiker, George, and give him a lift. George has a conversation about vaudeville that seems familiar to Gracie. They encounter Tommy Tucker, actually Jimmy Cash, who sings for Gracie, Beautiful Dreamer.   Gracie

  Gracie gets sentimental as she puts up the Christmas tree. Gracie breaks the news that she has recruited George to play Santa Claus at the neighborhood pageant. The pageant director comes by to help convince George to take part.   If George refuses to be Santa, then who will? Gracie wants to ask Charles Lawton to volunteer, and goes to talk his wife into helping her. The two ladies compare notes on complaints about their husbands. After some truth stretching, Gracie gets the support she went looking for.   George goes to warn Charles that Gracie might try to rope into being in the pageant, and the guys conspire to take charge of their households. Of course, the real boss of the homes have other plans and put the guys in their place, if you know what I mean. Jimmy Cash sings, Fall. (or maybe it's Home, it is hard to hear Bill Goodwin, and either one might work.)   Charles and George lament over their lack of control over their wives. They decide to take a stand, and regain dominion over their house

Burns and Allen - Santa and the Wicked Pirate. 421222Opens with the Four Hits and a Miss singing, Santa Claus is Coming to Town.   Gracie is worried when her little duck, Herman hasn't come home yet. When he does come home, he has a disgruntled   neighbor after him. When the situation gets under control, Gracie lays down and dreams a Christmas dream.   You know it's a dream, when George is actually nice to Herman. They fly to the North Pole on Herman's back and visit   Santa, Arthur Q Brian. Santa is upset because a wicked pirate stole all his toys. Bill Goodwin, or is it Irving   Kringle? Sings a boogie woogie style song to promote the sponsor, accompanied by Santa.   George, Gracie, and Santa take to the skies in the sleigh to lWhen the pirates are spotted, a battle, with all guns   blazing, breaks out. The sleigh is shot down and lands on the deck of the pirate ship for a face to face   confrontation. The pirate casts a spell over George's voice, and he can sing just fine. Wow, he sounds just lik

Paul Whiteman with the Swan Quartet singing, Gay Ranchero, opens the show. Gracie is in the kitchen, talking to Martha the cook. Their conversation is interupted by a phone call for Gracie. She talks to Bessy about George, and Christmas gifts. Next, she has to deal with Herman the Duck about eating his veggies, and growing big muscles.   Bill Goodwin and Jimmy Cash stop in on their way to mail some Christmas packags. Herman is still poking around his lunch, and gets sent to his room. When George comes in, Gracie tells him about the new maid, and has the same trouble as Herman when it comes to eating lunch. Jimmy Cash sings, My Foolish Heart and I.   George and Gracie stand in line at the Post Office to mail some Christmas packages. Hey, maybe another line might move faster? George keeps moving to the back of the line as Gracie finds the supervisor. In her quest, Gracie puts in a plug to buy War bonds.   As Gracie and Bill try to help, George keeps finding himself at the back of the lines. Paul Wh

The show begins with an opening number by the orchestra, My Sugar Takes Me with a Grain of Salt. George and Gracie talk with each other, and the cast about presents to give for Christmas.   Gracie gets a phone call, and chats with her mom.   Tony Martin talks with Gracie about his films, and the love scenes he is in. At this time, Tony was married to Alice Faye. Tony sings, Lazy River. George and Gracie talk about their upcoming plans for Christmas. They recruit Tony into helping out with their Christmas play, based on the Christmas Carol. It starts right after Tony sings, Where Have You Been All My Life. Followed by an instrumental rumba.   As George plays Scrooge, the mean old miser of the airways, he is to be visited by the ghosts of radio. He has to face up to stealing all the jokes from the other radio comedians. They may not have the actual radio comedians, but they do have someone trying to do impersonations of them.   To wrap up the show Gracie sings, I Love You from Coast to Coast.   Bonus

  Sponsored by Spam. Announcer, Bud Heston, Bandleader, Artie Shaw. Vocals by the Smoothies. Starring George Burns and Gracie Allen.   Gracie tells George about the film she saw with Bud at the Paramount theater. George shows off a little of his dancing prowess. It's all to help promote the film that features Artie Shaw appearing with Fred Astaire.   The play is about to kick off, but Gracie has forgotten the scripts. As she tries to remember, she goes into a long chain of events. Artie Shaw plays a tune.   Afterward, Gracie is still trying to retrace her steps, and remember what happened to the scripts. The guitarist, Senor Lee, complains about the show, and starts a spree of talking in rhyme. . Finally, Gracie figures she mailed the scripts as Christmas gifts. The whole gang sets out to the post office.   The disgruntled sound man is played by Elliot Lewis. He's always upset because he has a college degree, while others on the show have little schooling. Yet, he slams doors for a living.   At the

The exact title of this show is unknown, at least to me. The show is most likely, Christmas Plays, Wonders to Perform. And the episode title is probably, Learning a Lesson. Or Christmas Lesson.   In the big city, George works at his typewriter, cranking out his next creation. Dorothy Lamour is the big time, popular actress. Work has driven their personal lives apart, but she wants to do something as a family for Christmas.   When her agent has her booked for an event, she is forced to send a letter to the boarding school to tell her daughter, Sally, that She'll have to stay at school for the holiday. Naturally, the girl is upset, and is determined to get home, even if she has to travel alone.   Troubles are piled on when a huge snow storm brings travel to a crawl, if not to a stop. Even phone lines are down.   The equally determined mom decides to go get her daughter despite the work obligations, and storm. The problem is that the girl has already left. Is there hope that Sally can be found? How wi

The famous comic strip comes to life as Ken Niles announces.   On this nice bright morning, Alexander heads off to school. The doorbell rings with a package that's delivered COD by Mel Blanc. It takes some time for Blondie to rummange through her purse for the cash. What can the package be? It's an item for someone else, but the delivery man leaves before they figure it out. What now? The only thing to do is to deliver it to the rightful owner. After a bit of conversation, she just doesn't want it afterall. Now what?   The return to the delivery company can be done, but only if all the redtape, and paperwork is submitted. They could take the table back to the retailer, but it involves a bus ride with the big table to invonvenience everyone.   Musical Interlude is Jerry Walls and his orchestra playing, I'm Coming Virginia.   Blondie and Dagwood finally make it to the department store where they get the run around. Fed up with the lack of service, Dagwood tries to make a little sale in the sto

A Retro Musical Extravaganza. Presented entirely by the Retrobots, with a little help. A full hour of various collected love songs from the era of old time radio. The original play list was so long, it could have easily filled a second hour. Instead, the audio quality has been boosted a little so this will be a larger file. I hope you enjoy. Please make comments, and let me know what you think about seeing more, or fewer of these kinds of shows.   Playlist:   1. When Pa Was Courting Ma. Tex Beneky, Glenn Milller. 1938. 2. Almost Like Being in Love. Mildred Bailey. 3. I Can't Get Started With You. Skinny Ennis, Hal Kemp. 4. Why Doesn't Somebody Tell Me These Things. Marian Hutton, Glenn Miller. 1938. 5. Blues in the Night. Johnny Mercer, Ella May Morris, Pied Pipers. 1944. 6. Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby. Ozzie Nelson. 7. Rainy Day. Leah Raye, Phil Harris. 1933. 8. From the Top of Your Head. Hal Kemp. 9. I Must Have That Man. Ben Selven. 1928. 10. Extraordinary Gal. Phil Harris. 1933. 11.

Charlie talks it up about getting ready to marry tonights guest, Marilyn Monroe. Band leader Ray Noble is jealous. Edgar faces the future without having Charlie in the house. Plenty of marriage jokes go around.   Ray plays while his vocalists sing, Underneath the Live Oak Tree. Mortimer Snerd talks with Edgar about his pets, and the latest news about Charlie and Marilyn. Edgar wants Mortimer to take over and fill in for Charlie, but Mortimer has some trouble understanding what he means. The conversation turns to attending the wedding.   The big moment draws near, and the gang meet in the chapel. Ray Noble's vocalists sing, Bahiya. As Charlie waits for Marilyn to show up, Edgar tries to give him some last minute advice. Edgar has a hard time with the birds and bees talk.   Marilyn gets to the chapel, but will she go through with it? Riots break out in the street. Radio news reports give the tragic news of brokenhearts all over the world. To help keep things quiet, Marilyn suggest they elope and go

People Are Funny was a show full of crazy stunts that host, Art Linkletter had people do. To get started, a lady wants to raise money, but gets the job of taking something to a pawn shop. What is the crazy twist to this simple task? Art makes it so convenient to include a pawn broker in the studio audience, but will she put her husband into hock? All she has to do is pay back $1100 for a $1000 loan, while the man has to live in the pawn shop window for the week it takes to raise the cash to buy him back.   After the commercial, Art goes to the mail bag for the next stunt. Can a woman tell who wrote a love letter, just by smelling it? He lets her off the hook and reads the contents of the love note. Three men of differing ages are provided to choose from, and even ask questions. Can the lady pick the right man? Can you guess?   After the commercial, a couple from a previous show return. They had been matched together by the UNIVAC. an early computer. A short movie is shown to see how well they remember detai

Luigi writes his mama to tell her about brand names of products. As confusing as life can be, he's just happy to be living here.   Pasquali fast talks Luigi and before he knows it he's trapped into marrying Pasquali's fat daughter Rosa. To hasten the deal, and without Luigi's knowledge, Pasquali sent out invitations.   Luigi's friends in his English as a Second Language class feel sorry for him and filibuster the wedding. All the speeches are intended to wear everybody down.   It begins to work. With guests, and justice of the peace gone, Pasquali calls off the wedding.   Bonus Track: Connie Haines. 1944. Why Couldn't It Happen to Us? 

  A futuristic show about the 21st century, and robots, and both some benefits, and drawbacks of such appliances that are designed to make life easier. We may not exactly have robots yet, but computers certainly can behave like this.   A man browses through a catalog of do it yourself kits. He settles on a kit to build a robot dog. Hey, they already have robot dogs, but just not in a kit to build your own.   The package comes, but it's too big for a dog. It turns out to be a regular robot. Just what the wife would rather have, for helping out with the chores. Trouble is that robots are much more expensive than dog-bots. The man knows he should do the right thing, and return the package, but curiosity leads him to build it. You know, just to make sure he can say he built it. Then, he just has to power it on, just to make sure it will work. Then once the robot is on, and since he is so eager to please, they put him to work doing chores. Albert the robot just takes to it non stop, no worries. What

  A radio play of Edgar Alan Poe's short story, the Black Cat. The story is one that starts at the end, and a man who is sentenced to the gallows. In flashback, Peter Lorre recounts the story of how he arrived to this point.   Peter Lorre is a man who loved animals. One day his wife brings home a little black kitten. The kitten grew, and became the favorite, but somehow the man's temperament changed. The once happy couple has been torn apart by the bursts of anger and hatred from the man.   Cat lovers be warned. irrational behavior increases until the man treats the cat mean, and eventually kills the once beloved cat. See I told you to be warned.   Soon tragedies multiply. Their house burns down. Nothing is left, except one wall with what appears to be the image of the black cat burned into it.   The man goes to a pub to drown his sorrows, and finds another black to adopt. Peter Lorre plays the tormented, and unstable mental state with all it's mood swings to perfection. He loves the cat, he h

Good News was a variety show that presented an hour of entertainment. This show features the usual cast: Jimmy Stewart, Baby Snooks, Frank Morgan. This edition features songs from the recently released musical hit film, Rosalie.   The show starts with Jimmy Stewart, who wants to open with an accordian solo. Instead, Meredeth Willson, the bandleader kicks off with his own arrangement. Baby Snooks is up next as she drives her daddy, Hanly Stafford nuts. Snooks tries on hats. You just gotta love those crazy hat styles from back in the 1930's and 40's.   Jimmy acts as Emcee to a Rosalie party with folks from MGM. Louie B Mayer has a few words to express gratitude for movie fans. He introduces that great barritone, Nelson Eddie to sing a medley of the Army and Navy fight songs: When the Kaisons Go Marching Along, and Anchors Aweigh.   Fannie Brice, as Baby Snooks, wants Louie Mayer to read her a story. He summarizes the story of Rosalie. She gives him a hard time over who Santa Claus is.   Laura Ma

Enjoy another Scary Halloween treat.   A radio show sponsor is to give away as a contest prize, a mechanical man, a robot. XR23 is 6 feet tall, made of metal, yet with human like features. The robot responds to voice requests, even in doing the most petty of tasks. The radio DJ tries to show how gentle the robot can be the robot still needs some tweaks in that department.   Happy Sam, the happy man goes into his on air spiel. Hey, how about those Krylon suits. I wonder if that's where Krylon paint got its name? Michael the Mechanical Man takes center stage. Don't you just love the way that computator made the selection for the winner? Two way TV sets? I wonder if that is supposed to be the Internet?   The story shifts to the couple who won. The wife has some mental insability, and too much excitement might upset the apple cart of her mind. As she gets braced to recieve the prizes her husband goes to get Michael the Mechanical Man. I think her neighbor lady friend is a tiny bit jealous of her w

A rocket ship has blasted off, manned with a one man crew. As the astronaut is well on his way to the moon for the first exploration there, he gets a radio message to change plans. It seems that in the race for space, the Russians have beat him there by 2 days. The worst of it is, that they have claimed the moon for themselves.   What's a astronaut to do? His instructions are to avoid a world wide incident, and just do a fly by of the moon, and return home. Instead, he defies the political machine, and lands anyway. Even the sole Russian astronaut on the moon puts on a hostile front.   It soon becomes clear that the Russian is having problems. His survival is in danger. Hey, it would be no big deal to leave an enemy to his own fate. It would be just one more tiny thread in the tapestry of national animosity. Defiant to the end though, the American astronaut breaks rules to do the right thing, despite what is politically correct.   No Bonus Tracks Today: Just Keith flapping his gums about show

In a rustic mountain cabin hideaway, a young woman finds her lover cowering in a room. What is the trouble? Her insistence forces him to calm down enough to the tell the story behind his vanishing, and current condition.   Flashback to a scene where the assistant agrees to accompany the professer, and an indian guide on an exploration of the Grand Canyon, and some unexplored caverns there.   The professor tells about a little known custom of the plains indians locking people in caves as a trial of manhood. A strange rock formation seems to offer the chance to investigate that legend. It means blasting away a landslide, and checking it out. The findings prove something else though.   A wagon train has been found that is estimated to be at least a hundred years old. Maybe there's nothing to the legend, or maybe something else that is unexpected begins to develop. Here's some hints. Get ready for savage killings, horrors in the bowels of the earth, and a narrow escape.   But remember that openi

On the Pennsylvania Turnpike, a traveller has stopped at a gas station. He has money that is out of date, namely he's trying to use a "worthless" old gold piece, and everyone knows the nation has switched to the new Silver standard. Holy cow! Somehow I don't think a gold coin goes out of date, gold is gold afterall. Silly store clerk, someone should tell him about these things.   Historical note: For years the gold standard had the price of gold locked at $20 per ounce, and that was the weight of gold coins. Shortly after going to the silver standard, the price of gold floated up to around $30 to $50 or so. Once the silver standard was done away with,m and the dollar wasn't backed by anything, gold prices flew through the roof, and now hovers around a thousand dollars per ounce. So... if any strange travellers out there want o offload a gold coin or two on me, I won't argue.  Back to the story.   A fellow traveller stops by and catches the old man's attention. Things about the old man are noti

A man has been acquitted for charges of manslaughter. One person monitering the well publicized trial seems to think the man was falsley acquitted. Being a retired judge, he feels it his duty to take matters into his own hands. The man is invited to a luncheon, he presumes it is to be a victory party. The old judge has other plans that sound a little more disturbing.   The worried wife talks to police, but three days later, there's still no sign of her husband. The police do notice a trend of missing persons who had just been acquitted of various crimes. There's definitley something going on, but all they need is just the right break to figure it out. They get it when the son has something to say.   Meanwhile, is there any hope for our man, and the others that are also being held captive? Some of his captives have been there for years.   Is the old judge right? Is he being fair? I suppose it's all a matter of opinion, however he is indeed breaking the law when he takes it into his own hands t