Smalley Marriage Radio

“You just don’t understand why I’m right.” “I wish you would try to see this from my perspective.” “Why cant you let me have this one?” If you have ever found yourself thinking or saying any of these phrases, you may want to stay tuned. Then, at the end of today’s show bc I’m in California I’m going to share something with you that may make you never want to visit Disney ever ever ever again.

A recent study has revealed that people who are more socially connected generally lead healthier lives than those who are more isolated. This is all well and good, but the question we are going to raise today is, how do we become someone others want to get to know? Stay tuned to find out how. If you want to be the kind of person other people are attracted to, then you need to become that person for someone else. The trap we tend to fall into is we tend to isolate and close ourselves off out of a fear of being rejected. Instead of becoming more and more isolated, make the extra effort to be the person you wish others were for you. Be thankful, kind, loving and serving to others and I promise, you will immediately see a difference in all your relationships. Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/smalleyinstitute/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/MichaelandAmy/ Twitter https://twitter.com/Michael_Smalley

On today’s show we discuss one method that may cause you to look at the people you live with a little differently.  It’s that time of the year pod cast listeners; cold and flue season is back with a vengeance and many are trying anything and everything to ease their aches and pains. From essential oils to detox diets, people are trying some crazy things to quickly rid themselves of their symptoms. On today’s show, we will discuss one method that may cause you to look at the people you live with a little differently. And lastly, at the end of the show for our Totally Unrelated Distraction of the Day, two people break into a home in Canada. I’m going to give Amy the rest of this story at the end of the show today and I’m betting that she will totally support this home invasion…Canadian style.

Today is a special day because I got to interview Seth and Melanie Studley! They have the Anatomy of Marriage Podcast that is a huge success! They share things you just don't normally hear from a couple, especially where one of them is a licensed marriage and family therapist! Don't miss out on this episode.  It's a new take on couples therapy and relationship advice.  “This is the podcast that we wish we could have had 9 years ago when our marriage was falling apart!”  Seth & Melanie Studley

Let’s talk about the social behind social media, what you think you know may surprise you, and what you don’t...well that’s what we’re gonna talk about today. Along with a new segment we are calling “A Completely Unrelated Distraction of the Day” where I will share with you fun, strange, inspirational and often times totally unbelievable news from around the world.  Wait till you hear what a pizza delivery guy did for someone in hospice. Amy Morin, PsychologyToday.com wrote, "Throughout the last couple of decades, our ability to connect with people around the globe has exploded. Initially, the internet allowed us to chat, join newsgroups, or email anyone in the world. The invention of cellphones allowed us to talk to people when we were away from our desks and outside of our homes.  Then, social networks allowed us to connect with our neighbors, childhood pals, college buddies, and co—workers with a click of a button. Finally, smartphones made it easier than ever to connect with anyone we wante

Serving others is the greatest tool for influencing them and setting them up to change for the better.  There is no greater act of love than to serve and what we’ve learned throughout this 28 day journey is that love transforms.  So what kind of servant should you be?  "We weren’t created to be warm, safe, and comfortable. You and I were made to be 'turned on'—to put our love to work, to apply our patience in difficult, trying situations..." (Ted Engstrom)  

The benefits of being a disciple and discipleship are overwhelming! Joy, peace and happiness result from following Jesus Christ, together with the hope of being like him and with him in heaven. “Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. 20 Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20  The heart of Jesus is that his disciples go out to all the world and make more disciples.  

"So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God." Matthew 5:23-24 NLT In v23 Jesus is likely talking about someone you have legitimately offended.  You probably did do something wrong and you need to go immediately and make it right.  Jesus says there’s more to this commandment than simply not murdering. We must tackle our anger by forgiving each other. Even if we are at the most sacred moment of our year—poised to offer a gift to God—forgiveness is more important. We must leave our gift and make peace with the person with whom we are so angry. (Knowles, Andrew. The Bible Guide.)  

Jesus is demanding a radical kind of love, to forgive when they don’t deserve it. Peter’s question in v21 comes from the teaching in verses 15-20.  One of the new things I learned here was that the typical rabbinic consensus was that you would need to forgive a brother three times.  But Jesus radically challenges this idea.  Not three but seven times seventy! "Jesus does more than forbid vengeance; he transposes a cry of revenge (see Gen. 4:15, 23–24) into a call for forgiveness. Whether he says “seventy-seven times” (NIV) or “seventy times seven” (NIV marg.), his words reject a calculating, quantitative approach to forgiveness. Love within the church “is expressed by an indefatigable capacity to forgive the brethren.”25 The ensuing parable illustrates the lesson." (Chamblin, J. Knox. “Matthew.” Evangelical Commentary on the Bible.)  

"The picture of forgiveness in verse 38 is of a measuring jar in which the corn is pressed down so that it will hold more, shaken together so that every crack is filled, and poured over the top so that it overflows. Just as God has generously given to his own, so the disciple should give an overflowing amount to others." “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37

Imagine going to the doctor's office for a check-up. The doctor says to you, "You are a magnificent physical specimen. You have the body of an Olympian. You are to be congratulated." Later that day while climbing the stairs, your heart gives out. You find out later your arteries were so clogged that you were like one jelly doughnut away from the grim reaper. You go back to the doctor and say, "Why didn't you tell me?" The doctor says, "Well, I knew your body is in worse shape than the Pillsbury doughboy, but if I tell people stuff like that, they get kind of offended. It's kind of bad for business. They don't come back. I want this to be a safe place where you feel loved and accepted." You'd be furious! You'd say to the doctor, "When it comes to my body, I want the truth!" (Illustration by John Ortberg)  

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 (NLT). Peace is the birthright of every believer in all circumstances. It is found only in God and is maintained through having a close relationship with him. The point here is to find peace, rest in Jesus before ever trying to obey his commands.  Otherwise law keeping becomes a terrible bondage. Many whom Jesus addresses are weary and burdened precisely because of their efforts to keep the Law (cf. Acts 15:10). Jesus grants rest to his people by giving them his law (vv. 28–29)! In fact, the subject of the very next passage is that God revealed the fourth commandment to grant rest (the meaning of the word sabbath). Jesus’ yoke is easy!

Carl Lundquist in Silent Issues of the Church, writes:  Henry Wingblade used to say that Christian personality is hidden deep inside us. It is unseen, like the soup carried in a tureen high over a waiter’s head. No one knows what’s inside—unless the waiter is bumped and he trips! Just so, people don’t know what’s inside us until we’ve been bumped. But if Christ is living inside, what spills out is the fruit of the Spirit.  "Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace."  Romans 8:5–6 NLT    

Anyone who has lived or worked in a skyscraper knows tall buildings sway in the wind. There’s no danger; the engineers know it will happen, but the sway is uncomfortable for people inside. When engineers and architects designed Citicorp Center in New York, they decided to do something about it.  At the top of the fifty-nine story building, they installed a machine called a tuned mass damper. The machine, writes Joe Morgenstern in New Yorker magazine, “was essentially a four-hundred-and-ten-ton block of concrete, attached to huge springs and floating on a film of oil. When the building swayed, the block’s inertia worked to damp the movement and calm tenants’ queasy stomachs.”  When the winds of life gust around us, there is a stabilizing force in the heart of every believer that calms his or her fears. It is trust in God.  “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.” John 14:1  

Some of you are not going to like this one because it’s something you struggle with everyday.  Personally this is finally something I don’t really struggle through a lot.  I think my blessing is that I’ve gone through so many insane things that it has made it easier for me not to freak out about the future.  However, let’s not bring up:  self-discipline, thoughts, lying and a whole bunch more!  The point is take a deep breath and trust Him.  All of us are in the same boat dealing with the waves of this fallen world.  But if worrying about the future is your thing, the truth is that uneasiness and anxiety about the future is a faith problem and grounded in a lack of trust in God and what he has promised.  

The difficulties and struggles of your relationship are going to tempt you to give up.  The evil one is going to flood your mind with thoughts like, “Does God even love me?  This is never going to get better.  I can’t keep doing this!”  Never stop praying.  Never stop believing.  Never stop hoping in Jesus. Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-3  

For me this statement, isn’t just about prayer.  Even though yesterday we talked about how important prayer is and how it should be the beginning, middle and end of everything we do. Jesus suffered.  If you keep reading in Matthew 26:36 you can see how his best friends in life let him down.  They just couldn’t stay awake.  Jesus Christ’s life was characterised by suffering.  There are two things you need to learn today, two things that can free you from suffering.  

"That does not mean that one needs to be persistent because God is reluctant to give. The point of the parable is not that God, like the person in the house, must be persuaded to give. Just the opposite. One needs to be persistent because God longs to give good gifts to his children, and he is sure to answer." (Schreiner, T. R.) “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” Luke 11:9 A Beautiful Garden of Prayer by James Henry Fillmore and Eleanor Allen Schroll in 1920: There’s a garden where Jesus is waiting, There’s a place that is wondrously fair. For it glows with the light of His presence, ‘Tis the beautiful garden of prayer. In my own life, and what I’ve often heard from others, “I’ve got nothing left but to pray...”.   When are we going to stop treating prayer as a “last resort”? It should be the primary way we work on change for ourselves and others.  

“But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.” Matthew 5:39 Obeying the commands is a heart issue. If you don’t make it a heart issue, you’ll do your best to find a way around the commands of Jesus. We can’t ignore these demands by Jesus.  Obedience is the fruit of loving Jesus. How does Jesus want you to love others? ?We are no longer under the rule of reciprocity! This is about freedom from hurt and unmet expectations.  You actually don’t have to hit back, you can walk in freedom because of what Jesus did for you. In Jesus you are: Defended Restored Healed Set free Redeemed Cared for You are loved! You are accepted! You matter! And now go and give what you have received to others!

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.” Matthew 7:12 In chapter 7:1-12 Jesus is addressing your attitude toward others and God, specifically being judgmental. There’s two types of judging: Hypocritica Healthy Once you get your own junk, how you approach others about theirs will be different, more compassionate and understanding. You know that God is the actual judge and you are merely trying to help out a fellow disciple of Jesus. How does Jesus want you to love others? Positive acts of love defeat a judgmental spirit. This one statement is a grand summary of all that Jesus taught about relationships with others. He wants you to be Compassionate Forgiving Understanding Empathic Frankly! All the things you are wanting from others! It’s really about turning your complaints about other people and how they are treating you into acts of love for them.   How is this possible? Trusting in Jesus that he will