Something Like Marriage

Morning and evening rituals invite connection in your relationship. They can be as simple or as complex as the two of you would like. Jon and I enjoy simple ways of connecting - a cup of coffee with a kiss in the morning and talking while snuggling at night. Some couples enjoy sharing gratitudes, checking in on how they are feeling, or enjoying an evening walk together. Be creative to find something that works for the two of you. The hope is that morning and evening rituals encourage us to be present with one another. As we share in this episode, Jon considers himself a quiet morning person, while I am naturally a more peppy morning girl myself! I am learning how to enjoy quiet moments with writing and meditation. While Jon finds having personal routines creates peace in his day. We both agree that keeping expectations low and finding a simple rhythm is important in our relationship. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Hans Vivek) Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed t

In realizing we cannot be everything to our spouse or partner all of the time, developing our individual spirituality has been helpful. In times where we need to look outside of ourselves and our relationship, we can believe in a loving life force energy to care for us. Some may call this God, The Universe, or another loving name. In this episode, we talk about how our spirituality has supported our relationship. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Mohamed Nohassi) (True Facts is the ridiculous science show we referenced) Subscribe & Review in iTunes Are you subscribed to our podcast? If not, we would love to have you! We are adding to our relationship episodes by the week and want to keep you connected to the community. Click here to subscribe in iTunes! If any of our ramblings have been helpful to your relationship, we would be grateful if you would let us know by leaving a review on iTunes. Such reviews are how others find our podcast and we learn more about how the podcast has been

Non-sexual touch in a relationship can look like many things from holding one another to a kiss. It is touch of connection and affection without the intention leading to sex. When relishing in touch such as long three-minute hugs or thirty-second kisses, oxytocin and endorphins are released. They help to bond us to one another and to lessen our stress and anxiety. The only problem is, non-sexual touch for some of us may not feel so loving. In this episode, Jon shares he is all about this long indulgence of touch, while I am more cautious. I love being near him and cuddling, and I also have some touch which creates a feeling of being trapped for me. We talk about how it is important to distinguish what non-sexual touch looks like for your relationship, and what kind feels loving. I resented the stereotype that all men had the intention that when they touched you it was to get sex or be sexual. The truth is that everyone longs for non-sexual touch, and it is a need we have. Jon shares, "I res

My husband won't talk to me, our listener states. We can relate to a gap in our own communication. In our relationship, before we made changes, we did not communicate all of our deepest feelings with one another. It was way too personal and vulnerable. It wasn't that we didn't want to talk to one another about the deeper stuff, we just didn't know how. So, If you haven't had practice at sharing your feelings before, where do you start? First, prepare to feel awkward and uncomfortable. Just like learning a new job, or a new activity, you are coming in as a beginner. Just like learning a new sport, be open and curious about the skills needed and commit to practicing.Jon and I started by both admitting to one another that we were deficient in sharing feelings. We also agreed to the fact we were both going to suck at first. So, we created a safe place where we were not going to make fun of each other as we tried like children to speak the language of emotion. If I did it wrong, I knew I wouldn't be ridic

We went out on the town in Portland, Maine. I was going a little crazy with all of the unusual rain and clouds this summer. The RV gets pretty small when all five of us are inside with no sun in sight. The funny thing about this episode is that I totally changed the format of the podcast outline on Jon, and even during our pre-meeting, we were both on a different page entirely! He thought the story of meeting the two guitarists at the restaurant was just the pre-show banter, while I had thought we both understood it was the main lead into the episode! It was a communication disaster. The good news is, we rebounded and continued the show, something new for us during this process. I usually shut down and then we have to reboot another day. We rallied on and talked about how sharing your gifts can bring you joy as well as those you share it with. Sometimes we think we are unqualified to share our passions with others. In reality, when we share our gifts with each other it connects us all and gifts the world.

Are you comparing your relationship on Facebook to other couples on vacation or celebrating a romantic night out? Yah, I can relate. I might snuggle into bed after finishing my evening chores and spot a Facebook notification on my phone. Which then leads into my endless and mindless scrolling. It can also lead to something I am really good at, comparing. It really depends on how mindful and peaceful I am at that moment on the effect the scrolling can have on me. Perhaps, I had a difficult day and now I am comparing my personal challenges to someone's lifetime achievement. I could leave that experience with a poor me attitude and negative self-talk. The same is true if I was feeling disconnected in my relationship and compared that to a couple's smiling faces in Hawaii while they were having the time of their life! Look at all of the fun they were having and here I am again at home with a sore back and Netflix. Staying in reality, we can acknowledge that most of us post photos of our relationship during the

Running in flip-flops in the rain is probably not the best idea. I fell down and then decided on accepting who I am. Jon talks about how he has learned to accept that he will always have ideas for songs to create, but may never really get around to creating that rock or Reggae hit. Some things are easier to accept about ourselves than others. It takes time to accept our deeper weaknesses and flaws as we become aware. I will remember my swollen knee the next time I decide to attempt flip-flop running! (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Dương Nhân) Stream "Accepting Who We Are"  Relationship Podcast Gems: "The only ideas that are really going to happen are the burning desires of my heart." ~ Jon Read this article on cultivating self-acceptance, 12 Ways to Accept Yourself Learn more about Jema's story on episode 22 about sexual anorexia. Your Next Steps: If you love us like Ron Swanson does, leave us a rating and review on iTunes or your favorite player.  :) Join our email list for new epis

We cover three main ways to create safe spaces for loving conversation -  decide your loving guidelines, choose a physical space and an emotionally safe space. Loving Guidelines Here is an example of the loving guidelines we have created. No yelling. No swearing. No blaming. No threatening divorce or abandonment. No leaving. No using what is shared to hurt the person in the future. Physical Space Considerations a space without distractions, TV or kids. set a time of day as a cut-off for having deep discussions. a private space or a public space. relaxed postures, not one person standing over another. what environment feels the most loving - couch, table, in bed, outside. Emotional Safe Space Considerations As the speaker: • Using I statements I feel ____ when this happens. • Avoid using “you” to place blame on the other person. • Keep the sharing about your thoughts and feelings. As the listener: • be in a state of no judgment. • open to let the other person talk without interr

In this episode of our marriage podcast Something Like Marriage, we ask three questions to learn more about one another.   (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Andre Benz)   Stream "Three Questions"    Podcast Gems: Asking your partner/spouse three questions can create a deeper connection.     Your Next Steps: Join our free private Facebook Community Join our email list for new episodes and articles.

This was a challenging episode for me as I describe living a secret life of shame and sexual anorexia in marriage. I had experienced sexuality that was unwanted and confusing when I was young. I had feelings of arousal, fear, and shame like Jon described on I Feel Uncomfortable Talking About Sex that I dealt with through repression. It was a way I could bury my thoughts and desires in a place where it would remain unconscious. As I walked through life, it seemed that there was something wrong with me, something broken in me because I kept getting into situations with men that were unloving. I felt like I was marked. And with each experience, I would lock it away in my Secret Room which added more motivation to my sexual anorexia. Sexual anorexia refers to the compulsive avoidance of sexual nourishment and intimacy. A refusal of emotional and sensual input in order to keep the unexplored trauma hidden along with chaotic feelings and anxiety. I would deny myself intimacy, and only understood my way of coping

I am going to be honest, I feel uncomfortable talking about sex. Sex was not really a topic we had practice talking about with anyone. While Jon was caught up in a cycle of abstinence and binging, I was in my own cycle of repression and avoiding. Jon's work in therapy was to begin talking openly about his sexual experiences and his guilt and shame about his sexuality. He found the practice to be freeing and healing. His dark secret and life with porn were now known, and he used the opportunity to develop a healthy adult relationship with sex. While I was in the therapy group with other women related to Jon's secret life, the work we did in the group was centered around my self-care and not being obsessed with what Jon was or wasn't doing in his life. I had no practice sharing anything about sex, and wanted it that way! I find it to be difficult to talk about sex because it can be painful for me. There is a barrier for me to walk through when discussing my own sexuality or even engaging in sex. The work I

Answering the question about why do men hide their feelings, and challenging this idea. We also relate how men and women are alike in not sharing their vulnerable feelings such as sadness, shame, guilt, and fear. Culture seems to have a role to play in what are acceptable emotions for a man to express. As children, we expressed a spectrum of feelings as emotional beings. When we were happy we screamed with delight, laughed, and jumped up and down. When we were sad we cried, had tantrums, and yelled. Somewhere along the way some of us learned certain emotions were okay to share such as anger or joy, and others were to be controlled. Why do men hide their feelings? Jon talks about how he learned early on it wasn't safe to share those vulnerable feelings such as sadness because it would be meddled with in some way. As his wife, I wasn't safe to share those feelings with for quite some time. We had to learn how to identify our feelings, express them, and to be safe for one another. Our first practice took place

A good story from our own experience about letting go of the outcome. We took the family to Cedar Point, the roller coaster capital of the world! The favorite ride was Steel Vengeance, their new hybrid coaster built from wood and steel. I could get all carried away with the fun we had there, but it would be better storytelling for you to just listen. The theme park challenged me in so many ways from fear of heights too, yes, letting go of the outcome. Just like twisting upside down and trusting the safety harness on your chest to keep you in, we must trust in our own ride of life. We talk about how fear and critical voices can keep us from creating, speaking our truth, or doing our own healing work. Letting go of the outcome can also help us enjoy the present moment with the people we love. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson)  Stream "Letting Go of the Outcome"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Helpful as a creative to let go of negative outcomes or critical hecklers. Not in control of the recovery work Jon was

Both of us had high anxiety throughout our childhood and adulthood. We thought such high anxiety was a normal part of life. Our anxiety seemed to be motivated by people pleasing, insecurity, and wondering, am I okay? The world was uncertain and this was our coping. Jon and I experienced a period of time where we peaceful and then the anxiety came back with force when we decided to live in the RV. Then, we felt pressure on our chest, that stabbing pain in our backs. The experience really encouraged us to help one another through the unknown. Presently, we are in a transition with our oldest leaving the home (RV), Jon looking for work, and financial pressure. We notice our bodies are talking to us once again about our anxious feelings. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Hailey Reed)  Stream "Dealing With Anxiety Together"  Relationship Podcast Gems: Our awning blew off. That brought on some anxiety! Learning to take people at their word, after all, they are grownups. Jema does better with an

We have had quite the journey from having separate sex lives to learning to talk about sex. At the beginning of our relationship, we kept our sexuality to ourselves and crossed paths to have sex. We didn't discuss it or really share with one another our inner desires. I checked it off like another chore from my list of things to do and later learned of my disassociating during sex. Jon was afraid to share his sexuality and the secrets that surrounded it. A marriage crisis in 2008, motivated counseling and through therapy, we learned to communicate our sexuality and heal. It has been a long journey and one that is still difficult. The more we let one another into our thoughts and desires around sexuality the more profound our relationship has become. We will continue to share more about sex in our desire to help couples have conversations and deeper connections. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Pablo Heimplatz)  Relationship Podcast Gems: In our early relationship, we had separate sex lives.

Finding common interests as a couple can lead to more fun and adventure. Every relationship is like a unique fingerprint, with each couple deciding what they want their relationship to look like. Some couples have very different interests and live more independently, while others do everything together, or a balance of both. Sometimes our partners or spouses don't know it is our desire to connect and spend more time together. Also, we may assume things about one another that are untrue or believe the same interests of the past are the same in the present. Talking about your interests can lead to more adventures together whether that is trying out a new restaurant or a new country. The possibilities are endless and up to you two. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Pablo Heimplatz)  Relationship Podcast Gems on Finding Common Interests: Becoming aware of your own interests and developing them. Talking about your individual interests together. Try something new to both of you. Decide how do

As with any lifestyle, there are also challenges of RV living with kids. Living in an RV has now become a familiar way of life for us, and there are times when the challenges of it all motivate our family to take a vacation from traveling in the motorhome. Fulltime RV living has been a loving choice for our family with the benefits outweighing the difficulties. Today, we talk about how we have adapted to life year round in a camper amidst the critters, freezing rain, and weekend cookouts in our bedroom. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Samantha Amidon ) Relationship Podcast Gems: Living in an RV is not like being on vacation :) Everyone seems to have their special chill spot, with a set of headphones for coping purposes. Seeing family can be difficult (we tend to connect through messaging or Skype sometimes) We face weather and other environmental challenges such as earthquakes, snow, and severe storms. Small spaces like the dreaded pots and pans cabinet that we curse....gahhh... It

There are so many benefits of RV living with kids. Our plan was to sell our life and live in a motorhome for only one year after the sale of our house. We soon realized that raising our children in a small space encouraged us to become more connected with one another. We were also having more fun! In the beginning, we thought the amazing places we visited would be the best part of our RV adventure but soon found that it was more about the people we were meeting. People from every walk of life with such different backgrounds and stories. We met traveling families to drum around the campfires with, to spend a winter in Breckenridge, and to park next to the ocean in California with waves splashing on the RV. The people are what make traveling a meaningful experience. We chose to continue RV living with kids because of the rewards of simplicity, minimalism and having a family-centered life where we focus on the present. Educating our children through real-life experiences as we visit where history took place in

Giving you a glimpse of why we decided to try living in an RV full time with a family. We chose full-time RV living in January of 2011 to travel with our four kids in a motorhome. RV living with our family was motivated by a marriage crisis and our need to heal our family life. In 2008 our marriage fell apart, it was a moment in our lives where we decided to face the giants of fear and dig into therapy to save our relationship. It wasn't an easy journey, but it was a meaningful one that brought joy and love into our lives. As we began to change ourselves as individuals, we were also changing our marriage and our parenting. We were becoming different people. It was exciting and took a lot of energy to keep working on the process. We realized we could not continue to meet the outside expectations we were feeling from the outside world. We needed some time and space to really shift our family out of the crisis. A series of events led us to risk it all and stuff our family of six in an RV for one year of early

No one wants to be bad at conversation, especially when we are all trying so hard to understand one another! In the past, we were not doing well with our conversations because we didn't really understand what each other really needed. Jon thought I wanted him to solve the problems I was sharing with him, while I just wanted to be heard and affirmed. I seem to process my days by talking, while Jon is more internal and needs questions to prompt him to share about his day. (Theme music: Ethan Anderson, Photo credit: Laura Ockel) Relationship Podcast Gems: We encourage you to talk with your partner/spouse about what you need and want from conversations. Be clear of your expectations, maybe before you begin sharing. "I need you to listen and affirm me." Meet "Buddy" the bird who ate lunch at Joes' Farm Grill on Instagram. Stream "How Not To Suck When Talking With Your Sweetheart" Your Next Steps: Join our email list for new episodes and articles.