Fmklit Pod

Hello, children of the night. It's time to get your blood going. Your tasty, tasty blood. Because today, we're doing vampires! This time we read "Hemovore" by Jordan Castillo Price, and "Dead Until Dark (Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood, Book 1)" by Charlaine Harris. On today's fang-licking good episode, we talk about what happened in the old country, what REALLY happened to Elvis, and Neil's Dracula fantasies. Suhkeh!!!

We've had a security breach! It's time to go into lockdown. In my pants!! Get out your reflective shades, kids, because today we're seducing the Secret Service! We read "Under His Protection (Protect and Defend Book 1)" by Karen Erickson, and "Valor on the Move: May-December Gay Romance" by Keira Andrews. In this super secret, super secure episode, our protector podcasters talk about the dangers of wearing a bikini in public, how romantic tunnels can be, and we *actually* have a conversation about getting tested!

Look for a man in a trench coat and a fedora. He'll show you his....assets. The fate of the nation depends on it! Happy one year anniversary, listeners! Since the traditional one year anniversary present is paper, we got you books! "An Extraordinary Union (Loyal League Book 1)" by Alyssa Cole, and "Skin in the Game" by Melissa Price. And they're spy books! We FINALLY get spies! This time our hosts talk about how arousing it is to get woke, why not to have too many nicknames for your boo, and take a look at the year as well as look ahead to what this year might have in store. (P.S. The codeword is "boobs")

Let's go get some tail and get wet! Because today we're doing mermaids! (Merfolk? Merpersons?). Today we read "The Mermaid’s Escape: Mythology Romance (The Siren Series Book 1)" by Kellie McAllen and "Stealing the Wind (Mermen of Ea Trilogy Book 1)" by Shira Anthony. This time our hosts discuss the perils of buying your lover milk, special princess bras, and spend waaaaaay to much time talking about merparts. Like, where do the genitals go on a fish-person?!

We survived National Novel Writing Month! And we brought back Meg Trowbirdge (@thesinginwriter) to see how it went! We talk about how the month went for us, what writing for a whole month was like, and what we plan to do with our work in the future. We even each read a passage from what we wrote this month! So if you think it's terrible, you can sit there smugly and think: "Well these bitches have no room to talk about other peoples' books." But don't bother tweeting that or anything. We'll ignore it. If you want to participate in NaNoWriMo next year, get ready now and go to NaNoWriMo.org! Find Meg on her wonderful podcast Vicious Cycle. Listen to Vicious Cycle here: https://soundcloud.com/user-461040979 Follow Vicious Cycle on Instagram here: @viciouscyclepodcast Call them with your questions here: 910-6-UTERUS / 910-688-3767

Grab your gorgeous gowns and foppish finery because we're going back. IN TIME!! This episode we read "Once Upon a Time Travel" by Sariah Wilson and "The Spanish Pearl" by Catherine Friend. This *time* (get it), our hosts talk about superfluous witches, superfluous animal friends, and Claire has a rant about superfluous x's.

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's....that guy I slept with last night. Get on your spandex and capes, because today we're doing superheros!! This time we read: "The Missing Duke (Heart of a Hero Book 9)" by Heather King, and "Love for the Cold-Blooded: Or: The Part-Time Evil Minion’s Guide to Accidentally Dating a Superhero" by Alex Gabriel. In this action-packed episode, our heroic hosts discuss misleading plots, slutty sidekicks, and Claire almost has the "drawing the bath" rant again. Also, Neil is promised spies, only to have them taken away. AGAIN.

November is National Novel Writing Month, and Neil and Claire are going to put their money where their mouths are! They're going to try and write novels this month! Plus! Our first interview!! So many exclamation points!!!!!! We interview our dear friend Meg Trowbirdge (@thesinginwriter), friend of the show, writer, theatre artist, and co-host of the amazing podcast Vicious Cycle (twitter). Meg is participating in NaNoWriMo with us, so hopefully we all have books by the end of November. And you can participate, too! Just go to NaNoWriMo.org! Exclamation point! Listen to Vicious Cycle here: https://soundcloud.com/user-461040979 Follow Vicious Cycle on Instagram here: @viciouscyclepodcast Call them with your questions here: 910-6-UTERUS / 910-688-3767

Ready for something a little dark? A little dangerous? Anything you say, Master. Get out the riding crops and handcuffs because today we're doing BDSM! This time, we read "Story of O" by Pauline Réage (translation by Sabine d'Estrée), and "The Chateau" by Tiffany Reisz. Today, our hosts discuss pegging, the glamour of fashion photography, and Neil is promised spies and, once again, (spoiler!) is disappointed.

Do you let the dark, handsome stranger rock your world? If so, turn to page 69. Or do you let yourself be wooed by the sensitive poet? If so, turn to page 123. Get ready to make some tough choices, because today we're reading choose your own adventure romance novels! This time we read "Choose Your Own Romance: San Francisco" by Katherine Pierce Chinelli and "My Lady's Choosing: An Interactive Romance Novel" by Kitty Curran and Larissa Zageris. In this episode, our adventurous hosts talk about period sex, arson on orphanages, and Claire confesses one of her guiltiest of guilty pleasures.

We hope you've stretched, because we're back with another Quickie!! Little did we know that Amazon has a "One-Hour Short Reads" section, which is the perfect tag for a good Quickie! Which naughty novellas did we read this time? Well, you'll have to listen and find out!

Are you ready to play with some balls? Are you a tight end or a wide receiver? Well get your ass on the field, because today we're doing football players! This time we read "Colton (Wild Men Book 1)" by Melissa Belle, and "Illegal Contact (Barons Book 1)" by Santino Hassell. In this episode, our sensual sportscasters discuss the virtues of therapy, death by plot, and Neil and Claire have their dumbest fight yet. But these books have blowjobs and rimming, so they're both happy as can be!

All the best things come in pairs: shoes, twins, cocktails...one true loves. It's time for a tryst or two, so you'd better hide your wedding ring, because this episode we're having affairs! We read "The Flowers Need Watering" by Marcus Lopés and "Love the one You're With" by Emily Giffin. Our extramarital emcee's discuss missing toes, '90s bands, and Claire asks the very important question: "What am sexy?"

Hold on to your butts, kids, because today we're doing something different! This is our first Quickie! A little bit of afternoon delight to get you all hot and bothered. For our first ever Quickie, we dove into the bottomless abyss that is FAN FICTION!!! Claire and Neil scoured fanfiction.net to find stories for the other to read and report on. Which literary works inspired this episode's steamy stories? Listen and find out!

There's something strange in the romance world. Who you gonna call? Ghost lovers! That's right, listeners, we're doing ghosts! Literally DOING ghosts! From hot hauntings to spooky sex, we're having romances to die for! We read "Ghost: a Paranormal Ghost Romance: Damned Series Book 1" by Charmaine Ross and "The Ghost of Crawford Castle: A Ladies in Love Romance" by Magda McKune. Today our paranormal podcasters talk about ghost boners, the education of well-to-do young women in the 19th century, and Claire seethes for 80% of the episode.

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, I need a fake date, so pretend like we have feelings for each other but, because this is a romance novel, we'll end up falling in love, maybe? Get a fake engagement ring, because today we're reading books about fake dates! We read "The Wedding Date" by Jasmine Guillory and "Just for Show" by Jae. Also, we broke a record! 2 hours long! Sorry. We're really sorry. We're gonna try and keep it brief going forward. Today, our hoaxy hosts talking about understanding your feelings, dress codes for events, and Neil goes on his biggest, longest rant ever. Sorry.

Is it hot in here or just you? Quick! Someone call 911! There's a fire!....in my pants! Today we're reading scorching novels about firemen! We read "Rekindled Flame" by Andrew Grey and "No Smoke Without a Fire (The Cougar Club Book 1)" by Bobbie C. Bandy. This time, our hot hosts discuss the joys of blowjobs, a dozy little town called Knoxville, and Claire gives a literary lesson.

Is that a knife in your chest or are you just happy to see me?....Oh. Someone call the police and order a strip search, because today we're reading about murder! We read "Naked in Death" by J.D. Robb, and "Winter Kill" by Josh Lanyon. Today, our diligent detectives discuss sexy psychiatrists, flying up and down the West Coast, and they both have beef with a certain Irish billionaire.

Let's you and me play doctor. It's time for your physical, so strip down. Oh, that foot looks gangrenous, time to cut it off.....was that sexy? We sure hope so because today we're talking about old timey doctors! This time we read "The Prairie Doctor's Bride" by Kathryn Albright and "The Doctor's Discretion" by EE Ottoman. This time, our harrowing hosts talk about bride trains, spies, and Claire has a freak out about baths!

Avast ye mateys! We're after your booty, so prepare to be boarded! And other piratey double entendre! Today we're sailing the high seas with two pirate novels! "Captured" by Beverly Jenkins, and "The Sublime and Spirited Voyage of Original Sin" by Colette Moody. This time, our adventurous hosts discuss island paradises, gypsy prophecies, and Claire warns us of the dire cost of over-the-sweater action.