Botched: A D&d Podcast

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! I wonder if the group thinks rescuing Father Bierce is worth it? They discovered the asylum was filled with blood thirsty Bators. Those are bunnies with the heads of alligators, in case you were wondering. They also discovered these strange cylinders filled with light that really ruin the day of anything that gets close. Now that they’ve gotten an idea of what to do, the group will try to avoid the fish people and rescue Father Bierce, get the hell out of there, and return to their base. Of course, that is, unless there’s a giant fish monster waiting outside. It’s almost as though this was some sort of trap...What are the group’s super powers again? Why did the fish people take Father Bierce? Will we cripple Jon’s character again? What happens when a Patron wants to annoy the party? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, mo

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! It only took an entire episode for the group to realize they completely forgot what they were doing. Fear not, however, as the dumb dicks figured it out! Now the group is on its way to the insane asylum. The city is still in complete chaos, but it doesn’t seem to have impacted the structural integrity of the asylum. Once inside, it is very apparent that things are very different than the last time they visited. Around every corner lies hidden dangers and monstrosities looking to make a meal of the group. Where did the patients go? What are these cultists doing? What is that hippity hoppity chomping noise? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Well, it seems that Father Bierce has gone missing! Depending on your viewpoint, that would be a good or bad thing. The group though, is exhausted from their fight with the Gashadokuro. They don’t really feel like dealing with all the problems that exhaustion bring with it, so they decide to take a 4 day nap. In a city where evil is constantly gathering their forces to bring about the end of the world, I’m sure that will lead to no problems whatsoever! Oh, I was wrong, the world has gone to hell. There are constant storms, monsters and cultists running around, as well as people running around everywhere screaming. Basically, spring break in Cancun. What is going on? Why are cultists running around? Do these cultists have anything to do with the newspaper articles? Who’s missing again? Tune in and find out. Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, mon

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Yet again, the group deems it necessary to agitate innocent and unknowing folks. Not only did they clog the toilet with a towel, eavesdrop on their conversations and eat all their food, but they also tried to steal their dog! For not believing a bunch of random psychopaths, the group decided it was best to let the family die. However, they couldn’t let a dog be eaten too! So here we are, giant Japanese murder skeleton vs our...well I wouldn’t call them heroes. On one hand they have a car, lots of magical weapons, magical abilities and a strong refusal to die. On the other hand...it’s a giant magical murder skeleton. What happens if they fire the giant laser gun too many times? How will they manage to defeat the skeleton? What will their rewards be? How much would it suck to have your fingernail removed and unable to ever heal? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even mor

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The group make quick work of the Dreamlands. Well, to be fair, they kind of messed it up even worse, but at least their rescue mission was a success! Now that they are done with that, it is time to finally investigate the final mission of Nadir. There seems to be something causing the deaths of locals outside of the city. According to the news, the homes and families are killed by storms, even though there are no other signs of such phenomena. Last week they discovered a giant skeleton footprint, so it seems this will not be so simple. The group heads towards what they believe is the next target. Who is this creature murdering simple country folk? What is the significance of this family they meet? What sort of secrets await in their attic and basement? Why can’t this group seem to make friends? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, t

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Ah, back to the mythical majestic Dreamlands. Okay, maybe not anymore. The place has really gone to hell since the group was there last, but I’m sure that has nothing to do with them though...Skin Chicken gives the group a lift on his Paraskeet or Derpbird back to the base that the survivors are hiding in. There’s a slim chance the group will be able to rescue Kuranes from Nyarlethotep. Stealth is not exactly their strong suit. If they manage to complete their mission without any hiccups, then they still have one last mission to resolve for Nadir. Is anyone else in the Dreamlands real? What is the fate of Skin Chicken? Who or what seems to be causing the mysterious destruction outside of New York? What is with Tedward’s newfound obsession with cumming in people’s sleeping eyes? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, a

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The group now apparently has a giant laser gun. However, it seems like it takes quite a lot out of them. Now that they’ve exhausted themselves, it’s time for a rest at the church. Everything is not how it seems. Someone is a traitor...and seems to be trying to convert others to their cause. They only have one more quest to do for Nadir, so the logical thing to do would be go off on a completely different tangent. It seems Skin Chicken is in trouble and has requested aid in The Dreamlands. The group must head back to the farm and seek the brothers who are masters of dreams in order to accomplish their goal. What does Skin Chicken need help with? What state are The Dreamlands in? Are the brothers actual brothers or through marriage? How much cum does it take to seal someone’s eyes shut? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, mons

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The group has seemingly saved Tedward from a very clingy snake god. Not to mention, they managed to convince the swamp witch to divulge the identity of the rougarou. That being said, they now have to hunt down that nasty rougarou and murder him. Hard. On top of that, there is this one legged man they keep around for some reason or another, all the while torturing him mentally and physically. Once they deal with this issue there’s only one more mission left from Nadir. Will they kill this poor rougarou? What will happen to the one legged man? Will Dennis even remember his name? What rewards will they receive if they are successful? Will they bother to write them down? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Tedward has been discovered! He is apparently being held by some sort of weird cult in the basement of this swamp witch. Well, it’s more of an underground temple than a basement, but you get the idea. It doesn’t seem like they plan on sacrificing him though. This cult also seems to be really into snakes. I wonder if there’s some Old One or Elder Being or Outer God who is really into snakes...If there were such a being, I’m sure he would be completely reasonable and not a stage 5 clinger. Why are these cultists chanting such odd phrases? Who is this snake-like entity? Why does the entity seem so obsessed with Tedward? How many snakes can you fit into a pot? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer fro

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Okay, ya got me. Phil wasn’t actually there last episode...and he still isn’t. He’s sick, but he will be back soon! In the meantime, the group has to deal with a few minor issues. Speaking of which, now that they’ve shot some civilians, are going through their stuff and threatening further violence, they decide to be helpful. Based on Tristan’s past character’s medical experience, I’m sure he will have some really great ideas to heal up those bullet wounds. After they deal with that, they have to find that witch that made the rougarou. If they happen to find Tedward along the way, then that’s just a bonus! If they find the witch, will they use swamp magic vs regular magic? What is swamp medicine? Why does this group seem to have an obsession with burning people’s houses down? Why would a witch in the swamp have Tedward’s clothes? Tune in and find out!Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even

Hey everyone, on our Patreon we have a level where we commission artists to draw our batshit crazy creations! One of our upcoming artists is launching her own comic publishing company for horror comics or anything weird! Please help support her by heading over to Machina Corpse Unearthed Kickstarter!Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Austin has returned! Phil is also definitely here and not MIA. Promise. It seems Milton has a brother cousin from the bayou who knows...swamp magic. I don’t know what swamp magic is. I don’t want to know what it is either, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with cloacas, fireworks and lube. The group, now having had their first experience with the rougarou, will have to decide the best way to deal with the problem. Luckily, there are many fine upstanding citizens around the swamp that are more than welcome to help. Who is this brother cousin of Milton? Who can they get help from in the swamp? Where is Tedward? Will they abuse the townsfolk? Tune in and find out!Join in on

Hey everyone, on our Patreon we have a level where we commission artists to draw our batshit crazy creations! One of our upcoming artists is launching her own comic publishing company for horror comics or anything weird! Please help support her by heading over to Machina Corpse Unearthed Kickstarter! Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Seems Austin is not here this week either…In his absence, the group trudges onward, quite literally into a swamp. Joined by their new friend Skeetus Cleetus, they check out the most recent body found in the swamp. It is located at the home of the beautiful swamp flower Dixie. Upon inspection, the body has been thoroughly murdered! For once, Montana Jackson can actually figure out what the hell did it. Success! With these answers come more questions. How did this creature come into being? Where will it strike next? Who will Austin play next? Is Dixie single? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and

Hey everyone, on our Patreon we have a level where we commission artists to draw our batshit crazy creations! One of our upcoming artists is launching her own comic publishing company for horror comics or anything weird! Please help support her by heading over to Machina Corpse Unearthed Kickstarter! Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! It was nice knowing Vlad for that hot minute. I mean…I suppose he could return from his fuckation at any moment. However, there’s a horny ancient Greek monster who is now human again, and that’s a lot of sexual frustration to work out. He will be lucky to make it out alive. Now the group must take on the next task from Nadir. However, a new adventurer joins their group! This southern gentleman seems familiar to the group, but he will be very new to the listeners! Who is this guy anyways? What is the group’s next mission? Since when did 1932 New York become occupied with Louisiana swamp people? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understandi

Hey everyone, on our Patreon we have a level where we commission artists to draw our batshit crazy creations! One of our upcoming artists is launching her own comic publishing company for horror comics or anything weird! Please help support her by heading over to Machina Corpse Unearthed Kickstarter! Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Holy Kvurty! Well, that’s certainly one way to check for traps. Now that he is riddled with holes, this Vlad guy seems to be acting really weird. Is he…going to start sucking Kvurt’s holes? These guys are the weirdest saviors of the world, probably ever. On top of that, they still need to get through the rest of this puzzle dungeon to find Medusa. Al Opeesha really doesn’t like these guys, and they don’t seem to pity him either. Assuming they make it through these traps, they need to come up with an effective way to fight a monster you can’t look at, but can kick the crap out of them regardless. Will Kvurt make it with all these wounds? What are they going to do about these b

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! I shouldn’t be surprised that Jon says hey let’s see if I can fuck things up, and then on a random table of 20 effects…he opens a black hole in their room. Assuming they can manage to avoid it, alive, and with foot skin intact, they still have to contend with the other dangers of the dungeon. Al, doesn’t seem to be able to die. Which is really painful, because now it seems the group has a new goal to torture him further. On top of the traps and puzzles, they have to deal with those floating boogums. They look innocent, but apparently they are incredibly dangerous. What remaining traps are there? Will everyone survive? How do you run with no skin on your feet? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon

Before the normal silliness, I want to take a moment and express our deepest condolences to the Keating family as Phil lost his father, Daniel Keating, this past weekend. He was a great guy and raised a fantastic (albeit fucked up) man. He will be sorely missed, and we ask that your thoughts and prayers, if you’re into that, are with Phil and his family in these trying times. The intro to this episode is actually the one Daniel Keating made for us. Rest in peace my friend. Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Oh goody, a tunnel with scratches and chipped fingernails. I’m sure there is nothing awful in there. Upon further inspection there seems to be petrified nuns, ancient Greek writing and some asshole named Al. Well, the group thinks he’s an asshole. In actuality he is some guy stuck in the friendzone for all eternity. He is also a living statue, but with no legs, so he can’t go anywhere. It seems he watches over this creature that he is in love with. This area is filled with puzzles and traps as well. Wha

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! What is it with this group and not wanting to be even slightly burdened? It’s not as though Richard Niple was a vegetable. Just lost a little bit of brain…so they blow out the rest of it. Now the group has to escape the museum before the authorities arrive. Oh, that’s right, they somehow think that they talked to the cops already and are no longer wanted men. They’re wrong. I know, because we checked the tape. Who will Austin be playing next I wonder? I’m sure the accent will be 100% ethnically accurate and will in no way sound like any other character we have all played. What was in the box that was stuck inside the creature? What is their next mission? Is this new guy a vampire? What does a sassy pig sound like? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! I’m confused. Who is the monster in the museum? I mean obviously there’s a large creature rampaging around. But, is that the actual monster, or is it the party? Who steals shit watches from panicking people? Who thought it was a good idea to give a kid a gun? I’m pretty sure we all know the real monster. However, in the meantime the group has now attracted a huge creature that is some sort of mix of a bear, lizard and a beetle. It appears to feed on people’s brains. Luckily, the party has none. Somehow this creature is linked to the item that Nadir is looking for. What is this monstrosity? How did no one notice it until now? How did Nadir know that this thing was here based on a newspaper article? What’s going on inside Richard Niple’s head? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they att

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The group has been unofficially "invited" to the museum unveiling of a new exhibit. Apparently there was some sort of South American tribe that had never been discovered before. However, the scientist who found it never made it back alive. The exhibit is both a celebration of the discovery and in memoriam of his life. It is quite the fancy party, in fact they have booze! Wait, isn't that illegal? Eh, guess the rich don't have to worry about laws. Well at least it is a nice party where nothing bad could happen. What is the proper attire to a museum dinner party? Where is the gem that they are looking for? What happened to that doctor? Why don't those security guards have heads? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you ar

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! This episode is quite possibly the most unrealistic thing I’ve ever heard. You’re telling me that if these jackasses walked into an adoption agency, you’d give them a child?! I don’t care if they have five bucks! That’s child endangerment! Well, I guess the child is Phil and he’s a psycho too so who cares. Still, this illustrates a broken system. Wait, what’s this? Nadir has a new mission for the guys and they involve some newspapers. Head to our Facebook page or Twitter to see the news articles. Let’s see if you guys can find the secrets I put in there that these dingbats most definitely won’t find. Why is Nadir giving them another mission? Who is this French dude? Who opened this other wing in Nadir’s store? Is Richard Dick Niples getting fat? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as they