Sex Gets Real: Talking Sex, Relationships, And Kink With Dawn Serra

This week's show is sponsored by RXBar. You can grab 25% off your first order at rxbar.com/sgr with promo code SGR at checkout. You want to know what's in your lube, and now you can see what's in your snacks! I am absolutely in love with this week's chat with Dalychia and Rafaella from Afrosexology. We talk about their mission to bring sexual liberation and agency to the Black community. We explore pleasure and how to center it in our lives, why masturbation is a powerful tool to finding our power, and why it's so important to focus on pleasure in sex education, especially for the Black community and POC. We also geek out about their spectacular Instagram account filled with beautiful bodies, genders, and erotic acts, all by Black artists. It's rich, deep, and powerful. Ready to hear it? Let's go... Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Afrosexology: Afrosexology provides comprehensive pleasure based education centered around the narratives and liberation

Welcome to this week's show! We're talking books, housework & resentment, and cheating. Oh, and I just started watching Big Mouth on Netflix which is an absurd, bizarre cartoon all about going through puberty. You might want to check it out. Cadessa wrote in about her non-existent sex life and how listening to the show changed everything. Sarah has a girlfriend who refuses to help with housework and now she has deep resentment about always being the one to do it or to have to remind her. Is this a silly thing to be angry about? Or is this a big deal? Steph, a Patreon supporter, weighed in with her thoughts, and then I weigh in with mine. We have to remember that emotional labor is so real. When we are treating a partner like a child (either because they refuse to step up and help or because we have control issues), of course our libido is going to take a nose dive. You deserve support, it just depends on what that support looks like. Julia Callahan is here from Rare Bird Lit to talk about why they publish

Hello, from New Orleans! Hurricane Nate meant I was stuck in Louisiana for an extra day, but it also meant more time at SisterSong's "Let's Talk About Sex" conference. I share a little about what that conference brought up for me and then...it's your questions and my answers. You can see some of the videos from the conference at the show's Patreon page: patreon.com/sgrpodcast You can also see all of the permissions slips folks wrote in my workshop on Twitter if you look at my feed under #LTAS17. Horny Virgin needs help with navigating safer sex conversations when you're engaging in casual sex. How can HV have sex and feel safe? How do you talk about testing and barriers? And, how do you even have sex?  Ali wants to know if she kink-shamed a woman she hooked up with after this woman asked to be seriously injured during their sex without any kind of warning or conversation ahead of time. Masochism and consent are important. Not letting someone know you want them to break bones or skin before getting intimate is

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards. For the past few months, one of my favorite things on Instagram has been Maggie West's gorgeous nude photo series for Amber Rose's Slut Walk. The colors, the confidence, the variety of bodies. So, of course, I had to invite her on because her massive stained glass installation is available today in Los Angeles for Slut Walk. We talk about art, nudity, her body fluids series which jump started her relationship with Christophe Zeischegg (who was on a few weeks ago).  Plus, I field a listener question all about being in love with your current girlfriend, but still being a little obsessed with an ex. Is it OK to check up on exes on Facebook, even if you've moved on? Here we go! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Check out Maggie's Instagram to see some of her amazing work for Slut Walk's 98. About Maggie West Maggie West is a Los Angeles based artist spec

An updated Patreon you say? Why yes. Yes it is. Check out the sweet new rewards (that I can actually deliver). What happens when two sex educators get together and geek out? You get this spanking new episode featuring Bex Caputo from the Dildorks podcast. If ever there was an episode that covered all the things, it's this one. We talk about piss play and watersports. We giggle over fisting. We talk about kitten play and puppy play which leads us into talking power exchange and being a good submissive. But it doesn't stop there. We also talk about the incredible awesomeness that is platonic kink - a thing that way too many people don't know is a thing. Then there's sex labs and practicing sexy stuff before you want it to BE sexy and the stunning advice Bex received when considering going on testosterone. What if you don't have to wait to be miserable to want to change your body or your gender, your relationship or your job? What if you simply want to be happier? What if joy was enough of a reason? We're going

Guess what? LOLA is sponsoring this week's episode. You can get pads, tampons, and liners delivered to you, via their rad subscription service, at 60% off your first order when you subscribe. Just use promo code SGR when you visit mylola.com and get started. This week it's you and me and all your emails. But before I answer your questions, let's talk about the Seattle Erotic Film Festival and Dan Savage's HUMP! Festival, both of which I attended this week. The Seattle Erotic Film Festival had a lot of films that really weren't my cup of tea. Which is OK, but it did tell me a lot about what I enjoy watching and what I don't. I mentioned "Cake" by Anne Hu, and you can see the trailer here. It was truly delightful. Boner Loaner and How to Date a Couple were also favorites. Oh, and two films with scat play! Color me surprised. HUMP had a lot more that I enjoyed and laughed over, but I was still bummed that the best sex films were both awarded to thin, young, cis, hetero-presenting couples. Jnix wrote in wanting t

What happens when you get a herpes diagnosis? And more importantly, what happens if you begin hiding that you have herpes? Dr. Sheila Loanzon, an OBGYN who gives amazing PAP smears, is here to talk about her very personal story and new book, "Yes, I Have Herpes." From advice on how to deal to details about what herpes really is, Dr. Sheila has practical advice as well as powerful personal stories about why she didn't tell her partners about her herpes for many years and what it was like to go back and tell them the truth. We also talk about why it's so important to work on ourselves if we want healthy relationships, how to set yourself up for a successful PAP smear, tips for trauma survivors and trans folks to find a good doctor, why ALL vulvas are beautiful, and the strangest question Dr. Sheila has ever had from a patient. You don't want to miss this. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an exci

How can you thrive as a sex worker, navigating the fact that you have no real safety while also performing erotic fantasies and sex at the same time? How can you care for yourself as clients bring in their pain, shame, and fear and expect you to heal them? Lola Davina is here to help us answer those questions and more. Her new book, "Thriving in Sex Work," is like a big sister's guide to caring for yourself as a sex worker. We talk about the unrealistic expectations clients often come in with, being financially responsible, setting boundaries and trusting your gut, creating rituals to celebrate small and big wins, and a whole lot more. It's fascinating and practical. It's one of my favorite chats, and I think you'll hear why. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagra

Guess what? Christopher Zeischegg is here this week. You may know him as porn performer Danny Wylde. I had a chance to read his book, "The Wolves that Live in Skin and Space," and we talk all about his writing, the horror genre, leaving porn, bi-phobia within the porn world, why he's grateful to be in a monogamous relationship, how he got involved in creating a hot sauce called Wyldefire and a whole lot more. Oh! Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources from this episode Vice article on Chris and his hot sauce Chris' creepy essay "Moral Imperative of Sexual Suffering" About Christopher Zeischegg (Danny Wylde) Christopher Zeischegg is a writer, musician, and filmmaker who spent eight years working in the adult industry as performer, Danny Wylde. He's the auth

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week it's you and me and all your emails. Let's dive in. Ariyanna wrote in about how the show changed her life. Coleman, too! Yay for learning from this show. Jess needs help finding BDSM porn that isn't extreme or just about the fucking. She wants sensual, intimate, connected porn that is also kinky. Where can she turn? I have a few suggestions, including EroticFilms.com. That's my affiliate link, and all the films on the website are curated by Erika Lust, so most of them are super sensual. Also, check out Jackie St. James, Crashpad, and Madison Young. Johnny wrote in wanting to give his partner an orgasm.  He says all his previous partners orgasmed from penetration alone (which I highly doubt). But his current girlfriend has never had an orgasm and he NEEDS to give her one because he's horrified. Long time

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I wanted to open this week's episode with a note about racism and white supremacy in light of the Charlottesville crap that's recently unfolded. I mentioned a bunch of places where you can donate money to help fight racism and support the folks on the ground doing the work. Find them here and here. On to this week's episode... This week I'm joined by author Rachel Hills and model Jennie Runk to talk about Rachel's book "The Sex Myth" and the new play by the same name starring Jennie that will run for 5 days in New York this week. We talk about all of the cultural myths that are keeping us trapped in pain and shame around sex. I particularly love Rachel's analysis on the myth that our worth as a human is determined by how other's see us sexually. This is a huge part of why we are all performing so hard to be seen

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Riley J Dennis is someone I've been watching on YouTube for a little while and completely admiring. I adore her passion for anti-oppressive work, talking about feminism, politics, sex, trans issues, and a bunch more. So, I decided to reach out and invite her on the show. When she said yes, I immediately went to work watching as many of her YouTube videos as I could find. Some of the most fun homework because I spent hours geeking out over the topics and rolling around in her facts and super logical approach to things that a lot of people really hate. We not only talk about trans identity policing, trans porn, and being visible online, but we also explore what it's like to be so hated in the online space and why Riley's sex toy video for trans folks completely melted my heart. It's super fun and I can't wait for y

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Guess who's here this week? Cooper S. Beckett from Life on the Swingset. It's been 2 years since he was on the show, way back when Dylan was still here, so it's wonderful to catch up and hear about his latest adventures. We geek out about live sex demos and the Swingset takeover at Desire resort, which is coming up in a few months. Plus, things get existential and deep as Cooper contemplates all of the ways his life has changed since he first started on his swinging adventures. We talk about the fragility of love, the lies we tell ourselves in relationship, his views on polyamory and labeling himself, and a lot more. Then we dive into a listener email from David all about his inability to orgasm during sex. Cooper has personal experience with erectile issues and orgasm, so his advice is personal and practical. Re

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Zena Sharman, editor of "The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care," is here talking about queer and trans health issues, community-based care, and oppression within the medical community. We geek out about trauma-informed care and talk about why cis straight men are really suffering inside these systems, too, based on the statistics. What does it look like to have healthcare informed by community, disability justice, racial justice, fat justice, and trauma? Zena has some stories and amazing ideas to get the activist in all of us going. How do we start asking, "Who are you and what's important to you?" instead of assuming what kinds of care and cures someone might want? Change is on the horizon, but we need to start looking at different possibilities that include kinky folks and poly folks and

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast I know tons of you are either kink lovers or kink curious, so I have a feeling you're going to enjoy this chat with rope expert and rope love Emily Bingham. She recently published an erotic memoir all about her kinky, erotic bondage adventures. It is SUPER hot. So in this episode we talk about how she got into rope, some of the wild things she's done as a rope model and rope lover, and why she decided to write the book. We also geek out about teledildonics and a new strap-on that lets the person wearing the strap-on experience sensation. YES. There are some amazing episodes coming up, too, so stay tuned and enjoy. Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Emily's book, "Diary of a Rope Slut" can be found here. About Emily Bingham Emi

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions. It starts with some listener love from an episode I did around the election last year. Sometimes I feel a little nervous to share political stuff - like the oppression episode and the abortion episode, but I trust you to hold space even if we disagree. I will be having a vendor booth at the Vancouver Dyke March. YAY! Of course, I got love for Amarna Miller's interview in Episode 168 and Ruby Bouie Johnson's polyamory chat on Episode 166. Gavin appreciated Amarna's views on ethical porn and her deliberate choice to share herself on film. Me, too! It's so frustrating to me that we still need to constantly prove to the world that sex workers are people with agency and complex stories. But, I'm grateful it means I get to connect with

Don't forget: Patreons who support with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast As for this week's episode? Amarna Miller is here and we talk all about ethical porn and why it's different from feminist porn, why she feels so committed to doing mainstream pornography, polyamory, and Iceland. Amarna also shares why she'd rather talk to a group of sexist men than to a group of like-minded feminists and what it's like to travel to places like Columbia and her home of Spain to talk about feminism and porn. It's a fun, charming episode and I can't wait for you to hear it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode Erika Lust's films can all be found on EroticFilms.com where you can see Amarna, too! About Amarna Miller Amarna Miller is a 26 year old porn actress, pro-sex activist and writer from Spain. She has a Youtube

Guess what? If you love the show, folks who support on Patreon with just $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast Whew! Let's dive into this week's episode because Wendy Strgar is here from Good Clean Love. We're chatting all about her new book, "Sex That Works," and we also dive into keeping sexual passion alive in monogamy, cultivating sexual freedom and sexual responsibility, what love and healthy relationships look like, the importance of choosing a body-safe lube, and much much more. Ready to go? Let's do it! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Resources discussed in this episode "Your Brain on Sex" by Stanley Siegel  About Wendy Strgar Wendy Strgar is author of The New York Times-praised book, SEX THAT WORKS: An Intimate Guide to Awakening Your Erotic Life. She's also the founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, a pioneering organic intimacy prod

Guess what? Supporting the show on Patreon is easy AND if you support with just $3 per month, you'll get exclusive weekly bonus content, too. Literally, every pledge sends me into an excited squeal of delight. patreon.com/sgrpodcast On to this week's show with Ruby Bouie Johnson, the Black Sex Geek herself.  This is an episode entirely about polyamory. It's raw and funny, and so so real. This is a no-holds-barred chat about the good, the super bad, and the beautiful parts of poly communities. Ruby talks about how polyamory healed her in deeply personal and liberating ways, but only after expressing some mindblowing thoughts about the sexism, ageism, racism, and oppressive BS that's so common in poly communities around the country. Plus, she shares her thoughts on the folks who are constantly on the hunt for that perfect unicorn and why it's so exhausting as a poly educator to have to field these (typically offensive) requests. It's juicy. It's ugly. It's hysterical. And it will give anyone in or considering a

This week it's just you and me, working our way through some rad listener questions. Dave wrote in with one of the best complimentary emails I've ever received AND threw a few bucks my way on Patreon. Lala just found out she has HPV. She's brand new to dating after divorce and spending many years focusing on her kids, and she wants to know - is her sex life over? Can she find romance and love and great sex if she has HPV? I have so many thoughts, including checking out Ella Dawson and Ashley Manta as rockin' folks to follow who have amazing sex lives while navigating the world with an STI. Lovely J listens to the show with her honey. They can't remember the name of an author I recommended a while back (it was most likely Barbara Carrellas). Also, Lovely J is an inexperienced Dominant and her partner really wants her to dominate them. She's read some books, but how can she get some hands-on practice at being a dominant? My number 1 recommendation is Midori's Forte Femme weekend intensive. It IS possible to be