Simply Abundant Intuitive

I hear people say they want to change all the time—whether it’s getting divorced, changing jobs, finding a partner or improving a parental relationship. They say they are willing to do what it takes, and even connect with their feelings, but the needle doesn’t move. Frustrated, they go into victim mode by getting defensive (but I’m doing everything I can!) or blaming others (my therapist is useless). The problem is, these people are only scratching the surface. To make significant changes, you have to address your subconscious patterns and beliefs that live deep inside, tangled up like barbed wire. Many people are resistant to this deeper work because it’s painful, but their unwillingness creates the barrier to change. The more you dig your heels in and insist you’re doing everything you can, the more you’ll remain stuck in the same old thought process where you prove to yourself over and over this is as good as it gets. Until you’re willing to “go there,” you’ll keep battling yourself. Part of you wants to

It’s easy to label someone as toxic, obnoxious, boring, etc. in order to dismiss them. Sometimes it even happens without knowing much about the person. Why do you do it? What is happening inside when you are quick to write someone off or decide they are no good? Perhaps you feel threatened in some way, like part of you believes they are better than you. Judging them can provide a sense of superiority or self-righteousness. But who’s to say you’re doing things right and they’re doing things wrong? This happens a lot on social media where someone proclaims they are dumping the toxic people in their lives or getting rid of negativity without looking in the mirror to ask what they are doing to attract it. Once again it is NOT about other people. Toxicity is a judgment we use to keep from looking at our own behavior. Labeling others is an excuse to engage in bad behavior, and it doesn’t make you superior. When you catch yourself labeling others, ask how it serves you. What benefit do you get from it? Needing to f

How often do you find yourself in a situation where you just cannot take being there another minute longer? The appeal of running away, distracting and hiding when anxiety or discomfort surfaces is huge. Our society even teaches us how to dispose of things: cut bait, kick someone to the curb, cut your losses, etc. Those tactics may provide immediate relief, but it doesn’t help you grow. You may not even realize you do it, because you’ve been doing it for so long, it’s just what you do. Let’s say you’re on a date and don’t feel attracted to the other person. In fact, you have this overwhelming urgency to leave but you don’t know why. You picture yourself at home and cozy in front of the TV, so your mind tries to quickly plot an escape. Sure escaping is easy (and the voice in your head sure is persistent!), but what if you became curious about why you want to run and explored that for a minute? Don’t you want to know what is happening inside of you that creates this feeling? What you are trying to avoid is exa

How do you usually wake up feeling? Are you excited about the day ahead, or do you worry about what could go wrong? Maybe you awake in a panic. You don’t know why, so you start racking your brain for what you may have forgotten. Or maybe you simply have an anxious feeling you can’t shake, so it ruins your day. However it manifests, it’s horrible and you want it to stop. Maybe you even try to drown out the negative feelings by focusing on positive affirmations, but that does nothing to quell your anxiety. Because negative emotions are difficult to accept without understanding where they come from, you create a story (or search for a story) about what they mean. It’s very possible, however, that your feelings are not tied to anything specific. If they ARE related to something, sooner or later that will present itself so stop trying to figure it out. Moving out of an anxious state requires surrender and allowing the feelings to be what they are. When you wake up each morning, do a body scan and focus on what yo

How often do you try to avoid someone being mad at you? Do you attempt to do things perfectly for fear of being blamed, then berate yourself when you fall short? Let’s say you usually do the ironing at home. One day your partner goes to grab a shirt before a big meeting. There are a few wrinkles—nothing major—but he/she is clearly upset. You feel horrible. Your partner doesn’t say it’s your fault, but they are clearly annoyed, so you feel this wash of shame and your “I’m not good enough” belief surfaces. But what if his/her reaction has nothing to do with you? Perhaps they were triggered, but instead of sharing what was going on, they snapped back in anger. You can’t control how other people feel, so walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting someone doesn’t work (nor is it a fun place to live). If you do anger someone, be compassionate toward yourself and allow the feelings of shame to surface. When you feel them, they will disappear much quicker. Not taking on the responsibility of other people’s feelings isn

Do you believe you are a trustworthy person when it comes to love and relationships, yet have trouble trusting your partner (or potential partner)? Maybe you are afraid they will cheat so you use that as an excuse not to commit. When your behavior is in reaction to someone else (i.e. I’m not going to commit because I suspect he/she is cheating), there are definitely trust issues, but it’s actually not about the other person. It’s YOU that you don’t trust. When you don’t trust yourself, you end up with a ping pong match in your head because you can’t make a decision. Then, when you eventually do make a choice, you second-guess it. Trust isn’t about what is comfortable or familiar, it’s about truth. It is definitely not the story in our head! If you are always in a state of truth with yourself and the world, you will feel more confident in your decisions. Become aware of your actions, particularly inconsistencies between what you say and what you do. If you say you want a healthy relationship, yet you stay in

You’re picky about who you date, looking for Mr. or Ms. Perfect (i.e. someone who won’t hurt or disappoint you). Then you find someone who likes you. There is mutual chemistry, and yet, they seem hesitant. You know what it was like at the beginning (which could have been last week), but now it feels as though they are slip sliding away. Perhaps it triggers in you the feeling of neediness. You cling to them by people pleasing, while accepting breadcrumbs of attention in return. You do this because it is probably what you were taught as a kid—to focus on making others happy in order to get the love you want. But does that actually work? Contrary to what you may believe, relationships do NOT have to be painful. In fact, those hot and cold feelings around whether to stay or go, wondering what he/she wants or how you can make him/her act as you want are signs of attachment, not love. Even more clear are those who are avoidant. The overwhelming feeling of responsibility someone who is avoidant can feel makes them j

If “what if’s” rule your world because you’re always afraid of making the wrong choice, you live your life with one foot in and one foot out. In other words, your lack of commitment keeps you stuck, convinced life is working against you. You will actually look for evidence to support your non-decision, then complain the Universe doesn’t have your back (but it doesn’t have your back because you haven’t put a stake in the ground). This plays out in all areas of life: dating but never committing to a relationship, calling your business a “hobby,” signing up for online classes you never finish, bouncing between different diets, etc., etc., etc. When you don’t trust yourself to make a choice and stick with it, you avoid making one at all, telling yourself and others you want to “keep your options open.” You believe hedging like this will save you from pain, frustration, disappointment or failure, but it doesn’t. What you end up doing is robbing yourself of the sweetness of life. Instead of being in the moment, yo

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Neeta Bhushan, an Emotional Health Educator and Executive Performance Coach to global leaders and CEOs as well as thousands of women from all walks of life. Listen in as she takes us through her journey through multiple losses and a toxic relationship to now where she has written two Amazon best-sellers Emotional GRIT and The Book of Coaching spoke at Women Economic Forum founded SchoolOfGrit.tv and had a lot of fun and laughter in the process. Learn more about Neeta at http://neetabhushan.com.

Have you ever met someone where the chemistry was incredible, but it led you to act like a complete lunatic? Maybe this person canceled dinner plans, triggering you to do things that made you cringe WHILE doing them. But you couldn’t stop it from happening. You barely recognize yourself because you’re usually pretty even-keeled. When triggered into this crazy mode, some people throw objects or scream in public or send a million text messages or stalk someone on social media or sleep with their ex. You feel shame for your actions, desperately wanting your equilibrium back, but this person you are attached to—the one who triggers your crazy—has you strung up. You feel powerless. So what causes “normal,” rational people to spin totally out of control? Often it’s a combination of scarcity and fear of abandonment. You’re afraid love can only come from this person who you have wildly intense feelings for, reminding you of how hard you worked for love as a kid. And you’re afraid that if you don’t hold on for dear l

A lot of people think happiness is like an amusement park ride with intense highs that must be chased. But happiness is subtler than that, and what you THINK leads to happiness may actually result in the opposite. Many anti-happiness behaviors become patterns without you realizing it, and they can end up ruling your life. By recognizing and then stopping them, you actually challenge yourself to become who you truly are, which is critical to true, sustained happiness. In this podcast I address more than 20 behaviors that lead to UNhappiness including rescuing, looking for problems, assuming, control and many more. They are all designed by your subconscious to keep you safe because it’s what you learned many years ago. Most of the things you do are strategies from when you were young before you had the ability to even know why you have chosen to do and say the things you do. It makes change and vulnerability look scary. Letting go of these patterns takes time, so be patient with yourself. The first step is rec

Most people have narcissistic tendencies, it is part of what keeps human beings alive. Without it, no one would be here. The problem with slapping that label on your partner is that it may prevent you from seeing and acknowledging your own stuff. No one is in a position to judge others, and doing so is often a reflection of how you see yourself because other people are mirrors for your own behavior. If you want to solve the “narcissistic” issue and feel a sense of well-being, instead of disempowerment, you have to take responsibility for the red flags you ignored. Even if you ARE in a relationship with a narcissist, you have to ask yourself why you’re there. Labeling others is just another form of blame, and it is used to avoid taking responsibility for your actions. When you look for sympathy for your situation from the person you’re with instead of owning your role in being there, it keeps you stuck in victimhood. Love cannot be earned through blame or manipulation. Instead of wanting sympathy and to be re

Do people ever do things that annoy you, but you keep it to yourself because you know they won’t change their behavior? Or have you broken up with someone out of anger and regretted it later? Maybe you want to express your regret, but figure your ex has probably moved on… so what’s the point? It all seems like a waste of effort. The thing is, sharing your feelings has nothing to do with changing the other person. It’s about changing you. Speaking your truth sends a message to yourself and others that your feelings matter; that YOU matter. This is particularly important if you spent your childhood disowning your feelings, believing they had no value. It’s not about getting someone else to change—you have no control over that. It’s about honoring what exists inside you and being vulnerable enough to share it. Each time you express your feelings without any expectation attached to it, you grow your love for yourself. And when you do that, you’re able to love more openly and unconditionally with others. Stop tal

You’re in a dysfunctional relationship that isn’t making you happy. Your partner doesn’t treat you the way you want, so you’re always complaining and thinking about leaving. But you fear being alone; maybe your lifestyle would drastically change if you were to split. You keep waiting for things to change, and maybe he/she even reacts to something differently than you expect, giving you hope the tide is turning. It doesn’t. Your friends and family encourage you to leave, saying you deserve better, so you berate yourself for staying. This constant struggle between staying and leaving is exhausting, and it distracts you from dealing with the one thing you have control over: YOU. What if you changed the game, stopped listening to everyone else and gave yourself permission to stay? What if you welcomed this relationship with open arms and used it as an opportunity to grow yourself? When you accept where you are instead of spending all your time and energy wishing things were different, you can start dealing with

Self-awareness is great—essential even—but what do you do with it? Maybe you notice your patterns and recognize when you go into victim mode, but you can’t stop. It’s like watching a movie you’ve seen 100 times. You know how things will end, even though you’re desperate to change it. And that can lead you down the rabbit hole of feeling bad about yourself; believing nothing will ever change. But what have you really done? Read some books? Listened to this podcast? Awareness doesn’t mean much without action. If you are having an affair with someone who has a lot of obstacles around spending time with you, you are probably in a constant tug-of-war of being pissed off, yet unable let go. You are aware you aren’t treating yourself with respect, but you stay and accept breadcrumbs, leaving you to feel horrible about yourself. Feeling powerless, you complain, wondering when your life will turn around. If you actually want to move away from victimhood and make changes in your life, you have to break free of the cy

Do you feel like you’re a go-with-the-flow person most of the time… until you hit a big roadblock? This often happens in situations where what you want is totally different from what your partner wants. You try to be flexible, but at some point you feel like everything is pushing against you, leaving you frustrated and angry. It turns out you actually do want your way, and you want it NOW! You want to have the picture in your head so you go from easy-breezy to totally losing it. Let’s imagine you live with your partner who you recently broke up with. You make it easy on him/her by handing over all the furniture and helping them find a place to live. But instead of accepting your help, they dig their heels in, making things unbearable because they’re pissed about the break-up. Things did not go as you planned, leaving you feeling trapped, stuck and screwed. Growth doesn’t always come in the package you want. Sometimes you have to stay where you are because there is a lesson in it. When there is something for

Many of us frown on the “entitled” without realizing we ourselves feel it, believing we are owed something in this life. It often stems from childhood. If you weren’t shown how to value yourself and fill your own emotional tank, you looked externally. You thought hard work would be rewarded, as if a fairy godmother was keeping score and would fill up the part of you that was missing. Unfortunately, this belief will keep you stuck in a cycle of anger and frustration, waiting for a reward that may never come. Entitlement isn’t about deserving—it’s about scarcity. If you work like no one’s business, you feel entitled to your piece of the pie. Maybe you put years of effort into a relationship that isn’t working, waiting for it to become the partnership you “deserve.” When it doesn’t happen, you are left angry and resentful, cursing the universe for not providing what you think you’re owed. When you discover these feelings of entitlement, ask yourself what’s really missing. Can you pull back your efforts and conn

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Lucia Giovannini, a former Italian supermodel turned best-selling author, spiritual teacher, transformational coach, environmental & animal activist, and author of 13 books. Listen in as she takes us through her journey of relationships and finding her higher purpose to now where she is a Master Fire-walking Trainer, an NLP and Neuro-Semantics Trainer, and a recognized international Life Coach. Learn more about Lucia at https://www.luciagiovannini.com/.

Obstacles provide fantastic excuses for staying stuck: “He’ll leave his wife when his youngest graduates,” or “She will be ready to commit once she is financially secure.” By sacrificing yourself and putting what you want on hold, do you hope to eventually be rewarded with the relationship you want? Do you fantasize about him/her saying, “Screw it, the kids will get over it. Let’s do this!”? When you hide behind obstacles, you avoid dealing with your deeper fears of rejection, abandonment or being alone. Suppose your partner moves away and you can’t handle a long-distance relationship so you keep asking him/her to move back. Sometimes he/she talks about returning at some point in the future, but other times suggests you both move on. You are so focused on removing the obstacle (distance), you don’t realize you’re living in a fantasy of how things would be if you lived in the same zip code. So you hold onto hope, continuing with a relationship you are both afraid to let go of. If you are in a relationship wit

Many people have issues around three key areas in life: love, money, and health. And if you’ve done some work on yourself, you realize much of what keeps you from having what you want comes from negative beliefs (I don’t deserve, I’m not good enough, etc.). You focus on breaking patterns and building your value to the point that you not only believe you CAN meet the love of your life, make the money you want or stick to a healthy lifestyle… it actually happens! Until the other shoe drops. Let’s say you’re finally in a healthy relationship after a lot of work on yourself and life is rosy. But then, you start having weird pains in your body and you think you’re going to die. Where is this coming from? It’s your good ol’ beliefs tapping you on the shoulder; the ones that say you don’t deserve to be healthy. Or, since you’re happy in your relationship, you think you deserve to be punished in some other area of your life. Just because you ditch your negative beliefs over “here” doesn’t mean they won’t show up ove