Headline Heroes

So, um... imagine right here is one of those mobile ads where there’s some really awful looking Brick Break knockoff or some choose your own adventure game with really bizarre dialogue. Maybe one of those weird battle games with a scantily clad woman as the advertisement. Anyway, once you figure out how to close the ad you can hear us talk about our favorite pokemon, haircuts, and the early days of apps. Lily’s Garden ads suck shit. Article: Man playing Pokémon Go on eight phones in his car gets a warning from the Washington State Patrol Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Proudly a member of the PodFix Network. You can find them at podfixnetwork.com. Twitter Facebook Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Did you ever wonder if Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” could have been better? Has it kept you up at night like it’s kept us up? Well look no further. This isn’t your father’s “The Birds”. This is something new and hip for the 21st century. It's got everything you need: the most battle-ready bird, movies like Eagle Eye, and poop claps. Article: Staring at seagulls can stop them stealing food, research shows Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Proudly a member of the PodFix Network. You can find them at podfixnetwork.com. Twitter Facebook Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

This week, Carl's got the keys to Daddy's hotrod, and he's driving this podcast back to the last time we had him on as a guest! Please re-enjoy the Zodiac Griller! I hope you’re hungry, because this episode is all-you-can-hear! With Drew lost in time and space, we had a hot, fresh guest delivered right to our door. Join us as we dig into some egg rolls and discuss movie scene pitches, uncover the Zodiac Killer identity, and reveal what food we could eat a ton of. Article: All-you-can-eat restaurant closes after customers eat too much Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Thar she blows...up another important land mass as the whales make their next push against the land walkers and terrorize a crowded pier. Take cover, and hold your loved ones close. To keep them calm tell them about whale erectile issues, Doctor Strangelove starring Benedict Cumberbatch, and the continuing magic of Christmas. Article: Whale found with harness on 'may belong to Russian navy' Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Aw dang, I tried to get a Twix from this vending machine and it got stuck! Let me just reach my hand up in there and just try to snatch it. Ding Dang, now I’M stuck. Well while I wait for my inevitable death, I might as well think about the Kevin Hart-iverse, recording movies on VHS, and mysterious gifts from Santa. Article: Florida police found an unusual 'burglary' suspect at a local high school: A raccoon inside a vending machine Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Alright everyone, keep it moving. Make sure you put all your personal belongings in the bins and take off your shoes. Also be prepared to be thoroughly roasted by the TSA. If you have the following items please be sure to step aside and a TSA employee will be right with you: National Treasure 3, face melting, and Tanner’s shameful secret. Article: Airport security worker fired after giving traveler 'You Ugly' note Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

New year, new pod. That’s right, the boys are back and more 2020 than ever. This week we decided to have a little change of pace and make a creation from a headline. The game done changed folks. Tune in if you think you can handle a brand new way of discussing cereal ice, new puppies, and writing the date in a new year. Article: T-Rex 'Dinosaurs' Race Down on a Horse Track As Fast as Their Inflatable Costume Legs Can Carry Them Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Happy New Year! Finally we can make that "hindsight is 2020" joke, and that right there is reason enough to celebrate. We are coming at you with another special edition. That's right! It's another 'best of' episode! Listen back to some of the best moments from episodes 7-12, back when our podcast was still learning to spread it's wings and fly. We still don't know how to fly of course. This nest is just so comfy. Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Well, it’s that time of year again, where there are plenty of gifts to wrap! Do you need any help? If so, we have the perfect villain for you. So sit down, put on a Hallmark movie, and get to wrapping. Additionally, listen in as we talk about our Christmas traditions, Thanos peeing, and of course wrapping lasagna. Article: Ohio city breaks Guinness record for wrapping presents Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Hi is this my local pizza place? I’d like to order one podcast for delivery. Could I get that with a smattering of pop culture references but hold the vocal fry? Oh and for some sides could I get Die Hard, the 2003 NBA draft, and a big new announcement from the Headline Heroes team? Article: Papa John's founder John Schnatter ate 40 pizzas in 30 days and says it's gotten worse Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Okay I need everyone to just squeeze in so I can get everyone in the picture. Oh shoot that’s right, it’s the 90s and I forgot to put film in my big ol asshole. Everyone just stay still while I put that in. Okay now everyone say Bill Engvall, swallowing cameras, and everyone's favorite new quiz game. Article: CHEETAH SEES PHOTOGRAPHER NAPPING UNDER A TREE AND DECIDES TO JOIN IN Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Give me your hand. No your other one. Thank you. Would be a shame if someone were to crash through that window and chop it off with a machete. I know this isn’t a threat, but it isn’t. Sorry about that. Let me make it up to you with this talk about Nate’s new super power, Megazording up, and of course famous criminologist Robert Agnew. Article: Hand sculpture atop New Zealand art gallery dubbed 'disturbing' Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

My fellow Americans. I stand before you today with a very simple declaration: all transit smells like poop and I’m here to fix it. Please, take one of my pamphlets. Inside you’ll find important information about Nate’s lawn fiasco, Paul Bunyan kaiju, and presidential facial hair. Article: Horse 'waits for train' at Metro station Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Hey what name did you want in the bowling computer? FART is already taken. Drew is going to take BUTTLICK. Allright, while you give it some thought we’ll limber up our bowling limbs and discuss our senior photos, what’s in a White Russian, and our Tanner APB. Article: Student’s senior photos in legendary bathrobe go viral Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Oh no! This morning I woke up and all my precious jewels had been stolen. Good thing I have my chinchilla to help me feel better! Aw damn he’s gone too! Looks like all I have left in my meager existence is alien blood infusions, Stuart Little, and Magneto prisons. Article: Link text Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Hey, are you headed to the Home Depot? While you’re there could you grab me some outlet covers, a pack of staples, and also wooden stake with which to slay the undead? Thanks! If they don’t have that, as a replacement you can grab a polyamorous cult, a DVD copy of The Love Guru, and everyone’s favorite spooky game show. Article: The Sun Looks Ready For Halloween In Eerie ‘Jack-O’-Lantern’ NASA Image Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Alright everyone, let’s get this game started. Everyone has their dice? Their player sheets? Handbooks? Alright we are set. You find yourself in a dungeon, there’s a desk, a cot, and an open book on the floor. You pick it up and read it. It talks about Nate’s bindlestick, Jake Sully from anime, and Jeremy, living large up in his big office with his big job and his big suit. God, I hate Jeremy! Article: Truck Carrying Gaming Dice Spills Onto Highway, Rolls A Perfect 756,000 Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Hey sorry no time to dilly-dally, this episode is meander free and we aim to keep it that way. Honestly I wish you’d stop distracting me so I can get back to focusing on the episode. We’re pretty “heads down” this time around, so I can't imagine that we’ll end up talking about what our pillow situation is like, Tanner’s birthday, or whether the Earth is the world’s first mattress. Article: Strong wind blows dozens of air mattresses through Denver park Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

Goo goo gah gah, this ones a kick in the dolls. So that’s a warning for anyone who finds them creepy. But don’t worry, we put in a smattering of James and the Giant Peach talk, the cast of Con Air, and Founding Father booby traps. Article: Creepy dolls mysteriously appear in Missouri county Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co

This is a protest description. I wanted to do a fun bit about birds and planes, and Drew said, “No one reads those damn things anyway.” so here we are. Is this what you wanted? Well too bad it what you’re getting. We talk about TVs or some garbage; I don’t know. Also, we are live from Tanner’s wedding, Jelly Pools, and whether it’s sad that kids recover from cancer. Article: Someone left old TVs outside 50 homes in Virginia while wearing a TV on his head. No one knows why. Music by Carl Sorenson Twitter Facebook Reddit Email: headlineheroescast@gmail.com Voicemail: 319-596-6766 Find out more at https://headline-heroes.pinecast.co