Three Cylinder Stardrive

There is a movie called "5G Zombies".  We watched it.  It was horrible.  Probably worse than any other movie we have dared to watch.  We made it through to the end even though both of us wanted to shut it off.  We also watched "Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings" which was incredible and we review that here.  Happy Labor Day, folks!

If you love 2D rendered special effects, the re-use of rubber severed limbs, watching as a stuffed animal is torn apart or a gorilla suit posing as a Sasquatch costume, then you'll love this gem we found in the garbage.  Tune in to hear the highlights, or just watch it on Tubi with commercials.  You'll need those breaks in between the insanity.

Cannibal women?  Check.  Radical Feminists? Check.  An avocado jungle that takes up most of Southern California for some reason? Check.  Bill Maher? Ew.  Yep.  This one was a doozy.  

Have you ever heard of that creepy sailor boy doll which is supposed to be possessed and has been supposedly responsible for a few deaths?  Well, this movie isn't about that actual doll.  In "Robert", we have a doll that looks strangely like Willem Dafoe but if he had been stung about the face by a swarm of bees.  This slow-paced (and we ain't kiddin'... it's S-L-O-W) movie takes literally 42 minutes to go anywhere at all toward a horror film, and it tries hard to be just a family drama with a weird little Willem Defoe doll that goes all murdery.  

On this episode, we look into the sad, sad, button eyes of the killer sofa which is actually a recliner.  It kills people because it's possessed by a demon.  It's a really fun movie, so sit back, relax, put your feet up, and try not to get stabbed by its large springs.

This week we take a look at "Nightman", a comic book turned television show that ran for two seasons from 1996-1998.  It was created by Glen A. Larson, a prolific creator who is responsible for such classics as "Magnum P.I.", "Battlestar Galactica", "Knight Rider" and "Hawaii Five-O".  Well, even great creatives sometimes make garbage.  Nightman is currently available on the free (with commercials) streaming service Tubi.  It is, in every way, unintentionally funny.  I mean, it's about a "famous" saxophonist (who solos at a club no less) who is struck by lightening on a cable car and suddenly can hear the bad guy's thoughts.  What can go wrong?

A first for us, we review "A Glitch in the Matrix", a "documentary" (we use the term lightly) about... you guessed it... whether or not we are living in a simulation.  Well, the "documentary" falls victim to many of the logical fallacies that many people today are prone, mainly false cause and cognitive dissonance.  When are people going to realize that anecdotes do not equal evidence?  You can check it out on Hulu, and be warned, most of the "witnesses" in the program are only visible via their weird gaming avatar.  

Because we usually review horrible movies on this podcast, movies that are so bad they are unintentionally funny, we watched the latest Fast and the Furious mess that is called "F9".  Probably written by a 5 year old, listen in as we talk about the reasons you should watch this movie, and not all of them have to do with the fact that it was so bad we laughed all the way through it.

We have reviewed some real stinkers in our day, but this one made us force each other to finish it.  "Monster Force Zero" is about a bunch of zeroes who, with zero plot, zero talent and zero budget fight aliens on behalf of other aliens while throwing out one liners from other movies and somehow getting away with using licensed costumes without permission.  Oh, and there are furries.  Lots of furries!

In this episode we break down all the upcoming movies premiering this summer and some that are coming later in the year.  These are the films we are excited to see, and we hope you rush back to the theater now that the vaccine is available for free.

This week we review another Hong Kong movie pre-British-handover.  It's a high kicking action romance with some golden moments that are sure to make you laugh at the absurdity of it all.  Enjoy!

We finally found another retro pilot to watch, and it's a good one.  Back in 1990, the same year that the John Wesley Shipp version of "The Flash" aired on CBS (which only went for one season), "Super Force" hit the television screen, starring several forgettable actors, but strangely starring G. Gordon Liddy as the villain... and he's playing a guy with a Japanese name who wears kimonos but is totally G. Gordon Liddy.  Liddy went to jail for the Watergate scandal, worked under J. Edgar Hoover at the FBI, and is on record as being able to fire a pistol faster than most people can sneeze.  Oh yeah, it also featured Lou Ferrigno and a couple of the WWF's wrestling greats.

This week we have a real treat!  We watched a convoluted kung fu movie set in Tokyo, aptly named "Tokyo Raiders".  The film was directed by a guy named Jingle Ma (no kidding) in 2000, but the actors all speak Chinese (mostly).  It has more plot twists than a soap opera and is quite unintentionally funny.  We brought along our guest today, one Patrick Harrington, who has been helping us to find only the most delectable bad movies to sit through.  Patrick has been to Japan several times, and understands the culture quite well, so we brought him along to clue us in on some of the stuff we didn't understand... also he has great stories!  

Who knew you could find movies on a public library app?  Well, you can.  If you do, you might check out this silly little vehicle that is actually funnier than it sounds.  Yeah, it's no "Silent But Deadly", but it surprised us.  It's actually watchable, and quite funny in parts.  Listen for our full review.

Once in a while we run across a movie with seemingly bad production value (what are we kidding... that's all the movies we watch) but once is a while we find a gem.  "Silent But Deadly" by Paul Dale is probably the funniest amateur film we've ever seen.  It's only 62 minutes long including the after credits scenes (and you SHOULD watch them), and I'll say we laughed so hard for the 62 minutes we were both nearly hoarse from the belly laughs that this little film generates.  You'll love it, too!

We reviewed "Goatsucker", a horrible little film about a group of people who go on a hike in the woods and get murdered one by one by a chupacabra...and some of them by each other.  It's pretty bad, but isn't that what we're here for?

Have you ever sat in the stands at an arena and watched giant robots fight?  Have you ever wished you could be the best at piloting robots?  Have you ever looked at another robot pilot and thought: "Gee, I could probably spend the rest of my life with them."?  Then 1989's Robot Jox is for you.  Tune in to this episode as we break down this crappy classic.

This week we dive into the choppy waters of Italian knock-off films.  We love Bond films, so why not watch a crappy version from 1967?  No, it's not Sean Connery, because that's the year he quit being Bond.  The Italians probably tried to get Sean, but they got the next best thing... his ACTUAL brother Neil!  And the actual Moneypenny and Blofeld joined the cast.  Tune in as we talk about it in all it's late 60's campy glory.

On this episode, we talk about all the stuff we are watching right now... and there's some good stuff to watch!  We discuss the Alan Tudyk show "Resident Alien", "Clarice" and many other shows available right now to binge.  If you need more stuff to watch, tune in to the show to find out what's out there.

This week we run down the amazingly funny "Shadow of the Lotus", a $1.99 Amazon rental that is not only unintentionally funny, but also a testament to one Canadian film maker's ability to pretty much do everything behind the camera including animate the credits with anime characters that look somewhat like their live-action counterparts.  So settle in and listen to the highlights as we break down this Chinatown Vancouver action thriller starring two women who are now not really acting anymore.  One runs a casting agency and the other is... well... looking for work.