Search For Schlock

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-023-TeenagersFromOuterSpace.mp3 Download MP3 After the box office failure of this MST3K highlight, director/writer/producer/featured player Tom Graeff took out an ad in the Los Angeles Times proclaiming himself "Jesus Christ II" and later killed himself. But hey, you must have something going for you if you can make a feature-length film for $14,000. Thrifty filmmakers like Graeff -- who Wikipedia, at least, calls "The Gay Ed Wood" -- know that the craft services table is a perfect place to find your movie's monster.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-022-Guyver.mp3 Download MP3 Possibly the worst movie we've forced upon ourselves to date, The Guyver combines the juvenile antics and lackluster martial arts of the previous year's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie with Cronenberg-style flesh horror into a bizarre melange that seems unsuitable for all audiences. Mark Hamill gets top billing even though he plays a secondary character, but in his defense, he's the only actor in this movie who delivers anything close to a good performance. And when every actor in your movie sucks way, way more than Mark Hamill, well, that's not good.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-021-BabaYaga.mp3 Download MP3 Based on a comic by Italian artist Guido Crepax and starring his most famous character, Valentina, Baba Yaga is a unique combination of artsy, erotic, and unbearably dull. Valentina is seduced by an elderly lesbian with magical powers and drawn into a world of pain in submission, in the least interesting way possible. Even the frequent nudity is pretty boring. Best of all, we were super excited to see it, so get ready for some crushed expectations.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-020-KarateBearfighter.mp3 Download MP3 In this middle entry of a trilogy, martial arts superstar Sonny Chiba plays real-life super badass Masutatsu Oyama, who founded his own style of karate and bested dozens of bulls in hand-to-hoof combat. Bulls getting their asses handed to them via karate is exactly what we would have seen had we watched Karate Bullfighter, but let's face it: sequels, like bears, are always bigger and better.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-019-TalkingCat.mp3 Download MP3 We interrupt our Omegahedron-scheduled programming to bring you this Emergency Webipod of the Search For Schlock System, presenting a movie so impossi-bad, we see it as the spiritual successor to cult classics The Room and Birdemic. Starring a grown-up Jody from Family Affair and the voice of celebrity brother Eric Roberts on all the quaaludes, A Talking Cat!?! is a marvel of cinematic ineptitude from the cinematography to the special effects to the unnecessary title punctuation. We insist that you watch it immediately.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-018-MomentByMoment.mp3 Download MP3 The chemistry is undeniable as Hollywood sex symbol Lily Tomlin (Big Business) plays Trisha, a jilted wife who gets relentlessly stalked by whiny bitch Strip, portrayed by John Travolta (Orientation: A Scientology Information Film). Will Trisha finally relent to Strip's constant, vampiric attempts to obtain an invitation into her house? Will they be able to overcome their age difference, economic disparity, and implied mutual disinterest in the opposite sex? Move over Bogey and Bacall...Tomlin and Travolta are here.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-017-Lifeforce.mp3 Download MP3 If you like your sci-fi slow and boring, check out our last webipod, Silent Running. For the rest of you, you're going to love Lifeforce, a film that is truly scene after scene of manic insanity. Alien space bats! Physically-perfect 20-year-old Mathilda May as a beautiful naked succubus! Sir Patrick Stewart as...a beautiful naked succubus! It's that kind of movie. Written by undead space monster enthusiast Dan O'Bannon.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-016-SilentRunning.mp3 Download MP3 We were genuinely excited to watch this sci-fi classic about a space hippie who loves plants or robots or something. And then we did watch it. Now we don't get excited about anything anymore. You'd better have a high tolerance for manic Bruce Dern performances and crappy Joan Baez songs about forests if you're going to subject yourself to this one.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-015-DangerDiabolik.mp3 Download MP3 We settle back into our regular one-bad-movie-at-a-time rhythm with this campy Italian comic book adaptation from horror director Mario Bava and Barbarella producer Dino De Laurentiis. Diabolik is a ruthless thief whose over-the-top heists threaten to topple the country's economy, for no other reason than because it seems to impress his girlfriend. It's hard to root for a cold-blooded killer with purely selfish motives...but he's just so stylish.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-014-BlaxploitationMonthPartTwo.mp3 Download MP3 Our national nightmare concludes with this second consecutive double-feature. But this time, we don't get off so easy. We start with Disco Godfather, a film that's dated even by foul-mouthed star Rudy Ray Moore's usual standards. Then we finish off with Blackenstein, a cheapie that was intended to ride Blacula's coattails but that, for whatever reason, didn't quite catch on.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-013-BlaxploitationMonthPartOne.mp3 Download MP3 We're changing up the format for the next couple of shows for our two-part Blaxploitation Month, where we'll learn the ins and outs of a genre that doesn't get as much respect as it should, via two double-features. For starters, two unsung classics, and I'm not being sarcastic. Black Caesar, a remake of the old gangster film Little Caesar, is a dark story about a shoeshine boy who grows up to control all the crime in New York City, just in time to screw over all his friends and lose everything. We'll contrast that pessimism with Trouble Man, the story of a badass-for-hire so cool, we wonder why anyone has even heard of Shaft.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-012-FireAndIce.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: Evil mama's boy Nekron attempts to destroy the kingdom of Firekeep by covering prehistoric Earth with ice. Conan-clone Larn saves the kidnapped Princess Teegra and fights Nekron and his minions, with the help of mysterious badass Darkwolf. If you've made it all the way to this sentence, you are a nerd. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: The rotoscoped animation and fantasy subject matter are kind of reminiscent of Heavy Metal, but don't let that get your hopes up for violence and nudity.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-011-HeavenlyKid.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: Fonzie-style cool guy Bobby (Perfect Tommy from Buckaroo Banzai) drag races a romantic rival (Neidermeyer) for the affections of his girlfriend (Malcolm in the Middle's mom), but winds up driving off a cliff. In a purgatory that looks suspiciously like Atlanta's MARTA system, Bobby meets spirit guide Rafferty (the star of Empty Nest), who informs him that he must return to earth as guardian angel to a teenager (I got nothin') who can't figure out how to get himself laid.  PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: A rockin' soundtrack that does a great job of using lyrics to describe the action on the screen. There's even an "Axel F" soundalike thrown in there for some reason.Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-010-LastStarfighter.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: Trailer park teen Alex Rogan's plan to go to use his brain and go to college is derailed, first by a loan rejection, and then by his own arcade game skills. Alex's high score on a misallocated 3D vector cabinet called Starfighter attracts the attention of its alien inventor. Whisked away from his devoted girlfriend and temporarily replaced with a sarcastic beta-unit simuloid, Alex is recruited into an armada of space combatants, the rest of whom are all immediately vaporized by the traitorous Xur on behalf of the Ko-Dan Empire. People actually like this movie. FAMOUS FOR: The feeling of nostalgia it seems to engender in people of a certain age. This is perhaps the only movie that suggests, without a trace of irony, that your video game skills can be appreciated by your elders and can lead to a magical future of greatness and achievement, in space, with lasers. Even The Wizard wasn't this rapturous towards gamers

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-009-FrankensteinConquersTheWorld.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: Near the end of World War II, Nazis obtain the immortal heart of Frankenstein['s monster] and send it to their allies in Hiroshima -- just in time for a fateful atomic blast. Fifteen years later, scientists discover a feral boy who they believe is Frankenstein['s monster], regenerated from the lost heart; his disembodied limbs are ambulatory, and protein makes him huge. Meanwhile, a gigantic underground creature that everyone calls Baragon wreaks havoc across rural Japan. FAMOUS FOR: Being one of the kookier films in the Kaiju genre, and from original Gojira director Ishirō Honda no less. A giant monster is portrayed by an actor not wearing a rubber suit, which is somehow a great deal more disconcerting. And then there's that ending. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: Frankenstein's hideous, horrible face. His mouth is always slightly open and his tongue seems swollen, pressed against his upper lip. It's re

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-008-Crossroads.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: Blues-loving Julliard guitar student Ralph Macchio, in search of a long-lost Robert Johnson track that was supposedly recorded but never released, tracks down presumed-dead bluesman Willie Brown (played by Joe Seneca). Brown, aka Blind Dog, agrees to teach the missing song to Macchio, suddenly aka Lightning Boy, in exchange for a trip to a certain Mississippi crossroads. FAMOUS FOR: Steve Vai's guitar badassery, whether he's providing the classically-trained sounds of Lightning Boy or shredding in his own role as a Satanically-empowered guitar deulist in the film's big final confrontation. Macchio, for his part, really does look like he could be playing guitar. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: The long, fairly dull journey that preceeds said final confrontation. There's even a fairly pathetic romantic interlude with a young runaway who helps wealthy white boy Macchio learn the true meaning of the blues (because as we all know,

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-007-LeTrou.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: In a Parisian prison, the introduction of a new cellmate threatens to derail the carefully-planned escape attempt of a close-knit group of prisoners. The film stars one of the actual conspirators from the real-life escape attempt on which the plot is based. FAMOUS FOR: ...actually, I'm not sure if you could call this one "famous." It's universally well-regarded, but that's only among people who've seen it. Hoity-toity French New Wave movies with sparse dialogue don't exactly light up internet message boards. We put it on our list because it's so obscure that we had barely heard of it, yet it seems to have all the elements of a movie we expect to adore. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: What we've termed "demolition porn." If you don't think you'll be able to sit quietly for ten minutes while watching men take turns destroying concrete with makeshift tools, then perhaps this is not the movie for you. Don't take that as a criticism of

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-006-SwingingCheerleaders.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: An ultra-feminist budding journalist with an irrational hatred of bras joins the Mesa State cheerleading squad in order to get the big scoop about how shallow cheerleaders and jocks are. Instead, she falls for the studly quarterback, kind-of befriends the other cheerleaders, and uncovers a point-shaving scheme.  FAMOUS FOR: Just being a piece of shit. Chris lumped this in with our other candidate movies after seeing it on a number of "worst ever" lists. About a month ago we started seriously considering taking it off the list altogether, because it just looks absolutely worthless. The Omagahedron had other plans. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: An uneven narrative experience. Is this a comedy, or is it dead serious? Is it sexy, or is sex a very bad thing? Are feminists silly, or is it true that large-breasted cheerleaders should not wear bras, ever? Get ready for an ending that poses more questions than it answers.Or

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-005-LadyTerminator.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: Some time ago, an Indonesian folklore mainstay called the Queen of the Southern Sea vowed revenge on the descendant of the one man who was able to capture the eels that come out of her vagina. In the present, she possesses the body of an innocent anthropologist. Now an indestructible killing machine, the anthropologist doesn't feel pity or remorse, and she absolutely will not stop, etc. etc. FAMOUS FOR: I may have glossed over the concept of "vagina eels" just now. To reiterate: sex with the Queen of the Southern Sea and/or her Lady Terminator guise generally ends with the male's genitals being eaten by eels that hide in her vagina, while blood sprays all over his face. Often the male looks perturbed or uncomfortable during this process. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: A much more faithful adaptation of the Schwarzenegger original than the first fifteen minutes would suggest. Just about every scene you remember is represen

http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-004-ForbiddenPlanet.mp3 Download MP3 PLOT SYNPOSIS: The valiant Commander John J. Adams (Leslie Nielsen, oddly enough) leads his spaceship crew to the planet Altair IV, to learn what became of an earlier expedition. (One lesson sci-fi has taught us: don't go checking to see what happened to your earlier expeditions.) He finds that only linguist Dr. Morbius remains, along with his toothsome daughter and extremely handy robot, as everyone else on the planet was destroyed by a monster. It all seems connected to the fate of an advanced civilization that thrived on Altair IV eons ago... FAMOUS FOR: Robby the Robot, a sci-fi icon whose Wikipedia page is longer than some U.S. presidents, and I don't mean that as a slight to Wikipedia. Robby later appeared in , well, a lot of things, like some great Twilight Zone episodes, and apparently Earth Girls Are Easy. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR: Surprisingly excellent special effects, particularly a couple of scenes that incorporate D