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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-085-ActionJackson.mp3 Download MP3 Sometimes we forget how into the War on Drugs we all were as a nation in the late 1980s. Remember how we were all playing Narc in the arcades, and just saying no to everything, and also D.A.R.E. was a thing? But how much did we actually understand about drug abuse? If Action Jackson is any indication, absolutely nothing. In this film, real-life crack addict Vanity plays a woman with the most comically unimportant heroin addiction ever put to film. After a night without a fix, she's...a little grumpy. Helping her on the road to recovery is obvious steroid abuser Carl Weathers, who appears to have extra muscles growing out of his normal muscles. The bad guy, meanwhile, is played by Coach, who, as far as we know, is not a drug addict, even though, as a former sitcom star, he has the best excuse. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-084-SkatetownUSA.mp3 Download MP3 Fans of the "roller skating to disco music" sub-genre had it pretty great in 1979. They were still one year off from the wake-up call that was Xanadu, and in the meantime their biggest dilemma was whether to watch future webipod subject Roller Boogie or this, the feature film debut of feathered-hair enthusiast Patrick Swayze. This film is basically a who's who of moderately-recognizable TV stars of the 70's that have been completely forgotten: Ruth Buzzi. Flip Wilson in two roles. The Unknown Comic, also in two roles. Scott Baio from Zapped!. Marcia Brady. Horshack. To steal an obscure line from Bill Murray: "This is an elephant graveyard of faces you can not name." All of these titans of comedy have come together to make you laugh, yes, but also to dazzle you with the disco music and roller skating that your heart craves, now and forevermore. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-083-BarbWire.mp3 Download MP3 In the post-Batman mid-90s, with DC Comics owned by Warner Bros. and Marvel's film arm dangerously incompetent, basically any independent comic book was guaranteed a lucrative film deal. '96 was also a peak year for Pamela Anderson (Lee), being four years into her role on Baywatch and just one year after the release of her sex tape with husband/Hepatitis C Patient Zero Tommy Lee. So maybe it's not a surprise that someone decided to adapt Barb Wire, an obscure 2-year-old character from a comic that was canceled before the movie even reached theaters, as a Pam Anderson vehicle. But whose idea was it to make it a gender-swapped Casablanca? Know your demographic, filmmakers. We want to see boobs, not debate whether Udo Kier or Barb Wire's blind brother is the Sam character. It's distracting. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-082-MastersOfTheUniverse.mp3 Download MP3 Like a horrible cross between Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (from which it steals its score and special effects budget) and Howard the Duck (with which it shares a plot), Masters of the Universe is the terrible He-Man film adaptation you didn't know how much you didn't want or need. Beefcakey I Come In Peace star Dolph Lundgren squares off against Frank Langella from Frost/Nixon, and their battle for the fate of Eternia. As these things do, their epic struggle spills over into southern California, where it imperils all of earth, and also Courteney Cox (Misfits of Science). If you're one of those people who thinks the 80s were dumb, feel free to use this film as exhibit A. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-081-NightmareOnElmStreetPart3.mp3 Download MP3 "Even in part three, the Dream Warriors failed, and Mr. Big Time Freddy Krueger prevailed." With those timeless words, the Fat Boys summed up the movie we're watching today, in which demonic burn victim Freddy terrorizes Patricia Arquette in her film debut. The Greatest Arquette has a special power of her own, though: the ability to pull others, including Heather Langenkamp from Just the Ten of Us (and the first Nightmare on Elm Street movie or whatever), into her dreams. They and a cadre of institutionalized sleep-deprived teens fight back...with their imaginations. If it seems like this movie is too good for us, well, we've earned it. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-080-TheApple.mp3 Download MP3 At long last, Andrew forces Chris to watch one of the most notorious musicals of all time, a Cannon Films-produced disco romp set in the dark dystopian future of 1994. While O.J. Simpson flees the police in his white Ford Bronco (off-screen and unmentioned), young musical ingénues Alphie and Bibi (the latter of whom was comically terrible as the girlfriend in The Last Starfighter) are seduced by Mr. Boogalow, the head of pervasive record label BIM, into a life of drugs and casual sex and wild success and fun times. Alphie doesn't go for it, but Bibi takes the bait, and gets an exciting opportunity to meet an actual, actual, actual vampire. Can Alphie pry Bibi from the sensual, glittery arms of BIM superstars Dandi and Pandi? Seriously, if you enjoy bad movies and you haven't seen The Apple, you're in for a treat. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-079-StrokerAce.mp3 Download MP3 We unironically love Smokey and the Bandit and Cannonball Run, so you might think we'd be really enthusiastic about watching any movie directed by former stuntman Hal Needham and starring moustache-enthusiast and one-time box office superstar Burt Reynolds. Well, there are a couple problems with that theory. Firstly, it's only been about half a year since we sat through another Hal Needham flick called Rad, and we haven't fully healed. Secondly, this movie is about NASCAR, and -- surprise! -- that's not really our thing. Thirdly, Burt Reynolds himself cites this film has "the one where I lost them". That doesn't sound good. Burt's love interest is played by Loni Anderson, who he later married; in this film, he contemplates sexually assaulting her while she sleeps. That doesn't sound great either. And instead of Dom DeLuise, Burt's sidekick is Gomer Pyle. Oooooh boy. This one's gonna be tough. Original post located at searchforschlo

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-078-Howling2.mp3 Download MP3 This is not the worst movie we've ever seen, but it just might be the stupidest. Are we really supposed to believe that antagonist Stirba (played by Battle Beyond the Stars star Sybil Danning) is 10,000 years old -- putting her birth date somewhere near the end of the Stone Age? If monster hunter Christopher Lee is her brother, as a late-movie twist briefly reveals, then does that mean he's thousands of years old too? Why is it so important to kill Stirba, when all she seems to want to do is have werewolf orgies? Why do those orgies seem to be basically sexless and take days? Why do the protagonists go from being bland acquaintances to lovers in the span of an afternoon, and why is a Transylvanian village of nothing but werewolves just allowing them to hang around uneaten? Not a single scene in this movie makes any damn sense, and it is fantastic. Strongly recommend. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-077-Nighthawks.mp3 Download MP3 Sylvester Stallone (Rhinestone) and Rutger Hauer (Blind Fury) star in this adaptation of the beloved Edward Hopper oil painting (not really) that was originally intended to be the third Popeye Doyle movie (that one's true). Stallone plays a decoy cop, dressing up like a lady to lure New York's ever-present muggers, until he and partner Billy Dee Williams are recruited to track down Wulfgar (Hauer), a terrorist based on Carlos the Jackal. But this time, to get the bad guy...he just might have to dress up like a lady. This is Stallone near the height of his popularity and Hauer's first American role, so the burning question is: how have we never heard of this movie? Is it just that terrible? Let's find out together, brave listener. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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http://searchforschlock.com/media/podcasts/sfs-076-AdventuresOfPlutoNash.mp3 Download MP3 It was only a matter of time before Eddie Murphy became the subject of our podcast. His peak was so high that people still basically respect him, even though he's spent the last twenty years starring in dreck like Norbit and Meet Dave, always, inexplicably, playing multiple characters. Here he co-stars with our favorite pussycat Rosario Dawson and Freaked star Randy Quaid, and a whole lot of other people who would prefer you forget they were in this. But is it schlock? Tune in to find out, true believers. Original post located at searchforschlock.com.

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