Ross O'carroll-kelly @ The Irish Times

RO'CK Game of Throw-ins Extract 1 by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We can hear them chanting through the walls of the dressing room by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘You’re so transparent. You’re trying to butter me up so I won’t humiliate you too badly’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘After 2km, I’m wheezing like a 60-cigarettes-a-day man while Garret isn’t even breathing heavily’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘He’s got 12 months of hord training behind him. All I’ve really got is drugs’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘That’s a side-effect of taking these pills, by the way – short-term memory, em . . . thingy ’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘What’s happening with your face?’ ‘I’m thinking. I’m thinking deeply’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘I suddenly feel the kind of shame that only a couple of lunchtime pints can help erase’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

"See that little island down there. Lambay Island. Or – as it will soon be known – Aquatraz" by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

“Do you want to be the fedda puking his ring up on the soyud of the road? by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘I find myself standing on Vico Road, hand on the wall, throwing my breakfast up’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘Claire doesn’t have, like, a Wicklow Wicklow accent? she’s very, very nearly South Dublin’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘Are any of you familiar with Countdown?’ Of course they are – they were in UCD by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: ‘You’re like a young Katie Hopkins – except more, I don’t know, evil?’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

JP’s dad won’t be able to show his face in Doheny & Nesbitt’s again See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘I can see Honor standing in the wings, giving Miss Pallister the famous one-finger salute’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

She might have fitted into the dress on our wedding day, but now, well..' by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘I put Leinster on the Census form as my religion’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘If at first you don’t succeed, it’s a pretty good indication you’re never going to’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

‘I could tell you the word she used except The Irish Times probably wouldn’t print it’ by Ross O'Carroll-Kelly See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.