Ross O'carroll-kelly @ The Irish Times

The old man looks surprisingly well for a man who’s been banged up for, like, a week and a bit. I’m sitting in the visiting room when he walks in and he’s, like, deep in conversation with another, I want to say, inmate? It’s a good, like, five minutes before he saunters over to where I’m sitting...irishtimes.com/author/ross-ocarroll-kelly/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimes – he’s Chorles O’Carrroll-Kelly, for fock’s sake – but I never thought I’d see him in court, aged seventy-whatever-he-is, chorged with the illegal possession of a fireorm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the final exclusive excerpt from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out today Thursday, August 17th. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the second of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first of three exclusive excerpts from Camino Royale, the new Ross O’Carroll Kelly novel out this Thursday, August 17th 2023. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sorcha is sitting at the kitchen island with her laptop open and a pleased-with-herself smile that I recognise from the Mount Anville Class of 1998 graduation photograph on her bedside table. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So – yeah, no – we’re out in the old man’s boat in the middle of Dublin literally Bay, we’re talking me, the old man and Hennessy, and like the old man says, it’s just like old times. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So it’s, like, ten o’clock on a Friday night and Ronan’s at the front door. He goes, “How are you fixed for the Oddle Arelint football fidal on Suddendee, Rosser?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sorcha smiles warmly at me – an event so rare that it’s actually worth mentioning. “I’m so proud of our daughter,” she goes. “She’s turning into a wonderful young woman.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The old man rings me at, like, two o’clock in the afternoon and goes, “Ross! You’re not busy, are you?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “they’ve struck again!”I’m there, “What are you talking about? As in, like, what the fock?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So – yeah, no – we’re at the recycling centre with a boot full of empty cans and bottles from a recent borbecue to celebrate Sorcha’s 43rd birthday and me having nine penalty points wiped from my driving licence on appeal. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m standing outside the famous Galloper on the Stillorgan dualler when Ronan rocks up. He’s as surprised to see me as I am to see him? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I have to confess to getting a bit carried away, and I stort shouting things like, ‘Eat it up, you pack of losers!’ at the other moms and dads Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Honor has been walking around under a bit of a cloud ever since a dude by the name of Jonah – Wesley College, before you ask – friend-zoned her. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There’s no mystery as to why they chose Kielty for the Late Late. He’s not 76 years old. His bodily organs didn’t come from a black morket doctor in Bogotá Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The old man is on the phone, shouting at me in his usual all-caps voice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So we’re at a dinner in the famous Rochestown Lodge in – let’s be honest here – Sallynoggin, to raise money for the Seapoint Rugby Club U-8s Trip to Biarritz: Leave No Child Behind. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Honor goes, ‘It’s because I’m not good-looking.’ I’m there, ‘Looks aren’t important, Honor,’ and I’ve no idea where I’m pulling these lines from. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

He’s, like, standing right in front of the gaff, staring at his phone. I throw open the front door and I’m like, “Whatever you’re selling, fock off before I call the Feds,” which would be pretty much por for the course in these ports? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.