We Want The D

What's a major film studio largely known for its cutting-edge and industry-defining animation to do when they are no longer top dog? Take a deep look inwards and rebuild from the ground up? Poach the hottest talent through attractive offers or corporate buy-outs? Well, if you're Disney in the 2000s, you just boldly rip-off another successful animated film by making THE WILD, a movie that two out of our three hosts can confirm is just a worse version of the Dreamworks movie Madagascar from a few years earlier. A much, much worse version. 

Ah, the internet. Without it, our hosts wouldn't even be here talking to all you D-Lovers out there. A hub of easily accessible knowledge, the history of humanity writ across pages and recorded in vdieo for anyone to learn from. Well, that's the idealized version, anyway. The reality, and the one spotlighted in RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET, is that the internet is mostly used to harvest your data and sell you shit megacorporations (like, say, Disney) make you think you need. A place where mass approval can be converted into currency. And where your self worth becomes intrinsically tied to to the way people see you. It's an...interesting choice as a setting for a family film.

If you had told our hosts at the beginning of this podcasting journey they'd be watching this many movies that feature cougars, it's hard to imagine they'd believe you. Yet here we are, watching CHARLIE, THE LONESOME COUGAR - another entry in the "animal does stuff while a folksy voice narrates" Disney subgenre. At least this time there's a dog named Chainsaw, milk shenanigans, and a climax where it looked like we might actually see a person get mauled by a big cat. 

Our hosts' journey through Disney's 1970s theatrical releases ends not with a bang, but with A TALE OF TWO CRITTERS. A sub-one hour movie about a bear cub and baby raccoon that were forced to fight not just each other, but a whole host of other animals from wolverines to geese. But don't worry, there is of course of a folksy voiceover assuring us they were the best of friends and roommates, at least for a time. And since that can only generate so much conversation, there's also a recap of the best and worst of this decade of Disney. 

It seems like, at this stage in our little podcasts life, the animal movies are just unavoidable, with no repreive to be found even in animated films. Because HOME ON THE RANGE is, of course, about cows. And cattle resutling. And yodeling. And...hypnosis? It's a little strange, for a number of reasons, but mostly it's just very very average, which is what you would expect from a movie that almost killed 2D animation at Disney for good.

Over the course of this podcast, our hosts have watched package films, real documentaries, fake documentaries and all manner of unexpected plotlines. So it's nice that this many episodes in there's still a few oddball surprises in the Disney theatraical catalog. Like THE YOUNG BLACK STALLION, an IMAX movie that doesn't even break an hour runtime. Which doesn't leave our hosts with a whole lot to talk about, so we decided to honor the occassion of us watching our last Disney horse movie by reflecting on all the previous ones.

Disney's BIG RED may be a somewhat typical "boy and his dog" story - something our hosts are all too familiar with at this point. But this is, in some ways, a very atypical episode of We Want The D. Because in this episode, it's Nolan who is full of praise for the Irish Setter at the centre of this film, while it's Vicky who is more preoccupied with potential discrepencies in plot and character. And Jill is left to try to navigate this strange new reality. Let it never be said that after 363 episodes, surpises can't happen. 

Here's a sentence you probably were never expecting to read: this week, our hosts are talking about a Disney film directed by David Lynch. That's right, the master of the surreal and macabre directed a film for the House of Mouse, and unsurprisingly it is neither of those things. BUT it's still extremely David Lynch, which could have had mixed results; but for our hosts was a welcome reprieve from movies about animals. 

Not long ago, our hosts watched a Disney film that was mostly documentary-esque footage of a bear with some narration over the top to create some semblance of narrative. Well, RUN, COUGAR, RUN is a bit different. For one, and most notably: this time it's a cougar story we're following. But! Actor Alfonso Arau is also here, and his presence (and million-watt smile) alone more or less bump this movie up a whole letter grade. That, or our hosts are just desperate to find anything to latch onto when it comes to this type of picture.  

It's very apt that our 360th episode is for a Disney sequel that is basically a full-circle repeat of the original film. Because SON OF FLUBBER is essentially a beat-for-beat recreation of the original Absent-Minded Professor, with some cosmetic changes (eg, football instead of basketball). So forgive our hosts if they wind up talking about anything else, including fond farewells to four big names from Disney's history - Tommy Kirk, Fred MacMurray, Keenan Wynn and director Robert Stevenson.

Things sure have come a long way in the Disney "animals trying to get home" subgenre of films. From silent animals being narrated over, to standard voice-over work, to BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA where CGI has advanced enough to make their mouths move. But through all the technilogical advancements, the song remains the same - beloved pet needs to get home, embarks on an incredible journey, and maybe learns something along the way. It's a tried-and-true formula, and this version is no different - the dogs are just smaller and the voice acting more impressive.

Don't get confused by the title of this week's film, D-Lovers, we aren't watching the Elton John biopic from a few years ago. And if you look at a plot synopsis, don't get turned around and think we're watching a movie inspired by a certain billionaire who's a bit fixated on traveling to Mars. No, Disney's ROCKETMAN is...let's say a lot more lowbrow than that.  

This week's film follows a grizzly bear who starts out small and gets progressively bigger, while pushing down trees and terrorizing a cattle ranch. Does that sound like enough to earn this animal the title of KING OF THE GRIZZLIES? Not according to the bracket our hosts do at the end of this episode to determine the best Disney bear. 

The word 'odd' is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the title of Disney's THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN. Because while the title character may have some odd quirks about him, he exists within one of the most bizarre movies our hosts have seen so far. Or maybe it's that there's probably no three people less qualified to watch a film that is largely about a couple's desperate desire to have a child....Actually no, it's definitely the movie that is strange beyond belief. 

Not gonna lie, D-Lovers. After the last couple years, the idea of hitting an emergency eject button on your life, winding up on a deserted tropical paradise, and finding a chimp friend to hang out with doesn't sound all that bad. Then again, if a young woman with a heck of a spear-throwing arm and some serious daddy issues were to show up, it might put a damper on things - so maybe not the best idea. Not unlike Disney's LT. ROBIN CRUSOE, U.S.N., even if the idea came from Daddy Walt himself.

We've seen animals get put through all kinds of distressing scenarios in the name of Disney entertainment over the years, but forcing a tiger to run through a field of explosives to simulate mortar fire wasn't what any of our hosts ever expected to see. Still, A TIGER WALKS is an intriguing viewing experience, given it plays very much like a horror movie and/or Jaws for about half its runtime, before the children start singing at least.

In 1913, twenty year-old amateur golfer Francis Ouimet upset all expectations by defeating a number of professional players and champions at the U.S. Open. Was it, as Disney claims in this film, THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLAYED? Or is this the most blatant case of false advertising since The Neverending Story? It may depend on which of our hosts you ask as some have respect and admiration for the game of golf and others....not so much.

Here we are again, D-Lovers. For the third time we're going to the jungle to enjoy the adventures of young Mowgli and his furry friends. Only this time, the animals are real, Mowgli is nigh-on 30 years old, and basically Disney's 1994 version of THE JUNGLE BOOK has nothing to do with the Jungle Book. That said, as a Tarzan story, or just some other generic "man raised in the wild tries to re-enter society" story - not too shabby! Just, maybe don't let your younger kids watch it without you, unless they're already the types to watch Jaws or whatever on their own.

Put on your detective hats and  your Sunday finest/funeral attire to wear to court, because we have a mystery to solve and justice to render. Disney's RIDE A WILD PONY begs the question - is it possible that a pony could have been in the possession of two different children at two different times? And, more importantly, should the pony go to the poor child with behavioural issues who can't get to school without it, or the willful but wheelchair-bound rich girl whose family already owns a lot of other ponies? It's a complex question (no, really) but luckily our hosts are here to crack it.  And, as always for Disney movies set there, our apologies to the people of Australia for what we do to your accent. 

It's our 350th episode! So of course our hosts had to do something special for you, and nothing marks a milestone like talking about the Disney movie with the worst parents ever. Yes, we're finally talking about THE PARENT TRAP FROZEN! Arguably Disney's biggest animated hit of the last twenty years that continues to resonate with children/torture parents to this day, listen to find out how well it lands for three childless millenials.