We Want The D

Every so often our hosts get a harsh reminder that the film studio that brought us movies like Beauty and the Beast and Remember the Titans also made movies like Song of the South and One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing. Disney's SMITH! is one such reminder. An egregiously racist film to its very core on almost every conceivable level, this one left our hosts reeling if not at a total loss for words. So much so that eventually all pretense is abandoned as we resort to talking about twenty-five year old episodes of Law & Order.

What defines greatness? Is it about helping others be their best? Is it about the ability to outrun a cheetah? How about a gift for physical comedy? If none of those seem quite right, then we've got bad news for you about THE WORLD'S GREATEST ATHLETE, because that would imply there's nothing particularly great about it. And if that's the case, why would Disney make such a fil- wait, hold on, says here it came out in 1973, now it all makes sense.

So you're having a bad day. You're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around. But we all know that never works, so might we suggest watching ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY instead? Because, honestly, it's a pretty sweet little Disney film with more than one or two solid laughs that also imparts a lesson on how to deal with those days that just plain suck. Plus, some great cameos AND two great comedic performances from Steve Carell and Jennifer Garner. It's no surprise our hosts were charmed by this movie and think you will be too. 

If we've told you once, we've told you a thousand times: if someone invites you onto a boat, unless you are prepared for the possibility of ending up on the water far away from land, do not get on that boat! It's a lesson young James MacArthur would have been better off remembering in the Disney movie KIDNAPPED. Maybe then the movie would have stayed being about a nephew and his batty uncle trying to kill each other over a decrepit caste instead of being a sort of lesser, more Scottish version of Treasure Island with highlanders instead of pirates. 

Usually it's not too difficult to get onside with a Disney sports movie. They are almost always a plucky underdog story with manipulative scores, and really what's not to like about that? And GLORY ROAD even bears some resemblance to one of our favourite Disney football movies you may remember, a real titan of a movie. But the reality is, those movies shouldn't even be uttered in the same setence if we're comparing their relative quality. Cause this movie tries, but unlike the NCAA basketball team it depicts, fails where so many others have succeeded.

This week, with great reluctance, our hosts invite you to MEET THE DEEDLES. What's a Deedle, you ask? Good question. It's a behind-the-times archetypical character of a dumb/slacker comedy. It's a lame, over-the-top, annoying, adult truant. It's, sadly, one of Paul Walker's first film roles, before he became fast and/or furious. Our hosts had the meet the Deedles and now you do too - but we bet you'll wish you deedlen't.

It is with misty eyes and heavy hearts that we bid a fond farewell to one of Disney's biggest leading men. That's right, with THE HORSE IN THE GRAY FLANNEL SUIT our hosts have completed the gauntlet of Dean Jones movies, and what a wild ride it has been. Though surprisingly there's not really a wild ride in this movie - more like silently intense and practiced horse jumping.

Everyone knows that Disney's "Dark Age" was from around 1970-1988, but if we may be so bold we'd like to posit that a second, shorter, animation-specific Dark Age took place roughly around the first decade of the 2000s. Because woof, the movies we've been seeing from that decade are decidedly not great, and BOLT is no exception. While not without its charms (mostly fat hamster related), a movie with lifeless lead character going on a low-stakes journey is hard to get behind - despite our hosts' best efforts. 

Fun fact about this week's movie: THE LITTLEST HORSE THIEVES was it's title in North America, drawing on the fun caper of three little ragamuffin children liberating some cute ponies in hopes of taking them to some sort of pony paradise. Meanwhile, in the UK where the film is also set, Disney released it as ESCAPE FROM THE DARK, drawing on the harrowing climax of the film where a group of coal miners are trapped underground and surrounded by poisonous gases. Two titles, but the same movie. How do they fit together, you may ask? Good thing you found this podcast!

As you may know, dear listener, we don't do Pixar movies on the podcast. But we do talk about Disney-released spinoffs from Pixar movies. Which of course means it was only a matter of time before we got to PLANES, the Cars-adjacent franchise that mostly exists to sell toys. But you may also know that a film set in a world populated entirely by living vehicles is going to capture our hosts' imaginations in a very specific way. So strap in, D-Lovers, this one is a wild ride. 

It's the last of the Disney TV shows that got their own theatrically released movies, and we saved the most grostesque for last. TEACHER'S PET features big Nathan Lane energy as a dog who desperately wants to be a boy, an insanely stacked voice cast, and just about the ugliest animation our hosts have ever seen. 

It's remarkable that, after watching enough Disney movies from the 1960s, it stops mattering how unique or strange a premise is. Take MONKEYS, GO HOME! A movie that begins with Dean Jones moving to Provence, France and turns into a movie about undercutting wages for the local olive-harvesting workers and replacing them with slave labour via four chimpanzees. A bizarre premise by any definition, yet at this stage our hosts barely bat an eye. 

Our hosts certainly aren't above jumping on the latest trends, so get ready to talk about Bruno, cause it's ENCANTO week. The latest Disney animated feature that is tearing up the soundtrack charts, capturing hearts and minds, and making you feel extremely sad when a house falls down. The songs will get stuck in your head, the arepas will make your stomachs rumble, and the family drama will be frustrating - but the experience will be memorable.

Y'all know that our hosts are all big fans of Jed. You know, the dog performer from classics such as The Journey of Natty Gann and White Fang? So it's sad to say that his final performance was in the...let's say lackluster Disney sequel WHITE FANG 2: MYTH OF THE WHITE WOLF. The most we can say about it is that at least it looks like a relatively easy time for ol' Jed, cause despite being the title character, the good boy ain't really even in this one all that much. And Alfred Molina aside, what they replaced him with isn't anything to write home about.

It's a rollicking river adventure this week as we watch the latest Disney movie to be based on a theme park ride, JUNGLE CRUISE. It's hard not to have at least a bit of a good time with this film, given how much it begs, borrows and steals from other beloved classics in the action-adventure genre, but it's got plenty to recommend itself on it's own! Like...Paul Giamatti and Jesse Plemons doing broad accents, Jack Whitehall playing his own father, and...um...The Rock wearing a cute lil' hat? 

How do you solve the problem of wanting to make an origin story for a villain whose only trait is a homicidal urge to murder animals and wear their skins? Well, if you're Disney, it's rather simple: cast Emma Stone, give her a tragic backstory, and then (and here's the important part) completely abandon any intention of having her turn into a puppy-strangling maniac. This CRUELLA may not be destined to become the iconic villain from the original animated classic, but there's still plenty to unpack in this movie. 

Bob and Margaret is an adult animated television series created by David Fine and Alison Snowden. The show revolved around a married English couple named Bob and Margaret Fish, a middle class 40-ish working couple with no children and two dogs. Bob is a dentist and Margaret is a chiropodist. Bob and Margaret struggle with everyday issues and mid-life crises. Stories often revolve around the mundane, but in a way which is eminently relatable. From the trials of shopping to dealing with friends who annoy them, but owe them a dinner. Anyway, here's our episode on Disney's SNOW DOGS.

In the pantheon of Disney Channel Original Movie icons, Galleria, Chanel, Aqua and Do may just be their own Mount Rushmore. And it's easy to see why; THE CHEETAH GIRLS is an earnest story of friendship, self-acceptance and conflict resolution that stands up with even the best episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation. It also has some wild examples of teen slang, awful early 2000s fashion and we're not entirely convinced Raven-Symoné didn't throw a bichon frise down a sinkhole for attention. 

When you think about it, Disney has a pretty decent track record with adventure movies. So THE ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD could have been a welcome reprieve from the usual 70s fare of films about dogs and old people. Could have been, but wasn't. Instead, it's a surprisingly dull affair, thanks to an uninteresting plot, and even more uninteresting characters. 

Much like the miracle substance itself, FLUBBER is a Disney movie that seems to defy understanding. In most ways, it's a surprisingly faithful remake (to its own detriment) of the 1961 Fred MacMurray vehicle it's based on. But it's in the small changes where the insanity happens. A flying robot in love with her creator, henchmen played by serial killer Buffalo Bill and the hardest screw to ever walk a turn in Shawshank prison, and Christopher McDonald - Shooter McGavin himself - delivering what may be his archest villain performance. All that before even mentioning they got Robin Williams to play the professor.