Myths Your Teacher Hated Podcast

This week on MYTH, we’ll be continuing the story Scheherazade began last time and finally venture inside the City of Brass.  You’ll learn that thrilling conclusions sometimes aren’t, that if someone takes the time to post lots of warnings, you should listen to them, and that throwing away the lives of your men for trinkets can really pay off.   Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the powerful demon born from the blood of murdered innocence.  This episode is the conclusion of the search for the City of Brass, one of the stories from the 1001 Nights.

This week on MYTH, we’ll trek into the endless desert in search of 1001 Arabian nights.  This would roughly be the right time to belt out the opening song to Disney’s Aladdin, if you like.  Instead of Agrabah, though, we’ll be searching for the Lost City of Brass.  You’ll discover that people lie for the dumbest reasons, why genies are trapped in bottles, and that you can totally trust evil creatures trapped in stone forever by Allah.   Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the shape-shifting, corpse-eating monster that's extremely hard to kill but surprisingly easy to resurrect.  This episode is the first part of the search for the City of Brass, one of the stories from the 1001 Nights.

This week on MYTH, it's back to West Africa for more exciting adventures from the Amazing Spider Man.  And by Spider Man, I of course mean that delightful trickster god, Anansi.  In this episode, you’ll learn that beans can do worse things than make you fart, that it’s a bad idea to sell your daughter for an easy meal, and that spiders are mooches.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s a snake-elephant crossbreed that protects an incredible treasure.  This episode tells three stories of Anansi the Spider from West African mythology.

This week on MYTH, we’re going to head in about as opposite a tone as possible from sunny, pleasant Hawaii and instead, head to rainy, dreary New England for the Halloween special.  In this episode, you’ll learn that racism doesn’t age well, that sometimes looks CAN kill, and that pirates are never to be trusted.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the evil shapeshifting pharaoh you might have met without realizing it.  This is the story of the dead god Cthulhu, center of the H. P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos.

Aloha!  This week on MYTH, I’m headed to sunny Hawaii for vacation in honor of one year of podcasting, so I figured it would be the perfect time to do another episode on the trickster god, Maui.  In this episode, you’ll see that little kids shouldn’t be in charge of naming creation, that eels are creepy bastards, and that fish make great landscaping.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the evil spirit that will wreck your world for eating in the wrong place, unless you’re related.  This is the story of how Maui met his wife Hina, and how Hina gave her eel friend Tuna the "let's be friends" speech from Polynesian mythology.

This week on MYTH, it's back to Mother Russia for the third and final part of the story cycle begun by Bulat the Brave Companion.  In this episode, you’ll learn that Adventure Time’s Ice King is way creepier than you thought, that Bulat has a ridiculous amount of restraint, and that eggs can be very harmful to your health.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, Froggy went a courtin' and he did ride, and then he drowned you.  

This week on MYTH, we’ll probe deeper into Russian folklore with a continuation of the Prince Ivan stories.  In this episode, you’ll learn that birds make the best brother-in laws, that magical horses can be smartasses, and that Xena was not the first warrior princess.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the black-winged demon that haunted many childhood nightmares.  

This week on MYTH, we’ll be trying to beat the summer heat (depending on when and where you listen to this episode) with a trip to wintry Russia.  In this episode, you’ll learn that contracts signed under torture are binding, that it’s totally fair to go all emo over a lost arrow, and that murder is a valid alternative to divorce.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the hairy kindergartner who might do your chores for you if he doesn't murder you in your bed.  

This week on MYTH, we’re heading to the Emerald Isle for one of the biggest baddies we’ve seen so far.  In this episode, you’ll discover that if you’re not careful you’re face will freeze that way, that sometimes he really did just lose your number, and that Celtic names are complicated to pronounce.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the sexy, redheaded seductress who’ll give you everlasting fame for the low, low price of your life. 

This week on MYTH, it’s time to head down under for a story from the Australian Aborigines.  In this episode, you’ll learn that creepy caves are always bad, that bones can be magical, and that some parents will go to serious extremes for their kids.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s a very good reason to be afraid of fig trees. 

This week on MYTH, we’ll be trekking through the jungles of South America for two ancient animal myths.  In this episode, you’ll learn that teenage skunks are just as arrogant as teenage humans, that the Mayans could be brutal as hell, and that anything can be fixed by a monkey with a guitar.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the weirdest were-animal missing a body part that you’ve ever seen. 

This week on MYTH, we’ll be heading into the brothels of ancient India.  In this episode, you’ll learn how to impress the country’s most beautiful woman, why losing body parts can be holy, and that bleeding out in a graveyard is just as terrifying as you’d think.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s a kinky goddess who likes to drink her own blood while watching couples fornicate. 

This week on MYTH, we’ll be looking for a little sympathy for the devil from a Grimm fairy tale.  In this episode, you’ll learn that making a deal with the devil is absolutely a good idea, that Hans is the original Pretty Woman, and what is in hell broth.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the most stylish version of the devil this side of Hollywood. 

This week on MYTH, we’ll be diving (pun intended) into the world of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid, which was, unsurprisingly, the inspiration for the Disney musical of the same name.  This is the third and final episode in out 3-episode series called “Disney Lied to Me,”, where I take a famous Disney musical and ruin it by telling you the bloodthirsty, torture filled, and rapey story behind the racist singing crab.  In this episode, you’ll learn that being a mermaid princess isn’t nearly as glamorous as you thought, that mermaids are savage as fuck, and that there is a worse explanation for sea foam than “the cum from a severed god cock”.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the bird that partly explains everyone’s fear of ravens. 

This week on MYTH, we’ll meet a sleeping beauty who finds that waiting for your prince can cause a lot of problems.  This is the second episode in our 3-episode series called “Disney Lied to Me,” where I’ll be taking a famous Disney musical and ruining it by telling you the sexual, blood-soaked story behind the singing animals.  In this episode, you’ll learn that Prince Charming was a dick, that the best epidural might be a splinter, and that sticking your sword penis where it doesn’t belong can get you killed.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the Italian cross between a faun and a mermaid who prefers to fuck human men. 

This week on MYTH, it’s a Polynesian demigod with a big fishhook and a bigger ego.  This is the first episode in our 3-episode series called “Disney Lied to Me,” where I’ll be taking a famous Disney musical and ruining it by telling you the sexual, blood-soaked story behind the singing animals.  In this episode, you’ll discover that casting your infant into the sea can give them magic powers, that Maui would do anything for love, including that, and that screwing up a ritual can have dire effects.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the sexy seductress who might also be a giant lizard. 

This week on MYTH, it’s a Jewish story that you won’t find in the Torah.  In this episode, you’ll discover how you can be raped by a ghost, why you should never doubt Moses, and that Sam Raimi might have been inspired by medieval Judaism.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the archangel of death responsible for the slaughter of countless children. 

This week on MYTH, we’re finally leaving behind the long-winded, zany antics of the Monkey King.  We’ll be journeying to an entirely new mythos for this week’s story.  This is the story of the Prince and the Sphinx from Egyptian mythology.  The original story actually comes from the prince in question, and is one of the few stories with a definitive historical context.  In this episode, you’ll learn that your sibling rivalry could have been a whole lot worse, that pretty much everyone is in awe of the great pyramids, and that listening to a statue is a great way to be king.  Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the story of the fat, scaly mishmash god who might literally eat your heart out.  

This week on MYTH, we’ll at last reach the end of our 14 year journey to Vulture Peak in mythical India, which bears only a passing resemblance to the real India..  This is the seventh and final episode on the epic tale of Sun Wukong, the Monkey King.  If you haven’t heard the first six parts, I’d recommend going back and listening. The first episode provides a lot of back story on the Monkey King and on the chinese cosmology, the second tells how this whole quest thing got started, the third tells Sanzang got tricked into banishing Monkey from the party, the fourth tells how Sanzang ended up hanging from a tree surrounded by bandits and Monkey decided to join back up, and the fifth tells about Sanzang being totally cool with being kidnapped as long as no beautiful women try to fuck him.   After some sitcom antics, Sanzang figures out he’s been tricked by demons into distrusting Monkey, and they all become one big happy party again just long enough for Sanzang to nearly get his dick sucked by a scorpion demon

This week on MYTH, we’ll continue Monkey’s epic journey to the west to retrieve Indian magic.  The story is slowly nearing it’s conclusion after our break for a very special Valentine’s Day.  This is the fifth episode on the epic tale of Sun Wukong, the Monkey King.  If you haven’t heard the first four parts, I’d recommend going back and listening.  The first episode provides a lot of back story on the Monkey King and on the chinese cosmology, the second tells how this whole quest thing got started, the third tells Sanzang got tricked into banishing Monkey from the party, and the fourth tells how Sanzang ended up hanging from a tree surrounded by bandits.  To summarize, Monkey was trapped by Buddha and could only be released if he served the monk Sanzang on his journey to the west to retrieve the magic sutras from India.  Along the way, getting into a stupid amount of trouble and getting out mostly through literal deus ex machina, they acquire two more disciples: Ogre and Piggy.   After some sitcom antics, Sa