Tysto Film Commentaries

Join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs as I join him and together we wax poetical about George Romero and his zombie film, the one that all zombie films afterward use as a template. We discuss the enduring format of the siege picture, the race and gender issues, the acting, the direction, the difference between zombies and ghouls (ghouls rule, zombies drool), and of course whether Harry & Helen are Homer & Marge Simpson or Thurston Howell III & Lovey (me: both; John: neither). We compare it to all the other zombie movies, disaster movies, and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. We discuss the social commentary, the social impact, and social media. Bonus: I explain women's suffrage, altho frankly everyone should know about it already from the rockin'est School House Rock song of all time.

It's the 20th anniversary of James Cameron's tour de force romance-on-the-high-seas-gone-wrong Titanic, a film so big it made people briefly think James Cameron wasn't crazy (he is). I'm joined by Mike from Commentary Track Stars and Great Shot Kid and Mehul from the Internet! They love this movie, which more than makes up for the fact I think it's flabby and stilted until shit gets real and a little movie star named Ice Berg shows up. We compare it to Cameron's other movies, other water and ship movies, other romances movies, Stanley Kubrick movies, and Back to the Future. We praise the acting, the set design, the concept of limitations, and heroes of the actual, for-real tragedy that Cameron tacked an Aladdin-style street-rat-and-the-princess romance onto. We complain about the acting, the early CGI, the ham-handed dialog, and the nudity (Mike & Mehul; not me, I assure you).

Watch along with Jimmy and me as we hark back to 1985 with our mullets and parachute pants and feast our eyes on Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime fighting bad guys and rescuing damsels and also being rescued by damsels. We try to figure out who the real commando is. We count how many times "John Matrix" should have died (5). We laud the roles given to the female characters, even if they're ludicrous and superfluous. We wax poetic about '80s character actors and their credits. We applaud the ticking clock (a beeping watch) and the conspicuous lack of cell phones. And we duck and cover when all hell breaks loose at Harold Lloyd's Victor Maitland's Arius's house. (Beverly Hills Cop was not filmed at the Lloyd mansion, but Young Lady Chatterley II was, and I highly recommend it for the scenery.) I identify all the cars. Jimmy becomes confused by a sex position he's never seen (he didn't see Young Lady Chatterley II). I reveal my secret weakness (low-oxygen environments). Jimmy casts Schwarzenegger and Stallon

Any day aboard the Enterprise, another fake distress call. What are you gonna do? The money is running out, and sets are thin, but the crew makes the most of what they've got. Olly and I discuss the big ideas (not killing everyone and taking their stuff!), the futuristic fashions (backless coveralls! combovers!), and pacing and dialog ("What is this hu-man emotion called love?"). Oh! And cuboctahedrons galore! More cuboctahedrons than you can shake a stick at!

Episode 30: "Amok Time", in which Spock once again but most spectacularly comes under the influence of something (hormones) that causes him to show emotion! Olly and I delve into the logic, the character development, the world building (it's literally one building on another world, but hey), and so much more. Checkov! Checkov's wig! Chapel's burning lust for Spock! Spock's lava lamp! Vulcan's principle export (lava lamps)! This has the beautiful Arlene Martel as T'pring, Celia Lovsky as T'Pau, and a guy as Stonn (okay, not a great character). Olly and I battle to the death over whether production order or broadcast order is most important. And I sing the fight music!

Tweet Join me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs for Paul Verhoeven’s shoot-em-up classic (no not that one, and no not that one–okay he made a LOT of shoot-em-ups) RoboCop. This is the 1987 one, not the remake that is definitely terrible even tho we didn’t see it. It’s the heartwarming tale of … Continue reading RoboCop (1987) →

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 29: "The City on the Edge of Forever". We question the nature of the time portal—sorry: "Guardian of Forever" (nice guarding there, pal, by the way). We question why Kirk brings only part of the landing party thru the portal. We question the use of soft focus on Joan Collins. And we question the problem with a device that records video but can't play it back without being hooked up to a series of old radio tubes. Also, we forget to mentioned "Let's get the hell out of here" was the first time "hell" was used as a curse word on American TV.

Join Drew and me for a whirlwind tour of the galaxy, with a cast so vast includes several dead people. It's the heartwarming tale of a pair of ragamuffin lone wolves in a motley band of rogues within a ragtag group of rebels inside a struggling republic fighting a galactic empire with no apparent emperor that nevertheless somehow builds gigantic moon-sized space stations. And it's the tale of how they get a message from a guy who tells them all they have to do to destroy that space station is get the plans from the most secure military warehouse in the galaxy and exploit a flaw he designed deep inside the most dangerous weapon ever created. SIMPLE!

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 24: "This Side of Paradise" We compare it to past episodes we've done, other mutiny episodes, "Shore Leave", and Firefly. We fight like Kirk and Spock over Kirk and Spock and whether living on this planet would actually be fine (me: yes; Olly: you have no ambition). We imagine what hospitals would be like once the flowers are put into regular use giving people perfect health but no ambition. And we riff on wigs.

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 18: "Arena" We discuss the Gorn, the Gorn's gender, the Gorn's name, the Gorn's attractiveness, and the recipe for gun powder.

Join Olly and me as we look into episode 7: "What Are Little Girls Made Of?" (Spoiler: wires and circuits.) We discuss the classic cast, the fact that this is a bottle episode, the similarity to Doctor Who, the attractiveness of Sherry Jackson (and Ted Cassidy), and the possibility that Ruk started out as a robotic couch for an old lady.

TweetJoin me as I join John Pavlich of Sofa Dogs for a dive into the second Avengers film. We compare it to other Marvel films, Frankenstein, and Barb Wire. We praise nearly every part of it but come out feeling like it largely missed the mark. We’re watching the Blu-ray. Cue up the first frame … Continue reading Avengers: Age of Ultron →

Join Olly and me one our mission to examine Star Trek (the original series) in ten installments (probably at least eleven now, actually). Our first installment is the original pilot starring Jeffrey Hunter, "The Cage", which was later used to cobble together a two-parter called "The Menagerie". It's a fascinating start.

Join Drew and me and a silent Asian girl for a look into the darkest fantasies of computer nerds: talking to a pretty girl behind a glass wall. We examine the genre, theme, inspiration, and dance moves. We compare it to other Alex Garland films, other streaming films, porn, Greek tragedies, Star Trek, RoboCop, Jurassic Park, Battlestar Galactica, Frankenstein, Dracula, Pinocchio, and porn. And we do an unpaid advertisement for Amazon Video. We imagine ourselves in the Caleb role, the Nathan role, the Ava role, and the helicopter pilot role. We have a lot of questions about Kyoko. I namecheck Nunavut and Yellowknife (I know Yellowknife is not in Nunavut). We speculate on where the movie is set, how the house is designed and supplied, and how many hookers are buried on the grounds. And we try to figure out who the villain is.

Olly is back, and this time we're scrutinizing the fine details of Adam West's Batman. We both love the film for what it is, and praise the cast, writing, and set design. We elaborate on the acting careers of the fine cast and crew. And we analyze its influence (I push the connections to Batman Returns, but perhaps too far). We speculate on the manufacture of batsuits but discreetly do not mention that this batsuit, like Joel Schumacher's, has nipples (of the 100% natural variety). We note the notable lack of catness of Catwoman and analyze the rooming relationships between the villains. And we think about all the things we should not think about when it comes to dehydrating and rehydrating people.

Pop in your copy of this all-American (and some British) classic while Jimmy and I gush over just about every aspect of it. We compare it to Citizen Kane and Fellini's 8 1/2 and Bicycle Thieves (not in so many words, but basically) and all other great films as well as several other things. It's a road movie, a coming-of-age movie, a hero's-journey movie, and a falling-in-love-with-a -pig movie. I forget to mention Italian commedia dell'arte, but it's that too. It's all things to all people. We keep it clean and cordial. I do the world's greatest impression of Kermit the Frog. We evaluate Doc Hopper's business case. We reveal the shocking origin of Telly Monster. We have a falling out over mixing Sesame Street with Muppet Show characters and whether it's okay to fall in love with a chicken. But it's okay; we makes up over our shared hatred of Elmo. And we answer the musical question "why are there so many songs about rainbows?" (and you may not like the answer). We're watching the Blu-ray and stay in sync. S

Join me along with Olly (last name uknown, possibly Fronkensteen) as we peer into the dark depths of taboo science and cinema with Mel Brooks' and Gene Wilder's wonderful Young Frankenstein. We compare it to other Frankenstein movies, other Mel Brooks movies, other Gene Wilder movies, and Brief Encounter. Olly explains how Brooks and Wilder were both crazy in different ways. We insult Gene Wilder's hair. We discuss back-door pilots and how this movie should not be set in Transylvania and why a mad scientist would dress his monster in a suit. We discuss the Dr Frankenstein/Frankenstein's Monster mixup and try to name the monster. We wish Gene Wilder had "gone the Bill Murray route". And I try to get Olly to say "Blucher".

Olly is back after a long absence to drink cocktails and discuss the intricacies of the Myrna Loy and William Powell classic The Thin Man. Olly compares it to the book and to the TV show. We analyze the relationship between Nick and Nora and compare it to other movie and TV couples. We compare the plot to other films in the series and other films of other sorts and to Agatha Christie. I mistakenly say Alan Ladd's The Glass Key was first person point of view when it was Robert Montgomery's The Lady in the Lake. Olly confesses to only having seen one Kevin Bacon movie, which I like to imagine was White Water Summer but probably wasn't. So I explain Wild Things to him, which may make your head hurt. We discuss Hitchcock's use of leading men and humor and how it compares. We discuss how Asta is virtually useless and how Nick is not really all that insightful of a detective. And we plan on remaking it in 3D. Also, I badmouth Alan Ladd repeatedly and explain how everyone in The Maltese Falcon was gay. We're watc

SMEAR YOUR FOREHEAD WITH GREASE! SPRAY YOUR FACE WITH CHROME! DRINK GUZZLEINE IN VALHALLA WITH DONALD TRUMP'S GRANDSON IMMORTAN JOE TRUMP! IT'S MAD MAX: FURY ROAD! WITH JIMMY B! AND ENGINE NOISES! AND ELECTRIC GUITAR! AND a Skype dropout at 1:17:05 but we fix it and everything and HEAD BACK TO GET US SOME WATER!

Join me as I take on the worst terrorist organization in history, SPECTRE. I compare the film to other Daniel Craig Bonds, other Bonds of other sorts, other action movies, Inglourious Basterds, Jaws, and corporate projects I've worked on. I accuse it of being a really expensive fan film. And I mis-remember which Blofeld had the scar (Donald Pleasence, not Telly Savalas). I praise the acting and the set pieces and the gun butler; I complain about the office and hotel scenes where nothing happens and the action scenes where stuff does happen; and I do the world's best imitation of Christoph Waltz. I fail to recognize clinic barman Victor Schefé, star of Bewegte Männer. I obsess over the secret room in the Hotel L'Americain and make up a whole back story about it. I put forth a seven point argument for Hinx being based on Jaws and not Red Grant (take that, Wikipedia!). I disbelieve Blofeld's whole operation. I apologize to international assassins (again). And I try to figure out how many helicopters Bond has st