Movie Mastery

Netflix’s first attempt at making a blockbuster film is mostly fantasy racism and copaganda set in a world where they didn’t spend more than minute thinking about world building and the implications of the setting.

The movie that fools you twice. Once by making you assume there is going to be way too much Chris Kattan when he’s hardly in it and then fooling you again by making it so that Chris Kattan is actually the best part of the movie.

This movie has famously been mocked for being awful ever since it first came out and was nominated for two different bad movie awards. But, does it deserve the hate or is there something here worth watching? Let’s find out together, shall we?

What starts out seeming like a standard Hulk Hogan action movie, quickly devolves into a strange, dreamlike comedy with cartoonish characters and a nonsensical plot.

We aren’t reviewing Morbius (yet) but how about another movie that decided to try to lean into the memes and then didn’t make any money because it turns out memes aren’t actually worth anything.

When you adapt a manga or anime into live action, only good things can happen. And what could be more exciting than watching someone drive the exact same route 7 times without losing?

In the vein of A Talking Cat, a celebrity really phones it in while voicing an animal but this movie had the budget to also badly CGI the animal doing karate.

Follow the thrilling escapades of John Canyon as he coerces a girl to marry him for a ride and then be chilled by the worst thing that poor Charles Dance has had to do on screen.

In the near future, two rival gangs fight for control of Frasier Park, CA by playing a knock-off version of Dance Dance Revolution but mostly just say the N-word a lot.

One of the few actually decent DreamWorks animated films but it still can’t escape the dreaded “all the characters dance” ending.

In what I can only describe as one of the worst movies that we have ever seen; Jenny McCarthy takes some time off from spreading misinformation about vaccines to write and star in a humorless “comedy” where everyone sucks and nobody learns anything.

Thrill as a very large but not kaiju-sized crocodile harmlessly wanders around the Chinese countryside causing some mild panic and light property damage.

An earnestly fun, low budget comedy with high gore and nudity content that would honestly have aged pretty well if it weren’t for all the racial slurs and homophobia.

When you need a problem solved and nobody else can get it done, you call the legally distinct from G.I. Joe men at Megaforce.

A movie that took the name of a Stephen King short story but has absolutely nothing in common with it and yet somehow still manages to be an extremely Stephen King movie.

The classic “how do I reach these kids” teacher movie with a military twist and you better believe that there’s a scene where these army teens drop a sick Hamlet rap.

Special guest James D’Amato joins us in a review of Britain’s extremely cursed foray into the world of animated movies. A film with a plot so absurd that there is no way the movie can do it justice.

Whoever it was that decided this should be on our list both understands exactly what this show is about and also is a terrible person. Hitting some surprising new lows on this one.

Ok but the movie poster claims “the most bizarre murder weapon ever used” and that’s just not even remotely true. Killing someone with a truck is real fuckin basic. You kill someone with some Pumpernickel bread and maybe you can claim most bizarre murder weapon.

The 4th and final installment of the 3 Ninjas series goes out on a “what?” as Hulk Hogan helps some kids fight terrorists that are also ninjas that have taken over an amusement park.