Lotsa Pasta

I’VE BEEN AWAY. TO A DISTANT LAND. AGAIN.You might also say WHEREAMI? AGAIN. Cause he’s here too. We’re back in Cali, baby. We went to Disneyland again but THIS TIME we got into the OOGIE BASH and it was pretty alright! OH NO, BUT REALLY, we’re into the total again because it is our second time at Halloween Horror Nights Hollywood. I also wanted to take the time to talk about Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando FL this year, because I had attended with Alley Cat per our annual spooky trip. Lots to talk about this year, as the differences between CA and FL were many! More than I could have expected, to be frank. And I don’t want to be him. I want to be me, Captain Death - because, basically, my cousin was sponsored in CA this year at the Monstruous 2 house cause he looked like a conquistador version of Captain Death even down to the muerte title; Very cool. Always love running into family. But for real - as much shit as we talk, this year wasn’t that bad. It was just alright. And for HHN, that’s okay. Just okay

What can I say about dead celebrities that hasn’t been said already? A lot actually. Which is why I’m not going to say anything. I’m really not. So anyways, we’re continuing the investigation we last left off with on the previous episode. I mean, we have our answers, we know where things are going, right? Maybe not literally but how could you possibly know where part three is going to end. Will our loose cannon cops play by the rules? Will they even fire their weapons at innocent minorities? Not a real story if neither of those things are happening. Vampires are real, though. I’m not budging on that one. But I am edging on it. Anyways, enjoy the rest of this story with these here boys. They had a good time, because I know they did. I made them. DUH-DUHN. So We’re About 99% Sure the New Guy in Town is a Vampire(20:33) by TheJesseClarkhttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/7ipy4b/so_were_about_99_sure_the_new_guy_in_town_is_a/NEW! Support us on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/LOTSA_PASTAAND KO-FI: https://k

What can I say about vampires that hasn’t already been said? Well, they live forever, so they have to be pretty savvy business men, right? Not what you expected me to say, either, huh? Well, it’s not what I expected to be reading with this group of jack-offs. Or should I say jack-ONS because they were on this shit like flies. By that I mean, they read and performed pretty damn well, in my opinion. It’s almost like they don’t listen to my show because they were surprised by my performance several times as well, not to toot my own horn or anything but I have been doing this for like 8 years. I kinda feel like a vampire, you know what I mean? Maybe you don’t. But you might. Anyways, what we expected was Fright Night and what we got was Law & Order. Am I complaining, not necessarily. Should I be? I’ll let you be the judge. DUH-DUHN. So We’re About 99% Sure the New Guy in Town is a Vampire(25:45) by TheJesseClarkhttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/7ipy4b/so_were_about_99_sure_the_new_guy_in_town_is_a/NEW

Everyone loves a good dog, right? I mean, if you don’t, I don’t trust you. I don’t think you deserve my trust if you don’t love a good doggo. I know someone who loves good pups: Midnight Bride. She’s got herself a good little goblin faced, Steve Buscemi of a dog. She’s a sweet lil sprinkle-bear. She can’t help that she was born with the face of a bat and the body of a chihuahua. But I digress, we’re here to talk about a couple things like young love and more importantly and often over-looked, young hate. I think we need to bring young hate back. Young hate doesn’t get enough attention despite being like the crux of a lot of good 80’s movies. There’s always like a nemesis or a bully of some kind and they always get their comeuppance, right? Well, let’s see if this story does more of the same, cause there’s a chance this can be sad. I hope this isn’t sad. I hope this is nice and fun and full of young hate. Fuck young love. What can I say, I’m Aerosmith; aka JADED. Good Dog(24:16) by Shannon Higdonhttps://www.cr

What conclusion awaits us at the end of this thrilling chapter? Something trivial that will tie everything up way too nicely despite all the questions and remaining answers and issues are directly in front of our literal fingertips, right? No, again, no inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. Just Grimes. Just a big old bitch of a stone statue. The possibilities have been emptied with Ramses Vanderslice on today’s episode and as we come to an end, I can’t help but think that this is just Borrasca V all over again. This one just kinda ends out of nowhere for lack of circumstantial reasons, just like my relationship with my previously mentioned ex-girlfriend. I’m not gonna say it sucks. It doesn’t suck as bad as the last one. It’s hard to think that the same person who wrote part one and also wrote parts two and three, but here we are. I’m sure part three was thought up before part two was because it just moves better and tries its damndest to answer questions left by chapter one, b

What mysteries lie in the fictional town of Lannenberg(burg?) Pennsylvania? Who knows because it doesn’t actually exist and I’m confused as to why this is a plot point when it could have just taken place in Harrisburg. No inbred, redneck melon-heads. No old, garden variety homeless people. But yes, yes, a giant demon statue made of stone and sin called Metar- I mean -GRIMBUS. The possibilities are narrowing with Ramses Vanderslice on today’s episode and as the chapters go on, my hope dwindles further, just like my previously mentioned ex-girlfriend. This one sucks, and not in the same way and not in a good way. Why does this chapter exist - ah, yes - to pad the plot of what the next part is because that was clearly thought up before this part was. Huzzah. Mystery solved. Why is our character motivated to this degree? Who knows. Trauma apparently works that way, says the author, but Trauma don’t work that way says me - but I’m not an author, I’m just some asshole online. Enjoy! Return to Deepwoods, PA(41:50) b

What mysteries lie deep in the woods of Pennsylvania. Inbred, redneck melon-heads? Regular old, garden variety homeless people? A giant demon statue made of stone and sin? The possibilities are endless here on Lotsa Pasta with our guest Ramses Vanderslice. I know we last had a really silly Halloween but Ramses is back to get into a multi-chapter story with me this time, reminiscent of our time checking out The Showers and I do mean THE Showers and not just any old shower. Go listen to those two episodes if you don’t believe me. They’re good! This one, also good! The restraint with chapter one or The Lost Town section of Deepwoods, PA is very entertaining. Let’s just see if the author can keep it up. Sounds like something my ex girlfriend used to say. Alls well that ends well, right? WRONG - never go in the secret basement hatch inscribed with latin. NEVER. Just like my ex-girlfriend’s place.The Lost Town of Deepwoods, PA(34:12) by The_Dalek_Emperorhttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/1xn677/the_lost_town

Cannibal Siren and I are on another level today. We’re operating on a whole other spectrum. An AUTISTIC spectrum. No, not really. We just got that synergy going on. Oh, I mean, SINergy. Right, cause we both full of that godly No-No. What’s more in style with the kids now-a-days, being all shitty and stupid or being reliable and respectful. That’s not a question for a reason, we know the answer. Get to it, folks. We’re here reading a couple short stories from NoSleep because we would rather spend time NOT recording with one another. This isn’t the last time we’ll see Cannibal, in fact, I hear from her every week, but it is the last time I’ll see her IRL for a while, so this was happy time to spend with her. And her cats. It was a good time. My Sugar Daddy Asks Me for Weird Favors(48:05) by eaPAtbphttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/diuucz/my_sugar_daddy_asks_me_for_weird_favors/The Limping Woman(1:09:26) by Pippinacioushttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/731yoi/the_limping_woman/My Student Submitte

We’re back in the kingdom of HO-HOs and Lititz, PA. Yes, that’s right, the SOFA Kingdom, to be exact. This time, joined by the royal family as Sofa Queen also joins us on spectator duty while the King and I have our jolly time. That being said, these stories were random as all hell but also fun as all hell and I blame all of that on Sofa King - he’s just that kinda guy. He read through my list, he checked it twice, he found these ones to be the weirdest and I’m just along for the ride. The same way you’re along for the ride. Well, not the EXACT same, but you get my point. Buckle in - we’re going places. Are they fun places? Not really. They’re dangerous and weird. But we’re INTO that. RIGHT? Right. 10 Years as an Escort and this was Not in my Job Description(40:53) by EZMiseryhttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/4x2mco/10_years_as_an_escort_and_this_was_not_in_my_job/I Found a USB Stick AKA The Long Face(1:10:29) by Fyvehttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/10b4z6/i_found_a_usb_stick_the_long_face/NE

I meant to sing a little song to Scutch when I saw him a couple months ago and recorded this episode but I forgot. Of course, it’s because I got too drunk and because I was too excited to talk to him about Game of Thrones and Aliens. You know, the usual. Why wouldn’t I be excited about that, Scutch is one of my favorite people on the show because of his life experience and perspective on things and talking to people about Aliens(and Game of Thrones) tells you a lot about a person; Like, for example, if they suck or not. As you know or as you’re about to see, neither myself nor Scutch MacGee suck. We’re realistic and fun and think that Game of Thrones was ruined by two directors and their egos and that aliens absolutely exist and we’re just here for it. Any aspect of it, really. We’re here for all the tall and short fuckers out there as long as they’re spying on us, keeping us in check on a galactic level, and not being overtly weird about it. That would be hella awkward. We might actually care, then. Good thi

Grandpa really puts life in perspective. Sometimes you just get caught up chasing things you don't understand and next thing you know, you're old, and broken, and telling your grandson a bunch of bullshit because your brain doesn't work right anymore and almost everyone you know is dead. Crazy. Anyways, here's some more stories! Who knows which direction they'll go. Did you understand the last episode? Did you have questions? Of course you did. Are they ever going to be answered? Of course not, because a good storyteller never shows their hand as the card players would say. They got dirty fucking hands and this detective won't stand for it. He'll sit and get lost and confused and end up regretting everything. My Grandpa, a Retired Homicide Detective, just Told Me the Case that still Keeps Him Up at Night(15:17) by Nickbotichttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/d1zd4f/my_grandpa_a_retired_homicide_detective_just_told/NEW! Support us on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/LOTSA_PASTAAND KO-FI: https://ko-fi.co

The Deputy is back and he killed the Sheriff himself. What more need be said? A lot, I suppose. Join us for some NIGHT SWIM and join us for some more hard-boiled cops that play by the rules. No, nothing weird about that. Totally by-the-books procedural here. Nothing out of the ordinary going on. Just regular old story-time with Grandpa. Definitely no nightmare inspiring unsolved mysteries here. Definitely nothing that’s managed to haunt this old man until his final days. Definitely no dead kids, either. Who’s asking? Really? No, seriously. Now I’m concerned.  There’s nothing wrong with Grandpa OR his stories, okay? Now, tuck in for night-night, drink your glass of warm milk, and open up your butt, cause we’re coming in. My Grandpa, a Retired Homicide Detective, just Told Me the Case that still Keeps Him Up at Night(24:34) by Nickbotichttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/d1zd4f/my_grandpa_a_retired_homicide_detective_just_told/NEW! Support us on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/LOTSA_PASTAAND KO-FI: https

So, Slappy haunted my dreams as a kid, that’s no surprise. I’ll talk about that forever. I’ll talk about how the Goosebumps TV show haunted me as a kid. That’s fine. Curse me, if you will. But maybe it is all rose-tinted shades from here on out or really, what are a couple of 30-year old men doing reading Goosebumps anyway? Are we really that far out of the recommended audience to glean anything from these narratives? Yes. Yes, I think we honestly are. Does that mean we’re going to stop reading them? Of course not. It’s too funny to stop now. Plus, Mr. Skellybones and I are having one hell of a time doing so. Just pals pallin’ around, you know. Taking a dip in the cold lake together. Skinny dipping, as it were. And let me tell you, we’re not the only boners in this lake, either. Just another reason not to send your kids away to camp, right? How many episodes revolve around this, I mean - never mind. Let’s get to it. The Curse of Camp Cold Lake - Goosebumps #56 (21:26) by RL STINENEW! Support us on PATREON: ht

I’m gonna make that joke about how I drug myself every Christmas Eve, now. Well, I guess I already did, didn’t I? Christmas is supposed to be a day about getting together with the family or those close enough to be blood, and sharing some special time with each other where you don’t just sniff each others farts and lick each others assholes. I mean, if you end up doing either of those literal things,  good for you, but you can do that on any other day and it’d be fine too. Christmas, as I was saying, isn’t supposed to be about a gross amount of red spidery creatures attacking the neighborhood and scaring everyone, only to get mowed down in a second act effort seamlessly. Oops. Spoilers. Merry Christmas every one, I give you the gift of not giving a fuck. What can I say? I’m still pretty drugged up since Christmas Eve. Every Year on Christmas Eve my Parents Drug Us.  I Found Out Why(13:06)By u/catinthecupboard https://www.reddit.com/r/shortscarystories/comments/ro3z1q/every_year_on_christmas_eve_my_parents_dru

I’d make a joke about how I drug myself every Christmas Eve, but it seems too easy. The truth is, I drug myself throughout this entire season. I can’t stand it, to be honest. The entire capitalist, competitive spirit of gift-giving mixed with overbearing debt and rising suicide rates and low mental health for the entirety of winter keeps me as dreary and bleak as the 5PM snow-blind darkness. But hey, yeah, let’s all pretend to be okay with one another and ourselves long enough to have a good holiday, yeah? At least I have my best friend by my side to read a wonderful two-parter with, right? This story is good, after all, and I’m glad we found it at the time we did - tis the season and all. What an apt title, after all. Every Year on Christmas Eve my Parents Drug Us.  I Found Out Why(42:21)By u/catinthecupboard https://www.reddit.com/r/shortscarystories/comments/ro3z1q/every_year_on_christmas_eve_my_parents_drug_us/NEW! Support us on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/LOTSA_PASTAAND KO-FI: https://ko-fi.com/lots

BUT YOU’VE GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS. Ain’t that right people? Today’s episode introduces us to a new guest that needs a perfect introduction in an otherwise perfect little contained episode. Royale w/ Cheese wanted to get broken in on some of the King and who am I to supply him with anything but. This is the third time we’re reading King, as we’ve read The Jaunt and The Raft on two other episodes, but today we’re gonna read a couple of his shorter features off of well known collection. Royale w/ Cheese curated this episode, folks, so it really can’t be better. What a way to celebrate our SEVEN YEAR anniversary, huh? It may not look like it or even sound like it to everyone else, but the reason I chose to celebrate with Kitty aka Torus Filth earlier this month and then bring in a new player like Royale w/ Cheese is just to show how far we’ve come - these are two fans who started off as you: listeners of the show. I remember starting the show and doing the work as early as November 2016 and here we are in November of

The world is changed. I feel it in the creeps. I feel it in the pasta. I smell it in the weed. Much that once was across the fucking planet is now here, for those of us crazy enough to accept it. It began with the forging of a spooky podcast. Three close friends gathered, seeking immortality amongst the internet sovereign. Seven trolls, great trouble makers and jokesters of the caverns old. And nine or so or maybe some other number of regular ass people, I don’t know, I’ve lost count, who all else desired saving from their boredom. For within this podcast was bound some seriously listenable shit to govern the interwebs. But they were all of them deceived, for the biggest fan was waiting. Deep in the land of New Zealand, in the mountains of… well, New Zealand, the super fan Kitty aka Torus Filth forged a desire and into it poured her greatest stoner attributes and loving tendencies. One fan to rule them all. How to Survive in Hell(35:06) by Ratrottedhttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/63ubzl/how_to_survi

Today is a personal episode for me. I don’t share much about my personal life and I do that on purpose as to not mix what it is about performing on this show with what it means for me to live my life as myself. You see, what I do here on this program is put on a performance, much like in my life, to display that of a regular, spooky-loving dude. But really, it is much more than that. I live the spook life. I am the spook. And this extends to my girlfriend, Alley Cat. She didn’t start out my girlfriend on the show, but she became my girlfriend during the show. It’s a long story in itself and it goes back almost 19 years, so I’m not going to get into it. What I am going to get into, however, is what we do in our spare time together and where we choose to spend our time together. One of those special places to us is Halloween Horror Nights. I came up with a ranking system, and we’re going to take a nice stroll down memory lane to discuss my first time going with my brothers in 2019 to my most recent trip to Orla

What can I say, I’m sentimental. I appreciate nostalgia. I like to get back to the classics every once in a while, remind myself where we came from and what we grew out of. And that’s why we’re going to read some dumb ass, stupid ass stories on todays episode. Really get the blood flowing, you know? These are all submissions and recommendations from a listener of ours Danny, and I hope he hears this(reads this). The stories you picked for us today brought us great joy. They’re awful. Mostly. They’re mostly awful. And we loved every second of it. Thank you, Danny. Whether that was your intention or not, thank you so much. Ramses and I hope you have a happy Halloween. Turn Me On, Dead Man(28:58) by CaptainCutler'sGhosthttps://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/Turn_Me_On,_Dead_ManPass It On(44:21) by Emma Frohhttps://www.creepypasta.com/pass-it-on-2/Dead Man's Mouth(57:27) by Adam Bolanderhttps://www.creepypasta.com/the-dead-mans-mouth/Neighbors(1:09:29) by REChttps://www.creepypasta.com/neighbors/My Music Box(1:13:50

So, the Devil walks into a bar. No, that isn’t the start to a joke or anything, I’m literally telling you the Devil just walked into the bar. Fine, don’t believe me. But let me tell you, she looks hot as hell. What can I say, a fiery redhead always makes my tongue dry. And what better to whet the whistle than some whiskey. That’ll do the trick. Let’s hear what she has to say, shall we? I hope it’s interesting. I hope she’s into me. I hope we can make some nice anti-christ babies together. Wouldn’t that be something. Shit, I’m getting ahead of myself. This meet-cute has gone off the rails and we only just met. How romantic. I Met Someone Who Claimed to be the Devil and I Think I Believe Them(18:24) by athousandrowshttps://www.reddit.com/r/nosleep/comments/8chsch/i_met_someone_who_claimed_to_be_the_devil_and_i/NEW! Support us on PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/LOTSA_PASTAAND KO-FI: https://ko-fi.com/lotsa_pastaMERCH: 
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