Dear Men

"Porn was the #1 relationship I had in terms of intimacy."So says Jason on his experience of sex, love, and closeness in his 20s. (Fortunately, after engaging in personal growth, including men's work, he's now married to a radiant goddess!)If you've ever struggled with your relationship to porn -- and if that has also impacted your relationship to sex and sexuality, you're far from alone. Countless clients of ours start out with a challenging dynamic with porn, and here's the truth: Porn use isn't really about porn. Weed use isn't really about weed, either.When it comes to using weed, porn & masturbation, and other substances like alcohol, as Luke puts it, "It’s almost always covering up deeper material that men do not know how to handle."The good news? There are lots of ways to handle that material, safe spaces within which to process it, and a TON of energy, vitality, and joy on the other side. Remember: Personal growth works, so work it.---Work with usWant to

Most of us, on our growth journeys, become aware that we need to heal from some kind of trauma. We also often discover that we need more than talk therapy.Altered states have been used since time immemorial to help us on our healing paths, and can be particularly helpful in trauma healing. And while plant medicine (ayahuasca, psilocybin (magic mushrooms), MDMA, psychedelics like wachuma/peyote) can be a strong ally, it also has certain drawbacks and limitations.Fortunately there's another way to get into altered states that requires no substances: Breathwork.Here we outline the differences between plant medicine and breathwork. We also discuss how breathwork can help folks heal from attachment wounding (anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or disorganized attachment, which is a mix of both).And we talk about the bodymind's inherent knowledge of how to heal. Breathwork can help us unlock our own deeper wisdom.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you!

A common pattern in a lot of love relationships sounds like one partner (often a man, in a man/woman dynamic) saying things like:"I wish you weren’t so busy with the kids.""You never dress up for me anymore.""I wish you'd flirt with me more.""You hide yourself from me; I never really see your body anymore.""I wish we had more sex."---What's driving this, and how does a couple navigate it skillfully? A lot of men yearn for more sexual connection with their partner -- but it's not just about the sex. And the way a lot of men go about talking about this with their woman partner ends up being triggering for the woman.Here we discuss what we've witnessed in terms of men's deep desire for not just sex, but their partner's enthusiastic participation. And we dive right into what's even underneath that: The ache to feel her feminine essence.This is about more than just incorporating sex toys or trying out a new position. This is about the depth and po

Have you ever felt unworthy, less than, or "deeply ugly and stupid," as my guest this week put it?The fact is, we need all the support we can get. We need it from our fellow humans, and we need it from something greater.The word "God" can be very triggering -- for those who experienced religious trauma growing up (which, let's face it, is literally billions of people), it can be a dirty word.Yet the concept of Life -- aka Divine Intelligence, the Field, Spirit, etc. -- can be extraordinarily transformative when it comes to our everyday lives, and how we experience love itself.What is your relationship to Life, nature, the interconnected web? Do you feel held by something greater? How does this relate to your experience with sex, dating, and relationships? And what's really behind our patterns and how to we grow beyond them?---Work with usReady to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &

Is it painful for you when you feel that your woman is closed? Do you long for more ways to help her open up fully? (Not just sexually, but that is included!)Most dating and relationship advice doesn't include the concept of polarity and the three stages of relationship, but it can be nothing less than magical when worked with properly.According to polarity work (originated primarily by David Deida), there are two primary forces in dating, relationships and sex: alpha energy (what we sometimes refer to as masculine) and omega energy (aka feminine energy).The vast majority of omega partners have a deep longing to surrender to a trustable partner. They want to be able to be fully expressed and be met.Yet in many cases, they feel like they're too much. Their emotions are too much; they're too fiery; they feel like they'll never be able to fully express themselves with a partner.The lesser-known part of polarity work involves the three stages. As we grow in relationships, we have the capacity to g

Ever been with a woman partner who was emotionally volatile? Ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, or that no matter what you did it wasn't enough and she was always disappointed in you?If so, she may have had Borderline Personality Disorder ... or at least traits of it.More people are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) than schizophrenia and bipolar combined, yet few are familiar with it. Some mental health professionals estimate that a whopping 10% of the population contends with BPD, which psychologists are working to get renamed Emotional Regulation Disorder.Here, we break down the 4 archetypes of Borderline women, and their male counterparts. Much of this is gleaned from Christine Lawson's book Understanding the Borderline Mother.We also go over the ways each of the male archetypes can heal from the intense and unstable, exhausting, and often depleting relationship dynamics involved.Remember: growth and healing are always possible, and nothing is set in stone. Personal g

Are you gettin' out onto the dating scene in 2025? Whether you're newly single, a refugee from the world of pickup, recently divorced, or you've been dating for a while now, there are a few myths we see as obsolete that we wanted to bust.Sex, dating, and relationships can be confusing territory, and there are a lot of dos and don'ts when it comes to dating in the modern world. This is especially true in a post-#MeToo culture, where a lot of men have deep-seated concerns around coming off as creepy.If you've ever wondered whether it's "right" to text her right away (will you come off as thirsty if you text too soon?), whether you need to hide your nervousness (hint: you don't), or how to ask her out respectfully, listen on.If you're looking for pickup artist nonsense, you won't get it here. But if you're seeking attuned, loving dating advice for men from people who deeply care about men, women, and all human beings -- and staying openhearted -- then you're in

There's a certain quality in men that a lot of women long for -- and I mean long for it from the depths of their beings -- but often don't talk about.Why don't they? Because a lot of women (myself included) hold a certain amount of shame around wanting it in the first place.And what is the quality? It's an aspect of healthy masculinity that we don't often discuss, but we're putting front and center here.I've also noticed that in every chick lit novel I've ever read (a version of romance), men exhibit this quality, and the women melt for it. When I myself read the books and these parts come up, my whole body relaxes.This is a quality that builds immense emotional safety in a relationship, whether you're still in the dating phase or you're married. If you want to be her hero and have her feel truly safe with you, listen on!---Memorable quotes from this episode:"The women I was first attracted to were those I perceived as needing help, support, a savior.""The e

Ever felt intimidated when your woman was upset (about something that involved you)? Ever gotten defensive, stonewalled, or made her wrong -- "that's not what I meant, so you shouldn't feel that way"?You're not alone!And there's a high cost; this can be exhausting for you. Whether you're just dating or married, if you're at the mercy of her feelings, you likely feel out of control. You're only OK if she's OK. And you're not OK if she's not OK.The truth is, holding space for a woman’s upset or hurt is one of the most profound ways you can love her. It also builds safety in a relationship in a way nothing else can.Learn to do this skillfully, and you will experience true freedom in relationship. Bonus? You knowing how to hold her full range of expression will als leads to very hot sex. ;) When she feels deeply accepted and held, even in her "big" feelings, she will often open to you like a gorgeous, radiant flower.

When it comes to love relationships, whether you're dating or in a committed, long-term relationship, there's one place where you need to be skillful or it will all just fall apart.It might not happen right away; you might get through the honeymoon period or even get married and it might be fine. But little by little, if this skill isn't developed and you as a couple can't "get there," you're very likely to end up in a sexless relationship, or a volatile one that you feel like you can't get out of.Here we get vulnerable about what we've seen not work in this area, and what we've seen be uplifting and helpful.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

We've worked with a lot of men who consider themselves Nice Guys (a la Dr. Robert Glover's famous book, No More Mr. Nice Guy). And we've witnessed certain patterns in terms of what leads to breakthroughs.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:“She likes me for emotional support, but she’s not attracted to me.”“Now I don’t have to hold that, ‘What if?’”“You don’t have to get stuck in the purgatory that a lot of Nice Guys are in.”“He really just owned it.”“This frozen place starts to thaw out and they just start moving.”

Almost every single woman in a relationship (dating or married) needs reassurance sometimes. Unfortunately, many men don't know how to provide it in a way that really lands for her, which often causes unnecessary strife and disconnection.In one man's words, "I used to be the classic male 'fixer' and thought I would be the one to save the day by giving out suggestions of how she could overcome her anxiety. Surely one of those would work. The more suggestions or solutions to her issues I could come up, the better job I thought I was doing. After several years of this seemingly not working to soothe her anxiety, and sometimes making it worse, I have learned she is not looking for this."So what is she looking for? Here, we share our personal experiences around anxiety and effective soothing. We break it down into two categories of anxiety: when we're upset or challenged by something in life (work, family, friendships, etc.), and when we're upset about something in the relationship

According to my sex research, women's number one sex problem is physical pain.The truth is, it's painful when sex hurts -- for both people. Not just for the person experiencing it, but for their partner.How do you handle it if she has pain during sex, whether you're just starting out in dating or you're in a committed relationship? And how do you handle your own emotional pain or guilt around still having sexual needs?If you've ever been with a woman who was sleeping with you because she felt she "should," you know the pain of which I speak. Perhaps you were married and you sensed that she saw it as her wifely duty to keep you sexually satisfied. But that's not what you wanted -- you wanted her to be an enthusiastic participant in sex, not a passive recipient who was only doing it to please you.Here, Z describes the ways she was actually quite sexually closed as a newlywed, despite having sex with her partner. She talks about the shifts she and her husband went through once the

Ever felt like there was a "right" answer to a question a woman asked you, or a "right" way to respond to a situation with her? Did it feel like if you did the "wrong" thing, there would be consequences? Then you've likely been tested!Testing (also known as "feminine testing" -- or sometimes a term I personally dislike -- "shit testing" -- can be a confusing and frustrating experience to be on the receiving end of. Testing can happen in the early phases of dating, as well as once you're in a long-term committed relationship.As is true with many things in sex, dating, and relationships, there are nuances here that make this complex. Many women aren't even consciously aware of their tests. For others, testing is about seeking some kind of control; or a trauma background means they're very invested in ensuring that they know the truth, and testing is how they believe they're sure to get it.Here we share our own personal experiences of testing -- how we

Ever feel like you're being deliberately provoked by your woman? Or that she sometimes pushes and pushes until she gets a rise out of you -- often about what seem like tiny things? This pattern can be confusing until you understand the deeper reasons for it. And it's quite a common in dating and relationships, though we don't often discuss it explicitly. Related to polarity, the way Jason puts it is that "the poke is a call for presence and deeper feeling." It's not always the most mature or conscious way of relating. And the truth is, we as human beings don't always act in the most mature fashion. But if we can grasp the underlying vulnerabilities that drive us, then we often hit on wells of compassion that help us deepen and relax into love in ways we couldn't before.Remember: Personal growth works. It's not a straight line, but it's always worth it.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men

Ever gotten the sense that a woman is sizing you up ... deciding whether you match up with a list she has in her head around her ideal partner?You might be right. Whether you're online dating, speed dating, or meeting someone in real life, a lot of women do have a list, and it can be confusing or even frustrating when you interface with it.Here, we discuss the nuances of "the list" -- the why behind it, how to engage with it, and the tension between the need to be open/flexible, and the need to stick with personal boundaries.If you have your own list, you’ll likely also relate to this. And you may also relate to the feeling of wanting things to be neat and tidy — to be fully prepared for relationship and have your partner match up with all your expectations.To which I’d share Violet's words: “Would I rather be alone for the next decade, or would I rather have the experience of loving and being loved, and have it be messy?"---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are r

What does it actually mean to be needy? We use the term a lot, and sometimes in less-than-kind ways -- both in terms of describing others as well as ourselves.Having needs is a universal experiences. Humans, animals, plants, and every living thing has certain needs. Human beings need food, water, and sleep on a biological level -- and we also need love, respect, and a sense of belonging. If we don't have these needs met, then we have reactions. In a love relationship, it can feel difficult or even overwhelming to advocate for certain needs to be met -- for example, physical affection, quality one-on-one attention, or sex. Neediness nearly always stems from old wounds, so it can be hard to bring this kind of thing forward with a partner.The truth is, we're all needy. We all have certain needs, and our partner is not responsible for meeting all of them all of the time. But there's a balance to be had, which involves navigating difference and being willing to hang in there through discomfort.Here, we

Do you ever feel ashamed of your porn use, or wish you could stop or cut down? Ever had trouble getting it up and wondered if that's connected to porn use? Ever compared dating partners to women you see in porn, and wondered if that was negatively impacting your sex or love life?Over 10% of men are addicted to porn, according to a 2019 study in the Journal of Behavioral Addictions. (As of 2024, I suspect that number is even higher.) Porn has also been linked to to erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation in some cases.Here, we talk about why porn addiction has become so prevalent, and help to answer the questions: How do you know if you're addicted to porn, and how do you quit (if you want to)?Jason also delves into his own personal experience with porn addiction, how he overcame it, and what life and sexuality is like now (including with his partner).---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men brea

If you've ever felt anxious around a woman you were attracted to, gone rigid when you tried to flirt, or completely shut down during a fight with your partner, you know what it is to go into freeze.When we're overwhelmed, we can lock up. This is inconvenient if what you really want to do in that moment is to move, get someone's number, or speak up for yourself during a moment of tension with your spouse or in a meeting at work.Where does this behavior come from? Why did it develop? What do we do about it that actually works?Here, somatic practitioner and expert Stacy Matulis breaks down what's actually going on in your nervous system when you freeze, and what to do about it. (Hint: No one is an island, and we need others. We are interdependent.)We also cover the difference between freeze and disassociation, depression and suicidality, and why it can feel like even after years of doing the work, you're still stuck in some ways.Going into a freeze state will absolutely impact your sex, datin

Ever wondered what different women say when they get really real about their last relationship? How about why they do growth work — and what it looks like for them?Here, I take you behind the curtain to give you a peek at exactly that. This is an amalgam episode with responses from over over ten women who answered three questions:What’s the biggest thing you learned in your last relationship?What’s a memorable time a man showed up for you or honored you in some way?Why do you do growth work and what does that look like for you?---When it comes to love, sex, relationships, and personal growth work, one thing is always true: more compassion is always better. So here’s to increased understanding, empathy, and joy — and of course, more healing. ---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a cal