Today I Learned (nothing)

Steve does it for the Gram and sees no problem with that. Jason sucks at taking pictures and his wife will make sure you know it before he can ruin your precious moments. Together, both guys adore the familial cowboys and prostitutes of old west family photography. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason's daughter loves to stall at bedtime with a good old-fashioned stumper, but this one takes the cake, and Steve just wants to hang out with the rabbits that want nothing to do with him. And finally, what do you think a private party would be to a child? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

If you want to learn a new skill, DO IT. Don't let Jason, who can only play guitar with his mouth and gave up on piano lessons after a few weeks or Steve, who hasn't played since his days in the Outback and even then could only rock out one Garth Brooks ballad, convince you otherwise. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

After talking about fun games to play with your family ('s bodies in quarantine), Jason talks about showing inappropriate movies at the Walmart electronics section and relays the horrors he saw working as a janitor in a doctor's office. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve's family has fun with the "F" word (yes, that one) and Jason dulled his artistic abilities to make Pictionary more fun. Finally, the guys talk about, then spoil, The Da Vinci Code in this, the year 2020. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason is worried that his daughter isn't learning responsibility but Steve is concerned that Jason is a terrible father in the first place (serving lemonade at breakfast, the cad!). Steve's mother-in-law invites her jug band to wake up the family at 4 AM (in Jason's mind). Finally, get off your butt, stretch your quads, and KIP UP, you loser. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve recalls second-hand sign-stealing events he definitely wasn't a part of, back when trucks were made of nothin' but ... TRUCK. He also implores Jason to get napalmic on the wasps terrorizing him as a youth while retrieving the mail. Finally, we must all stand in awe of Steve's dad, who once took out a fly while it was still in the air. Truly awe-inspiring. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve, a self-proclaimed master mover, nearly crushed his friend's head with a washing machine, which Steve got mad about when the friend appeared to be injured for several seconds. Jason's best friend has turned bleeding during moving into a pastime, and a very uncomfortable one at that.  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve's pranking prowess was constantly held back by the dumb friend. Jason argues that he might have been the dumb friend all along. Also, Gwar is both cool and weird. Finally, trust kids when they give you a new name they want to be called, and have all the fun in the world sticking to that brand of weirdness. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason is ... allergic (?) to something in certain ... kinds of ... meat? Maybe? But he's a MAN, so don't question him. And Steve guarantees he's the fun parent, and he's ALSO a man, so don't question him either, okay? Shout-out to all the daddies out there, lying to keep their status in the family. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Puberty is tough, especially when you're a late bloomer AND on the basketball team. But what about blooming too much, turning you into a 'Squatch-like? Also, watch that video they show you before middle school, we cannot stress that enough. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

After Jason shares some BREAKING NEWS about a Stormy Daniels comic series, we learn about his father, whose heart was broken by a tornado what took his true love away decades ago. That's the story Steve has concocted, anyways. The guys also agree that smart storms are better than shark tornadoes and after they start making fun of the 1996 summer blockbuster, Twister, they realize they really, really love the 1996 summer blockbuster, Twister. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason tells Steve about his aversion to costume makeup and why he can never eat in its presence. Steve, once he stops laughing and ridiculing this debilitating disorder, agrees to help him learn more about his unfortunate lot in life. Also, eyes up here, because it's time for daddy's dinner. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Sure, it's the days of the quarantine and we're all stuck indoors together ... but do you know where the children are? Or the family robots? Just something to think about. Also, Steve tells Jason about the talking robot in the Rocky movies, so he has to watch them all immediately. Finally, what would robot farts smell like? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve and his friends were always ready for Goonies-like adventure to strike, putting them in a perfect position to capitalize on the war between the Bloods and the Crips in the woods of rural Idaho. Also, have you ever been as content as a kid in a hole with plywood over his head? Jason believes that yes, he has. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason explains to Steve why he should be playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. He then decides to never playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve and his roommate jokingly divided their apartment up until the joke was just on them. Jason shared a bed with his brother until he was old enough to carry his weird sleeping habits to his own room. Together, the guys agree to never speak about Skinwalker Ranch and the dangers the dark presents ever again. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Have you ever been sad on a trampoline? No, because it's impossible, even if your friend just murdered the family of squirrels you'd lovingly named and geneologized. Also, should we only ever deliver bad news while bouncing to and fro? Steve files his report. Also, local children are snorting Pixie Stix and Fun Dip to get their kicks. Jason has that hard-hitting look at rural American children and the stupid things they do out of boredom. Today I Learned Nothing is on the air! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

It's week 6 (7? 8?) of the quarantine and Steve is nearly weeping into cheeseburgers, so yeah, things are going pretty well. Jason's getting takeout via drug mule restrictions and ok, hot shot, can YOU name any other famous Whos? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason recounts the night he thought he came close to accidentally arranging an orgy at his apartment (he didn't). Bored on a New Year's Eve, five people found one another, and discovered that their friend was a much bigger creep than he let on. Steve enjoys playing the Kenickie to Jason's Danny in this one, but also posits that there is more going on in the woods of a small town in America than you realized. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support