Today I Learned (nothing)

Does the most popular type of pepper look more like a bell or a (couple of) butt(s)? Do you use all the spices in YOUR arsenal? And don't the Oreo folks need to just calm the heck down with all the different versions? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Surprising no one but Jason, the only disappointment Jason has faced in the COVID-19 pandemic is thanks to Taco Bell. Meanwhile, Steve thinks the people of Seattle are just using the virus as an excuse to be mean to each other. Also, have teens in YOUR area been licking mailboxes? The guys file their report. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

It's the all-porn episode, and it contains not a single ounce of the filthy stuff! But doesn't the word "whores" sound filthy, no matter how you say it? And Jason wants to meet at least one diehard porn fan to see what they're really like. Steve just wants you to stop using your kids and pets as avatars. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Practice some social distancing with this episode all about ... THE VIRUS! Steve's been following it long before it was cool, and Jason can't figure out why it makes his wife wanna buy so much danged peanut butter. After the guys move on from current events, they finally nail down which Looney Tune was the worst person. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason is thrilled that his 2nd grader told him a dirty joke, even if she didn't know any better and it made no sense. Steve assumes that secretions are happening, just, all the time, and it's time to change the sheets. But really, the guys are both just hoping for some quality naked time. Separately. Apart. Not together. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve's dyslexia earns him a new, lame nickname, the guys lament the fact that Cheetohs could mean any podcast is their last one, and Jason wants to replace those cheesy slideshows at funeral homes with a playlist of his "best" podcast moments. All that, plus Steve's baller grandmother living well and wealthy past her death day! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

This episode is basically a BuzzFeed quiz about The Flintstones! Who's more likely to display a mental disability: Fred or Barney? Who's hotter: Wilma or Betty? Did the Flintstones go to church? Why didn't the dinosaurs rise up from their appliance-based existence and eat the cave men and women? The guys answer all these questions and Jason makes us uncomfortable about our favorite cave folk from Bedrock! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve is rash and hasty with his hypothetical questions, but Jason humors him and reveals some scandalous opinions about mermaids in the process. Also, are bus marshals a thing? And since the ones on airplanes are called air marshals, would bus ones be land marshals? The guys file their report. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

It's February, so love is in the air! Steve fondly remembers his potato and pun-fueled proposals as a young boy coming of age in Idaho while Jason recalls when he learned what the word "statutory" means. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve threatens a good fingering for his whole work group, while both he and Jason agree that the NSFW tag exists for a reason. Also, just what's going through Jason's brain in most moments of the day? Nothing good, we assure you! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Watching Jason declutter and basically just vomit most of his belongings on the conveyor belt at the airport is like watching a terrible, reverse magic trick. Meanwhile, being without his children on a trip allowed Steve to enjoy Adam Sandler again for the first time in a decade. Finally, cities sure have some dumb names, amirite? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Jason's daughter owns him with a combination of well-timed farts and unusually strong will. Steve lived the childhood of a human tackling dummy and he ... loved it? --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve is raising his kids right on a steady diet of parental care and Mario Kart. It's driving Jason up a wall, and not in the Mario Kart 8 way. Also, stop trying to bridge the generation gap, it's fine just where it is. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Clam up and have a listen to the best TILN discussions of the last decade! Even though it's double the usual length (a whole half-hour!), we still value your time and we've included only the best bits, like Jason's unnecessary keychain size, clams in the sun, literal and figurative holes, creeping on imaginary underaged teens, bodies as temples, Idaho factoids, and MORE! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

The penultimate episode of the decade dances with the one that brought us, as Steve has more bathroom thoughts. Ever seen one-way glass in a bathroom stall? How about trough-style urinals that match the sinks? After those oddities, Jason knows when you're pooping, and it's okay. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

It's time to kick back, pour some 'nog, light the fire, and enjoy Steve's misfortunes and misadventures from China. Learn second-hand why you should strive to learn "butthole, itchy, and no I don't want to see your porn room" before you journey east. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Inspired by Ryan Estrada's Ryan Made Mistakes, Jason and Steve recount their own personal experiences with romance on and across the Internet. Listen as Steve recounts his solo sojourn to the ladies unmentionables section and hear Jason swear up and down his "friend" met his Internet girlfriend IRL and OMG it had him ROTFLHAO.  --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Steve visited the East Coast for a few days so now HE'S WALKIN' 'ERE or something. He also perfected his accents of the various Northeastern denizens he encountered and yes, it is a must listen. Jason cries with laughter and continues eating in the background, just enjoying every moment of it. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

It must be the holidays, because Steve found new dance that will probably get him fired at the company party! Also, both of the guys are content knowing their unread library of classic literature is enough to earn their children's love and admiration. Just don't ever ask Jason what Animal Farm is really about. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support

Is there a better mantra than your favorite ice cream? Steve's daughter doesn't think so. Also, Jason would appreciate it if you'd stop cramming warm fruits into his desserts (you MONSTERS). Finally, the guys discuss the aromas that our feminine and masculine neighbors might leave in their wake and why one is unquestionably more pleasant than the other. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/today-i-learned-nothing/support