Clarity On Fire

I hardly ever share this story because, well frankly, it’s not my proudest moment. But here goes… I quit my first full-time “adult” job after only 5 weeks. I’m not a total jerk, so I did give 2 weeks notice, but that only put me there for a whopping 7 weeks total. (That was not a fun conversation with my boss, let me tell you.) Almost immediately after starting that job, I realized I’d made a big mistake. In my impatience to get a “real” job after graduating, I said yes to the first offer I got. And on Day 1 — walking around that tiny government office, surrounded exclusively by men three times my age, sitting in subcommittee meetings about topics I can’t even care enough to try to remember now — I already had an unsettled feeling in my gut that was warning me, “Uh oh, this isn’t right. You don't belong here.” A few weeks in, I’d just sat through my third hour-long meeting where we debated — inconclusively, once again — whether or not to create a company LinkedIn page (seriously?? This is LinkedIn, you guys,

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst, and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode, we’re answering questions from: Alyx, whose favorite team member just quit, making her realize that she actually hates working with the rest of her co-workers. Is it crazy to want to quit a job she loves because she can’t stand who she works with? Amber, who’s tried everything and can’t find a way to get what she wants (be a stay-at-home mom to her son). What do you do when you’re at the end of your rope, nothing has worked, and you don’t know what else to try? April, who’s curious about how we became coaches, and wants to know if we’ve got any advice for people interested in getting into coaching (we totally do!). After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three ladies resonated with you, too. Want to submit a question

A while back I was catching up with one of my very first clients-turned-friends. (Random aside: This is one of the things I love about coaching. You get to connect with really cool people who often end up becoming lifelong buddies.) In our conversation she mentioned that an off-the-cuff (and definitely not super serious) analogy I’d made had actually really helped her to see life differently. So much so that she still thinks about it to this day. (This story involves references to horses and aliens … so don’t say I didn’t warn ya.) Rae, my friend and former client, originally came to me for some relationship coaching. Even though you’d think that talking about relationships is completely different than coaching around your career or passion in life … it’s really not. You take your beliefs, triggers and deep fears with you everywhere you go and into anything that you do. What prevents someone from having a healthy relationship is often the exact thing that’s getting in the way of having an awesome career. Anyw

About a decade ago Katie Mongelli’s life fell apart—she got divorced, became a single mom, and had to move to a different state, far away from the accounting business that she had built on her own and which had become her family’s livelihood. After losing almost everything and having to start over, Katie never took her survival for granted again. For the next 10+ years she built her business back up and then some, complete with staff in multiple physical locations, and a cash flow that provided for a beautiful home and lifestyle. But even at the height of what looked like extreme success, Katie was the most miserable she’d ever been. Up until 18 months ago she was just scrambling to keep EXISTING; the possibility of LIVING and actively enjoying her life wasn’t even on the table. To say that everything has changed in the last year-and-a-half would be a big understatement. In this episode of the Clarity on Fire podcast we talked to Katie Mongelli, CPA and Certified Money Coach, about … Why conventional, “respo

A client of mine, Isabel, feels like her life is majorly in transition right now. She’s looking for a new job, applying to graduate programs, and putting her house on the market simultaneously. All of these things came to a head at the same time this past week: She got two job offers, an acceptance letter for full-time admission to a graduate program, an offer on her house, as well as someone interested in renting her home. Quality problems, right? But problems, nonetheless. She obviously can’t accept both jobs. Nor can she take on a full-time job and go back to grad school full-time. She also can’t sell her house, while also renting it out and keeping it as an investment property. Oprah said it best: “You can have it all. Just not all at once.” So Isabel has to make choices. Big choices. Choices between equally appealing options, in different ways. In this week’s blog, I’m giving you 2 specific ways to cut through the overwhelm of too many choices to get to the heart of what you really want, no matter what e

Do you remember that scene in E.T. when he (E.T., that is) shuffles out of a closet wearing a dress, high heels, a blonde wig, and a little bowler hat? Do you remember that scene in E.T. when he (E.T., that is) shuffles out of a closet wearing a dress, high heels, a blonde wig, and a little bowler hat?  Yeah, I didn’t really remember it either, until Rachel brought it up on this week’s podcast.  She was using that very vivid mental picture (you should really Google “E.T. in a wig” if you want to laugh) to describe how she’s always felt about dating—she’s E.T. in a wig, and everyone else is a tan, gleaming contestant on the Bachelor.   Obviously this made me LOL. Not only because it’s a hilarious analogy, but because from the outside, it’s patently ridiculous. Of course she’s not a weird alien, trying and failing miserably to perform a common human ritual (dating). But as dubious as it sounds to me, it feels true to HER, and that’s what impostor syndrome is all about—You’re constantly afraid that you’re going

Most of you know by now that my six-year-old black lab, Scarlett, is having a boring summer. She tore a muscle in her back leg a few months ago, and since then she’s been going to physical therapy and slowly getting back to normal. But it’s going to be a while until she’s cleared to run and swim and jump—all the things she’d rather be doing, basically. For now, all she’s allowed to do is walk. This shouldn’t be a big deal because most dogs love walks. But not mine. Even in colder weather she’s not much of a fan (Walking just for the sake of it? With no other goal in mind? That’s insanely dull. And on 97 degree days? That’s tantamount to torture). Which leaves me in a pickle. She’s got to exercise so that she doesn’t go stir-crazy. But when I take her out, she’ll only walk for 10 minutes and then turn around. Or she’ll lay prone on the path and refuse to move. Or she’ll roll over and play dead. And trust me. There is NO WAY to get a 70-pound animal to do what you want if they refuse. I’ve tried dragging, pushi

If you’ve been feeling trapped, stuck, and directionless in your life and career, it can feel like you’re living life in beige, when all you really want is to be living in vibrant color. Nate Otto has been fighting the beige for years. In this month’s interview with a normal person, Kristen chats with Nate about how he finally broke through a colorless existence and started to find his place in the world. Nate is a brilliant, creative, innovative thinker who suppressed his inner inquisitive nature and vibrant spirit for much of his life before deciding enough was enough. He decided to stop complaining, get curious, seek support, and make changes. He shares his whole journey with us, in this interview. On this episode we talk about: Why so many of us get stuck in complacency, and the dangers of not questioning the status quo. How it feels to be too colorful for your workplace (& life in general), and the heartbreak of not belonging. Why complaining is the first step toward change, and how to turn your com

As some of you may know, my grandpa passed away a few weeks ago. Sitting in his memorial service, surrounded by the people he loved the most, hearing the minister and family members reminisce about my grandpa and his life, I had an intense moment of clarity. All the memories that were shared about my grandpa that day centered around who he was as a person. There were stories about his extreme generosity, his humor, his steady positivity, his hardworking spirit, his dedication to his family, his beliefs, values, and convictions. People remembered him for his quick smile, his bear hugs, his unexpected gifts, his commitment to his church, his love of golf and car racing, and the way he started every conversation with a family member with, “Hello, I love you.” Only one line of his eulogy mentioned his career as a salesman. That’s it. And this was a man who loved working! He got a huge sense of purpose and pride from his career and its ability to provide for his family. Yet, in the end, that was the least talked a

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode we’re answering questions from: Sharon, who realized that she feels threatened by opinionated women because she’s insecure about her own self-expression, and wants to know how to get comfortable using her voice. Robert, who’s torn about whether he should break up with his on-and-off boyfriend of 6 years and date other people, or stay committed. Grace, who’s been living at home and applying to jobs for a really long time, and is tired of nothing working out for her. She knows she’s in a rut and needs a way out, but can’t figure out how to make that happen. After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three people resonated with you, too. Want to submit a question for our August episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and

Something’s been coming up lately that’s clearly resonating with a LOT of people. It boiled over during a workshop Kristen and I were doing a while back. During a Q&A someone asked a question that, all of a sudden, prompted other people to chime in with variations of, “OMG, it’s not just me?!” The issue? It went something like, “How do you ‘break up’ with toxic people?” The person who shared her story said that she’d been trying to distance herself from a group of friends that were always making her feel bad about herself, never “got her,” and were actively harassing her over email (yikes). While hopefully most of you aren’t being actively harassed, I think it’s VERY worth addressing right now, don’t you? Because I know a lot of you have been there when it comes to funky or downright toxic relationships (be they platonic, familial, or anything else). And even if you’re blessed with non-toxic friendships, I bet you’d like to know how to handle generally difficult people, yes? On today’s blog I’m sharing 5

Where are all of our bookworms/nerds/fellow Ravenclaws at?? We figure you guys are probably just as obsessed with reading as we are, which is why we’ve got a special BONUS podcast episode for you this week—a book-club-style conversation about one of our very favorite non-fiction books, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert! If we were to create a Life Syllabus, this book would be on the reading list FOR SURE. It’s one of those rare books that doesn’t just put a slightly new spin on stuff you’ve heard over and over again, but makes you see SO many facets of life (and especially creativity) through a completely new lens. We each pulled a few of our favorite parts to talk about, including: What the REAL definition of creativity is, and why most of us are totally wrong about it Why being “good” at something is overrated (and irrelevant) How to not get caught up in other people’s feedback (negative AND positive) about the work you create Why perfectionism is nothing to brag about (and is actually just fear wrapped in a

I should probably out myself, first and foremost, as a huge school nerd. When other kids used to dread the first day of school after a long summer break, I was secretly excited. In elementary school, I used to assign myself summer “homework assignments” — books to read, short stories to write, that kind of thing. (Yep, total nerd here.) I was so disappointed when college was over that within a couple of years after graduating, I applied for grad school four separate times … not because going back to school was the right next step for me (which is why I ultimately turned it down every time), but because I didn’t want to feel like my education was over. I was so good at learning when I was in school (if you could make a profitable career out of just being a student, I totally would’ve done that), but I didn’t know how to continue that into the “real world.” All of that is to say, it’s probably no wonder that I love this week’s topic so much. GET $50 OFF THE PASSION PROFILE SHORT COURSE THIS WEEK! Last week was

It doesn’t matter your age, gender, race, or body type – 99.9% of us know what it’s like to feel ashamed of how we look or uncomfortable in our body, in one way or another. A lot of us fall into a trap of believing that when our outer appearance is EXACTLY how we’ve envisioned, THEN we’ll finally get to be happy, successful, rich, and snag a hot significant other to boot. (Logically, we know this doesn’t work. But that doesn’t stop us from doing it anyway). When you’re fixated on trying to force your body into submission, you’re not really living. It’s almost impossible to find true enjoyment in anything you do. And that’s no way to spend your life. So to help us break the cycle and get to the root of our insecurities we sat down with Nina Blagojevic, a coach who helps people release guilt and shame so that they can (finally) feel at home in their bodies. In this episode we talked about: How Nina went from feeling completely disconnected from her body to having the confidence to pose nude for an artist. Why

I’m 22 and sitting in one of many orientation sessions for my first full-time job out of college. The training instructor, a really nice guy who I’ll refer to as Marty, was having us watch a video about coming to work with a positive, can-do attitude. The video was about people who tossed fish for a living. And weirdly, it wasn’t the first time I’d seen it. I remember watching it in my high school English class when I was a freshman, too. In short, it’s about the hardworking people employed at the famous Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle. Their job is cold, wet, long, and not to mention, smelly. It’s also a job done in front of an audience, given the hundreds of tourists who pass through every day. There’s every reason that you’d have a less-than-stellar attitude about a fish-hauling job, but that’s the point of this video — they don’t. They’re all happy and cheerful, and they’ve created a fun spectacle of tossing fish from place to place as they work. The way they do their job has become part of the attracti

Can we all be super honest with ourselves about what we secretly wish would happen? Namely, that the heavens would part and the answers to all of life’s biggest questions (particularly, “What am I supposed to be doing?” and “Where do I go from here?” and “What’s my passion?”) would fall into your outstretched hands. Don’t feel bad. We STILL wish that was the way life worked. On this episode of the Clarity on Fire podcast, we had a side chat about how to figure out what do with your life, particularly when you feel stuck and unclear and confused. We covered: Why we’re all so obsessed with figuring out our passion (even though that’s not the best focal point), and what’s a better starting point than “passion.” Why we don’t actually need a linear, logical career progression. How to warm up to the idea of your next move being for now, instead of forever. Why the most interesting people on Earth never really had a plan, and how to embrace life’s uncertainty. How to tell if you’re a “hummingbird” or a “jackhammer”

Most kids view themselves as invincible. It’s why they climb trees that are a bit too tall, or ride bikes way too fast, or otherwise put themselves in overly risky situations. Not me. I was an extremely cautious child. I much preferred the safety of my own imagination over the wild, unpredictable real world. I would cringe when the neighborhood skateboarder tried tricks on his new ramp, or when my friends would suggest a horror movie at a sleepover. Blame it on my sensitivity, or my old soul, or being an only child (until I was 13, at least) with too much alone time to think … but whatever the reason, my tolerance for risk and fear and the unknown was barely above zero. This showed up everywhere, including trying new foods. A lot of kids are picky eaters, but I was pickier than most. And it lasted well beyond my childhood, too. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I assumed I didn’t like all kinds of foods that I now LOVE (salmon, omelets, guacamole — what was I thinking??), when in reality I was just too a

I’m getting kind of meta with this blog today because, at the time I’m writing this, I DO NOT feel like doing it. (Sorry to anyone who thought that every time I sit down to write I’m inspired and brimming with wisdom! This is real life, and I’m in a funk today.) Blame it on lack of sleep and that time of the month, but I’m feeling grumpy and dull and lethargic. I wish I could wait to revisit this blog, but this is my only time this week to make it happen. And in a weird way, it actually aligns perfectly with what I’d already planned to write. The thing about being in a downward spiral (I’ve been riding this one for at least 5 days now) is that the lower you sink, the more real and believable all of your thoughts feel. When I’m in this state, it’s really easy to start thinking some pretty bleak stuff like: “You’re looking gross right now” and “Nothing’s ever going to work out for you” and “You’ll never make enough money to do X” and on and on. BUT, what’s critically important is that at this point in my life,

Welcome to another episode of Dear Krachel, a monthly advice segment where we answer audience questions about life, career, relationships, existential angst and anything that helps you become a more whole, fulfilled version of yourself. On this episode we’re answering questions from: Kali, who can’t seem to stay focused and dedicated to her job, and wants to know how to find motivation when it seems chronically unavailable. Julia, who’s struggling to break out of a career pigeonhole and wants advice about how to find a job in a totally different field (when you’ve got no experience and feel unqualified). Reilly, who’s tired and offended from constantly being labeled “shy” and “quiet” by the people around her, and wants to know how to ignore it or let it go. After you’ve listened, leave us a comment to let us know if our advice for these three ladies resonated with you, too. Want to submit a question for our July episode of Dear Krachel? Fill out this form and you might hear us tackle your Q: http://clarityo

As far as career coaches go, I’m pretty unconventional. As in, I don’t care much about the things that “career experts” usually tend to obsess about. I’m not interested in helping you write the perfect résumé or the most professional-sounding cover letter. (I’d much prefer that you reveal your humanity and personality throughout all phases of the application process, rather than sound like a highly skilled robot.) I don’t believe in “best practices” when it comes to job searching. (I don’t care what worked for someone else. I care what’s going to work — and feel good along the way — to YOU.) I have zero interest in writing “listicles” about “The 5 smartest job search strategies” or “7 interview tips you NEED to know.” (Yawn … aren’t there enough of those online already? I’m not here to add to the overwhelm.) But there is one aspect of traditional career advice that I can fully get on board with: the informational interview. Although I may not like them for the reasons you think… In this week’s blog I (Kristen