Not The Mama

DON'T TURN UP THE VOLUME! The intro sound was messed up but the vocals are PERFECT! We're almost to the sweet spot! NEW in our Instagram Story! ;) "I won't be devastated or hollow but being childless is not always a choice or a curse. Sometimes, it is something else." - Roxane Gay reminds us that just because some of us celebrate the choice to be childfree, there needs to be space for those who didn't necessarily choose it or begrudge it. Auntie Julia goes solo to discuss building an inclusive childfree conversation that makes room for people of all mindsets. She reads a short essay by Roxane Gay and also chats about some changes for the pod. Thanks for listening!

Childfree pioneer and author of February's Not The Mama Book Club selection, "Confessions of a Childfree Woman," Marcia Drut-Davis joins Auntie Julia to discuss her book and life. In 1974, in front of millions of 60 Minutes viewers, Marcia and her then husband confessed to his parents their desires to not have children. Facing death threats and job loss due to the backlash she experienced, Marcia built herself up to lead a successful life of educating and organizing. She has appeared in several childfree documentaries and organizes cruises to expand the non-parent community. We also talk about the state of the childfree movement today and what the future looks like. It's bright and joyful! Happy listening and be sure to follow Marcia!

On our very special Valentine's Day episode, Auntie Julia is joined by comedian and actor Drew Anderson to talk about all types of love - friendship, family, romantic, and self love. They talk about setting priorities, parceling out the time you invest in others and what really matters. They also talk about loving their nieces and nephews and how kids can be a great "place to put your love." That doesn't mean they should overwhelm or replace the rest of your love, though. XOXOXOXO

"We're probably over thinking it." - Liz Jansen, Auntie Julia's friend from college, joins the pod this week to discuss the process of figuring out if she wants to be a parent and all of the considerations she and her partner are going through. Financial, religious, personal, and political reasons motivate the choice to have children. Is there such a thing as over thinking it or how do you know when you've thought about it enough? Liz also shares info about the group she and her friends started called Women Unite as a way to make positive change after the 2016 election.

"How can I make money off of not-parenthood?? Tell me that!" Marketing pro Elissa Reiling joins Auntie Julia to share her experiences as a not-mom in the city. They discuss life after divorce, maintaining friendships with parents and the suburbanization of NYC. A long rant about strollers on the subway during rush hour ensues. They also talk about targeted ad campaigns and fear tactics that capitalize on procreation. It's all bullshit. It's a fun episode and Elissa is a great guest! Keep reading "Confessions of a Childfree Woman" by Marcia Drut-Davis for our February #NotTheMamaBookClub selection!

"My womb has always been empty, but my life is full." - Jeanne Safer Listener Maxine Sims joins Auntie Julia all the way from the UK to discuss the first selection of the Not The Mama Book Club, "Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed - Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids" by Meghan Daum. They talk about main themes threaded throughout all of the essays such as self realization, having "it all," and the writers relationships with their own mothers. Maxine and Julia select their favorite essays and discuss them in further detail as well. The decision to not have children isn't always a singular moment in one's life. It can be a series of small choices, realizations, disappointments and victories. February's Not The Mama Book Club selection is "Confessions of a Childfree Woman" by Marcia Drut-Davis. Check out our website notthemamapod.com and Insta stories for more information! Thanks for listening and happy reading!

Do babies have to destroy friendships? No! Auntie Julia is joined by her new friend and mom-2-B Kara Klenk to discuss building the bridge between those of us who choose to be childfree and those who choose to become parents. If you accept yourself, it's much easier to accept others even when their choices are different than yours. It's easier said than done though so we chat it out and share our experiences with the care and keeping of friendships. We also have a fun convo about the TV show "Insecure" and the storyline about friends and babies. Kara's comedy album "Undefeated" comes out March 8 and is available for pre-order now on iTunes!

Auntie Julia checks in with a short News & Views episode to talk about the "falling" American birthrate and the nonsense that happened after the March for Life in DC. We'll be back with a full episode on Thursday! Keep reading Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed for the Not the Mama Bookclub too!

Special Romance Episode! Lane Pieschel, Auntie Julia's famed boyfriend/partner/not-husband joins the pod this week to confirm that he is not being manipulated against procreation. They chat about their relationship and how they came to the decision to not have kids. They discuss family pressures and influence and assert themselves as partners in their calling to not have children. Lane talks about his childhood and how he's always felt a bit uncomfortable around kids. Don't forget to keep reading, "Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed" by Meghan Daum as the first selection in the Not The Mama Book Club!

Auntie Julia rings in the New Year with a discussion about what she thinks defines a family and our culture's obsession with procreation. She talks about the term "pronatalism" and how it's not always a positive effect to center society around blood relations. She reads a bit from a NYTimes Modern Love column about a man who has fathered over a dozen children from sperm donation and how he's found them using the DNA collection test 23andMe. She is determined to focus 2019 on establishing herself as a whole and complete person despite not having kids of her own. She also announces the Not The Mama Book Club! 12 books about being childfree! Fiction, nonfiction, memoire, biography, romance, adventure, self love! The only common thread will be that they center on a childfree experience. January's book is "Selfish, Shallow and Self Absorbed" by Megan Daum. Every month there will be an episode dedicated to recapping the selected book. If you have suggestions, send them to notthemamapod@gmail.com.

Fresh off of witnessing the birth of her niece, comedian Marcia Belsky joins Auntie Julia to discuss the state of women's health care and why it matters to women even if you don't have to have kids. They have too much bubbly and have a conversation about the state of feminism and the volume of Julia's laugh. It's the last guest episode of 2018 so cheers with us and have some fun!!!

Burlesque performer, dancer and sword swallower extraordinaire Gin Minsky joins Auntie Julia to discuss fearless love while being childfree. Gin shares her experiences of dating and moving on from partners who want kids. She now seeks out relationships with people who don't want to be parents but even that can't guarantee minds won't change. It can be tough when feelings are involved but when you trust yourself, that's what counts the most even when it comes to love.

Special Crossover Episode! Film Critics Bronwyn Isaac and Jourdain Searles of the Bad Romance podcast join Auntie Julia to discuss the fabulous movie "Obvious Child" staring Jenny Slate. One of the first and only movies to portray the choice to have an abortion without trauma, this is the perfect film to examine pop culture's handling of parenthood as choice. It's fun and cute with excellent character development and humor. Bronwyn and Jourdain have great insights and I highly recommend checking out their podcast Bad Romance for more fun film reviews!

Auntie Julia is joined by Luisa Díez to discuss self realization and how we fulfill our own potentials. Luisa shares her own journey of self discovery and how she and her mom, who have lead very different lives, have come to a better understanding. They also talk about being "old" feminists and how this isn't necessarily bad but can be annoying. "Mothering" jobs also comes up as they are both professional women who find themselves "taking care" of others. A lot of wine is had! Cheers! ;)

Auntie Julia goes solo to share her story about how she left her Evangelical Christian upbringing and managed to maintain her relationships with friends and family. She talks about how this was an important step for her to open her life up to her true wants and needs. It wasn't always easy but sharing this story is a valuable part of building this community. Making different choices from our loved ones can be daunting but has great rewards. She also speaks to the idea of fellowship and how that is a positive lesson she has taken from her faith based childhood. There can be balance in what we keep and outgrow. She also shares her thoughts on Thanksgiving and the lessons she's learned from Native American leaders like Dr. Adrienne Keene. Enjoy your weekend!

Families have hopes and dreams for us that don't always align with the hopes and dreams we have for ourselves. Comedian Lili Michelle joins us this week to talk about the pressures we face when we don't live up to familial or cultural expectations. How do we navigate feelings of love for our families and friends while living our own lives? Lili's family is Persian and she was raised to become a wife and mother, two things she's not positive are for her. She also shares with us the additional pressures parents' financial support can have on our life choices. It's a privilege for sure but does come with stipulations and can cause more tension than it's worth when you want to choose a different path.

Why don't people take young women seriously? Especially when they are speaking about the decisions they've made for their own lives? Artist Paula Rondon joins Auntie Julia this week to discuss this phenomenon and learning about how to trust ourselves no matter our ages. She also talks about her relationships with her family, friends and boyfriend and how to navigate their influences in her life while she simultaneously figures out what it is that she wants. She knows she's not a kid person. Of course Auntie Julia has to start with a rant about men on the internet so push through that to get to the goods. The episode ends with a fun chat about their shared belief in UFOs. Totes Caszh!

Sometimes the best way to find out that you want to remain childfree is to spend time with children. Former back-up nanny and comedian Liza Treyger joins Auntie Julia to talk about their pasts as child-care providers. They've both been babysitters, camp counselors and of course, aunts so they do have some experience around kids yet have always known they don't want to become mothers. They also chat about the bounds of womanhood and how we need to make space for women who aren't mothers, no matter the reason. And bonus, David Drake produced the episode so the sound is better! Yay!!!

What would you do if the life path you were on was changed by tragedy? Adventurer Sarah Gill joins Auntie Julia to talk about love, loss, grief and resilience after the death of her husband Mark. Sarah has redirected her career, home, personal and child life plans and shares a story that listeners will be inspired by! We chat about evolving and growing from past decisions and how a new life path is possible even with obstacles. Sarah also gives us a lesson about brewing different types of booze. Pour a glass and listen in!

Rapper Lil Frex joins Auntie Julia on the pod this week to experience a pregnancy scare in real time, wanting kids as fantasy vs. reality, their sex ed experiences and whether or not you can get knocked up on your period. Frex is open to testing this out but Julia of course, is not. At the end of the ep we play "It Goes On" from her latest mixtape, "The Breakup Tape."