How To Stop Wanting Him Back

Claire and her brilliant, amazing, "no-drama" bestie she's known since high school, Jamie Mckeowen, (IG @wholelifejems) dish on dating in LA, and the BS shite that dudes pull on the dating apps, as well as their own flawed approaches and what they've learned throughout their years of dating.

This episode was inspired by a client of Claire's who recently had her heart broken quite abruptly by her long-term boyfriend. Like all of Claire's clients, she is eager to DO the WORK, she's got a great sense of self-awareness, and INTELLECTUALLY understood that this guy didn't turn out to be as great as she thought. However, like MOST of us going through heartbreak, there have been moments where her client second-guessed her own behavior throughout the relationship, and thought that maybe some of the things that she THOUGHT weren't going to work long-term, COULD! This is the classic case of what is called BARGAINING when experiencing grief. The pain of losing him feels stronger than the pain of continuing in a relationship where there were going to be aspects that ultimately would have been a deal-breaker for her, long-term. So Claire's client was having a moment of longing and posed the question, If my thoughts create my results, and I want him back, can I THINK him back into my life?? Claire challenges he

Claire reminds us yet again of her favorite Byron Katie quote: When you argue with reality, you suffer! She shares a couple of personal choices she’s made that caused more pain in the moment but that she ultimately has no regrets about, and shares why you shouldn’t either! Also, if you are in the LA area and feel that therapy would be a better healing route for you, Claire highly recommends her amazing mindfulness-based psychotherapist, Ashley Graber. Www.ashleygrabertherapy.com

Why do we do this? Cultural pressure. THINKING it’s what we want even if we’re not ready. What makes us recklessly infatuated? Physical chemistry. Run from an immediate panty-dropper! There’s usually a painful soul lesson!! Or what the hell? Show up, feel the pain, and LEARN FROM IT! Claire references her last reckless infatuation 5 years ago. NOT HIS FAULT. It was HER idea of what she wanted out of the relationship and was BLINDED by the physical chemistry off the bat. GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR WITH ANYONE YOU’RE DATING. It doesn’t matter how old you are! Obviously, don't be aggressive about your relationship goals and future right off the bat, but be direct and own what you’re looking for without apology. Ask the right questions! LISTEN to him. Pay attention to his actions. Manifesting a partner is DIFFERENT. That’s YOUR business in YOUR brain. Totally have fun visualizing and tapping into how you would think, feel, and behave with your ideal partner, and think about the woman you need to

This is Claire's FIRST completely unscripted episode, where she shares her raw, honest, and most vulnerable story about her rockbottom heartbreak. She laughs, she cries, and she intends to bring a comforting reminder to all of you who feel hopeless, at a loss, devastated, and stuck, that not only are you NOT alone, but you can 100% transform your life BECAUSE of this experience. Life isn't happening to you. It's happening FOR you.

Who can relate to feeling SO good about yourself because you’re DOING THE WORK and then you attract an amazing man and it’s all lining up in the magical way you dreamed, and then… He bounces. On the one hand, you wonder what the hell is the point of doing all this work? And then on the other hand… you think NO! It’s HIM! I’m AMAZING! HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU THINK THAT LATTER THOUGHT? Crappy. Righteous?? Action: Resist the reality of him leaving Result: questioning your own greatness and wanting him back Brooke Castillo reference: If someone says you have blue hair, you wouldn’t bother to need him to see that you don’t. You KNOW that you don’t. If you need someone to see your greatness, there’s a part of you that isn’t fully owning it. First step: Feel the disappointment. Investigate areas in your life where you don’t feel great—your job? Your body? Your home? We can’t control the circumstance of him leaving… We can only look at the thoughts we think about OURSELVES under the circumstances. This is an

SHOW NOTES Episode 3 Why Is It Taking Me SO Long To Get Over Him? The shame you’re feeling from others about how long it’s taking you to get over him is really the shame you feel for yourself. Claire says the first thing you need to do, is OWN how long it’s taking you to heal. There’s no pressure or rush to heal! Instead of looking for ways to STOP her pain, Claire didn’t know she was actually in need of someone to help guide her THROUGH it. Attempting to stop the pain only PROLONGS it. Claire fully owns that it took her TWO-THREE years to get over Find a TRUSTED AND RELIABLE PROFESSIONAL to create a safe and compassionate space for you to fall apart, BEFORE you can transform your victim story into a HEROINE STORY… (the best part!) Don’t give up until you find the right professional to work with! He or she is out there and if you’re interested in working with Claire, go to www.clairebyrnecoaching.com/connect Learning to be ok with NOT being ok and owning how long it takes to heal is huge! This doesn’t mean

Just when you think you’re gonna SHOCK Claire with your heartbreak story, newsflash—she’s heard it all. Benching—keeping someone on the sidelines as back-up in your dating life, who you check in with once in a while Zombie-ing-- when the ghoster comes back from the DEAD! (Claire’s fave) Orbiting—when your ex lurks on your social media but doesn’t directly reach out It’s amazing how much DRAMA the mind can create from a little orbiting or zombie-ing action—especially when residual feelings resurface or they never died down in the first place. MAKE IT MATH, NOT DRAMA. Keep it simple when the mind wants to create a lot of story that isn’t serving you. What was the RESULT Claire wanted when asking the question: WHY would her ex (who isn’t following her and who broke it off with her) ORBIT her on Instagram? FOUR OPTIONS on how to handle it: let go of needing to know the meaning decide an empowered meaning behind it BLOCK HIM Directly ask him If you were to reach out, MAKE SURE your thoughts and feelings are in a

Feel the fear and resistance of trying my approach Your brain is way more comfortable longing for him, but if you stay open to my tools this will for sure help you STOP wanting him back. Totally normal to NOT want to hear that you’ve dodged a bullet or want to punch someone when they say “this might be the best thing that ever happened to you!” when you’re in the thick of your pain. I was there! But I pushed healing opportunities away because I was more attached to my victim story than my heroine story. You’re ready when you’re ready BUT being on the other side of it, I strongly encourage you to stay open to these tools. My healing path unfolded the way it did at the perfect time, but if you’re interested in healing a lot quicker, try what I’m offering if you want to stop wanting him back, Trust that what I’m offering here works—it’s a practice, and a COMMITMENT to start believing that you don’t need him or ANY man to feel better. WANTING HIM TO COME BACK is a THOUGHT. PAIN ISN’T A BAD THING. It’s a PART OF T

Heartbreak coach, Claire Byrne, breaks down exactly how you can finally STOP wanting your ex back on this podcast that is unlike any other heartbreak podcast out there!  Heartbreak is messy, painful and overwhelmingly daunting at times, but it can also be the gateway to embark on a new journey beyond your wildest dreams if you LET it.  You will laugh, you will cry, and have your own mind BLOWN, by how POSSIBLE it will be for you to THRIVE from heartbreak, versus barely survive.    After years of enduring toxic relationships, and being at a loss on how to navigate through the pain, Claire is now dedicated to helping other women like her, not only STOP wanting him back, but become the best version of themselves, BECAUSE of the heartbreak.  PLEASE NOTE:  Claire refers to her exes and the listener’s ex as a “he,” based on her own personal experience as a heterosexual female, but this work can be applied to ANYONE going through heartbreak.  ALL genders and sexual orientations are encouraged to listen and apply Cla