Battlecast Presented By Meltdown Comics

You should probably go watch Black Mirror on Netflix. They aren't paying us to say that, it's just really really good. Also it's our battleground this week so you will probably (100% definitely) hear some spoilers about it on this ep. It's ol' Danny Boy vs. ol' Dirkie Poo as the New Ghostbusters and the Sid Meyer's Civilization Narrator respectively. Look! Up in the sky! It's a Battle! It's a cast! It's Battlecast! Warning: WATCH BLACK MIRROR FIRST PROBABLY

Have you ever found something on the internet that's so hypnotic and wonderful that you immediately fall in love with it and can't help but digest every single episode of it? No, dummy. We're not talking about Battlecast. We're talking about the Primitive Technology Channel. Go watch it. Also Andy is battling as the guy who runs it. He's frighting... erm, fighting against James as Stephen King's IT aka Pennywise. These two unlikely enemies discover the whimsical world of The Princess Bride. But mostly just the Fire Swamps. Never go in against a Battlecast... when DEATH is on the line! Warning: Dan was not meant for stand-up

Unlike certain Republican presidential nominees, the Battle Boys are distinctly prosogynistic. To prove it, we welcome two females that sort of tolerate us. It's Mrs. Anneke "Married to Dirk" Stenger and Ms. Cora "Cora" Cora. They'll judicate the battle that takes place in Lichfield Prison from Orange is the New Black between two characters that we're just shocked have never come up before. It's Dirk as peppy British speed demoness, Tracer vs Dan as the Lord of Portals and being locked in a lab with robots that sing about cake, Chell. My god the Portal games are fun. The Battlecast is a lie. Warning: Pancakes for breakfast.

You thought, hoped, and the religious among you prayed that Lady Gaga was never to be used on the show again. If you needed more proof that we live in a cruel, godless world, I give you exhibit G: this god damn episode. It's James as Lady Gaga going bangs to sweaty forehead with Drik as Marvel's bulletproof Netflix star, Luke Cage. Oh and probably much more importantly, the mystery guest that was previously accused of some pretty heinous groping is here to tell his side of the story. Can't hear my, can't hear my, no you can't hear my b-b-b-Battlecast. Warning: Battlecast sans-Dan is the best. Lol.

BREAKING NEWS: Andy has been replaced on the show by Eric Baudour from Mega 64 so we're going to completely overhaul the show to be entirely about pro wrestling and devastatingly horrible internet videos. You're welcome. Before the format changes though, we'll do a battle or something. It's Eric as the machoest man there ever was, Randy Savage. Dan's going with a hero of the only real wrestling there is. Cros wrestling. Steve Irwin. Neither one of them will be up to business as usual though because it's going down in the zombie infested mall from Dead Rising. C'mon don't be scurred, you runnin' from Battlecast, that's what I heard. Warning: Prepare the ear bleach.

Welcome friend of the show and coffee connoisseur and generally responsible adult, Elijah Elliot! He's sitting in for ol' new-job-James this week as Brad Pitt's fast talking pikey from Snatch, Mickey O'Niell. Andy loves winning so he picked a character he was positive he'd win with. The best part of the last two X-Men movies, Quicksilver. Let's take these fellers deep under the sea to a lab. Sealab. 2021. But oh I ain't evah seen a Battlecast fly. Warning: Real Talk as fugh.

Cartoon v Cartoon you say? Let's F'in' do this. It's ginger boy genius Dexter (Dirk) going head to spatula against punny burgerman, Bob Belcher (Dan). Hopefully you're well versed on your 1980s Colombian cocaine history, because this episode takes place in the setting of Narcos. Battlecast kills bugs dead. Warning: YOLOIAL

*Trumpets and such* We are joined today by comedian/actor/bumble BFF of the show, Nick Rutherford! Nick'll be battling this week as the peace-loving paintnik, Bob Ross. Let's see how he fares against the augmented cyber-bro Adam Jensen from Deus Ex. And heck! Why not put these two in the infamous Trump Tower in Las Vegas. Booyagggh. If you get a Battlecast that lasts over four hours, seek immediate medical attention. Warning: It's ok to smile when sad stuff happens.

Welcome to another super duper out of control exciting edition of Battlecast presented by the super duper out of control awesome Meltdown Comics! We warned you to watch Stranger Things like a million times so hopefully you did that because (Dan) picked the electrokinetic wunderkind Elle/11 from Stranger Things as his character for this week. Dirk's been playing a lot of No Man's Sky so he went with the mysterious explorer and protagonist, The Traveler. James's ceremonial wheel spin landed us in the store from Sausage Party. Dope. Your mom should have taught you this, but always wipe from front to Battlecast. Warning: EVERY SPOILER EVER. You've been warned.

There's a glitch in the mainframe of the internet that is allowing us to stay on Meltdown's network and also causes some of the gyms in Pokemon Go to turn yellow. We have our top scientists looking into it. In the meantime: frazzled Magic School Bus pilot and damn fine lecturer, Ms. Frizzle (Andy) goes head to head against morphine addicted super-hacker, Mr. Robot (James). Hmm if only there was a place that brought nature and technology together in which they could fight... OH YEAH, hardcore survival game and winner of the coveted "This Shit's Been in Alpha for Longer than Computers Existed" award, RUST. It puts the Battlecast on the skin, or else it gets the hose again. Warning: Everything you wanted to know about video games but were afraid to ask.

Volume 2 of Battlecast is upon us! Complete with a fancy new presenter, Meltdown Comics and fancy new lead vocals by Jon Bailey! Wooo! Today's battle takes place in the totally-not-being-judged-by-anyone Rio Olympics between insane lady badass, Harley Quinn (James) and neurotic horsey jackass, Bojack Horseman (Dan). Things heat up on the track and then cool down in the toxic green swimming pool. We don't recommend listening with headphone as close contact with this content may transmit Zika virus directly into your brain canal. Sorry. Warning: Immediately gross as always.

It's finally here. Tempers ran hot, arguments were had, and James even broke a beer bottle over Andy's head. This may even be the last time we ever do a Battle Royale based on how much we all wanted to (for reals) kill each other afterward. Basically what we're trying to say is that we've suffered for our art. In the same way that a 7-year-old suffers for that gold star emblazoned painting of a stick figure parakeet that mom and dad barely allowed on the fridge BUT STILL. It's Dan vs. Andy vs. James in a tournament style showdown that will answer the two year long question: who got the best dice rolls? Show me that Battlecast agaiiiin (Ooooooo, show me that Battlecast). Warning: We'll never make you wait so long for or listen to another almost 3 hour episode again. Promise. Dan has 4 characters, Andy has 3 characters, and James has 5 characters.

One more little baby special episode before we bring you the super sized... no King Sized... no... KING SOOPER SIZED Super Mega Hyper Battle Royale. Here's us fartin' around at SDCC 2016. We talk to people in costume and make them fight other people in costume. It's also on World Star Hip Hop if you want to watch the video. Battlepix evolves into Ninecast. Duhhhh. Warning: Some good burns mid episode.

This is not a normal episode of Battlecast. If you've been listening, then you know that this is us farting around at Dan's Gravyyard show last week. It's extra short, but hopefully it'll hold you over until next week when we have our HYPER SUPER MEGA BATTLE ROYALE followed by two weeks from now when we launch the start of VOLUME 2 of Battlecast. It's gonna be epic. We got some surprises in store for yas. Gravycast enters the Battleyard. Warning: You have to hear Dan's band.

Remember like a million years ago when we did our D&D style co-op campaign version of Battlecast and you guys loooooooved it? Us neither. The love part. SO WE DID IT AGAIN. This time with super overpowered/holy grail characters because it's fun. Straight up Dungeons and Dragons style custom campaign written and performed by Dirk the Magnificent. Our cast for this week is The Big Blue Dong of Justice AKA Dr. Manhattan (Andy), the bumbling yet lovable Superdoofus, Superman (James), and that dude who spends season of his show stuck on a single syllable, Goku (Dan). IT'S-A-MEEE- BATTLECASTIO Warning: Longest. Episode. Ever.

It's the stunning conclusion to Season 9 of Battlecast. Move over, Game of Thrones! Move over, Silicon Valley! Move over, Murder She Wrote! There's a new Sheriff in town! James and Andy are set up with some pretty OP stacked teams as they go into this one- Andy has Mary Poppins, The Tick, Robocop, Lego Batman. James has Donkey Kong, Ice Cube, A Warlock from Destiny, and Ratchet + Clank. Oh you poor sod, Dan. He only has Joe Camel. Wait didn't this happen last season too? Good lord. As is customary in the Battle Royale, we revisit a buncha battlegrounds we've seen throughout the season. Try to Cast your line into the deeper pools- that's where the Battles bite.. Warning: Buckle up. FINAL RECORD BEFORE THE FINAL Dan 1-5, Andy 4-2, James 4-2

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, THE CAST BATTLES YOU!!! No but really it does so watch out for that if you ever plan on traveling there. It's a battle between East Coast vs West Coast- in a rivalry almost exactly like that of Biggie vs. Tupac, it's Mary Poppins (Andy) vs. Bucky Barnes, The Winter Soldier (Dan). And if you haven't quite figured this part out yet, it all takes place back in the USSR. Battlecastliness is next to Godliness. Warning: Andy sings this episode. Dan 1-4, Andy 3-2, James 4-2

Welcome to This American Battlecast. Today we take a break from battling to tell you a tale of heartbreak and hilarity. In what has been hailed as the greatest episode of Battlecast ever, the boys go through an emotional journey and would like to bring you along for the ride. Take meee out to the Baaaaattlecast. Warning: You may cry.

Special guest alert! It's the girl that is apprehensively letting Andy call her girlfriend! She's really sweet and does pretty good Young Frankenstein impressions. Hey! That's where we're battling this week! It's furry and furious donkey named monkey, Donkey Kong (James) vs. the guy that makes being a man in black look good, Agent J (Dan). Disclaimer: Don't insert the Battlecast too far into your ear canal or you may cause permanent injury. Warning: The Legend of Cora. The dog. Dan 1-3, Andy 3-2, James 3-2

It's a Battlecast milestone this week with the LAST EVER DIRKEO. Yes that's right. The Council of Elders communed and decided Dirk shall be a combatant next season so this is the last opportunity for any of the boys to choose him. Andy does. It's the pathetic and lovable Joe Dirk (Dirt) goin' head to head with the copiously armed furball/nutbolt combo team Ratchet and Clank (James). All o' this happens on Mars. Amber Alert: Late-twenties, moderately overweight Battlecast in a silver 2010 Prius heading northbound on your ear-holes.Warning: No one's ever happy with the odds.Dan 1-3, Andy 3-1, James 2-2