Air Out My Shorts

AOMS inspires the first scratch-n-sniff Farmer's Almanac. Winter rips Buttons a new one. Bill Clinton leaves an indelible mark on the lesbian community. Maqx gets mad enough to make "Mel" sing soprano. 191 Randall goes for the jugular and The Word Whore finds decapitated roosters a little tough to swallow.

1998, the unofficial year of the hedgehog, rolls out with a rodent-infested fable by S.J. Marky and a still-un-beta-tested MacDaddy GMG debut. Preston goes back to school to learn to party like a pope. The Whore's alpha tail theory is full of gassy bacterial holes and the land down under becomes a safe haven for pie-dodging Irish possums.

Buttons sheds a short and curly. The Word Whore is googley peeved. Preston Buttons Jr tops it off with some royally spoofed special sauce. Dreamy Dean hangs, so the hotline (305-76-SHOWS) gets a long overdue D 'n' C.

This ain't AoMS. This is genocide. As they pulled Mary Kate out of the oxygen tent, Electric Lee asked for the latest party. In Wyeth's clever bunk, "How To" profit-dump, smart like The Whore he was. Preston Buttons freak he was. So pick through that bowl on your hands and knees. The diamond logs are shredders and they hide inside feces.

Preston Buttons and The Word Whore serve up two heaping helpings of Purple Puddle Nut Pie. Jack Black gets no slack. Buttons has no seeds. The Whore pimps out the two of them. Happy Halloween. This is not the best episode in the world. It's a tribute.

Rock 'n' roll is complicated. Escape Pod's Steve Eley spews all over the Expo. Buttons bakes a Hell's Angels Food Cake. In the Navy, DocZim can check out your disease. In the Navy, yes, you can contract STDs. The Whore begs for mercy.

The Whore lets Preston hitch his insignificant wagon to her crap-purveying star. Young Bulls guard family jewels from dear old Dad. "Demon Hunter", by Dan Manning, is much better than dirt. Buttons shops in The Underworld because redheads prefer brown, but Scott (TTN) won't wear satin to ward off Pauly B 's pond-crossing beer fingers.

Kevin Smith threatens to foul up Festivas Tet!Anus. Shane Passon and Amy Mann lure exploratory foragers down their crumb-laden treasure trails in "The Colony". Strapping on Super-slider Snow Skates and setting his sights on Aspen, Angry Phone Guy tears yet another sparkly strip off the well-to-do.

Preston pees on the competition. The Whore staggers back to her roots. Mark Duhe's "Reclamation" runs Native American gymnasts and contorted eunuchs out of Kansas. Dreamy Dean gets a grip on his inner fluffer, prompting Link to run away and join the circus

Much to Preston's audible dismay, Shaggy Fancy Pants staggers by the AoMS studio to get boozed and bring sexy back. The Word Whore adds a large dose of frankness to her 'to do' list. "Broken Angels" - a FISH story of figurines loved and lost – gets much more lost than loved, in this beer-soaked trainwreck from the cutting room floor.

Preston paints Pottahawk pink. The Word Whore liberates Bula Bula Bada. Buttons performs ritualistic circumcision on Phil Foster's "Cuban Smokes" and - after riding a wave in the wake of an old Sedan - a busload of octogenarians guide Earl The Pearl through the Kama Sutra.

ZZ Top cancels Brazilian tour to save face. Toronto men renounce routine foot care. Just-a-Joe goes way "Over The Edge". Trapper's Better Half keeps his meat clean. Buttons just found a brand new box of matches and what he knows The Whore ain't had time to learn.

Buttons bends over backwards to pay his rent. The Whore gets wrapped up in wordy nudistism. A full year past all expectation, the ink finally dries on Kennah's "Final Draft". Inept call-screener, 88 Fingers Willy, fishes for pearls and farms out his lucky prostate.

Addiction lands The Whore an on-call Priest. Buttons gets taken out by a swinging boob. Batman isn't supposed to be beautiful, Mike Dominic gives his roommate some static, and Angry Phone Guy picks out just the right bag to go with his stain-resistant frock...for the Prom.

Buttons gets creamed. The Word Whore, delightfully wasted, plasters a big fat one on a local escort. Stunt Pig tells "Edna" where to go. The official AoMS hotline (305-76-SHOWS) finally gets a long overdue spring cleaning, though it really could have done with a proper douching.

The Whore's infectious new brand of lip-service might swell heads, but the bubble bursts when it comes to keeping anal stuff in its place. Still dripping from his last nasal deployment, Ryan Saunders knows bio-warfare's snot a laughing matter. Preston fights for the right to bleed. Escape Pod's Steve Eley confirms it ain't easy being green and fatherhood is forever.

Flagrant misuse leads to the removal of TWW's box. Stephen Eley's "Year of the Fox" continues to explore some very slippery slopes. A lifelong aversion to mathematics finally limits The Word Whore in bed. Buttons fears fatist slurs may effect T-shirt sales. First time call to Earl The Pearl sends large slobbering dogs howling.

The Word Whore gives 300 Spartans a good sound lickin', but cannot get Buttons to leak his boobie secrets. William Kelly whips out "The Family Jewels". Disco Lou makes sure The Whore's nipples are covered, while his 'friend' tidies things up in Man World.

Buttons punches himself in the face, as The Whore digs five years worth of sand from the grill. Shelly has big boobies. Lulu has a perfect package. Part one of "Year of the Fox" by The General - Escape Pod's Stephen Eley - reeks of humus. Angry Phone Guy isn't allowed to yell at us anymore.

Preston pulls out all the stops and finds it to be a bad idea. The Whore goes blind doing double phone duty. The ghost in the machines set the night on fire. "Conduit" by jethro6mil is electrifying.