Super Pee Pee Time

RETURN TO THE TRAIL! Well, it's been a long, long time -- 70 episodes, to be exact -- since we last heard from Jessup and Ellie Mae in our wild west tale, Danger on the Trail. (Episodes 11 and 12, check 'em out, if you're so inclined.) Jessup had killed old Uncle Sasquatch and his band of thugs, and they were all set to live happily ever after...until... Marcus, an old friend from Jessup's Texas Ranger days rides up with bad news. Even though Marcus is bleeding out, they still have time to talk very, very casually about all the awards Marcus has won. And Ellie Mae keeps trying to squeeze lemonade out of a nearby ghost. You know. Typical Western stuff. Listen to it with someone you love, and form a human paperclip with them, if they consent to do so.

It's time, friends, to beat the winter blues. And Marcus & Edgar have just the remedy. It's "The Inner Heart of Wisdom." Even though it is the worst year on record for loving mice, there is still hope for us to be happy and 'seltzier' (i.e. more like seltzer). A tapestry of flattened out camels, a pelican monster that whittled a face out of licorice, various hooked animals, and a miracle herbal supplement called "muntie." These are just a few of the strategies we'll employ to get you back on track. So on the count of three, inhale a mentally unstable raccoon, and relaxxxx...

Remember those days back in kindergarten, when you'd tell the teacher that your oven was weeping? Sure, sure you do. And when you'd sing that really long song about fire, and then another one about "beware of the groaning eyeball in the sky"? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And there'd be a special guest, and he'd come into class and ask you what you'd do if there was a desperate hickey that had formed on your hardware? Right? Well, this will be just a trip down memory lane for you, then. So remember, kids - tomorrow is 'lizard hosing day'. Enjoy!

Man, oh man, we loved doing this one. Maybe it was the narwhal burgers. Maybe it was the smoothness of the elk. Maybe it was finally getting started on making sure invisible alligators are allowed to go to college. It's hard to say. But this one was just a lot of fun. We hope you enjoy it. It's all about the doomed crew of a daring mission to drop a super weapon the likes of which the world has never known. Will they reach their target? Will the pilot's genitals be able to see over the short brick wall he built around them? Will the bombardier ever get cast in the base-camp drama society play? Can they bring themselves to drop a bomb that will tear off everyone's sneakers in the night? Listen and find out...

Happy New Year! It's the first show of 2017, and we kick it off with an important public service announcement from the Two Headed Barry White Creature, who wants to remind you to prevent forest fires. He/they also want to talk about which animals turn them on, so don't give them too much credit for selfless service. We also introduce Suzie May Haagen, elite special forces soldier and lover of crafts. She's going on her first strike op, and must review the 5 principles of stealth. One of them might be croutons. She doesn't know. We hope you're enjoying 2017 as much as someone who is REALLY enjoying 2017. Or even more than that guy.

It's a New Year's Eve THRILLER! Edgar and Margaret have traveled through time enough to have altered their privates, but not enough to stop the evil plans of Wallmeier Morgon and his henchman, Leopold. Now, it will take everything they've got to stop them, including an ape that has been trained to make upsetting noises, a hoop appreciation committee, and a walrus mouse. This is an excellent example of what happens when you refuse to make any sort of plans for your New Year's episode, but you insist upon recording one anyway. So give 3 cheers for old Rhubarb University, and pour a glass of the good stuff for Walking and its friend, Sitting Down!

That's right, it's Charles Dickens's immortal tale of holiday redemption! Well, it's as close to "A Christmas Carol" as we were ever likely to get. In fairness to us, working with an outline of a really great story gets hard when you can just be making stuff up about how Ebenezer Scrooge is mad at a tuba salesman, or a fish that has numbed his own velamints. We hope you enjoy this slightly supersized episode and we hope you have a kick ass holiday season, in spite of the fact that no one ever does that. May your days be merry and bright, and may all your suitors bring unpopped popcorn with them on all your sex dates. And don't let an eagle fall on your mind. That's how Tiny Tim bought it...

It's that time of the year when all good little boys and girls visit Santa Claus to sit on his lap. Unfortunately, it's all the the time of year when the Super Pee Pee Time characters do the same. It's worth all the overcrowding of Santa's 15-seater lap, just to see the happy faces of Mama, Beatrice, Donald, Reverend Ben, the Two Headed Barry White Creature, Tarleton Grigglesby and Wilter! And even a brief visit from Stevie the grey parrot! And if you're good, under your tree, you'll be sure to find a trough of elongated Starbursts, a peanut butter spray that is an aphrodisiac to llamas, and whatever the opposite of a carrot peeler is. And if you want to make OUR Christmas dreams come true, how about subscribing on iTunes and leaving us a nice review filled with holiday cheer, joy, and Mama's personal ranch dressing.

It's the holiday season, and that means one thing, it's time for the Craft Ladies Holiday Gift Giving Guide! Scented tumors, a sweater that growls at you, and an elf trying to measure his 'wizard zone' are just a few of the brilliant suggestions that Jeannie and Charlotte have for you and your family. Gifts for every type of person, and just remember: Life sucks, YOU suck, and none of this is worth anything! It's a holiday miracle! And if you want to make OUR holiday as special as...you know, another special thing, well, you'll go over to iTunes, subscribe, and leave us a glowing review so that other weirdos like you will find our show and then we'll all be a really unnerving but ultimately harmless cult that doesn't require uniforms or special diet or anything. It'll be fun!

The holiday season has begun! Well, a little bit. There's a little Christmas in this episode, just like there's a little Christmas inside each and every one of us. It's in your leg. No, no, don't look at it. And don't make any sudden moves. It bites. VLADIMIR & VALERY: Our Russian advice jockeys are back with some wisdom on how to deal with your finances. There might be a zamboni salad in there. You might be advised to transfer your wealth into a walnut. You might even learn how sitting on an open rock is really just falling into a hole. And more! IRISH BASKETBALL: These two Irish lads may not know much about basketball, but they know about Charmpagne (champagne with an arm in it), inventing the "piece of camel" and trying to look like you're not having apples. HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MIRACLE: Starkey and Philly are playing in the snow, but Philly suddenly hates Christmas. I'm sure it's for a great reason. He also hates cows, lemons, boredom, and Steven. He wishes Christmas was a nozzle. After that, it gets pr

Gather around the fire by yourself, which isn't easy to do, and listen to the Super Pee Pee Time THANKSGIVING SPECIAL! You'll meet Grandma, whose teeth are made of other people's dreams. And there's Grandpa, who sometimes falls out of the car (and off of Skype entirely) while driving. They'll take a road trip to their daughter's house for the holiday, where you'll meet her kids, who probably weigh as much as a barrel of something by now! And they'll tell the story of the very first Thanksgiving, they'll go around the table and say what they're thankful for, and we can all reminisce about the first time a yeti ripped a boy in half. ENJOY! And you know what would make US as thankful as seven or eight really thankful people? If you would go over to iTunes and leave us a nice review. It helps get us out there in front of other weirdos like yourself.

A HERO IS BORN: PART THREE! You didn't think we'd actually do it, did you? We did two episodes of the superhero story without an actual, you know, "superhero" and you thought we'd just never get there. Well, get ready to be only barely more wrong than you thought you'd be, because it's time for SHY COW MAN! In a continuation of Part 2, Mr. Johanssen and Tassie are discussing...oh, I mean, you know what they're discussing. A report from Garfield the cat, a goose that has raised it's awareness of "telling about things". Usual big business stuff. But then...the hero rises from the pile of chemicals into which he dissolved. And he's got powers. Not great powers, but powers nonetheless! And now, the question is, will he use his powers for good, or for evil? Or will he use them to do good for a lamb named Staniel? Time probably won't tell.

Well, the world has gotten...different, hasn't it? No matter. What did reality every do for you? We will continue to wage anarchy upon the universe. And so, we bring you, THIS EPISODE OF THE SHOW!!! (echoes dying away...) The Gianetti Brothers are back, and they've been asked by the GeraldBurger to put together an extra fancy menu. You might try the suicidal Sylvia Plath clam that can write, but can not read. Or maybe you're more in the mood for olives from the land where Dracula lived when he wasn't feeling well? It's really up to you. We also introduce two new characters: Margaret Boheen and Ernesto de la Paz, and their new product, "Oh My Goodness" which...we're still not sure what it does. Or is. It might be a kind of a spray you wish you didn't have. But it's so much more. And less. Also, some other stuff. There's all kinds of stuff. This episode's just lousy with stuff. Enjoy, and share it with someone who needs it!

This is the election coverage that you've all been waiting for, provided that you've been waiting to hear about an abortion cyborg, and a list of things that will terrify a frog's damsel. And an interview with Moses and his band, and Diana Ross's breakout hit, "Celery in my Butthole." We know the election in the real world is upsetting and we just can't wait until it's all over. And we solemnly swear that THIS election special will not remind you even remotely of the actual election. Well, not unless you're triggered by wrinkled overpants, an interview with Uncle Weirdo, or an eagle that can tie ropes around things using only its balls. If that's the case, can we interest you in a weasel with a bar code on its swoozle? Share this with all your friends who are tired of reality.

It's that time of year, when the moon gets a volume discount, we all marzipan our underpants and burst through them, and Mama sneaks onto car lots and does weird things to the cars. Yes, it's SUPER CREE-PEE TIME! This year, Mama and Beatrice's car breaks down on a dark and stormy night. They go looking for a phone, but instead find a creepy castle, a vampire, and a silverware set that looks like Michael Bolton. And the dark prince of the night falls in love with Mama! The count, who used to sneak up on Dalmatians with John Coltrane, falls in love with our girl. Can Mama make the transition from...you know...whatever she currently is to a vampire? Will Mama and Beatrice be eaten by munchie hounds? Will Cade's dog freak the hell out? (hint: yes.) And most importantly, do you like wafers? All of these questions and more will be ignored! Enjoy! And if you dug this, stop by twitter and say hi! Tell a friend! Tell a bowling hat! Straddle a gallon of howitzer paste! And HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

It's that time of year again, folks. The time of year when you're looking for a "skanky obese weatherman" costume, or some jellybeans that a baboon has interrupted. HALLOWEEN! The Halloween Superstore is open for business for all your cereal-resistant costume needs. And it's all in support of THE GALLEY CROWN, a horse race that we SWEAR we were going to get to. We came so close, though. So rub yourself down with porch oil, and enjoy! Tell your friends! Tell a moat! Or a tick that has exploded its dormitory! Tell anyone! Leave us a lovely review on iTunes! Subscribe! Submit! Or just enjoy! And stop by on twitter and say hi!

Back when dinosaurs walked the earth and dagwood sandwiches ruled the skies, we were classically trained as actors. Doing Shakespeare is almost literally the only thing we are qualified to do in life. And we're finally doing it, here, now. Just without the actual, you know, Shakespeare. King Madregon has killed his rival (he mentions it several times) and taken his rival's queen. But the queen isn't into it. So the king goes to some weird imps to hear about a prophecy (eventually.) And then the queen wishes her dead true love king back to life. There's a big pile of bodies at the end. Typical Shakespeare, except for the mention of dagwood sandwiches, fair-faced beavers, crisped oat-inflamers, and a baked hamlet for all your groovy parties. If thou hast dug this, stop by twitter and say hi! And share it with all your odd friends!

EPISODE 65: Sixty-five. If our show were a person and episodes were years, it would have to start taking money out of its 401K. Then again, if our show were a person, it wouldn't have contributed to its 401K. It would have squandered all the money on bottled hats and Pez dispensers that it barely even needed. This episode has a little news in it to start and end, and in the middle is a FASHION SHOW, hosted by a woman whose name was unintelligible with her old friend, back from beyond the grave, Jorak Mult from Supergalactic! Some of the pieces you'll be hearing about as they walk the catwalk include a whale that is teaching a goat to breathe through its blowhole, linen pants that are perfect for wandering off, and an Oatmobile. Or Oat-mo-meal. It's hard to say. If you enjoy this thingie, tell your friends. Tell weird strangers. Tell normal strangers and worry them. Worry your family. More than you do already, we're saying. And as always, stop by and see us on twitter!

Will you still need us, will you still feed us, when we've posted Episode 64? You don't do those things already, so I guess it's not fair to hold you to them now. GERALDBURGER SPOT FEATURING TARLETON & WILTER: Our intrepid adventurers are here to promote their favorite restaurant, the GeraldBurger. Hear all about the semantics of whether an eagle can be overhead and licked at the same time, the magic of the go away meal, and there's a jar of bleach for the 1st hundred customers to share. PILOTS, A UFO, AND A CATALOG: You know, we were going to do a scene about a UFO encounter involving a couple of airline pilots. But we kind of got side tracked by a skymall-esque catalog that features such fabulous products as a toilet seat that pokes your butt with braille, a year's supply of one giant steak, a fruit implosion rifle, and many more. Really, a lot more. September has been by far our biggest month yet. So spread this madness around! Share it with your friends. Share it with the pope. Share it with any pope a

This...is not how this scene was supposed to go. It should have been 3 minutes long. Maybe 5 or 6, tops. But Cade just wouldn't stop until Mac slowly lost his will to live. And here we are. A HERO IS BORN, PART 2: In EPISODE 61, we were introduced to these characters. This time, Mr. Johannsen and Tassie survey the damage after Lowie has surely been killed by the chemical spill. Or has he...? Johannsen has many ideas of how to cover up the accident (smoking barrel boy's octopus seems to be one.) He also has plans to deal with the grieving family. Many of them involve Qbert. Like, a drawing of Qbert seducing a bottle of varnish. But then, a mystical crystal begins to have strange effects on the two of them. Most of the effects involve horrible things that Mr. Johannsen seems to want to try with Tassie. Cade mentions Velamints and blames Mac for it somehow. Mac mispronounces the word "hour", Cade mocks him, and then immediately mispronounces the word "celebration." If you like this sort of thing, well, you