Proudtobekinky Podcast

Rain DeGrey is an author, BDSM and sex educator and someone who has been fully immersed in kink lifestyle for the last decade. She has done shoots for kink.com and has experienced many, many kinks and is wonderfully open about discussing and sharing her information and experiences with others. We discuss why Rain is so passionate about embracing a kink lifestyle and why she encourages other people to do the same and explore what it is about kink that they enjoy. Which given the ethos of our podcast is a perfect conversation for us to share with our listeners. Rain shares with us another passion of hers, which is education. We talk about some of the classes she teaches, and how they have evolved over the years and what it is about doing her classes that is so rewarding. We also talk about the wonderful exchange that exists between Tops and bottoms, and what we each bring to our interactions and how if each person involved isn’t fully present and invested in the exchange it may not be as successful as we’d like

Bakji and Floss have been busy this year, not only with the podcast, but also with outings to Fetish events and indulging in sexy scenes at home. In this episode we discuss some of the things we’ve done this year. Regular listeners of our spin-off podcast FemDom and Fetish Fun, will be familiar with some of the scenes we have enjoyed throughout 2017. Which ones have been our favourites though? We have each picked out Tops kink moments and discuss why they stand out for us. As well as a little bit of reminiscing we also look to future kinky fun as we talk about what our kinky resolutions are for 2018. While we both pick very sexy things, we definitely have very different ideas of what we’d like to do next. So we should have an interesting year ahead. As always we would love to hear from you, whether it is about this episode or with a questions for us, you can do that via hello@proudtobekinky.com. You can also find us on Twitter, instagram, Facebook and Fetlife. If you would like to listen to the previously men

Safewords are this episodes topic of conversation. After Floss saw a few posts in a short space of time all about the same subject on Reddit, it seemed like the time was right for safewords to have their own episode. What are they? When you should you use them? Why should you use them? And should you ever feel bad or awkward about using them? We are definitely in the group of people who feel like having a safeword is good thing, no matter who you are playing with, however when researching the topic online to make sure we were presenting the right information we did come across lots of people who don’t feel the need to use them, and we are certainly not saying one way is right and one is wrong, just that there are options to consider. As well as general approaches to safewords we do discuss the ones we use personally and our own personal thoughts on them. We also discuss what we might do if someone used an unfamiliar safeword and what we would do if a safeword ended a scene. For those people who are fans of

Shut The WOOF Up is a new podcast that is all about puppy play and the community and activities that it encompasses. The host Volka was kind enough to join us for an episode so that we could ask him all the questions we’ve had for ages about puppy play. First things first, Volka has a sound effects board. I am sorry I failed to control Bakji, he far less pliable and a lot more defiant when fully clothed. You will hear a lot of sound effect, and I mean a lot. The good news is, we haven’t got a sound board. The bad news is, Bakji wants one. So watch this space. Anyway, back to puppy play. Once you start bimbling around the kink community you start to comes across a variety of pet play, ponies, kittens and puppies are probably the most popular and puppy play is a community alongside but also separate from the kink community. There are pup munches, pup events and pup websites to help you meet other like minded pups and/or handlers. Volka was extremely open, and wonderful about answering all our questions. Which m

Princess Kali is our guest for this episode and we could not have been more excited to speak to her. Her book Enough To Make You Blush was one of Floss’ early and favourite resources when she was beginning her journey into FemDom. Getting to talk to people whose work we genuinely enjoy is one of the awesome bonuses of doing the podcast. Princess Kali has been on many podcasts discussing not only her book, but also sharing her approach to Domination and her work with Kink Academy. Which is another great resource for kink education. This however did mean that thinking up new and interesting questions for her was a tricky task. That said though we are really excited to bring you this episode and feel like we’ve got some great information to share with you. Humiliation can sometimes be a kink that many people will respond to with ‘Oh yeah, I’m not into that’, with a little bit of exploration though there can often be many fun and erotic entry points for us to explore the vast variety of erotic humiliation. From m

While red flags usually refers to those behaviors that would signal  relationship is unsafe or unhealthy, in this episode we are discussing those things that are incompatibility red flags. Things that have in the past, or would in the future signal to us that a relationship isn’t as well suited to us as we had hoped it might be. Over the years we have both been in these relationships ourselves, as well as having many friends put up with varying levels of incompatibility, when we’ve looked at our reasons for staying or enquired with friends why they themselves stayed the answer is always a variation on the same thing ‘what if I don’t find anyone else who’s kinky/does the things I like sexually’. We are are big believers that no-one should be stuck in an unhappy relationship for fear of not finding someone else to indulge in their kinks with. We also know though that it’s definitely easier said than done, especially if you’re new to exploring your kink and suddenly finding someone who is into them too feels lik

DaveCat is our guest for this week's episode and we were delighted to have him on the show, having heard him on a couple of other podcasts. Part of doing the podcast was to not only talk about Kinks, Fetishes and elements of BDSM, but also to talk to people who have alternative lifestyles, alternative relationships models or just generally express themselves in a way some people may not be familiar with.  DaveCat joined us with his wife Sidore, they also have two other partners living with them, Elena and Miss Winter. Sidore, Elena and Miss Winter are all synthetic women, or real dolls. DaveCat shares how he came to welcome Sidore into his life, 17 years ago, and how Elena and Miss Winter joined them in more recent years. As big fans of finding a community that you feel comfortable in, and one in which you can hopefully find like minded people, we ask DaveCat about the idollator community, and what kinds of online and offline support and advice is available, especially to those people who are just beginning t

Kinky scenes for us can be anything from an impromptu handjob to a more elaborate and lengthier session. Either way we always enjoy them and we’ve had a fair bit of scene variety in our time playing together. When we record FemDom and Fetish Fun, the spin-off podcast we release for our Patrons, we discuss our scenes in quite a lot of detail. Off the back of that we have had a couple of people ask where we get our ideas, and wondering how they can better plan and make the most of their own kinky fun. We have both approached taking control of a scene as relatively newbies to Topping, and we know it can feel really daunting, so we try to cover how you can take charge of the acre and make it fun without feeling overwhelmed and worried about whether or not it’s fun. Floss especially took great pleasure in researching a variety of approaches to FemDom to give her a bit more confidence when it came to scene inspiration. Kinky porn was a treasure trove of inspiration and had led to many new discoveries and fab ideas.

Aurora Glory joins us for this episode. Yes that is right, we have a guest with us again. We were delighted to have the chance to chat to Aurora, about everything from sex toys, to lube and of course blogging.   We start off this episode with a very important question. That you won’t want to miss. A long and earth shattering debate is finally put to rest. Want to know more, then you will have to listen in. Once that is cleared up though we move onto the juicy stuff .. sex toys. We ask Aurora how she got started with reviewing sex toys, and how that led to her starting a blog.   Floss has got her own fair share of sex toys nestled away in the bedroom, and wondered if she was alone in her favourite not being the high-quality toys people usually mentions a favourites. Turns out she is alone in this. Aurora’s favourite toy is definitely one of the higher quality and well recommended toys. One that Floss doesn’t have but is keen to get.   While we all know sex toys are more popular than ever, and rightly so. There

Happy Birthday to us. That’s right, we have now been releasing episodes for you for one whole year and what a year it has been. We went back and forth with lots of ideas for this episode, but we decided to get back to basics a little bit and discuss the things that we are constantly repeating and go into detail about why we say them and how you can go about acting on the advice should you wish to.   In episode one, Bakji and friend of the show BlueBen discussed how to make kinky friends. Floss recently gave this episode another listen, and was impressed overall that for a first episode it was pretty darn good, but also felt that we could tweak some of the advice after a year of not only podcasting, but also of getting more involved with the community ourselves as well.   In a good chunk of our episodes we say ‘go to a munch’, so we revisit this and discuss why we say that and what benefits we see to munches. We also address the fact that your first munch isn’t always going to be life changing and what to do i

Pain play and sensation play are our focus this week. We discuss what we mean when we talk about Sadism and masochism, and how pain can be sexy and what you can do if you’d like to try some new sensations but don’t think pain is for you.   We have mini debate over what classes as sexy pain, stingy, thuddy or something else entirely. This leads to us having a bit of a run through of what the difference between the two is, and why they lead to different sensations.   While many us might identify as a Sadist or a masochist, or perhaps like Floss you’re a bit of both and like to claim the Sadomasochist label, that doesn’t we all enjoy pain in the same way though. Both Bakji and Floss enjoy pain in very different ways, and their approach to pain play also differs greatly. We discuss our own personal takes on pain, what we enjoy and why we enjoy it.   As we always say we’re not experts when it comes to the kinks we discuss, but we do try to share what safety and instructional information we do have. We do highly re

Bisexuality is our topic for today, inspired by the recent bi-visibility week and ally week, Floss asked Bakji if she could hijack an episode to discuss being bisexual. This is a bit of a one sided episode as Bakji as a straight man doesn’t have his own experience of being bisexual. He is however a great ally and was happy for Floss to get on her soapbox for episode to air her views. [caption id="attachment_1889" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Bisexuality Flag[/caption]   Floss gives her own definition of being bisexual, which is definitely at odds with the dictionary definition. As we say in the episode though, we think it’s really important not to invalidate someone else’s identity and experience by saying their bisexuality isn’t the same as yours and therefore it doesn’t count. We also briefly reflect on comparisons and difference between pansexuality and bisexuality. Again the dictionary definition seems to greatly differ from what people in the LGBTQIA+ community are saying, so Floss gives her best att

Switching is the topic of this episode. When we are on our travels to events and meeting new friends people are often full of questions regarding our Switch dynamic. We were so excited a while back that this could be a great episode that we eagerly sat down to record it, only to discover it was not good. So this is our second attempt, inspired by a comment from one of our Patrons. We start right from the beginning and cover what switching is, and how we both came to identify as a switch. We also discuss whether or not switches even exist! Which is unfortunately an ongoing conversation amongst some people. Spoiler alert … We absolutely do exist. One of the other question we asked a lot is how we manage our switch dynamic and find the balance for us both getting our fix on either side of the slash. For us it’s probably less about balance and more about communicating what we are currently in the mood for. Which means there often isn’t much of a balance at all, but our approach is that if we are both happy and en

Bakji and Floss return without a guest this weeks to discuss the internal conflicts some of our kinks might cause us to have. Inspired by a post Floss saw on Reddit, where the poster wanted to be submissive and also humiliated and degraded yet felt this was at odds with her feminist views. We decided that this was a great topic of discussion because there are many kinks that often highlight this issue, in some way shape or form. Probably a lot more than we could cover in one short episode. So many of our views on our kinks seem to be shaped by the environment we grew up, and how previous partners have reacted, so what seems like a perfectly acceptable kink to one person, might cause all kinds of conflicts in another. As well as discussing some of the kinks that most often seem to crop up in this line of thought, we also talk about whether these feelings are part of the reason some of us take our time to find our way to the kink community. While we have both had a fair while to adjust to our own kinks and on t

Eva from TheCage.co is our guest today. The cage is a social networking site and online community for people interested in kink, BDSM and Fetish. It has been going for just over a year and now and we invited Eva along to tell us a little bit more about it. [caption id="attachment_1112" align="aligncenter" width="300"] www.thecage.co[/caption] As well as talking about TheCage.co, we also wanted to talk to Eva a little bit about online D/s. When it came up in a thread on Twitter Floss realised it wasn’t something we had ever really discussed on the podcast and as it is popular within the kink community we felt it was something we should be talking about.   When Floss started to do some research for this episode to gather some questions together for Eva, she discover that the world of online D/s is not easy to find good and supportive information on. In any forum where a question on online D/s was asked there were two automatic responses 1. An assumption you'll eventually move into in person D/s and 2. Disparagi

Shibari is something we might have mentioned once or twice before on the podcast and because there are so many different voices to hear on it we are revisiting it again. This time with the lovely Evie Vane, a rope bottom who has written two books The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up and Better Bondage for Every Body. Evie has been into rope for about 7 years and in that time has gathered lots of experience and information that she is now sharing with other people. It can be easy to talk yourself out of giving rope a try, it can seem very technical and often the images we see of rope bottoms in rope do not always feel relatable for some people. Evie’s latest book definitely supports the notion that rope can be for everyone. Shibari does have many ties that you can learn step by step, there’s knots and frictions and wraps, and unfamiliar names for many things, essentially though what many of us are learning and seeking is a connection with our rope partner. That partner might be someone we will only tie once,

The Queen of Fetish Cabaret, Marnie Scarlet joins us for this episode and we couldn’t be more excited to chat with her. We have had the pleasure of seeing a couple of Marnie’s performances and they do not disappoint. Please do check them out. Links will be provided at the end of this post. Latex is possibly one of the first things we noticed about Marnie, because as we may have mentioned once or twice we have both got the hots for the lovely shiny rubbery stuff. Which means we obviously asked Marnie all about making her outfits. If you haven’t seen her outfits yet, once you do you will be utterly amazed by her creations. They are gorgeous, fun, inventive and beautifully crafted. There is a huge variety of themes across all Marnie’s acts, so we discuss where she gets her inspiration from and how her ideas go from that to a full performance piece. We also go right back to the beginning and find out how Marnie came to start performing, both within the kink scene and out of it. The type of events and countries sh

Anatomie Studios are the focus of this week's episode as we talk to Anna Bones, who opened and runs Anatomie, the U.K’s only full time rope studio. Open since June 2015, Anatomie has gone from strength to strength and provides a safe and welcoming environment for people to learn and practice their Shibari skills. We ask Anna how she started her own journey into discovering Shibari, and how that led to the opening of Anatomie. We have spoken about Anatomie before in previous episodes but it was wonderful to hear about it in Anna’s own words, from initial vision to eventual reality. There are a variety of sessions available at Anatomie, some are geared towards learning, some towards practice and some are neither of the two. I will let you listen in to hear Anna discuss the various things you can discover at Anatomie. We discuss the value in joining your local rope community, and what you can gain from learning from both people like Anna and her partner Fred Hatt who offer tuition at Anatomie and also from peers

Twisted Lingerie was mentioned by TheWickedJade back in episode 28. Which brought them to our attention, we then started following them on Instagram and Twitter because quite honestly it all looked super sexy and I have my eye on it for future purchases. What actually transpired though was some mutual exchanges on Twitter, and I started to get a really good vibe from the Twisted brand and decided that they would make a great podcast guest. Thankfully Sophie who founded and owns the twisted lingerie brand decided that she would like to give this podcasting malarkey a go and here we are. Twisted Lingerie is a fetish inspired brand, which can be seen throughout their collections. It’s provocative and seductive, but also affordable. We ask Sophie what inspired her to start Twisted, and how it moved from a thought to an active business. One of the things that prompted me to invite Sophie onto the podcast was the community spirit of the Twisted Lingerie Twitter feed. Not only is it body positive, it’s also kink pos

Communication is our topic this week, as Bakji and I (Floss) go it alone to share their thoughts on the importance of communicating with your partner. Our private conversations over the last few weeks have come back round to communication on many occasions. Both reflecting on how communicating with previous partners has been more difficult than we felt it should be, and why we thought that might be. We discuss why communication is so important especially within the kink community, be that with a casual play partner or within an established dynamic. Whether you are wanting to talk about sexual desires, kinky desires or your relationship as a whole, we cover how there is often a time and place for these discussions and how sensitivity and empathy is a must. Face to face, over the phone, Whatsapp, Trello and Instagram are all methods of communicating Bakji and I have used in our time together. I always feel that as adults we are meant to be totally down with face to face communication, but I’m here to say, sod t