We Want The D

You don't need us to tell you that the 1990s were a different time. There's enough "only 90s kids" memes to cover that territory. But what is often left out is how gaga everyone went for this Wonderful World of Disney staging of Rogers and Hammerstein's CINDERELLA. And on paper, our hosts can see why. Whitney Houston! Brandi! Whoopi! Victor Garber! A veritable who's who of titans of song and stage. But in execution? Erm. Well, it is Cinderella, that's for sure. But let's just say turns out when you remove the fun talking animals, it's a lot easier to notice that there's a lot of close-ups of feet in this story - and that's kind of a metaphor for the whole production.

As any regular listener knows, we often find ourselves confused by Disney's choice in movies when doing this ill-advised dive into their filmography. But this week's confusion has a bit of a different tone to it. Because in 1958's THE LIGHT IN THE FOREST, rather than romanticize the rugged individualism and rough-and-tumble attitude of colonial America, they almost seem...critical of it? Don't get us wrong, that by no means excuses them casting people of every background EXCEPT Native Americans as said peoples. And their villainizing of the evil Uncle Wilse is probably a bit too effective. And there is something off-putting about telling a clash of cultures story through the eyes of a white kid trying to reintegrate into white society after being raised by a tribe of First Nations people...but there's some intriguing ideas put forward here. Plus, James MacArthur has a curly blond mohawk.

One of the universal truths in life is that movies based on video games will never work, and it's a lesson Disney learned well with their attempt at adapting PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME. It's hard to pinpoint exactly where they went wrong first, but somewhere between not really thinking the plot through and casting all white actors in a movie set in Persia and about Persian royalty is probably a good guess. That's not to say there's nothing of value here - Jake Gyllenhaal dipping his ripped toes into the role of an action hero, Alfred Molina's ostriches, and...erm, parkour I guess; are all pretty great. But the rest sort of slips by, like to many grains of sand. 

What is there to say about Disney's SUMMER MAGIC? A teenage Hayley Mills moves to the country and does some light home renovations; Burl Ives commits mail fraud and sings a song about bugs set over nature documentary footage; an easter egg from previous We Want The D episode The Barefoot Executive is revealed...and that's more or less it, really. For some (or one of our hosts) that's enough. For others...well, there's some meandering stories that even the charms of Hayley Mills and the songs of the Sherman Bros. can't save.

Funny how different people have different definitions of what constitutes a miracle. For many, it's an act of God - fishes and loaves, water to wine and whatnot. For others, it's when a hodgepodge of college hockey players are physically and psychologically abused and manipulated by their coach so they can beat a team of professional-level soviet players. Such is the story of Team USA at the Lake Placid Olympic games, as depicted in the Disney film MIRACLE. And if you're wondering what kind of twists and turns that story might take, or what kind of comradery may have been forged between team and coach alike...well, prepare to be disappointed cause this is basically as straight-ahead a story adaptation as you can get. That's right, it's a Disney movie about playing a game of hockey that involves, in the words of another Disney sports coach: "Zero fun, sir!"

Disney often confounds us with the stories they chose to tell in their feature films, and no more so when they lean heavily into the genre of war movie. But VALIANT turns that confusion up to eleven with its decision to focus on the, erm, brave pigeons who served as messengers during WWII. As always, it's not just the concept but the execution; why make the birds so ugly? Why are all doves girls? Why does that Nazi falcon have a blond flat-top? This movie raises so many questions, so of course Vicky, Nolan and Jill are here to provide answers, diving deeper than any of the film makers probably did - business as usual here on We Want The D.

The Mighty Ducks are back! That's right, the whole gang is here, except for the handful of players who are inexplicably missing. And while a few teammates aren't the only things retconned out of this sequel, our focus in this episode lands elsewhere. You see, as Canadians, it is our hosts' birthright to complain when hockey is inaccurately depicted. And boy are there all sorts of rules in regulations being broken here, both on the ice and in general tournament organization and administration. No, it doesn't matter how charming or quirky this Disney family film may be, it's our duty to call them on every little messed up detail. So lace up your skates, grab your lasso and keep your stick on the ice, it's time for D2: THE MIGHTY DUCKS!

Don Quixote is a timeless classic that has been retold and adapted many times over the years. So it shouldn't really have surprised us that Disney would take their own kick at the can with SCANDALOUS JOHN, which takes the story of the Spanish noble who believes himself a chivalrous knight and adapts it into one about an old rancher suffering from dementia who holds dozens of people at gunpoint on his quest across the desert to the wild west equivalent of a pioneer village. Things take a turn when a movie that starts out dull and incomprehensible becomes one of the saddest movies we've watched so far; and not just because loyal sidekick Paco is forced back across the Southern border, or Scandalous John's granddaughter is likely going to end up with the scummiest romantic interest we've seen so far. 

This week on We Want The D we dive into another one of Disney's post-war package films. This is another collection of shorts that lack any sort of thematic commonality, only connected by the fact that each is backed by some sort of song or soundtrack. Something so nondescript deserves the title of MELODY TIME, so it's not surprise when Vicky, Nolan and Jill have a hard time focusing on shorts about bumblebees, trees and our old friend Pecos Bill and indulging in a few tangents that we're sure you'll enjoy just as much as our unpacking of boat culture, Donald Duck and José Carioca's relationship, and what any given character's choice of tobacco product says about them.

To tell you, dear listener, anything about this movie here would rob you of the unique opportunity of hearing Vicky, Nolan and Jill attempt to explain this particular Disney movie. But we have to write something, so we'll say this much: THE ONE AND ONLY, GENUINE, ORIGINAL FAMILY BAND is a movie of length. The title is obviously long. The runtime is long. There's an almost absurd amount of musical numbers. And there is truly no end to how insane our hosts found virtually ever facet of this movie. If nothing else (and there isn't much else), this is truly a genuine, one-of-a-kind original in the Disney canon.

It's likely no secret by now that our hosts have some misgivings about Disney's most recent (and to date most whole-hearted) foray into remakes, reboots and sequels of some of their most beloved properties. So that there's quite a divide in opinion when it comes to CHRISTOPHER ROBIN, their nostalgia-dipped installment in the Winnie the Pooh canon should come as no surprise. Is this a charming, if inoffensive take on characters that Disney have frequently gone back to, or is it another cash grab that lacks the depth in storytelling to make it worth the film it's printed on (yes, it was most likely shot on digital, it's a metaphor - deal with it)? A definitive answer is hard to come by, so join us in our adventure to the Hundred Acre Wood as we attempt to puzzle it out.

We end at the beginning. A journey that started with the Wildcats of...uh...High School Musical High? (Sure, let's go with that) graduating having learned that they're all in this together begins with them auditioning for the Winter Musicale and ultimately learning that they're all in this together. It should be no surprise that in the end at least two thirds of our hosts would never quite grasp how this franchise became the phenomenon it did, but at least it gave us some laughs along the way. 

The last time Vicky, Nolan and Jill watched a collaboration between Disney and ImageMovers Digital it was...well it was Mars Needs Moms and it was one of the worst movies any of our hosts had seen. But it seems like even an effort to create MoCap Monstrosities can't overcome the Christmas spirit, as their adaptation of the Dickens classic, A CHRISTMAS CAROL, manages to impress all of our hosts to varying degrees. And that''s in spite of it not featuring any Muppets. 

With so few Christmas movies to chose from in the Disney theatrical canon, it is a tad disappointing that so many of their meager offerings are so...underwhelming. Take I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, a vehicle for teen heartthrob Jonathan Taylor Thomas in his declining years (ie 17 years old) that is part road movie, part teen sex romp without the sex. Cause it's Disney. JTT's Jake is one of the more awful main characters we've had to put up with, a liar and manipulator who doesn't seem to learn anything but still gets the Porsche, the girl in the form of Jessica Biel, and the love and respect of his father in the form of Gary Cole. To be honest, it makes what should be a joyful holiday movie kind of a drag to watch, but a heck of a lot of fun to talk about. 

This week on We Want The D, our hosts break with tradition to bring you our first ever non-Disney movie in the podcast's histor- wait what's that? MAX KEEBLE'S BIG MOVE is a Disney movie? Huh, you're sure? Cause tonally and stylistically, it looks and sounds a heck of a lot like a Nickelodeon joint. And has quite a few Nickelodeon stars in it. But you're certain? Disney, you say? But that dad wears all those weird costumes for no believable reason. And there's that weird singing frog character and Josh Peck in a bathrobe and Larry Miller goes so big that it can't possibly be...but it is? Huh. Well, alright then.

It's pure coincidence that American Thanksgiving has just passed us by and that our hosts just so happen to be taking on the Disney-fied, romanticized version of the first Thanksgiving with SQUANTO: A WARRIOR'S TALE. Or at least as Disney-fied as a story can be that still opens with a horrifying sequence of two First Nation's men being stolen from their homeland and forced to perform in sideshows for the entertainment of Michael Gambon and the rest of the seventeenth century British elite. There's something engrossing about this movie, whether it be a young Adam Beach's undeniable magnetism and charm, Mandy Patinkin's always soothing presence, or the surprisingly decent investment into production and costume design. But then again, it's Disney doing another story about the horrors of colonialism and the terror it wrought on indigenous populations, so we're not letting it off the hook that easily.

This week, our hosts return to the most incomprehensible franchise in the Disney catalog with RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN. While the first movie featured young siblings fleeing from those who would use their alien powers for nefarious purposes, this sequel mixes things up by having one of those siblings captured by those who would use their alien powers for nefarious purposes. And, in a dark twist, having his free will stripped away so he's forced to do everything from rob a museum of their millions of dollars in gold bars to attempt to murder his sister. This is one of the darkest Disney movies we've seen yet, and it's not just because acting legends Bette Davis and Christopher Lee are forced to play with this sub-par material. If ever there was a case for Ron Miller's fundamental misunderstanding of what a Disney movie should be, this would be exhibit A.

Our series on Mary Poppins draws to a close with the big show itself, and Vicky, Nolan and Jill put on a big show in its honour. MARY POPPINS, if it wasn't already clear by the weeks of discussion we've been giving to it, is a very special movie that holds a special place in our collective hearts. So we earnestly gush about the performances, the songs, the matte paintings, and everything in between. But this is still We Want The D so we don't give Disney (or each other) an entirely free ride. But the complaints are small and the issues are minor, because it's been nothing short of a jolly holiday with you, our listeners, embarking on this special series of our podcast!

Our series on Mary Poppins continues with SAVING MR. BANKS, a Disney movie about how Walt Disney made a Disney movie. This is some meta-level stuff so it merits some meta-level discussion from Vicky, Nolan and Jill and boy do they go deep. Not only does this movie have enough to talk about on its own merits, from its stacked cast to its somewhat disjointed flashback structure; and not only is it insane that a super image-conscious brand and corporation would be so bold as to make a movie heavily featuring their iconic figurehead; but it also tells the story of how our beloved Mary Poppins went from waning children's series to timeless classic, told through the eyes of the author who was about to lose ownership of her creation, both legally and symbolically. There's so shortage of conversations to be had this week, we hope you enjoy!

We're kicking off our series on all things Mary Poppins with a Disney documentary focusing on two of the most instrumental figures not only in the making of the legendary film, but in Disney history in general. Robert and Richard Sherman were brothers who could not be more different, except in their general distaste for one another. But that animosity didn't stop them from being the greatest songwriting duo Disney ever employed, this side of Menken and Ashman. Join our hosts as Vicky, Nolan and Jill celebrate their work and pick apart their personal relationships with the help of an all-star panel of talking heads, and a soundtrack to die for.