Hatewatch With Us: A Variety Show For Sarcastic People

We're back with another one of our favorite annual traditions, Pilot Palooza! This year we tried out a new format and it SLAPS. We're bringing you Search Party, The Undoing, The Flight Attendant, The Queens Gabmit, Ted Lasso, and Bridgerton. Listen to find out who the winner was and what height we think will dominate the year's famous hot (or not) men. Thanks for helping us get to another podcastiversary!

It's a wonderful feeling, feel the love in the room from the floor to the ceiling. It's that time again, The 2020 Really Fucking Good Television Award Show for Nice People Only is here. With the blessings from above, we send you our love for all of the television we watched in 2020 (and we do mean all 1000 episodes that Kelsey very casually watched). Do note, there was an audio issue with Kelsey's track that we can't explain or fix but we thought this episode was magical enough to preserve it in its current form.

What would Christmas be without revisiting our favorite places? We are returning reluctantly to Evergreen, Vermont, where we can apparently no longer see the North Pole, nor partake in magical advent calanders, but do apparently have plenty of hat factory ghosts, before we jet off to Chicago for a scavenger hunt inspired stay-cation. Tl:dr, we want Hallmark to do more weird townie shit and fewer start-up marketing stunts. Stay tuned for the end when we draft our pilots for Pilot Palooza!! Make sure to make your list and do your homework!

It's the annual Thought Bubble Audio holiday special! We're still talking about Vanessas! There are three Vanessas! Obviously we are talking about The Princess Switch: Switched Again! If you enjoy this, visit thoughtbubbleaudio.com to check out all of Thought Bubble Audio's shows. Special Guests: Frank Ramblings, Marissa, Palmer, and Tim.

We made it 3 episodes into Hatewatch Holiday before we had to argue about letting Hallmark Fuck (guys, these aren't even Hallmark movies????). We've got hot takes on Streaming search tools, Emma Roberts and Kristen Stewart, a snappy new name for Quarantine Quorner, and a very important new submission to the Christmas Movie Cannon (listen to find out what movie we want you to watch instead of Holidate).

Get your holiday lights and music display kits ready because it's finally time for Hatewatch Holidays 2020! We're kicking off the festivities with A Treat for Christmas... A Christmas Treat... Christmas for Treat... Treatmas? Whatever you want to call it, the important thing here is that our Treat Dad Treat Williams is in not one but two holiday films this year. After a lengthy discussion about the user experiences of streaming services that end in Plus, we're off to the races with The Christmas House, Hallmark's first endeavor to win over the gays. Honestly, it's not as bad as we thought it would be, despite some dicey plot choices (looking at you, fixer-upper on the Hudson). It's another story altogether for Christmas on the Square, arguably the biggest disappointment of our holiday movie season. We're gonna commission an episode of Handsome Justice to investigate the claim of whether angels can fly because they take themselves lightly and also why this movie is so bad. Stay tuned for several more Hatewatch

Like Princess Margaret arriving for an official function fashionably late, fabulously drunk, and with no fucks to give, we are rolling up in your podcast feeds with our regular Tuesday episode on...........Saturday. Something something holidays, something something technical difficulties, listen: some of us were busy crafting, watching Princess Diana documentaries, listening to Princess Diana podcasts, and otherwise gossiping about Prince Charles, which cut into editing time. Anyway, we're here to talk about the Crown and somehow ended up talking more about the mask wearing habits of mid level network sitcoms.

It's the great Hatewatch tradition of Make Kirstie Watch A Thing, and this week, she finally caved and watched a Jane Austen adaptation. We're talking about the 2005 Pride and Prejudice, featuring emo Darcy, Kelsey's feelings (and Kirstie's lack thereof), plus some cinematography. If you too think that Kirstie should appreciate Jane Austen more, or you would like us to send you the photo we found of a large paper mache Mr. Darcy in a lake, please contact us at @hatewatchwithus.

It's been a while since we've complained, so we're coming in hot with a gamified format for filing our grievances. It's Kirstie's first Draft style event, and we are drafting Ways Outlander Has Wronged Us. If you're coming to this episode to agree with us about Outlander takes you will likely be disappointed. Additional updates this week include strong stances on supermarket themed television and a continued plea for any and all information about SMS for Dich/Text For You/Text for Dick?

Well folks, it's Election Week 2020, and what better time than the present to (1) come to you with breaking news about Celine Dion, and (2) revisit some patriotic content from a simpler election year. For those of you who haven't trained Google to push notify you with news about Sam Heughan, we spend more time than we ought to (and yet not nearly enough time???) discussing his new film Text For You/SMS Fur Dich/Text For Dick. Then it's time for a Romcomducation History Lesson™️ about teen romcoms from the early aughts, a time when we were all apparently CLAMORING for movies about teenage presidential daughters. The important takeaway from all this is that Chasing Liberty is the better of these films based on the ~Matthew Goode wearing men's bell bottoms~ factor alone.

This week is about things we hate such as turnip prices, mediocre white men, blue filter, Jason Bateman's self important standing, Jason Bateman's height, Jason Bateman, and the Netflix original, Ozark. We put our longstanding policy of No Ozark to the test and it turns out we were correct. Spoiler alert, the content sucks and you can't see any of it. Laws of liquidity give us $8 million now.

Technically, we're here to talk about the fine Hallmark original film Falling for Vermont. Do we cover the movie? Sure. Do we spend more time talking about the degrees to which Raffi bones? PERHAPS.

Buckle your seatbelts and make sure your seat backs are in an upright position because this episode making a late arrival in your podcast feeds is about none other than the 90's classic sitcom Wings. It's Kirstie's turn to make Kelsey watch some formative media, and we agree that Wings is a delight that has aged MOSTLY well despite its fat jokes and Kennedy complex. Is Wings more charming than when Kirstie and Kelsey both forget everyday words and phrases in a single episode? You'll have to listen to find out. ALSO, there's a Treat Dad Update!

This week, we're taking every episode of the new Netflix show Get Organized with The Home Edit and placing them inside dedicated plastic containers in rainbow order. If you have thoughts about fridge organization systems, The Container Store, and whether or not children give a shit about organizational systems, SO DO WE. Come for the manic pixie rainbow cricut instagram fever dream, stay for the head to head battle between The Home Edit and Marie Kondo. Even if you do forget the four steps of the home organizing system (who would do that?), the important takeaway here is to request your absentee ballots, people!

HGTV bought three reality shows at auction sight unseen, and despite adding a multitude of high end finishes, they're definitely over their reno budget! Will they stand to make a profit on this flip, or will they be beaten out by comps on Cottage Life Network? Who's to say? (We are. We are to say.) That's right folks, we've watched all of the Flip or Flop spinoffs with our favorite cyborg duo Christina and Tarek. From surprise weddings to on screen weeping, there is simultaneously a lot to cover and also nothing at all here.

We're back from our impromptu hiatus, which means we have an episode that's a little bit sloppy but mostly just friendship. We kick off with what's sure to be an award-winning pitch for Hallmark Channel this holiday season (spoilers: it involves a royal sibling, dogs, and bikes). Then, Kirstie has huge news to share, which leads to a discussion of Animal Crossing: New Horizons, known to this podcast as FRIENDSHIP ISLAND. We're very excited to be able to virtually hang out again, on this podcast and on Friendship Island, and if you are too, please give us a 5-star review!

Hey guys, remember hotels? We took a trip in the Hatewatch time machine this week and traveled back to a more innocent time last year when your hosts got to be in the same place, at the same time, recording a podcast on the floor of a Holiday Inn. In addition to some unwise choices, including broad speculations about the possibilities of leisure travel in 2020, we also have some thoughts about hotels! We're talking bars, we're talking pools, we're talking birthday parties(???). Like our delightful canned gin & tonic cocktails, this episode is ready to enjoy!

Today we're going to sit down at the wheel and throw an episode for y'all about some British reality tv coming to an HBO Max near you. But first - the Emmy nominations were released and we have thoughts (shocker). Basically if Schitt's Creek doesn't sweep we're quitting. So after our designated time for gripes and gloats, we're on to The Dog House (UK?), a show that's a real mixed bag featuring puppies and poor decision making. While we aren't sure The Dog House is for us, the show that decidedly IS for us is The Great Pottery Throwdown (or as we so confidently call it, The Great British Throwdown - at some point all show names are the same). We learn about ceramics, we learn about how horny pottery can be, there's history lessons... and we won't spill the beans here but it's possible we may even have a new addition to the Dad Canon. Tune in to find out!

Welcome to the entire episode that we've dedicated to our favorite game: Is He Hot or Is He Tall? We take a scientific approach to the hot or tall dichotomy, discuss Kirstie's Tall Man Hierarchy, and generally spend an hour sharing the results of hours of "[celebrity name] + height" Google searches. Feel free to tweet us the heights of various famous men at @hatewatchwithus (please, no comments about our horticulture).

It was the week that we learned Meghan Markle starred in not one but TWO Hallmark movies! You heard that right folks, we're discussing When Sparks Fly and Dater's Handbook, two fine films that feature Meghan Markle, relatable video conferencing, and men who do the very least. We've got hot takes on Meghan's acting chops, her Hallmark hair journey, and the intracacies of Fourth of July wedding attire. If you, too, feel like you are stuck in a dead-end job making bad tv movies, just hold out hope that a year from now you will meet a dashing prince and get married and then divorce the royal family and live happily ever after because that is a much better story than the plots of either of these movies. THE END! If you enjoyed this, we think Meghan would want you to join us in donating and learning how you can help at the following links: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/# https://secure.actblue.com/donate/bailfundsgeorge_floyd?refcode=cwg